The 'N' Word, Book 1 (20 page)

“I’m all twelve signs baby, if that’ll mean I get some cake!”

“Consider it done!” Mia threw her a wink over her shoulder and disappeared out the door…

T
HE SCENT OF
pending rain hung in the air, promising to cry down on Holman at any given moment. Maybe this time it could wash away soiled sins and the caked-on filth that contaminated the place, dumping on it like bird shit in an open parking lot full of targets.

Speaking of birds, the damn things had stopped chirping and flying about some minutes prior, but he was determined to have his time outside, even for just a moment. Today he was allowed to play with a couple of guys he knew. It was a rare privilege, but he didn’t dare question the situation, at least not aloud. The warden must have wanted to give him the opportunity to right a wrong, to take the necessary steps to stop the senseless aggressions against staff and other inmates by his brethren. Pockets of tiny outbreaks had been happening ever since he’d stepped foot back into the place, and it had caused an entire lockdown the previous day. Word travelled fast, and though he didn’t utter his own private thoughts regarding it to a single soul, something was up – something he wasn’t privy to but was determined to get to the bottom of.

“Aaron!” Danny called out, a big smile on his pocked face, exposing a crooked front tooth. “Brother!” He grabbed him in his arms, bear-hugging him.

Aaron loosely patted his back in response, then took a leisurely step back.

“Hey, Danny. Look.” He sucked his teeth and glanced over his shoulder before redirecting his gaze to the man. “We don’t have much time. I have a few questions I want to run past you.”

“Aaron!” one of the guards called out. “Either play ball or call it a day!”

He exhaled deeply and swallowed his frustration. Grabbing the orange ball from the ground, he dribbled the damn thing a few times, warming up. Danny kept his eye on him, letting him know in his own special way that he was all ears. Just then, two other men joined the game. He gave them a chin check, recognizing them as his own as well. They nodded back, and one bowed in reverence.

Aaron dribbled the ball around Danny. “I need you to tell me what is going on,” he began. “Fights, even a stabbing. I’ve been called into Huckleberry’s office twice now about this shit. Who is giving the orders?”

“It’s for you… in protest,” Danny explained, as if Aaron surely should have known.

“Okay, yeah, I get that, but
who
is doing it?”

Danny looked at him curiously. “I don’t know, but I thought… I thought
you
gave the OK on it.”

Aaron paused for a split second, then began again, moving the ball back and forth, dribbling it hard as hell against the concrete as he sorted his thoughts, guarded his words, and pieced together a decent response to his own liking.

Just then, in the near distance, rounded hips swayed to an unheard beat…

A woman approached the gated court, tearing him away from the crucial matter at hand.

Jesus…

She stood on the outside looking in, like a beautiful bird in a sparkling brass cage… Well, in actuality, she was free; he was the caged one… But… he looked a bit closer at her, stealing wrongful glances at the hummingbird…

Long.

Lovely.

Glances.

She stood approximately 5”7, light caramel skin with a healthy, pinkish hue about her prominent cheekbones. Long, wavy, lustrous black hair with a slight kink in the texture ended well beyond her shoulders. Her shapely legs fit snugly into a conservative navy blue skirt, paired with a cream-colored button down shirt on which hung a chain with a pendant he couldn’t quite make out the shape of. Arms crossed, the lady gripped her elbows nervously as if uncomfortable.

She looks out of place… too beautiful to be in a place like this…

Beautiful? What the fuck is wrong with me? I’m losing it… Must’ve been some shit the faggot doctor did to me…

“Mrs. Armstrong!” the guard called out. “Is there something you need, ma’am?” The obvious irritation in the man’s voice was unmistakable.

The man approached her and she responded, but he couldn’t make out what she was saying. It unnerved him so, and then, he realized he’d been staring so long that the damn game stopped…

“Who is that?” he asked, standing a bit straighter, trying his damnedest to play the shit off, act as if it was simply a basic inquiry. He was certain his complexion took on a slightly reddish tinge, for he realized immediately what had happened.

She’s a fucking nigger.

A piss colored one, but definitely still a goddamn nigger…

And he found her quite attractive… sexy…

Fuckable.

His damn gut churned with newly formed anxiety.

…It’s just because it’s been a while, no biggie. Haven’t had sex in so long, every damn woman around here is startin’ to look good is all… It’s cool; nothing to worry about…

He tucked the ball under his arm and cracked his knuckles.

“That’s Mia Armstrong,” Danny explained. “She comes and teaches some of the guys how to read. She worked with George, too. He said she was ok, not too bad. I think he had something for her; he talked about her all the time at one point. George wanted some of that jungle pussy, bestiality at its finest!” The man laughed, as if the shit was hilarious.

“Don’t you
ever
say something like that! You hear me?!” Aaron roared, feeling himself coming undone. “Don’t you
ever
say George had a thing for a nigger!”

“Aaron, hell! I’m sorry!” Danny raised his arms in surrender, his expression solemn and regretful. “I was just kidding! I’m just—”

“You were just
nothing
!” He huffed and swallowed, feeling a wave of shame encircle him like grotesque vultures over a dying man. The thing clawed its way along the sandy dunes in the desert of his soul. He knew his outrage wasn’t simply at Danny’s careless words; it was for himself, a reprimand for ogling the woman. He glanced back over at her, and surmised the guard must’ve been happy with her response for the guy had walked away, leaving her there for him to observe once more.

And then… at that moment, he locked eyes with her, and his breaths came out harder and harsher.

Stop looking at me… just turn away. I don’t have the decency to turn away from you, so I need you to do it for both of us, okay?

He pleaded with the woman without moving a damn muscle or uttering a word. When she took several steps back, he exhaled instant relief and watched her walk the path around the place until she disappeared back inside the building. He resumed his hard dribbling then, banging the thing hard as hell against the ground. After a few moments of getting his damn head back on track, he brushed his shoulder against Danny, leaned in real damn close…

“I didn’t give any orders for an attack or the stabbing. I need you to tell me who did. Do you understand me?”

“Of course man, yeah… you got it.” He nodded emphatically as they scooted about the court.

Aaron turned on a dime and made a basket. He then put his finger up, “Score, 2-0… May the best man win…”

Chapter Nine

T
ODAY HIS LETTER
smells like fresh lemon zest and cigarette smoke…

Mia sniffed the damn thing as she rested lazily in her bed, the ebony and ivory Damask print sheets pulled tight and high around her as the night gave way to an unseasonably cool chill. Diana Ross’ ‘Missing You’ played softly in the background. Placing her cup of hot honey tea with lemon down on her nightstand, she sighed. The allure of the soft pink light in her bedroom made the ultra feminine area appear sweet, matching her mood, with a dollop of sultry to boot. She ran the ball and heel of her freshly lotioned left foot over the top of her right, drew in a deep breath, and began to read the thing…

Hi Melissa,

I apologize for not writing in a few days. My mission was to write you every other day, but I’ve fallen short. There have been some things going on that have had me a little distracted but I’d much rather concentrate on getting to know you right now. In any case, thank you for your last few letters. In the second to last one, you once again stated that, due to my incarceration(s), you didn’t think it was a good idea to pursue a romantic situation with me. I will admit to you that I was disappointed since I’ve tried to convince you with openness and honesty that I could be a viable option. Regardless, I meant what I said in my first letter to you. You owe me nothing.

You still don’t, but I can share some things with you and we can build a friendship and then, maybe, along the way, I could change your mind? Yes, I am persistent, especially when it comes to something, or someone that I want…

Mia paused and held the damn thing close to her chest, hoping that his sentiments would somehow imprint on her heart and change her damn mind. She was already sinking in deep… She hung on by a frayed thread, and it was only a matter of seconds before she’d fall to her demise.

He was just too damn irresistible.

I think you are someone I could enjoy on a deeper level. It’s like we get one another, understand one another. It’s not just the smell of your letters, but how you write and express yourself. I also like how you described yourself and I’ve envisioned you so clearly in my mind.

You said you had black hair and light brown eyes. I bet you’re really pretty, Melissa. Your letter smells like summer rain and fresh baked cookies. Speaking of which, I get so hungry reading your letters. Sometimes they smell like food; other times, you give me the play by play of what you cooked for dinner and baked for dessert. I miss home cooking. You said you’d make me some cookies in your last letter, too, and I can’t wait to sample them. I won’t hold being a Democrat against you. That’s a joke, by the way. Sometimes it is hard to convey humor in letters. Anyway, I figure since you shared a bit more about yourself, I’d share a bit more about me, too.

You already know a lot about me, but I’m willing to go a bit further. I told you that I was seeing the prison psychiatrist against my will. He’s new here at Holman. Now, I’m not crazy, okay? I should have said that the first time I brought this up to you. I am pretty aware of what is going on and have all my faculties. I am mentioning this to you because this guy is really pissing me off but the strange thing is that I now kind of want to see what will happen, so I’m opening up, cooperating. I have strong beliefs, and he wants to challenge them; that’s the game people like him play, but what he is doing first is trying to break me down as a person. You can’t change someone’s mind without dissecting them a bit as a human being, relating to them on some level, and then you can get in there and change their mind after you do all of that work, you see?

Mia paused and smiled, replayed the last paragraph in her mind. She knew that Dr. Owens’ technique was 100% correct. She’d had to use similar tactics on some of her students, and as of late, Zion’s counting and anxiety upon her late arrival had given her a novel idea – she’d soothe him through rhythm and music. Music was simply math to a beat, and it struck her in a flash. The boy loved harmonies; he’d dance and sing and play on the keyboard to the percussion. The last few days she’d experimented, and lo and behold, not only were his meltdowns lessening and ending faster, he was calmer and his listening skills had greatly improved. Yes…one had to be broken down, but finding the key to get inside them and do such proved the trickiest part of all…