The Mysterious Disappearence of Leon (16 page)

“You must have the wrong apartment,” Mr. Banks said curtly to the two young men at the door. One had long hair flowing from a beaded headband and a fringed beard that matched his fringed suede jacket. The other had a large puff of black hair and wore a serape and sandals.

“Harry! Joel!” Tina ran to the door. “These are our friends, Mr. Banks.”

Mr. Banks was so dumbfounded that he was still holding the door open when Augie Kunkel and Aunt Martha arrived.

Aunt Martha was a short, hefty woman with close-cropped white hair. She, too, was wearing a fringed suede jacket.

“Glad to meet you,” she said, grabbing Mr. Banks’ hand and cracking every bone in his fingers.

The New Mrs. Carillon

Augie Kunkel introduced Aunt Martha to Tina, and Tina introduced everybody to everybody else. They all sat down, except Augie Kunkel, who stood in the center of the room waiting for Mrs. Carillon to appear. He was holding a bouquet of yellow roses.

“Yellow roses,” remarked Mr. Banks. “I haven’t seen anything but violets and purple anemones in this house since she moved in.”

“Mrs. Carillon!” Tina gasped. Eyes popped and jaws dropped in amazement. A stunned silence greeted Mrs. Carillon as she circled the room welcoming her guests.

“It’s so good to see you again, Joel. Harry,” she said. “And you must be Aunt Martha.”

Mrs. Carillon’s hair was short and brown and softly waved. She was wearing an elegantly tailored, beige wool dress, a string of pearls, and brown calf shoes.

“Augie, how thoughtful. Yellow roses, my favorite
³⁸
flower.”

“You look b-b-beautiful.”

Mr. Banks thought so, too. “I must say, if that’s what you spent all that money on, it was worth it.”

“Mrs. Carillon!” Mineola Potts dashed out of the kitchen into the arms of her old cellmate.

“Dinner’s ready,” Mrs. Baker announced. She herded the guests to the lavishly spread table and took her seat among them.

Mr. Banks carved the turkey; the plates were passed and filled high to overflowing; and Mrs. Carillon asked Augie Kunkel to say grace.

Augie Kunkel didn’t know how to say grace. He just named the dishes and let the delicious smells inspire the proper reverence:

Patate douce, dindonneau truffée,
airelles en couronne, petits oignons,
pointes d’asperges au beurre,
purée de marrons.

“Amen,” said Mr. Banks, who didn’t understand French; and the eating and the chatting and the celebrating began.

The Eating and the Chatting

Tina asked Mineola Potts to describe every horrible detail of her miserable life in the “pest-hole”; and Mrs. Carillon told Aunt Martha how sorry she was that her house was falling down around her ears.

“Delicious,” said Mr. Banks, tasting the turkey. Mrs. Baker beamed.

Aunt Martha replied that it was just awful, because now she would have to move in with Augie. “Not that I’m not fond of Augie, I am; but he doesn’t have room for my work.”

“Aunt Martha is an artist,” Augie Kunkel explained.

“Delicious,” said Mr. Banks, tasting the stuffing.

Joel said he understood Aunt Martha’s problem very well, for they had just lost the lease to their loft and would soon be without a place to work, too.

“Rats as big as cats,” Mineola Potts said to wide-eyed Tina.

“Do you paint in oils or watercolors?” Harry asked Aunt Martha, more in politeness than interest.

“Who do you think I am, Grandma Moses?” she replied. “Kinetic sculpture, that’s what I do. You know, where everything moves. . . .”

“But the people were nice,” Mineola Potts said. “That is, all but one. We avoided her like the plague. In for child-beating, she was; name of Anna Oglethorpe.”

“Miss Anna Oglethorpe! In jail?” exclaimed Mrs. Carillon.

Mr. Banks looked up from his plate. “Not again?”

“No, not again,” Mrs. Carillon had little sympathy for her former governess. “Miss Anna Oglethorpe can stay right where she is.”
³⁹

“I had a show a few years back,” Aunt Martha said, “but, just my luck, it opened the very day of the blackout. No electricity. All my pieces are motor-driven, so nothing worked.”

Mr. Banks said “delicious” five more times, while Joel, Harry, and Aunt Martha discussed techniques and consoled each other over their loss of working space.

“I have a wonderful idea,” Mrs. Carillon said to the artists. “My big old house. There’s plenty of living room and working room there for all of you. That is, if you don’t mind overlooking a soup factory.”

“Sounds great,” Joel said, “but I don’t think we could afford it.”

“The house is a gift—to the three of you. It’s little enough for what you did for the twins and me,” Mrs. Carillon said to Joel and Harry, then turned to Aunt Martha, “and for all you’ve done for Augie. Mr. Banks, would you draw up the papers tomorrow?”

Tina and Tony cringed, expecting Mr. Banks to spoil the party with a loud “No!” They couldn’t believe that he said, “Of course, fine idea.” And he was smiling.

“Well, Miss Tinglehof, it seems we’re partners,” Harry said.

“Who’s Miss Tinglehof?” Tina asked, looking around the table.

“That’s me, Martha Tinglehof.” Aunt Martha raised her glass of wine. “To Tietelbaum, Tinglehof, and Wells. That’s alphabetical.”

“Who’s Tietelbaum? Who’s Wells?”

“Harry Tietelbaum.”

“Joel Wells.”

The three artists clinked glasses.

“Artists?” Mr. Banks said. “You sound more like a law firm.” He poured a little wine into the twins’ glasses.

“Maybe that’s what I’ll be, a lawyer,” Tony said, in appreciation of Mr. Banks’ sudden good humor; but Tina still eyed his cheerfulness with suspicion.

The Celebrating

Mr. Banks returned to the head of the table and clinked a knife against his wineglass.

“As most of you know,” he began when he had everyone’s attention, “I have served Mrs. Carillon as trustee for many years, and, in return, was always warmly welcomed as a friend.

“Today, I am pleased to announce, I am here at this festive occasion, not only as trustee and friend, but as a proud and happy husband.”

Tina slumped down in her chair. Tony bit his lip to keep from crying out. Augie Kunkel turned as white as the tablecloth had been before the wine stains and gravy spots.

“I know this comes as a surprise,” Mr. Banks continued, “but since it is the second marriage for both of us, Bertha and I...”

“Bertha? Who’s Bertha?” shouted Tina, Tony, and Mr. Kunkel at the same time.

“Why, Mrs. Baker, of course; I mean Mrs. Banks.” Mr. Banks wondered what all the confusion was about. “As I was saying, Bertha and I went down to City Hall yesterday, and...”

“I don’t think anyone is really interested in the details, Bertram,” Mrs. Banks said to her new husband.

“Bertram?” laughed Tony.

Glasses were raised in a happy toast to the newlyweds. Tony offered them a gift of the remaining five months’ supply of Camembert cheese, and Mr. Banks accepted. Augie Kunkel wiped the beads of perspiration from his brow and sighed a deep sigh of relief.

“Mr. Kunkel has something to say,” Tina announced.

“Yes, Mr. Kunkel, go ahead,” coaxed Tony. “Ask her!”

Everyone at the table—except Mr. and Mrs. Banks, who were staring into each other’s eyes—noticed Augie Kunkel’s embarrassment and understood what the twins wanted him to say.

“I d-d-don’t think this is the p-p-proper t-t-time.”

“Yes, it is, Augie,” Mrs. Carillon said. “I think this is a lovely time.”

Augie Kunkel blushed, rose from his chair, and raised the wineglass in his trembling hand. Tina closed her eyes and prayed he wouldn’t stutter.

He didn’t. He spoke slowly and gracefully.

“This is a joyous time for me, too; for I am with those who are dearest to me: my good Aunt Martha, my impatient friends Tina and Tony, and the beautiful Mrs. Carillon.”

“Ask her, already,” Tony urged.

Mr. Kunkel cleared his throat and began again.

“There is so much I would like to say, but I’m afraid the audience is getting restless. My dear Mrs. Carillon, I have little to offer but my constant devotion and undying...”

“Mr. Kunkel is asking you to marry him,” Tina explained.

“Please, Mrs. Carillon, say ‘Yes’!” Tony begged.

Mrs. Carillon looked up at her nervous suitor and smiled.

“Caroline Kunkel,” she said. “What a lovely name.”

A Happy Ending

Her name was now Caroline Fish Carillon Kunkel; but everyone still called her Mrs. Carillon, even Augie and the twins. The four of them spent a jolly honeymoon on the horse farm, while the apartment was redecorated in yellow and floor-to-ceiling bookcases were installed.

Tina and Tony adored Augie Kunkel who, to no one’s surprise, proved a loving father and most devoted husband. Even after the twins had grown up and moved on, Mrs. Carillon and Augie Kunkel still thought of themselves as newlyweds. They lived long, and their late marriage lasted forty wonderful years.

Most of the people in our story lived to a ripe old age. Some achieved fame; others, love. One was hit by a truck and another disappeared; but when all is tallied and compared to real life, this is truly a happy ending.

Mr. and Mrs. Banks
had little excitement in their lives, which was just the way they wanted it. They respected each other’s good helping of common sense, and Mr. Banks grew fat on his wife’s cooking. After her husband’s death, Bertha Baker Banks wrote a cookbook with recipe names supplied by Augie Kunkel. It sold over one million copies.

Mineola Potts
worked as cook in the Kunkel household (the job Mr. Banks had found for her). Her meals were mediocre, to say the least; but she entertained the family for hours on end with tales of her incredible adventures. One day, soon after the twins had left for college, the wanderlust returned. Minnie disappeared and was never heard from again.