The Multi-Orgasmic Couple: Sexual Secrets Every Couple Should Know (33 page)

Avoid Increasing Sexual Stakes

The Taoists believed that our lovemaking could continue to improve over the course of our lifetime, and they devoted themselves to exploring the heights of sexual pleasure and intimacy. In this book we have introduced many new sexual heights, but we want to emphasize the importance of not raising the sexual stakes for you and your partner. These heights can be experienced when you and your partner are ready and willing. Try to avoid burdening yourselves with the expectation that there is some sexual goal that you must reach each time you make love.

With every new “breakthrough” in women’s sexuality, from the “discovery” of women’s orgasms to the G spot to the potential for women’s multiple orgasms, women were expected to experience these pleasures or risk being seen as sexually inadequate. With the introduction of the possibility of multiple orgasms for men in our first book, we tried to urge men not to add to their or their partner’s expectations. Knowing that sexual peaks exist allows people to climb them, but expecting yourself to climb to the top every time creates an unhelpful and unnecessary burden.

In this book, we have expanded on many of the sexual possibilities that exist for both men and women in the hope that these options will add joy and satisfaction to your love life. We hope you will explore and enjoy them in a spirit of playfulness and adventure. The Taoist techniques are called Healing Love because what is most important is focusing on healing and love. If you focus on a desire to love and heal your partner, you will certainly reach the pleasurable heights of lovemaking together.

The Arts of the Bedchamber can be cultivated over the course of a lifetime. Do not expect to learn them overnight, and do not expect every sexual encounter to be a masterpiece. Keep your excitement high and your expectations low. Try to avoid taking yourselves or your practice too seriously. Don’t forget to play with each other and to keep lovemaking fun as well as profound.

The Real Secret of Sexuality

The real secret of the Tao is that there is no goal in life or in lovemaking. Life is a continually unfolding mystery, as are our relationships with one another. Multiple orgasms can indeed change the focus of lovemaking from the urgent and singular goal of achieving orgasm to the ecstatic process of intimately knowing and being known by your partner. In the end, Healing

Love is not based on the quantity of orgasms you have but on the quality of the love and healing that you experience in your relationship with your partner. Once you can have as many orgasms as you wish, you are able to realize that the orgasmic pulsations themselves are simply part of a continual process of harmonizing with your partner and with the world.

Sharing Secrets

The philosophy and practices that we have taught in this book were closely guarded secrets for many thousands of years. We have shared them because we believe that they can benefit human culture in general. Too many cultures around the world have lost their sexual wisdom, and as a result most of us are left groping in the dark for pleasure and satisfaction. According to the Tao, our sexuality is the foundation of our overall health. Any genuine healing for ourselves and for the world must begin in the bedroom, for it is through love and sex that the next generation is conceived.

We hope you will respect the power in these practices and value them no less because you did not have to study for many years with a Taoist master to learn them. If you cherish them, they will offer you and your partner great riches of joy and pleasure. We urge you to read, reread, and share them with your partner (and others you think will benefit from them). We hope that you will find in these teachings a source of Healing Love with your partner that will transform your relationship with each other and with the world.

Once you can have as many orgasms as you wish, you are able to realize that the orgasmic pulsations themselves are simply part of a continual process of harmonizing with your partner and with the world.

Any genuine healing for ourselves and for the world must begin in the bedroom, for

it is through love and sex that the next generation is conceived.

SOUL ORGASMS, MULTI-O QUICKIES, TWO FULL CAREERS, AND THE ARTS OF THE BEDCHAMBER: A CONVERSATION WITH DOUG AND RACHEL ABRAMS

PerfectBound:
The Multi-Orgasmic
*
Couple
* is a striking title—one is raised to believe that only women can have multiple orgasms (on rare occasions!).

Doug:
Actually,
both
women and men can have multiple orgasms. Multiple orgasms in men have been well known for several thousand years in the East and have been demonstrated “in the laboratory” during the last twenty years.

PBd:
Rachel, you’re a doctor—how is this physiologically possible?

Rachel:
The first thing to realize is that orgasm and ejaculation are different. Orgasm is the peak experience that we have during sex: we feel intense pelvic and bodily contractions, increased heart rate and breathing, among other things. Ejaculation is simply a bodily reflex—like when the doctor taps your knee—during which the semen is ejected from the body. We’re showing men how to have multiple orgasms before or even without ejaculating.

PBd:
Hmmm, sounds dangerously like—pardon the expression—blue balls or, worse, a missed ejaculation.

Rachel:
Actually, the orgasmic contractions the man experiences even without ejaculation reduce the pelvic pressure and allow him to feel satisfied—far more satisfied—because instead of having one five-to-eight second ejaculatory orgasm, he’s having as many orgasms as he wants.

PBd:
Doug, guys don’t miss the release of ejaculation?

Doug:
When men learn to have multiple orgasms, they experience a lot more intense orgasms than they have ever had. One man we interviewed said he couldn’t believe he had settled for “squirt” orgasms for so long.

PBd:
Can the woman tell the difference?

Rachel:
The partner of a multi-orgasmic man generally can’t tell that her partner has not ejaculated—because his orgasms are so intense. But she
can
note her partner’s ability to pleasure and satisfy her for much longer.

PBd:
As to her pleasure, how many women really
are
multi-orgasmic? I mean, of course, the women who haven’t yet read the book.

Rachel:
Only about eighteen to twenty-five percent of women are regularly multi-orgasmic. We try to give women step-by-step guidance for realizing their full multi-orgasmic potential anywhere and anytime.

PBd:
Speaking of anywhere, anytime—what is a
whole-body orgasm
?

Doug:
Think of it as a toe-tingler. Most people, especially men, experience their orgasms primarily if not exclusively in their genitals. We show couples how to circulate their sexual energy throughout their body so they can experience whole-body orgasms that can energize and satisfy them long after the pulsations are over.

PBd:
Define
sexual energy
.

Doug:
When we feel aroused or horny this is our sexual energy expanding. This sexual energy is a part of our overall life energy or what Chinese medicine and the Taoists call
chi
.

Rachel:
The Taoists were a group of ancient seekers who basically invented Chinese medicine, acupuncture, and martial arts like Tai Chi. They were doctors who didn’t separate the body and the spirit, and they studied sexuality as an important part of a person’s overall health and happiness.

PBd:
Is Taoist sexuality like Tantra?

Doug:
There are many similarities, especially in seeing sexuality as sacred, but Tantric sex comes out of a religious tradition in which people were trying to unite with the divine. Taoist sexuality comes out of the medical tradition and is much more earthy. Its goals are simply to help couples to have the most satisfying and healing relationship. The Taoists knew that sexual harmony was essential for couples.

PBd:
People in our culture bandy about terms like
sexual energy
and
sexual harmony
without really understanding what they mean. But we’re finding out from you that these terms have specific defini-tions. So what
is
sexual harmony?

Doug:
For the Taoists, men are like fire—quick to get aroused but quick to be extinguished. And women are like water—slower to get aroused but able to keep boiling for much longer. This, they explain, is the reason that there is so much sexual
disharmony
and unhappiness. Today, we talk about women “not feeling desire” or men “prematurely ejaculating.” These are problems that the Taoists sought to address ages ago.

PBd:
How do multiple orgasms help create sexual harmony?

Rachel:
Usually, the man waits until the woman has had one (or more) orgasms and then has his rather brief ejaculatory orgasm. When both lovers are multi-orgasmic, they can ride multiple peaks of pleasure together.