The More I See (18 page)

Friend. It sounded almost insignificant saying it that way. Lyssa was more than just a friend. Much more. But what were they? She was leaving. What did that say about them? Friends could leave. Cody would give anything to have her stay.

The doctor concentrated on suturing the eye, and spoke slowly as he concentrated. "I understand how anxious you are to test out this new vision, Cody. Believe me, I do. But I don't want to take any chance at all of introducing bacteria into this sterile environment and risking another rejection. You'll only have the bandage on for a few days. I promise you it will be worth the wait."

Cody squashed the deep sense of disappointment that engulfed him. Dr. Curtis couldn't know that a few days might be too late. But Cody wouldn't risk it if it meant never seeing again.

It made him all the more determined to convince Lyssa that she had to stay. At least for another few days.

* * *

The little pink phone message Beau had handed Lyssa before they'd left for the hospital was burning a hole in her pocket. There was nothing to do in the waiting room but wait. Staring at the writing on the paper for the millionth time wasn't going to change the words.

She hadn't told Cody she'd stay beyond the surgery and now she had no choice.

Pulling out the paper for the umpteenth time in the last hour, she glanced at the neatly scripted message.

The baby came earlier than Sharon expected. By a whole month! And Jerry has already left on his vacation. I need you now!

If Catherine could have granted her a few more days, Lyssa knew she would have. They were in dire straits. Students for the new class were already on their way to Houston from all over the country. Classes would start in just two days. And Lyssa was totally unprepared.

It had been more than a month since she'd been with the dogs. She hadn't even had a chance to scan any of the applications to see who might be a good match. Catherine had gone through the list, but she said that she needed someone who knew the dogs, someone who knew the idiosyncrasies of each and could judge if the chosen person was the right match. Those first few days were so critical for new students, their hopes so high for success. The school needed to be fully staffed to ensure that success. With two people down, that left Lyssa to fill the gap.

And she was unprepared.

Lyssa knew she needed some time with the dogs. Just a day or two to refresh her

memory. That meant leaving tonight, tomorrow at the latest, to get a full day in before the new class arrived.

"Oh, Cody," she whispered to herself in the waiting room as she leaned her head back against the wall. A tear she'd fought mightily to hold back slipped down her cheek. She swiped it clean with a brush of her hand. "I hope you can forgive me."

# # #

Cody woke with a start, feeling the bedrail just to be sure. Yes, he was in his own bed.

He'd talked the doctor out of making him stay the night at the hospital after promising to go to his office first thing in the morning to check on his eyes. He'd left the hospital with Lyssa and a bag filled with bandages and eye-drops to wet his eye just in case it became too dry.

He lifted himself up in bed and dropped his feet to the floor with a thud. The pine planks were cool to his soles. He'd gotten use to his magnified senses, except for the fact that every morning the floor felt like a block of ice instead of cool wood beneath his feet.

Otis was awake and alert, Cody figured, from the rattle of his tags and the scrape of his paws against the floor. A wet nose nudged his arm, giving him further proof.

Lyssa was going to leave him. Cody couldn't think of anything more insane than that.

She had her reasons, she'd said. And he was sure they were valid. She was good at what she did and Cody knew there were a lot more people she could help. But Cody could think of a thousand reasons why she shouldn't leave him to her one reason why she should.

"She doesn't think I need her anymore," he told Otis, who gave a loud yawn and sank back to the floor, his paws scraping against the polished surface.

"I mean, what kind of reason is that for leaving a man you ..."

And it dawned on him. Yeah, he was in love with Lyssa. From her sunshine laugh to the soft feel of her silky hair to her spit-and-vinegar tongue. He had it bad for her. Maybe even since the day she first came and told him Otis was here to stay. Certainly since the day she stood at the pool flaming mad, dripping wet, and made him follow her with sodden clothes.

And she was leaving. You don't need me anymore, she'd said.

"Yeah, I do, Lyssa," Cody said quietly to himself. "Just not in the way you think."

In darkness, it was easier to bear. He couldn't see her face, her eyes. She couldn't see his eyes behind his sunglasses. She couldn't read all the emotions he didn't even understand that were coursing through him like a freight train running through the cold night. Deep in the darkness he'd lived in these past months, he'd gotten used to hiding.

He touched the bandage covering his eye and sighed, deep and long. In the light, he could fight. He could look into Lyssa's eyes and see the emotion she held for him, not just guess or hope that it was real. He could see it and he could feel it. That's what he wanted.

Patting Otis on the head, Cody rose to his feet. "Come on, boy. We've got some work to do."

He made his way to the bathroom, using his hands to guide him, letting Otis stay to the left side of him when he knew all he had to do was put on the leash and the dog would lead him where he needed to go without incident. He felt the smooth, cold porcelain of the sink and leaned his thigh against it, steadying himself. His hands trembled as he pulled the gauze from his eye, then the hard plastic cup that protected it from injury.

Blinking, Cody reeled from the light that filled his vision. It stung at first and then eased as he squinted against the assault of brightness. Then he blinked. Then again.

It wasn't just snatches of light that flashed in his mind. It was his face. Cody was staring at his reflection in the mirror for the first time in eight months. He brought his hand to his cheek and touched the light stubble on his chin, then turned to look at his hand, flexing it and wiggling his fingers. They seemed bigger, wider and harsher than he remembered. But they were his.

Strong capable hands that held the ability to work and be useful again. That connection was one he hadn't had in a very long time.

Tears rose up inside him, emotion lodging in his throat. The surgery had worked. He had his miracle. He had his life back.

The distance from his eyes to the floor seemed more pronounced than Cody remembered.

Vision in only the one eye had him a little off-balance. It had only been eight months, but in that time, he'd lost some of his bearings.

Cody needed to see Lyssa. Anticipation raced through him. He wanted to see her, to look into her eyes while he heard her sweet voice talking to him. He wanted that connection like nothing he'd ever known.

With his hand braced on the wall of the hallway, he guided himself down to Lyssa's bedroom. Dr. Curtis had said it would take a while to reorient himself and gain his equilibrium.

But it didn't matter. He still moved as fast as he could.

The door to her bedroom was ajar when Cody reached it. He knocked as he pushed it aside and stepped in, his heart about to explode out of his chest.

And then as quickly as it had risen, his heart plunged. Everything in Lyssa's room was neat and in place, as it had been the day she'd arrived at the Silverado Ranch. With the exception of Otis sitting by his leg, Cody didn't think there was a noticeable trace of evidence that Alyssandra Orchid McElhannon was ever here. Except for the throbbing ache in his chest.

He threw open the top drawer of the dresser just for further proof of what he already knew. It was empty, as was the closet.

As he turned to go back into the hallway, his good eye caught a glimpse of an envelope propped against a pillow on the bed. He would have laughed at the irony if didn't make him feel so dead inside. He could finally see. And he knew without a doubt he didn't want to see what was written in the letter Lyssa had left for him to read.

With a sigh, he moved his legs toward the bed with deliberate force and sank onto the firm mattress. Picking up the envelope, he turned it in his hands a few times and stared at it before tearing the seal.

Otis whined at his feet and slid down to the floor. As Cody read the letter, he reached down to scratch Otis on the top of his head. Otis replied with a slap of his tail against the polished wood floor.

Dear Cody,

If you 're reading this, then let me be the first to congratulate you on the success of your
surgery. I'm so very thrilled for you. Truly, I am.

I knew you wouldn 't wait for Dr. Curtis to take off your bandage. I think even he knew
that.

Just so you know, I left early because I didn 't see any reason for me to stay and prolong
an already difficult parting. I didn't take Otis with me because he's your dog. You own him and
you've become such a good team together. And if the surgery hadn 't worked, I knew you
wouldn't give up trying, but you'd need Otis to help you along. He's a gift and he would have
given you much of your life back had you needed him to. But like the same engine that drives
you, Otis needs a purpose. He's been trained to do a job and he needs to feel useful. Just like
you. If you have your eyesight back, no matter how much you love him, he won't feel complete.

He'll become depressed. I know you 've gotten attached to him and he's a wonderful part of your
life now, but I ask you to give both Otis and someone else the gifts he has to offer if you no
longer need him. It's your decision.

You haven't needed my help in a long time. I should have left long before now, but for
some reason I just couldn 't. I don't want to wake up one morning and find out we were just an
illusion. I want to remember what we shared as being real. It was for me.

Good luck, Cody. I'll be seeing you. Alyssandra

The paper crumpled easily in his hands under the weight of his frustration. She'd left without so much as saying goodbye. Nothing. Just
I’ll be seeing you.

What the hell was that supposed to mean? He hadn't really expected her to say something as stupid as all my love or I’ll love you always just because he made the colossal mistake of falling in love with the woman.

Sighing, Cody rose from the bed, shoved the crumpled letter into the envelope, and tossed them into the wastepaper basket next to the nightstand. He nailed it on the first try. Funny how he felt no sense of triumph.

* * *

Sweet Sassy's Smile was dancing away in the arena. Beau was riding her, of course, and although Cody longed to be the one in the saddle, it didn't hurt quite as much as it had in past months. His time was coming soon.

Otis, who sat ever patiently by his side, had become his shadow even though now Cody didn't require him to wear his special leash. These past few weeks since Lyssa had gone, he'd been a comfort and a friend. Just like Lyssa had said.

"You've done a fine job with her, Beau," Cody called out when his brother finished the run.

Beau rode up along the rail, pulled off his hat, and shook the dust out of it with a quick slap against his chaps.

"I just finished the polish. Sassy got everything she needed from you, Cody."

"I appreciate that."

"You're itching to get into the saddle and try her out yourself. I can tell."

Cody laughed. "It's that obvious?"

"I've known you my whole life, Cody. There ain't a whole lot about you I don't know.

You haven't gone and gotten patient on me, have you? I don't know if I can stand that."

"Afraid not. You're just going to have to put up with my bad moods."

"How long are you going to wait?"

"Doc Curtis said to be on the safe side I shouldn't do any kind of jarring activity for at least six to eight months. So I'll be on the sidelines at least until then."

"I was talking about Lyssa," Beau said, adjusting his straw hat on his head.

Cody nodded, feeling his gut squeeze the life out of him. "There aren't any guidelines to follow on that front."

"Lord, you can be such a hard-headed fool, Cody. Why don't you try looking at things through her eyes for once instead of seeing everything through your own thick skull?"

Beau turned Sassy back toward the cattle and left his words hanging in the air. It ticked Cody off more than he wanted to admit. Mostly because he knew his big brother was right.

* * *

Lyssa's next in-home training had been uneventful, not nearly as exciting as her time at the Silverado Ranch. But then, she doubted anything could top the experience she'd had at the ranch. She'd spent three weeks in Kentucky training a teenage girl to work with Oscar, a beautiful golden retriever, and she felt confident the two would bond and become a wonderful team.

She'd thrown herself into her work and managed to keep her mind off the aching in her heart that never seemed to go away. During those weeks, the days moved quickly and the nights slowly. There had been no dancing, no horse riding. And during the long nights she found herself missing Cody, his touch, his warm embrace.

She'd picked up the phone at least ten times during her stay in Kentucky, intending to call Cody just to hear his voice. And each time, she replaced the phone in the cradle before the call could go through. It wasn't her move. It was Cody's.

The flight back to Houston had been quiet and short, but still Lyssa felt her feet dragging like the bag she pulled behind her as she walked through the gate toward the airport terminal.

"What do you mean? I can't leave now. She's just about to get off the plane."

Her heart leaped forward, colliding against the walls of her chest. Lyssa knew that voice all too well. She'd been hearing it in her mind since the moment she drove away from the Silverado Ranch without Otis. Without Cody.