The Mistletoe Bride and Other Haunting Tales (29 page)

SUSAN
:

(Offstage)
I’ll just say goodbye, Emily. Wait for me in the hall.

SUSAN
:

I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to barge in. I just wanted to . . .

JULIE
:

I’m just leaving.

SUSAN
:

No. Don’t go on my account.

MARION
:

I don’t think either of you should go.
(There’s something in her voice that cuts through both Susan and Julie’s awkwardness.)
It just seems such a waste. You two. All those years of friendship. The three of us.

JULIE
:

(Accusingly)
You chose that piece of music deliberately, didn’t you?

SUSAN
:

I can’t believe you thought this would be a good idea. What did you think, Marion, that we could just forget the last three years? For old time’s sake?

MARION
:

(Steadfast)
It’s gone on too long. You two should talk. Start talking, at least. Before it’s too late. See if—

JULIE
:

See if what? What, Marion? If you can bring Sarah back? See if we can gloss over the fact that she
(she points at Susan)
killed my daughter?

SUSAN
:

(At breaking point)
But that’s not how it was. You know that’s not how it was. The coroner, everyone, said it wasn’t my fault. He – Matt – lost control of the car in the rain. The river had come up over the road. I swerved to avoid them, he skidded and hit the wall and . . . well. There was nothing I could do. Julie, believe me—

JULIE
:

(Interrupting)
You walked away without a scratch.

SUSAN
:

That’s not true. I was in hospital for—

JULIE
:

(Not listening)
You’d been drinking.

SUSAN
:

One glass. I wasn’t over the limit.

JULIE
:

(Twisting the crucifix at her neck between her fingers.)
Don’t you dare tell me it was only one glass! Don’t you dare! Have you forgotten I was the one who sat with you night after night after Pete had left you? It was me that stopped the girls seeing you drunk, clearing away the bottles. So don’t you dare tell me it was just one glass!

SUSAN
:

That was then. A few months, that’s all. Never again. Never since then.

MARION
:

Julie . . .

JULIE
:

(Ignoring Marion)
But what if that one glass of wine dulled your reactions? What if, because of that one glass of wine, you weren’t quick enough, sharp enough? It might have made the difference.

MARION
:

You know it wouldn’t. The coroner was quite clear that there was nothing Susan could have done. You heard him say it.

SUSAN
:

(Wearily)
It doesn’t matter. I don’t want to argue.

MARION
:

Look. In one way or another, we all feel responsible.
(They both look at her)
Yes, all of us. It’s hard, I know it’s hard. Phoebe lost her best friend. Do you two have to lose each other as well? Susan is wracked by guilt, I—

JULIE
:

(Interrupting)
Poor Susan, poor Phoebe, poor Marion. But what about Sarah? What about me?

MARION
:

Matt swerved and lost control and he died. Like Sarah, he died and left you with no one to blame. Julie, I’m only saying that if you could accept it was an accident, that it wasn’t Susan’s fault, then perhaps
you
—

JULIE
:

(Turning on her)
Whose fault is it then? Mine? Is that what you’re saying?

SUSAN
:

(Simultaneously)
No one thinks that.

MARION
:

(Simultaneously)
Of course not.

JULIE
:

(Turning on Marion)
What about you? You knew about it, didn’t you? You had a duty of care. She was a pupil. He was a teacher. A member of your staff. You should have done something.

MARION
:

He wasn’t. Not by then.
(Pauses)
I did my best. You know I did. I talked to her. There wasn’t anything else I could do.

JULIE
:

There was plenty you could have done. There are rules about that sort of thing, a relationship between a pupil and a teacher. Aren’t there?
(Marion doesn’t answer)
Well, aren’t there?

MARION
:

(Deliberately)
He had left the school. He wasn’t her teacher. I didn’t think I had the right to interfere.

JULIE
:

No. You chose not to. For reasons of your own, you chose to do nothing. And because of you – and you
(to Susan)
– my child is dead. My daughter is dead. So when you tell me, Marion, we should talk, I say to you, what is there to talk about? What is there to talk about, tell me that?

JULIE
:

Don’t.

SARAH
:

I really loved him, Mum. He was amazing. We’d got it all worked out. I’d get my A levels out the way, then go to college – Guildhall, fingers crossed – and he’d get a job in London. It’d be perfect.

But, I loved you too, Mum. I never meant for this to happen. Love you.

JULIE
:

Sarah said she’d done her homework, and was going over to Phoebe’s.
(Julie turns to Susan)
She said you knew. Were expecting her.
(Susan nods)
I didn’t believe her. Accused her of being deceitful, of lying so she could sneak out to see him. Said awful things.

I waited for her to come back. Angry – and then worried. Oh, not really. Just like you do. It started to rain really hard and I – I didn’t know where she was, I didn’t know.
(Pauses)
She called him. Called him. Called him to come and get her. Him, not me.

It was easier to hate you than to hate myself. To make it your fault. Somebody else’s fault. There was a part of me that was actually pleased when Phoebe became ill – depressed – because it seemed only fair. Such evil thoughts. And this did – does – nothing. God doesn’t help. All those prayers I say don’t help me to make sense of things. Just words. They don’t help me to accept or forgive.
(Looks at Susan)
And you? The one person who in other circumstances I would turn to? The one person I couldn’t bear to be near.

SUSAN
:

I relive that night over and over in my mind. If only I hadn’t gone to that party. If only I’d stayed here with Phoebe. If only it hadn’t been me behind the wheel. If only.

MARION
:

(An echo of her earlier speech)
If only I had put a stop to it. I suppose, there was part of me that rejoiced to see her so confident, suddenly, so sure of herself. She was a different girl – young woman. When I looked at her and saw her so radiant, I couldn’t bring myself to spoil it.

JULIE
:

(Weary)
It wasn’t your decision to make.

MARION
:

(Quietly)
But was it yours?

SUSAN
:

(To Julie)
I miss you.

JULIE
:

(Catches her breath)
I miss you. I do miss you, but it’s too hard. When I look at you, I see only what I’ve lost.

SUSAN
:

I understand.

JULIE
:

It wasn’t your fault. I do know that.
(Looks to Marion)
Or yours.

SUSAN
:

Can you forgive me? That it was me?

JULIE
:

I don’t know. I don’t know.
(Her hand goes to the crucifix at her neck)
.