The Mistletoe Bride and Other Haunting Tales (27 page)

MARION
:

There are moments – in the middle of a busy day or at the dusty tail-end of an autumn afternoon – when, just for an instant, everything stops. Time loses its step and falters. Then the past rushes in. Just in that moment, you see it all clearly, painted in vivid colours, the angles sharp.
(Pauses)
All the things one meant to do and did not, the decisions taken. (
Pause)
Memory has a trick of flattening the complexities of life into a single story until they make sense. Most of it, one can live with, the good and the bad and the indifferent. The account balances out in the end.

But there’s always something. One thing. The one mistake that, however hard we try, we cannot let go. That we brood about in the solitary small hours. ‘If only I had done this.’ ‘If only I had not done that.’

If only . . .

Ladies and gentlemen, blah, blah, blah. Welcome to this evening’s annual prize-giving. As many of you know, I was appointed Head here – my old school, as it happens – twelve years ago. (
Smiles wryly
) About the same time that a certain Tony Blair and his family were given the keys to their new home. My shortcomings, I think I might say, are rather less significant than his. Ha, ha, ha. (
Resumes in speech voice
) However, I am delighted to say that, since 1997 . . .

(Returns to reflection)
Whatever else, I can truthfully say I am leaving the school in a better state than I found it. It’s all here, of course.
(Taps speech)
Yes, it’s all here. The facts and figures proving how everything is better now. When all the parents really want to know is: ‘Is my child happy? Is she safe? Is she . . .’

MARION
:

Come in.

SUSAN
:

Oh God, am I the first?

MARION
:

(
Warmly
) Susan, hello. Come in.

SUSAN
:

I’m not too early?

MARION
:

No, no, not at all. I was just going over my speech.

SUSAN
:

Making sure you go out on a high?

MARION
:

Something of the kind. (
She moves to the drinks table
) What can I get you? White wine? Red? Orange juice?

SUSAN
:

White, please. Just a small one.

SUSAN
:

So, what’s the timetable for tonight?

MARION
:

The usual, but with bells and whistles, since it’s my last one. We’ve got a girl, a flautist, going off to the Royal Academy in September who’s going to play Debussy’s ‘Syrinx’
(Looks to Susan for a reaction – there is none)
.

SUSAN
:

It sounds lovely. You’re not having one?

MARION
:

Maybe later. And then the choir has prepared something special.

SUSAN
:

God, the choir! We were the tallest, so we were always made to stand at the back in concerts.
(Grins)

MARION
:

You kept sticking your tongue out at someone in the orchestra.

SUSAN
:

Just livening things up a bit!

MARION
:

You were a terror! You could have been a prefect, top of the class, if you’d put your mind to it. If you hadn’t been so determined to be different. I was always surprised you and Julie were such good friends.
(Susan’s face clouds over. Marion ploughs on).
You couldn’t have been less like each other. She was always so anxious and polite, always in the library working hard, church on Sundays.

SUSAN
:

Maybe it was because we were so different that we got on so well. There was no pressure, if you know what I mean, no competition between us.

MARION
:

(Quietly)
I’m not sure that’s how Julie felt.

SUSAN
:

Well, it’s all in the past now.

MARION
:

And so she married Paul, s
tayed
married.

SUSAN
:

Whereas I . . .

MARION
:

(Finishing the thought)
. . . vanished to Morocco with a gorgeous but rather unreliable artist. We were all so jealous! What was he called?

SUSAN
:

Konrad. Tall blond German junkie!
(Laughs)
My God, if either of my girls tried to pull a stunt like that.

MARION
:

Emily and Phoebe are both too level-headed for that!

SUSAN
:

Unlike their mother, you mean. It’s odd, you know, but I feel quite at home here.

MARION
:

Well you did spend rather a lot of time in this office!

SUSAN
:

(Laughs)
When I left, I vowed never to set foot inside this establishment ever again. I hated it! Now look at me. Both the girls have gone through the school – and loved it – and here we are, after all these years, to give you a great send-off.

You think you’re going to miss it? Any regrets?

MARION
:

Of course I’ll miss it. Some of it. But, off the record, on balance I’ll be glad to go. I’ve done my time. We don’t teach properly any more, it’s all tests and more tests. We don’t equip them to think for themselves.
(Pauses)
And the parents. God, the parents! Half of them couldn’t give a damn, the other half living their children’s lives for them.

SUSAN
:

But you’ve made such a success of it, Marion. I’m so proud of you.

MARION
:

(Marion goes to desk to pick up photo. Tone lightens)
I found it when I was clearing things out.

SUSAN
:

My God, we look so young. I remember that day.
The three of us setting out on a ‘proper’ walk, as you put it.

MARION
:

You, me and Julie.

SUSAN
:

Yes. You, of course, had organised the whole thing like a military operation. Made us trudge up Bury Hill, lugging a whole load of picnic stuff with us.

MARION
:

You complained most of the time.
(Puts on a child’s voice)
‘My rucksack’s too heavy’. Julie ended up carrying most of your things as well as her own. I never did understand why she put up with you!

SUSAN
:

(Quietly)
No.

SARAH
:

She knew, Miss Knowles. She knew and she did nothing. She saw us, you see, walking by the river. October. Not holding hands, or anything. Just talking, but she called me in to her office the next day. Came straight out with it. That Matt – Mr Grahame, she called him – was a teacher and I was a pupil and that was that. The fact that Matt was only a student teacher and wasn’t even working at my school any more . . . He was a musician really. A pianist. Really good.

Anyway, she told me to think about the damage it might do to his reputation. And what my mum would say – Miss Knowles and my mum and Phoebe’s mum, Susan – they all went to school together a million years ago. She said Mum didn’t believe in that kind of thing.
(Blushes)
As if I didn’t know!

Then she said she knew what it was like to be young. Yeah, right! She would turn a blind eye, she said, provided she had my word that the
affair
stopped – that’s the word she used, affair.

But I couldn’t give her my word because Matt was amazing. So totally amazing.
(Smiles)
He called me his syrinx, because that was the piece I was playing when he first noticed me.
(Giggles)
After he said it, I went straight online and looked it up. Gods v mortals, all very Greek. It turned out syrinx was some kind of water nymph. Pan fancied her, but she wasn’t interested. Vanished into the river and hid among the reeds to get out of it.
(Pauses)
I’d been practising the piece for ages, but for the first time I wanted to know what it meant.

So, you see, I couldn’t promise I wouldn’t see him again, because well, without Matt, there wouldn’t be any point. I was happy. Really happy. And, it was weird, but Miss Knowles never mentioned it again, well not until the funeral. But by then it was too late.
(Pauses)
She was all right.
(Pauses)
It wasn’t her fault.

SUSAN
:

Wasn’t this the day you announced your aim was to write a guidebook to the walks of Sussex? The only problem, you had to do them all first!

MARION
:

And I still haven’t done even half of them. Life got in the way. Hence getting out of here while I still have it in me.

SUSAN
:

Before your knees give out.

MARION
:

As you say, before my knees give out.

Susan, how are things?

SUSAN
:

Things have been very busy at work.

MARION
:

(Quietly)
I didn’t mean work.

SUSAN
:

I know you didn’t.

MARION
:

So?

SUSAN
:

Not now. This is your night.

MARION
:

But I’d rather—

SUSAN
:

Really, Marion. I don’t want to talk about it.

MARION
:

So how is the world of counselling?

SUSAN
:

Fabulous! Mostly debt and bankruptcy counselling, these days. Very depressing.
(Seeing Marion’s expression)
Don’t worry, I’m sticking with it. I’m just a bit done in at the moment.

MARION
:

And that’s why I wanted to talk to you—

SUSAN
:

(Continuing her train of thought)
On the upside, the girls are both great. Emily’s getting a prize, and Phoebe’s loving Manchester.

MARION
:

(Accepting she’s again missed her moment)
And after she’s finished?

SUSAN
:

Who knows? Trying to get a job in this climate, not easy.

MARION
:

I’m sure she’ll be fine.

SUSAN
:

Phoebe’s more fragile than she looks. She’s been fine at uni – well, once she found her feet – but I worry she’ll run into difficulties again. Not cope.

MARION
:

It was a long time ago, Susan.

SUSAN
:

Three years. Hardly any time.

MARION
:

Long time for a teenage girl.
(Susan doesn’t answer)
You’ve got to stop feeling guilty. Put it behind you and move on, isn’t that what you’d be telling your clients to do? Letting go, not getting stuck.