The Misadventures of a Playground Mother (12 page)

T
he first few
days at the beginning of May proved to be a difficult time for Penelope. A full enquiry took place after her escapade of attempting to steal the money from the donated school uniforms and the headmistress called the boys in blue. Bridget, the headmistress, ousted Penelope from the PTA; her title was removed, and her chairperson badge returned. She was the only mother I knew to be sacked from the Petty Tedious Army (PTA). According to Penelope, the headmistress had taken pity on her circumstances and dropped the criminal charges, due to the fact that all the money had been returned. She took no further action on the understanding that Penelope had no involvement in school activities ever again. Unfortunately, matters were made worse for her when she became the victim of playground gossip led by Botox Bernie who not only seemed to take great pleasure in anyone's misfortune, but also had a very short memory of her own misdemeanours.

I felt a bit sorry for Penelope; she'd had a rough run of it lately, so I decided to visit her one evening knowing that she would be feeling mortified and pretty miserable.

Arriving outside Penelope's house, I was in two minds whether to knock on the door. Observing that Rupert's car was already parked on the driveway, I parked mine, and then touched the bonnet of his car. It felt cold, so by my calculations it would appear he had been inside the house for some time. I stood on the gravel driveway, wondering whether Penelope would be grateful for the interruption, when the front door was suddenly flung open. Penelope had already spotted me from the kitchen window and was standing in the doorway smiling, signalling for me to hurry on in. Considering the trauma of the last few days, she was looking very relaxed and happy. It didn't look as if her sacking from the prestigious PTA was having any effect on her whatsoever.

Following Penelope into the living room, I saw that Rupert was indeed there sprawled out on the couch, which was actually a sight I had never, ever wanted to witness again, but at least this time, his clothes were intact. He looked very much at home, which also surprised me.

‘Sit down,' said Penelope grinning, and ushering me towards the armchair in the corner of the room. 'We have some fantastic news.'

Waiting in anticipation, I was hoping the fantastic news wasn't the fact that Little Jonny had regained his place on the top of the reading leader board. Watching Penelope whilst she plonked herself next to Rupert on the couch, she began touching his knee like a giddy school girl, and he too was grinning from ear to ear.

‘We are back together: ta da!' she revealed.

What? Surely, my ears were deceiving me. Actually, I was now gutted the news wasn't the fact that Little Jonny had regained his lead at the top of the reading board. They were back together; how and why had this happened?

'Not only are we back together, we can still enjoy our family holidays together in your villa in Spain in a couple of weeks' time. How exciting is that!' Penelope prattled on.

Feeling as if a high-speed train had hit me, I attempted to speak but no noise came out.

‘We ought to go shopping for holiday clothes and organise the travel arrangements,' she continued.

Completely gobsmacked I managed, ‘well that's just great news, and Matt will be pleased.' I'm afraid there wasn't much enthusiasm in my voice.

Part of me thought they had rekindled their relationship just to spite me. I wouldn't put it past either of them to have concocted a pact to rub along nicely together for the next few weeks so I could feature on the next television show ‘Holidays from hell'.

I was also a little surprised Rupert had agreed to this sudden unexpected reunion, for a particular reason that I couldn't mention right at that wonderful moment in time. But I was remembering the numerous occasions recently, well more than numerous to be precise, the posh car with its private number plate, that I had seen parked outside Rupert's bachelor pad most lunchtimes. Penelope of course had been unaware of his regular lunchtime dates, and in my opinion, more than likely engineered the whole situation for Rupert's return. I could visualise Penelope begging him to come back home over an early morning phone call explaining the sorry demise of Little Jonny's education, Rupert would have agreed his return to ensure his son gained the stability he needed to reclaim his lead at the top of the reading scheme or maybe it was just for an easy life..

Over the years, I'd heard of numerous explanations as to why separated couples salvage their marriages; to my knowledge, not one couple had ever rekindled their love over their children's reading books. Rupert was about to secure the best of both worlds; the sly cunning fox convincing Penelope he should still maintain his flat for the time being, until they were both one hundred percent sure the living arrangements would be permanent. I, of course, knew of the real reason he was willing to pay out the extra money on rent each month, to keep his bachelor pad for longer.

Remembering my manners, I offered my congratulations to them both. Penelope lunged forward flinging her arms around me and giving me a tight squeeze.

‘I'm so, so happy,' she gushed, ‘can you believe it? We are still coming on holiday with you all!'

No, I couldn't bloody believe it. Gritting my teeth I managed to say, ‘How wonderful, I'll hurry home and let Matt and the children know the fantastic news immediately.'

Feeling very deflated, I certainly wasn't looking forward to returning home and sharing their joyous news with Matt. To be honest it was no skin off my nose whether they wanted to live under the same roof again, but the thought crossed my mind to offer a lump sum of money to support Little Jonny's education by way of a tutor, therefore helping him regain his lead on the reading scheme. Rupert and Penelope could stay separated, and for my own selfish reasons, it would prevent the trauma of the Kensingtons sharing our family holiday.

As I unlocked our front door, I was panicking as to how I was going to break the news to Matt. I pushed open the front door and he was sitting on the bottom stair with his head in his hands. He looked so sad, I panicked even more – had something happened to one of the children?

‘Whatever is the matter?' I asked frantically.

‘I know everything,' he replied flatly. ‘There's no need to try and cover it up.'

Apparently, Rupert had texted Matt once I had left, to tell him they were coming on holiday with us. No wonder Matt was sitting with his head buried in his hands. Both of us had honestly thought, well maybe hoped, they would have cancelled the holiday and neither of us in a million years ever anticipated they would give their marriage another try. There was absolutely nothing we could do. We did joke about telling them straight that they weren't invited to share our holiday however, neither of us had the nerve.

Therefore, that was that. In two weeks' time, we were going on holiday with the Kensingtons.

T
he next day
I was woken up to a very early morning text message, with the suggestion from Penelope that today would be a good day to go shopping for holiday clothes. Rolling over in the bed, I didn't answer; I didn't know what to answer, as far as I was concerned no day would be a good day to go holiday clothes shopping with Penelope. I wished the holiday would disappear. I'd even suggested to Melanie that she and the Farrier could have our flights as a gift, but after thanking me for my kind offer she informed me she would rather stick pins in her eyes than share a villa with Penelope. I knew exactly how she felt. There was only one thing for it; I needed to find some positivity in the situation. It couldn't be that bad. Apart from the school uniform blip, Penelope had given the impression she was coping without the trials and tribulations of Rupert's antics and it wasn't as though we were going to spend all day every day together on the holiday, was it? There would be times when we would go our separate ways and do our own things. That was most days according to Matt.

Still lying in bed and willing myself to move, I received another text from Penelope; if nothing else she was persistent. Reading the text I realised I had no choice; whatever else I had planned for the day would simply have to wait.

She was collecting me after dropping the children at school and I'd dropped the younger two at preschool; at least on the positive side it would all be over very soon. Just as the text suggested, Penelope was raring to go, beeping and revving the car engine right on cue outside my house just after nine fifteen. In comparison to my excitement levels, she was off the scale ... bordering on delirious. The constant chatter of the holiday was all I had the pleasure of listening to on the entire journey to the shops. Glancing down at my phone trying to block out her relentless chatter I smiled, as I read a text, with a winky face attached, from Melanie. ‘
Are you there yet?
'' Somehow, I knew I was in for a long day.

Penelope, being eager about the holiday, had spent her time the previous evening surfing the web, researching the area surrounding our property in Spain. Not only was she zealous, she was bordering on obsessive, continuing into a long spiel regarding the itinerary she'd already planned.

The only factor that had been discussed between Matt and I, was to avoid any day trips and meals out with the Kensingtons where possible. Maybe we were being a little harsh, but I'd read many articles in magazines on the topic of holidaying with friends and quite predictably, they usually ended in a complete disaster.

In addition, Matt and I are simply not itinerary people; our plans on holiday usually involves waking up whenever the mood took all of us and deciding as a family what we felt like doing each day.

I was beginning to feel a little anxious. After driving into the car park space at the shopping centre, Penelope bent down to retrieve a rolled up piece of paper from her handbag. Handing it to me, I opened up the paper. Gulping, instantly sweating and not believing my eyes, I couldn't believe Penelope had even gone to the trouble, but there was my holiday mapped out in ink before my very eyes.

Penelope had taken it upon herself to create a neat square table with days of the week typed across the top in Arial font, with certain restaurants provisionally booked in for the night-time entertainment. The days were plotted with trips to the zoo, water parks and of course, the beach.

I knew I needed to act quickly, and start talking. I loved my holidays, Matt loved his holidays. He worked hard and the whole family appreciated this was his time to unwind, have fun with the children and not to be dictated to by a couple who had technically gatecrashed our holiday. The Kensingtons hadn't even offered to pay a bean towards the villa. In my mind, they were definitely taking advantage.

I had to say something. ‘Penelope, thank you so much for thinking about us and involving us in your plans. I can see you've spent so much time putting together this holiday timetable of events but we've been holidaying in our villa for the last ten years. If I'm going to be honest with you, we just get up each day and go wherever the mood takes the children, and us but your itinerary will be excellent for you, Rupert and the kids. The more activities and visits you cram in the better, I don't want you wasting your holiday waiting around for us; you go and do your own thing.'

There I'd said it. I couldn't believe I'd been so brave, usually I was all for an easy life but there was no way I was traipsing around any type of zoo visits with the Kensingtons whilst Penelope continually tested Little Jonny's knowledge of all of the exotic animals. I was with Melanie on this one; I'd rather stick pins in my eyes.

Penelope appeared a little deflated. Biting her bottom lip, I could see the cogs were turning over, digesting what I'd just said.

I began wandering around the shops, closely followed by Penelope. The shops were laden with pretty, brightly coloured holiday clothes. I didn't need to purchase much today, perhaps a new bikini and a couple of lightweight maxi dresses. We had numerous items of holiday clothes already stored in the wardrobes in our house in Spain so we always travelled light.

Penelope still seemed very subdued. Surely the fact we didn't want to spend every waking minute of the holiday in their pockets couldn't have thrown her off balance this much. Trying to gee her along, I began pulling clothes off the hangers, holding them up to my body and asking her opinion on each item. I tried my best to make her smile but it was glaringly obvious her mood had changed and that she wasn't enjoying her day out at all anymore.

Changing tack, I suggested we grab a cup of coffee in one of the department store restaurants. Perhaps she felt a little light-headed and a quick drink and bite to eat would maybe do the trick. Arriving at the cafe and grabbing a brown plastic tray, I placed a couple of coffee mugs on top alongside a couple of sticky buns. Penelope wandered off to the toilet leaving me to pay for the drinks.

Securing the only vacant table, I begin sipping my drink, waiting for Penelope's return. Looking around I observed two yummy mummies dripping in designer clothes with a young child strapped into the latest exclusive buggy parked next to the table. They were sitting there with their perfectly manicured nails sipping their cappuccinos whilst discussing the upcoming birthday of a boy named Seb.