The Mirror King (Orphan Queen) (10 page)

“None of them.” They’d all been practice, and because sometimes I simply needed to feel a pen in my hand, and the glide of tines on paper.

James’s smile was faint but encouraging as he took my abandoned pen and cleaned off the drying ink, leaving black smears across the cloth. He offered the pen to me, handle first, as though it were a knife or dagger. “What does your writing look like, Wilhelmina?”

“I don’t know.” The pen fit in my hand, but it felt like a new and unfamiliar thing now. I didn’t know what to do with it. “I’ve spent so long writing as everyone else, I’ve never learned
my own handwriting. Even as a child, before all this, I mimicked my tutor’s hand.”

Was I really that pathetic?

“I don’t even know my own handwriting.” The mess of paper filled my vision, blurring as I blinked back tears.

“Maybe it’s time you learn.”

“It’s such a stupid thing to worry about.” I placed the pen on the table. “I’ve gone my whole life without thinking about it. Why should it bother me now, when there are so many other things—more important things—going on?”

James shook his head and slid my writing supplies to the other side of the desk. “I don’t know you very well. Like Tobiah, there’s a lot that you keep hidden. But I consider myself intelligent and observant, which means I’ve been able to determine a few things about you over the weeks you’ve been at the palace—in your various disguises.”

I waited.

“You take pressure very well. Now that I know your identity, I can only imagine what a trial it must have been sharing a meal with military men, or meeting Prince Colin. Or even just coming here, knowing Tobiah might recognize you from the One-Night War. I’ve seen you improvise. I’ve seen you fight. And you’ve endured Lady Chey’s best efforts to force you to leave.” He dragged in a breath. “But not even the strongest can defend against
everything
. Not forever.

“You have a million different things trying to stop you, Wilhelmina. A million different things chipping away at your armor. I don’t know this Patrick of yours, and I’m in no position to help you win back your kingdom. Your romantic entanglements are
your own business, and I don’t know
what
to do about your pale friend down the hall. In truth, I’m allowed to take very little action, except what my cousin commands, or when his life is in danger. I’m of limited use to you, but there may be one thing I can help you with.”

It seemed to me he sold himself short. But I leaned forward. “I don’t need to be rescued, James. I can do this on my own.”

“Yes.” He smiled gently. “I’ve heard that about you. And I don’t want to rescue you. I want to give you an option.”

“For what?”

“Tell me what happened on the balcony the other morning, when my people tried to take you to safety.”

My jaw clenched. “I didn’t want to be taken anywhere. I had to help.”

“Wilhelmina.” My name came out a sigh. “You froze. You panicked. Your wraith boy came to kill anyone who touched you because you were so afraid.”

Was that what had happened? The wraith boy had been chasing Patrick until the guard had grabbed me.

“I’ve never seen you panic, not once.”

I studied the grains on the desk. Of course he hadn’t seen me panic. I’d been in the wraithland alone. Only the wraith boy had seen what I’d done, how weak I’d been when the locusts arrived.

“Was it because—” James hesitated. “After you were captured in Hawksbill, when the men searched you?”

I didn’t say anything.

“I heard you throw up in your cell after I’d walked away. I know about the bruises.” He glanced at my arm, healed now.
“The other morning, the guards grabbing you reminded you of”—he hesitated—“a situation that made you feel violated.”

My jaw hurt from gritting my teeth.

Even more gently, he said, “It took away your sense of control.”

“They took advantage of my incapacitation.” The words came out like venom.

“I understand.”

But he couldn’t. Not unless he’d ever been groped between the legs and his assailant justified it by insisting there could be a hidden weapon there. Not unless he’d ever been surrounded by frightened people who mistook his identity, and wanted to touch him for hope or luck or curiosity. Not unless someone had crept into his bedroom at night, threatening him.

“It’s all right that you feel this way. It’s all right if you hate the people who did this to you.”

Did I hate them? Besides Prince Colin, I didn’t even know their names.

“I remember who was there,” he said. “I’ll have them released from the Indigo Army and Order.”

And Prince Colin? Could anything be done about him?

My list of allies was frighteningly small, and my list of enemies was already full; I didn’t have room for bitter, dishonored soldiers.

“Don’t. Just leave them.” I didn’t want to see them again, but I wasn’t sure I’d recognize faces from that day. Anyway, the safety of our world was more important than my discomfort. “I appreciate the gesture.”

James shook his head. “It’s not a gesture. The security of this palace and its inhabitants is in my hands. I’m sworn to protect Tobiah, primarily, but my duties go beyond that. You’re not only a current resident of this palace, but foreign royalty. In protecting you, I am protecting Tobiah and the castle. I’m also your friend, Wil. At least I hope so. I’ll do everything in my power to make sure you feel safe.”

I would never feel safe. Not here.

“What happened to your guard last night?”

I lifted my chin. “Ask him.”

“I intend to. But I’d rather you tell me.”

“He was dismissed, I assume.” I was glad it hadn’t been Ferris. I didn’t care for him, but James appeared to trust him, so at least that wouldn’t change.

“By whom?”

I shrugged. “How should I know?”

“Prince Colin.”

I forced the edge of panic out of my voice. “What makes you say that?”

“Because there are very few people my men will take orders from, and even fewer people who could rattle you. You look like you haven’t slept in a week. What happened?”

“Well, he wasn’t visiting for tea. But I’ve dealt with it.”

“I have no doubt.”

“He knows Tobiah is recovered.”

James let out a long sigh. “And
I
will deal with that.” Then he removed the mess of papers from the desk and slid a ruler onto the next fresh sheet. “Now, I know you enjoy my company more than anything else in the world, but we’ve both got a lot
of work to do. And since you’ve never been one to refuse showing off your skills, let’s see the famous pen at work. This time in your handwriting. And if you don’t know what it looks like, maybe it’s time for you to learn.”

JAMES, THE OSPREYS,
and interviewing tutors kept me busy the rest of the day. As soon as I found someone who wasn’t terrified of them—a young woman named Alana Todd—I made introductions and left her to the demanding task of taming Aecor’s high nobility.

My rooms were quiet when I returned from a long dinner with the Goldberg family, only the faint hum of gas greeting me as I turned on the lights. I was alone.

A knot in my chest eased. I had to trust James and Ferris, and whoever they assigned to guard my apartments at night. Someone different this time, I hoped.

The clock in my sitting room struck twenty-two. Outside, the sky was dark and wind battered the balcony door with its near-winter chill.

As I pushed aside the curtains, an envelope slipped to the
floor. A
W
shone gold against the black paper.

My heart thundered as I took the letter to my room and pulled the flap free. The letter itself was regular white paper with black ink, but the packaging was so very . . . Black Knife.

Wil,

After your quick exit yesterday morning, I found the letter you left in my room. I decided to reply in kind, and leave it in a place you’re sure to find it. My next delivery won’t be so obvious.

Regarding my first letter to you: I’m glad you understand. I knew you would. With or without your kingdom, you are a queen; you understand what it means to take risks and make sacrifices for the good of your people.

I also wanted to say: thank you for the risks you took for me. You don’t even like me—Tobiah me—but I know what you did during the shooting and after. (James told me.) Everything about our relationship is complicated right now, you suddenly the lost princess of Aecor, and me . . . you know. After the way I treated you, in all regards, I didn’t deserve anything you did for me.

Wilhelmina, while going after Patrick might have been the more logical choice, you had no reason to believe he would elude the Indigo Order so quickly. Had our positions been reversed, I’d have done the same as you.

In complete understanding,

Tobiah

I reread the letter a few times before I wrote a response, changed clothes, and went out the balcony door.

Chill night pressed around me as I weighed my options. Go down and around and back up, a sure way to get caught, or go over.

Over it was.

Senses straining to hear any sound beyond the groaning wind, I tossed my grappling hook and climbed the wall. At the top, I threw an ankle over the roof and rolled up and onto the slate tiles.

With my line and hook secure at my hip, I belly crawled up to the peak, using chimneys to give me boosts and resting places so I could listen for patrols.

The other side of the roof was more dangerous, with bits of glass sticking up from between the tiles like traps. Moonlight caught the larger shards, but others were hidden. I took care as I crept down, my feet first. The sword on my back limited my movement, but I could compensate.

I sidled along the edge of the roof until I sat above the balcony I wanted. There were no guards stationed there; the thud of boots was far off. Wind blew in cold and sharp. I pushed off the roof.

I landed in a crouch, gloved fingertips brushing the stone. Hardly a sound.

There was no trace of blood on the balcony; some poor maid had already scrubbed and rinsed the stone. Nevertheless, the place where Tobiah had fallen drew my eyes and held me captive. We’d almost lost him.

The balcony door was locked, but the mechanism was easy to pick. It took only half a minute to open the door and slip through the curtains that caught the breeze. Quietly, I latched the door behind me.

Something spun me and slammed me against the glass. A flash of gold hovered above, and a blur before me resolved into an ashen face.

Tobiah’s palm pressed against my breastbone, and he had his antique spyglass raised like a weapon. His eyes were wide, a little wild, until he recognized my mask, and we both glanced down to find my daggers out of their sheathes, pointed at his stomach.

The blades dropped to the rug with soft thumps. I hadn’t even realized I’d drawn them.

He heaved a breath and tossed the spyglass onto his bed. “Wil.” Then his arms were around me, strong and solid as he buried his face against my neck. “You shouldn’t be here.”

And he shouldn’t be holding me like this, not when he wore nothing but a loose nightshirt and trousers, and his hair was messy from sleep. Still, my heart galloped as our bodies pressed close together, and my fingertips explored the ridges of his spine. He fit me.

“What are you doing here?” he whispered. “Never mind. Don’t answer. Just don’t be a dream.”

“Would dream-me threaten to split you from stomach to sternum only a day after healing you from a similar injury?”

He gave a soft snort. “Yes. Absolutely.”

So he dreamed about me? Often?

I closed my eyes, indulging in the feel of his body pressing on mine for only a moment more before I whispered, “We can’t do this.”

He groaned, like reality returning, and stepped back. “I’m sorry.” His eyes followed me as I knelt and retrieved my daggers. “I wasn’t thinking.”

Forgive me
.

He’d probably just been relieved I wasn’t Patrick, creeping in to finish the job. But word was that Patrick had been spotted in one of the piedmont villages across the mountains. He was far from here.

I slid my daggers into their sheathes and took the folded note from my belt. After a second’s hesitation, I offered it to him. “I thought if you were going to sneak letters into my room, I should get to have fun, too.”

“And you had to dress as Black Knife to do it?” He took the letter, holding it like it might bite.

“Do you know how hard it is to climb over the roof while wearing a gown?”

A sly smile welled up in the corner of his mouth. “None of the court ladies will loan me a gown to try.”

“Well that’s just rude of them.” I started a slow circle around him, making a show of inspecting the way his nightclothes hung over his lean frame. If he wore a bandage anymore, I couldn’t see it beneath the dark blue silk. “I have a dress you could borrow, but your hips are all wrong for it.”

He offered a playful frown. “Now who’s rude? You’ll have to learn to be more diplomatic if you’re going to be queen, Wilhelmina.” He moved to a bookcase, struck a match, and
lit a candle. Soft firelight glowed across the angles of his face, revealing the tension that still hung about his jaw and neck and shoulders; this teasing was a desperate attempt for normalcy, though between Tobiah and me, or Black Knife and me, I couldn’t tell. He looked like one and acted like the other, and wasn’t truly either.

Why couldn’t they have been separate boys?

“Now tell me the truth.” His tone was somewhere between the prince who always got what he wanted and the vigilante who was never denied. “James already warned me that you asked for clothes and weapons, and while I’m flattered you wanted to deliver your letter personally, in the middle of the night, and looking like you’re ready to do battle . . .”

My fingers trailed along the balcony curtain, making shadows ripple. “It’s no trouble. I was going out anyway.”

This scowl was real, and fully the disapproving prince. “Don’t.”

I crossed my arms and thrust back my shoulders. “You can’t stop me.”

He slammed the letter onto his bookcase and stalked toward me. “What are you going to do? Steal a horse and ride to Aecor after him? He’s
gone
, Wilhelmina.”

“He tried to kill you!”

Tobiah pressed his fingers against my mouth, just thin silk between us as he tilted his head toward the bedroom door. “There are guards.” His voice was low, but demanding. “Let the Indigo Army and Order handle Lien. It’s their job.”

I wrenched myself away from him. “You really think your men will find him?”

He gave a deep nod; his expression betrayed only weariness. “I must believe it.”

“How well do you trust them? Do you know all your soldiers personally? The police?” Images of police marching through Skyvale wormed into my mind: the lights in the street, the homeless hiding in shadows, the children shivering in the cold night.

“Of course I trust them. I don’t know them all personally, but I know their superiors, and they know their men.”

I shook my head.

“What’s this about, Wil? What’s going on?”

“It’s nothing.” If he’d ordered the mandatory evacuation of Greenstone, he wouldn’t appreciate what I’d done last night. “Ask your police what’s going on.”

“Ah. What did you see?” When I didn’t respond, his tone shifted toward practiced patience, the same as a prince would use to handle a hysterical subject. “I’ve seen police abuse power, and I’ve always made sure they’re removed from their duties. That’s one of the reasons I kept on as Black Knife. I wanted to help people.”

“And then you came back here to your palace and safety. You haven’t lived with that fear. Not really. Last night, I saved a girl from a fused wraith monster—both a lizard and a snake—and if I hadn’t been there, she would have died. There are people squatting in Greenstone, hungry and more afraid than ever, and the police won’t let them stay.”

He opened his mouth to deny it, thought better of his words, and bowed his head. “I will investigate. Although when I do, I expect to see a report saying Black Knife made an appearance?”

“No one saw me directly. It’ll be rumor only.”

“I’ll deal with it.” Tobiah closed his eyes and blew out a sigh. “Teach me about this life, the one you say I don’t understand. I care about my people and I want the best for them, if it’s in my power to give it to them.”

“Of course it’s in your power.”

“If only that were true.” He took my shoulders, gentle but firm. “I’ll learn, but you need to learn, too. You’re going to be queen one day, and you’ll crash straight into the limits of your power if you’re not careful. I put on the mask because of those limits, and I can see you doing the same thing right now.”

“I need this mask.
They
need it, too.”

His voice turned kind, cautious. Not the prince, but not the vigilante, either. “Where is it coming from? This anger.”

“Everywhere.”

“It will cripple you, Wil.” He let his hands slide off my shoulders. Down my arms. “Trust me.”

Trust me. Forgive me
. He needed so much from me, and what could it accomplish except my broken heart?

“Promise me you won’t go into the city tonight.”

“I can’t make promises for anything that far in advance.”

“That’s five minutes from now.”

“I don’t know how I’ll be feeling in five minutes.”

He closed his eyes and seemed resigned. “I suppose I wouldn’t act any differently.”

“I have to do
something
. I feel disconnected staying here. Restless. Useless.” How could I explain it? “He almost ruined
everything
for us—our kingdoms, our ideals, our lives.” I whispered, “He tried to kill you.”

He swallowed hard, fingers unconsciously brushing his
stomach. Ghosts of pain fluttered across his face. “Take off your mask.”

I shook my head.

“Please. I want to see your face.”

“And I don’t want you to.” Beneath the mask, my skin felt hot and sticky and damp.

Tobiah caressed my cheek. “Letting other people do their jobs doesn’t mean you’re doing nothing. You have people here who need you, Wilhelmina. Your Ospreys, for example. And if you want Aecor, you’re going to need to fight for it in a new way. My uncle won’t give it up easily.”

No. Prince Colin wouldn’t. He’d been controlling Aecor for almost ten years, doing whatever he wanted with it. He’d even sent Aecorians to fight the wraith beasts and glowmen at the edge of the wraithland—farmers and fishers and people who had no idea how to defend themselves from monsters.

How would I persuade anyone the kingdom was mine? Let alone someone who’d gotten used to controlling it?

I’d wanted to negotiate peacefully for my kingdom, but I didn’t even know how to begin. What use was I in the palace? In the city, I could do good. In the city, I could help people.

“You’re going to be a queen,” said Tobiah. “At some point, you’ll have to accept that you can’t personally take charge of everything. You’ll have to trust people to work for you.”

“I trusted Patrick.”

“A difficult lesson. You’ll be more careful next time.”

“My Ospreys are looking into changes for the Wraith Alliance, and Melanie is spying on Patrick for me.”

He offered a faint smile. “That’s a good start, Wilhelmina.”
With a deep sigh, he stepped away from me, like distance could snap our tense connection. “Why don’t you sit? You can be comfortable and surly at the same time.” He dragged out his desk chair to face me.

“And you’ll be in your nightclothes for our whole argument?”

“I’d protect my modesty, but I’m afraid you’d flee while I was indecent in the dressing room.”

There would be no imagining Tobiah indecent in the dressing room. Not from me. “I don’t flee. I evade.”

“Call it what you want.”

“Thank you for the invitation to argue, but your diversionary tactics won’t work on me. Patrick or no, there’s work for Black Knife in the city.”

There was no denying that.

“You could come with me,” I said. “Unless—Does it still hurt?”

Eyebrows drawn inward, he pressed his palm to his stomach. “It feels like it should hurt.”

I stopped myself before reaching to press my palm atop his.

“I need to prepare for the memorial and coronation. But I will join you sometime. I promise.” His eyes locked with mine. “I miss Black Knife.”

“Me too.”