The Milestone Tapes (13 page)

“Gabe? Gabe?” Jenna tried to sit up, pushing against the cold steel of the bed rails. She knew where she was; the air inside these rooms felt different to her.

“Jenna, baby, everything’s okay, I’m here.” Gabe leaned down to brush the damp, matted hair from her forehead, pressing his lips to her forehead. “You really gave us a scare, J.”

“I don’t ... remember. What happened?”

A television mounted to the wall was flashing news scenes of early morning Seattle, and a steady thrum of machines kept time beside her. Benign pictures of seascapes dotted the wall. The room was sparsely furnished: a few well worn chairs for visitors cluttered the floor, a two person dinette was placed under the television, she assumed, for meal time. It dawned on her: this was a long term care room; this was the sort of place you came and stayed for a good, long while.

“You got sick, baby, that’s all. You’re okay now, everything is going to be okay,” he hushed in her ear, staying beside her.

Jenna caught Sophia’s eyes, as she stood at the foot of the bed, wrapped tightly in a thick wool sweater pulled tight around her middle. Her eyes betrayed the pacifying words Gabe said. There was fresh fear in the pools of blue, stained with the dark inky bruises of sleeplessness and real worry beneath them. Her hands forming a tight prayer knot below her breasts. She looked pale, drawn, creased with concern. There was no mistaking the look, she’d seen it before, in the mirror looking back at her.

“Soph, where is Mia, is she here?” Jenna leaned back, her head crunching against the plastic hospital pillow.

“Ginny came over, she’s with the kids. I called her. Mia is just fine, honey, just fine.” Sophia exhaled, forcing a smile that looked more like she was gritting her teeth against something painful. She pulled her hands apart and smoothed them down the front of her pants.

“Good, okay, good.” Jenna nodded solemnly. Ginny was there, everything would be safe and comfortable for Mia when she woke up, she wouldn’t even know about this. Jenna mentally calculated the good luck in this, as little as it was, that Mia would never need to know. So she’d gotten sick. That happened before, this was nothing new. She’d stayed over nights in the hospital before, too. This was all okay. Well, not okay, but not the end of the world.

“You should get some sleep, J. We’ll be here when you wake up, but you need some rest.” Gabe switched off the bedside light, encouraging Jenna back into sleep.

“I feel okay, and I’m not tired. I would like to go home.” Jenna tried to pull herself up into a sitting position; her muscles still protested a little when she moved, but it wasn’t terrible.

“No, Jen, you can’t. I’m happy you’re feeling better, but the doctors want to run some tests and speak with you in the morning. It’s best that you stay until they can figure all of this out. Besides, no one is going to release you at this hour,” Sophia reasoned, settling into a worn chair by the small dinette in the corner of the room, pulling her knees up into her chest.

“I can just come back in the morning. I’ll sleep better at home anyway,” Jenna protested. “I got sick, that’s all. We’ve been down that road before; I’m more comfortable at home.”

“Jenna. Please. Just listen to the doctors. If they say stay, you stay. Remember, we had a pact: We’d always listen to the professionals, no matter what?” Gabe reasoned, subtly pushing a red button beside the bed, calling for the nurse.

“Gabe, I want to go home, this is just silly. I can come back in the morning.” Jenna tried again to sit up, and Gabe laid his hand on her shoulder, keeping her in place, resisting her efforts.

“They want to observe you for a while. That’s all. We need to understand what happened and how to stop it from happening again.” Gabe voice had a raw edge to it, a place he so rarely went with her.

The squeaking of medical shoes on shined linoleum broke the conversation off as a plump, sweet faced, elderly nurse walked into the room.

“Mrs. Chamberland, you’re awake!” She smiled jovially at Jenna, checking the fluid bags, and subtly placing a cool hand on her forehead, on her wrist. This nurse was practiced; the caress was no more than a whisper of a touch, but effective and deliberate.

“You can call me Jenna,” Jenna answered automatically. She hated the formality of the hospital almost as much as she hated the hospital itself.

“Okay then, Jenna. And I’m Peg. Well, you gave everyone quite a scare. So glad you’re awake. Tell me, sweetheart, how are you feeling?” She clicked a pen open in her hand as she scanned a metal tablet over the rims below her reader glasses.

“Good, actually. Just wondering when I can go home?” Jenna answered.

“Not just yet, I’m afraid. I’m going to page the doctor, let him know you’re up. I’ll be back shortly. Try to get some rest.” She smiled and pivoted and left, her heels squeaking loudly.

“Ugh!” Jenna moaned, losing control of her frustration.

She hated hospitals. The formality and starkness and sterile spaces, the nurses and doctors and bad news. She wasn’t supposed to be here, not tonight, not this weekend. She wasn’t sure what disappointed her more, losing her weekend away with Gabe or being here at large.

“Just get some rest, J. It’s still really early. There is no sense in going home anyway; you’d just have to come right back in the morning,” Gabe requested, sitting down in the chair across from Sophia who was pulling on the tattered edges of her sweatshirt, tugging them over her balled fists.

Jenna watched her husband carefully. His shoulders hunched forwards, his elbows rested on his knees, and thin fingers raked through his hair, which was getting shaggy, a bit too long for the usually kept, neat style he preferred.

She gave an annoyed sigh, allowed herself defeat, sliding deeper into the hospital bed.

“Go home Gabe. Sophia, can you drive him please?” Jenna asked.

Both of their heads snapped up, looking at her, Gabe’s brows furrowing together, pulled by an invisible string.

“I mean it, go home. You need rest. I’ll be good, I’ll rest here and I’ll put up with whatever comes tomorrow ... but only if you two go back to the house and try to unwind. Seriously, I bet the two of you look worse than I do!” Jenna laughed quietly and made shooing motions with her hands, careful not to disrupt the tube strung from them.

“I don’t want to leave, I can stay,” Gabe protested exhaustedly.

“Oh, look at us, such a matched pair! I don’t want to stay, you don’t want to leave!” Jenna laughed out loud weakly at the irony. “Now, go, get out of here. I need my rest!” She feigned a yawn.

Sophia looked at Jenna meaningfully, watching for any hint and Jenna simply nodded in response.

“Okay, okay. Come on Gabe, let’s let Jenna sleep in peace. I’ll bring you back here in a few hours, but you do really look like you’re going to pass out at any minute.” Climbing to her feet, she walked over and kissed Jenna softly on the cheek. “You really, really scared the shit out of me. We are going to talk about what happened later,” she whispered quietly in Jenna’s ear, too low for Gabe for hear, but with the seriousness of a tone that Jenna knew meant business.

“I love you, Jenna. Call if you need anything. I’ll come right back,” Gabe kissed Jenna sweetly on the lips, his morning stubble scratching at her cheeks and chin. His eyes were so conflicted, it broke her heart, but she wanted him to learn how to take care of himself first, make that a priority.

“I love you, too Gabe ... very, very much,” she said, taking his face between her hands and kissing him again, unhurried.

Jenna listened closely as the sound of their retreat faded down the hall until she could no longer catch any trace of them. Sighing deeply, she leaned back against the pillow and closed her eyes. Rest offered nothing to her now; she wasn’t tired, she was frustrated. She wanted to remember what happened, what she did or didn’t do, that landed her here.

The evening had been so perfect. The meal was delicious; she remembered scarfing down the appetizer and nearly forgetting her dinner altogether, scooping the bits of tomato and olive left on the plate once the balsamic vinegar drenched bread was gone. The wine was bold and noted and delicious; they had eaten well and laughed hard. They discussed school plans for Mia, the back to school shopping that would need to be done soon. They had talked about Jenna’s plans, the funeral and casket and burial plot, her freshly
laundered black dress that hung in the back of the closet swaddled in dry cleaner’s plastic. They talked about their weekend away, and he had tried to tease her into telling him more, but she stood her ground. They talked about work, the couple that hired him to build a vacation home and how amazing it was going to be for them. Normal, average, everyday stuff balanced with the things that should never need to be talked about.

She recalled how Gabe had teasingly resisted the hotel, but once inside the room, how he had easily been won over by the privacy it allowed them. She remembered they had made love, engaging and slow. She remembered his lips running over the scars where her breasts had once been, kissing the hollow of her neck, the sweet spot behind her ear, lying on top of her, holding her close, telling her how deeply he loved her, needed her, begging her to stay. She remembered all of that. The way, her body felt purified under the rush of warm water afterward, the way the silk of her nightgown caressed her body, how Gabe had lulled her to sleep with his fingertips.

But that was all. Nothing more until she awoke in this place. Dressed not in her pretty nightgown, but an over-washed hospital gown, thin, thread-barren. Not asleep beside her husband, pressed against him safe and warm, but rather, alone in a sterile single bed attached to machines under the watchful eye of staff. She still felt the dull ache of her muscles arguing with her under her thin skin, but there was nothing visibly wrong.

What had happened? Had it really been bad enough to land her here?

Her eyes snapped open as she felt the soft tug of someone adjusting her bedside IV.

“Oops, sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you,” Peg whispered quietly, backing away from her.

“No, no. I wasn’t asleep, just thinking, it’s okay.” Jenna raised a hand in a welcoming gesture.

“All the same, sorry. But, since you’re awake, I did speak with Dr. Henderson. She should be coming by to see you soon.” Peg smiled jotting a note on Jenna’s chart.

“Can I ask you something?” Jenna implored.

“Of course Mrs.—Jenna.” Peg hovered.

“What happened? My husband, Gabe, said I got sick ... but, but I can’t remember anything that happened, and I’m just ... confused,” Jenna shrugged, hoping Peg would have answers for her, give her something that made sense.

“The doctor will be here soon Jenna.I’m sure she’ll be able to help answer ... ” Peg began reasonably.

“I’m not asking for reasons, or explanations. Sorry, I know you can’t answer those things, that’s not what I mean. What I’m asking is, what did I do to end up here?” Jenna understood the hesitance, and she hated it. The humanity always seemed to be missing in the lines certain professionals wouldn’t cross.

“Jenna, you had a very high fever, and you were vomiting.” Peg patted Jenna’s hand soothingly, making it sound like a bad case of the flu, as though the patient were already on the mend.

“That’s all?” Jenna’s eyebrows raised in surprise; she had figured much, much worse. A fever and throwing up. Going to the hospital seemed like a stretch and slightly circumspect to Jenna, like a grave overreaction. It wasn’t normally the sort of leap Gabe would make.

“More or less. Listen, honey, Dr. Henderson will be here soon and I’m sure she will have lots of answers,” Paula said, letting Jenna’s hand drop. “Would you like a sedative? Something to help you rest?” A smile spread across her face.

“No, I’m good. Thank you.” Jenna returned the smile.

Turning to the clock, she saw the red blazing numbers. Only four in the morning. Hours to go before the normal business day, before Gabe would come back or Sophia would call or the doctor would grace them all with her presence. Yawning, Jenna closed her eyes once more. Maybe she could rest, just for a bit.

~ * * * ~

“Hi Jenna, how are you feeling?” Dr. Henderson breezed into the small hospital room, her heels clicking staccato against the tired vinyl flooring. She was dressed sharply in a well fitted power navy pant suit, and billowy white silk blouse. Her starched white cotton medical jacket hung open around her, the pockets stuffed with plastic gloves and pens.

“Dr. Henderson, I’m feeling much better, thank you,” Jenna answered honestly. The nap had done wonders for her. The fog had lifted enough to let her understand that whatever happened had been more than a fever.

“Good! You had me worried!” A wide, professional smile split her thin, cotton candy pink lips. “Do you remember seeing me last night, when Gabe brought you in?” She pressed her latex covered hands against Jenna in various places, kneading her fingers about, looking for something.

“No, not really.” Jenna blushed.

“Interesting. Well, yes, I saw you last night.” Henderson wrote in quick, short strikes across the same tablet Peg had used last night. “You weren’t well,but you seem … better … this morning.”

“Can you tell me what was wrong?” Jenna asked.

“Well, let’s see.” Dr. Henderson flipped the page over and began to give Jenna the Cliff Notes version of what happened. “You presented with a very high fever—one-hundred-and-five  point oh one degrees, bleeding from the nose, vomiting; you had lost consciousness, probably due to the high fever, at the hotel where you were staying. You were brought in via ambulance at approximately twelve thirty in the morning. At that point, your husband had relayed to the emergency staff that you were screaming about being on fire and in severe pain.” Dr. Henderson looked up meaningfully at Jenna and closed the chart swiftly.