The Middle of Everywhere (12 page)

She hadn't been able to attend ELL classes and was learning English from television. It was amusing, but unnerving, to hear Zena express herself in cartoon language. "Yikes. We run for our lives."

Noora was dressed in a long pink dress and her hair was curled and adorned with barettes. I handed her my gifts, two books, the first books the family had ever owned. Noora examined them happily. I offered to read them to the kids and they gathered around eagerly. First I read from
A Light in the Attic,
then from
The Cat in the Hat.

As I read, Zena prepared our dining area. She lay a tablecloth on the floor and carried out cans of Coke and bags of generic chips. I hated to see her spend her hard-earned money on junk food, but refugees learn what to love and value in our country from advertisers. The best minds of our generation are writing ad copy. In America, it's a rule of thumb that what is least necessary is what is advertised most. Refugees often buy expensive junky toys before they buy toothbrushes, and sugary treats instead of fresh produce.

Clearly Zena had spent all day and most of her food budget fixing us a beautiful meal. She proudly carried in a plate piled high with homemade flatbread still warm from the griddle, a tray of roast chicken, and another with chopped tomatoes, cucumbers, and green peppers. We sat on the floor, passing dishes and eating with our fingers. I loved her Kurdish cooking but the children preferred the chips and Cokes.

As always, I was touched by Zena's kindness to me. She had so little and yet whatever she had was shared with grace. But I was also struck by the limited information the family was receiving about our culture. They had come from a rural area and had never had consumer goods. Now they had no antidotes to our consumer society. They bought some of the worst junk America has to offer—cigarettes and soda pop, violent video games and cartoons, and easily broken "action figures."

Television tells newcomers lies—that most Americans are rich, that most African Americans are gang members and drug dealers, and that happiness comes from buying consumer goods and unhealthy foods. There are no ads for the joys of quiet time, gardening, looking at sunsets, visiting with neighbors, or reading to children.

- All refugee families are given televisions and encouraged to "improve their English." But television doesn't improve English so much as foster shopping. In most refugee homes, televisions are always on and become virtual primers of acculturation. Families learn about America from the
Jerry Springer Show
and the
Simpsons.
They observe a monoculture with only three elements—sex, violence, and consumption.

Of course, Americans are much more complex and interesting than our media suggests, and we are not as violent or obsessed with sex, money, and power. I wanted to tell Zena, "Most of us lead quiet lives, and not necessarily of desperation. We spend much more of our time planting flowers then we do robbing banks, more time calling our mothers than we do having sex."

Over and over I have noticed a certain innocence in refugee families who have not lived in a world of media—their children are quieter and more respectful; everyone is less cynical and more content; hedonism is tempered with a strong sense of social responsibility; and people take pleasure in small, quiet events. It is an innocence that rapidly fades.

Refugees often come from places where money isn't very important. Trade is by the barter system and food is caught or grown. Clothes are made at home and entertainment is other people in the village. Travel is walking or boating. Healers work for a good meal. Some refugees come from Soviet bloc countries where everything is paid for. A Russian woman told me, "In my country everything was free unless otherwise specified. In the United States everything costs money unless it's specified free."

After dinner, Noora went back to
The Wizard of Oz.
The boys ran out into the parking lot to play soccer. Zena worried about them outdoors in such a bad neighborhood, but they couldn't be indoors all the time. However, she wouldn't let Noora outside at all.

She asked me about a letter offering her a MasterCard. She didn't really understand what that was and asked, "Can I buy whatever I want with this free card?" I explained interest and service charges and advised her to tear it up. This time she would, but would she tear up the Discover card application she receives next week?

When we give refugees charge cards long before we give them green cards, we set them up to be debtors. Newcomers experience a lethal combination of poverty and bombardment with ads. They don't understand the American way and almost immediately are into trouble with money decisions.

I wished I had more time to be this family's cultural broker and to show them our library system, our parks, and our free entertainment for families. They were in a magical country, bright and shiny with possibilities, but they needed someone to teach them that children need toothbrushes and beds more than action figures. I felt a responsibility to help them to see that all that glitters is not gold. Courage, heart, and brains are necessary to survive in this new land. Otherwise, for new arrivals, our magical country can quickly turn into a barren landscape.

One does not discover new lands without consenting to lose sight of the shore for a very long time.

—A
NDRÉ
G
IDE

The United States is a series of paradoxes for newcomers. Every plus is married to a minus. It is the land of opportunity and yet the opportunity is often to work in a meatpacking plant. Newcomers have fled war zones for the safety of our country but, in the United States, they often find themselves in our most dangerous neighborhoods. They are in a country with sophisticated health and mental health care but often cannot afford even the most basic treatments. They come for our wonderful educational system, but often their children are educated by television and learn all the wrong lessons. And finally, they come because of the generosity of the American people, and yet once here, they must deal with an unfriendly and grossly inefficient INS.

From the moment refugees arrive they are offered ideas about how to spend their time, energy, and money. There are two main ways refugees are educated. One is through the media and ads that are omnipresent. The second is through cultural brokers—schoolteachers, caseworkers, public health nurses, and American friends who may teach them to make intentional decisions about what to accept and what to reject in America. Cultural brokers help ease people into each other's cultures. Foucault wrote that "information is power." Cultural brokers give newcomers information that directly translates into power.

This chapter will discuss both kinds of American education as well as examine the conditions in our host environment. Right away, refugees must deal with housing, transportation, and legal status, as well as work, health, and mental health issues. These external factors have a great deal to do with a refugee's later success in America. Cultural brokers can make a tremendous difference.

The most important cultural brokers are schoolteachers. Schools are the frontline institution for acculturation, where children receive solid information about their new world. Almost all refugee families have a tremendous respect for education and educators. And our schools do not let them down. I have met many heroic teachers who, among their other responsibilities, become the antidotes to media and ads. One ELL teacher told me, "We're all there is between them and Howard Stern and Eminem."

Cultural brokers can teach the difference between
need
and
want
and also the meaning of the word
enough.
They can teach, as Bebe Moore Campbell said, that "Everything good to you ain't good for you." They can teach, as Paul Gruchow put it, that "Labor saving machines delivered not so much freedom from drudgery as enslavement to creditors." Gruchow also wrote, "Wealth is fully as capable of corrupting the soul as is poverty. What makes people happy in small doses is not necessarily good in large amounts. Too much candy, alcohol, leisure time, and shopping choices all make people miserable."

Cultural brokers encourage families to read, go to museums, draw, learn to play an instrument, and to find a place of worship or a community center. They encourage them to walk on our prairies, fish in our lakes, and ride bikes on our trails. If refugees learn only from television, they will end up unhealthy, stressed, rushed, addicted, and broke.

Cultural brokers teach Budgeting 101. In their home countries, many refugees have not had to manage their desires because never before has there been enough. Cultural brokers try to teach intentionality, that is, thoughtfulness about choices. Intentionally requires a moral center, accurate information, and the skills to implement good decisions.

A cultural broker has information on everything—what schools are the best, where to go fishing or buy lemongrass, where to find work or buy a used car, and how to change a tire. A cultural broker knows whom to call about INS problems and where to get free legal aid and tax assistance. Cultural brokers understand local resources and have a commitment to helping newcomers avoid mistakes that can slow down their adjustment. Below is a list of things that, as a cultural broker, I have taught newcomers.

How to order food in a café

How to use escalators, stairs, elevators, and revolving doors

How to cross streets with traffic lights

How to feed a traffic meter

How to drive—what signs and signals mean, how to start a car, defensive driving as a concept

What is the length of a human life in America

How to use a water fountain

How to tell time and use an alarm clock, a watch, a calendar, and an appointment book

How to work a bike lock and a combination lock

How to put on a bike helmet and why helmets are important

How to check the oil and put gas in a car

How to write a check and balance a checkbook

How to peel an orange and eat watermelon

What to put in a refrigerator

How to bake a frozen pizza and use Shake 'n Bake to cook chicken

How to mix juice

That most Americans shower daily

What a doctor is doing—taking a temperature, blood pressure, drawing blood

What are dangerous situations—don't ride with strangers and don't walk around alone at night

Why we don't give money to phone or door-to-door solicitors

How to use hand lotion

How to swim, folk dance, and go on a picnic

How to read the want ads

How to read the entertainment section of the paper

What to do if the tornado siren sounds

How to shop at a grocery store

How to fill out a job application

What are vitamins

How to interview for a job

How to enroll in school

How to apply for Pell Grants and other financial aid

How to make a doctor's or dentist's appointment

When to call a lawyer and how to find one

Who to go to with INS problems

That cut flowers need to be put in water

How to buy shoes and to learn one's shoe size

How to buy clothes and learn one's waist size or dress size

How and why to take aspirin

How to call Ask a Nurse

Where to find bargains

How to get around town

What a United States map looks like and where Nebraska is

How to drive on the interstate

How to read a map

What elections are

What political parties are

Who is president, mayor, and governor

What happens when people break laws

Where parks, prairies, and state lakes are

The names of animals, trees, birds, and flowers

Where the bike trails are

How to walk on snow and ice

What to wear outside in winter

What animals Americans eat

That many mushrooms are poisonous

Why drinking water in hot weather is important

What a birthday is

What cake, cocoa, and pie are

How to roast marshmallows and make s'mores

What American holidays are

How to carve a pumpkin

That Christmas trees must be put in water

How to brush teeth

What Band-Aids, sanitary napkins, dental floss, and deodorant are

How to do math and how to read

How many weeks are in a year

That the length of day varies according to the season and distance from the equator

How long a fetus grows in its mother

What a time zone is

What a buffalo is

How to check out books from public and school libraries

How to use a cell phone

What a snow day is

That some stores stay open all night

What various slang words and phrases mean, such as
noogie, okay, TLC, screw up,
and
keep your fingers crossed

How to make grilled-cheese sandwiches and toast

How to wear socks

How and when to call 911

What Easter eggs are

How to get a prescription and get it filled

How to play cards

How to put together a jigsaw puzzle

That police can be helpful

How to use cleaning products

What to do for acne

Why young clerks cannot sell liquor

What kolaches, muffins, runzas, and corn dogs are

What asparagus and rhubarb are

How to change a lightbulb, a battery, and a furnace filter

How a flashlight, a microwave, and a can opener work

Where to get air for bike tires

Where to play basketball

What dry cleaning is

What fabrics need to be dry-cleaned

What happens if you don't pay your bills

Why I don't beat my children

Why we wear seat belts

What sex offenders are

Why we should wash our hands after going to the bathroom

What germs are

What
homesick
means

What a washing machine is

What aluminum foil is

Why American parents talk to babies

What animals pork and beef come from

What a tissue is

What a rocking chair is

What a dinosaur is

Why we shouldn't litter

How to eat an ice-cream cone