The Memory Child (22 page)

“She’s way too light, Nina. I don’t like it. Try to get her to eat more while I’m gone, will you? I need you to take good care of her.” He placed his hand on Nina’s shoulder as she waited at
the door.

“She’s in your care right now. That’s all you need to worry about. Go on before you miss your flight and we have to do this all over again. I’ll follow you after the taxi gets here. Tell her to wait for me at the airport and I’ll drive her home. Just don’t tell her until you g
et there.”

A sense of relief washed over him as he looked at this older woman who had become their lifesaver. What would they do without her when she decided to le
ave them?

“Thank you. I feel better knowing you’ll be there to drive her home. I don’t want anything to happen to her or our baby.” He reached out and gave Nina a hug, a move that surprised bot
h of them.

“Go on now.” She pushed him away before closing the door be
hind him.

Brian stopped midway down the stone path and turned in a slow circle, wanting to take in every detail of his house and yard. It amazed him how much he loved this place, how at peace he felt every time he turned the corner onto their street and their home came into view. This was where he belonged and where he wanted to be. Knowing this, realizing it at the very minute he was leaving, hurt. Whatever place he found in London would only be temporary. It might mean more traveling, but he’d make it work. He had to. He knew that once Diane’s maternity leave was up, she’d be ready to get back to work, and that work wasn’t
overseas.

The tightness in his chest didn’t abate as he pulled out of his driveway. He rolled his shoulders to relieve some tension and winced at the loud crack from
his neck.

“You forgot to book an appointment with your chiropractor, didn’t you?” Diane shook her head before reaching for
his hand.

“There wasn’t enou
gh time.”

She pulled out her phone. “I’ll make a note to schedule one for when you retur
n, okay?”

“Thanks, babe.” Brian smiled as he slowed down as the light ahead tu
rned red.

“I know it’s only for two weeks, but I’ll do my best to see if I can make it home
sooner.”

Diane squeezed his hand. “Would you stop worrying? We’ve gone longer. Remember that time in Dubai when you were gone for almost four months? This is nothing. If the baby decides to come sooner than expected, I’ll let you know. I promise. Besides, it’s not like I’m alone. I h
ave Nina.”

The light was still red. He turned slightly in his seat. “The first twinge of a contraction, you let me know, okay?” He was serious, but he couldn’t stop the smile from spreading as Diane chuckled. It was less than half a day to London. That should be more than enough time for him to hop on a plane and make it to the hospital if she went into labor. From what he’d read, first births always took longer than expected. He hoped that was true in
this case.

“Promise. As long as Junior here behaves, you’ll already be home. Oh, do me
a favor?”

Brian’s finger tapped on the steering wheel as he waited for the light to turn green. The clock was ticking and he’d promised they’d stop for coffee still. Thankfully, there was a coffee shop with a drive-thru close to the
airport.

“What’s that?” He leaned over and placed a small kiss on her cheek. He’d do anything for her.
Anything.

“Bring me home some macarons from Ladurée? It’s in Harrods.” The little wink she gave him had him
chuckling.

“You’re kidding me?” He shook his head in mock exasperation. “You want me to go to Harrods? That place is
a maze!”

The light turned green and Brian stepped o
n the gas.

“Please?” Diane squeezed his hand again before her grip tightened and her eyes widened
in fear.

Time slowed as Brian turned his attention from his wife to what she was staring at. As he turned his head, the images in front of him were burned in his mind. The shopkeeper bent over a sign he was fixing to the ground, an elderly lady yanking her dog back from crossing the street, the multitude of flowers outside a florist’s shop. Time stood still as he fixated on all those small images before looking out his driver window and realizing none of it
mattered.

Headlights from an oncoming truck faced him, blinding him as Diane’s horrific screams filled the
vehicle.

Brian leaned forward and toward Diane. He knew they were about to get hit and he wanted to keep her out of the way. He grabbed her hand just as the other vehicle ran through the red light and smashed into their SUV. The impact of metal upon metal grated in his ears as he was flung about. His chest dug into the gearshift as his door buckled and pushed ag
ainst him.

The image of Diane hunched over, trying to protect her belly, was the last thing he saw before it all w
ent black.

A loud roar startled him. He tried to open his eyes but he couldn’t. It was as if they were glued shut. His head hung at an awkward angle and he struggled to lift it, to ease the sharp pain that ran through his body, but even that proved to be too
difficult.

Someone spoke to him, but it sounded was like he was underwater; the words were muffled and at too far a distance for him to make out. Things prodded at him, moved him, and the pain that seemed to settle over him like a wet blanket now pierced one location, his head. It was going to explode. Whatever was happening to him, it had to s
top. Now.

He tried to tell them, to beg them to leave him be, that he needed the pain to stop, but when he opened his mouth, all he could do
was moan.

“Just relax; we h
ave you.”

Fingers prodded at his eyes, forcing them apart, and he caught sight of a hand, a small light flashing in front of his face, and then other faces before him as he struggled to figure out wher
e he was.

Diane! Where was his wife? Brian needed to move, to see where he was, to find Diane, but he couldn’t lift his arms, his head, or any other part of
his body.

“Diane. Where is she? Where’s my wife? Where is she?” His voice cracked with each word he fo
rced out.

“Calm down. Please, sir, calm down. I need you to lie still. We’re attempting to get her out of the vehicle now. We’ve got her; don’t worry.” The voice was calm, in control. Brian trusted the voice.
He had to.

A heavy weight settled over him, compressing him until he was sure his body was crushing under the weight. The pain was intolerable but it hurt too much to cry. His head was going to explode any moment; h
e knew it.

“She’s pregnant. Please, please be careful. She’s
pregnant.
Please…” It was getting too hard to talk. All he wanted to do was stop, to be still, to let the pain wash over him until it carried him away. It would be easier
that way.

“We’ve got her. It’ll be okay. You can relax now. She’s safe.” There was a slight edge to the
voice now.

Brian wanted to ask what was wrong. He could tell. He knew it from the way the person spoke. Diane was in trouble. She couldn’t be. No, she couldn’t be. He should have made her stay at home, should have listened to
himself.

This was all his fault. That was the last thing he thought, a mantra that repeated over and over before he couldn’t thin
k anymore.

CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

Diane

Present–August

T
he remnants of a beautiful dream drifted away from me. The sweet smile Grace would give me as she looked up at me, the way her eyes lit up as I tickled her toes. The happiness that overwhelmed me and made everything right in my world. I dreamed of Brian and the way he’d hold me close when he knew I needed a hug. I could still feel his arms a
round me.

I wanted to hold on those feelings, to keep them close. I rolled over and reached my hand out to where Grace’s bassinet lay, but nothing was there. I cracked open my eyes and saw a bare floor where there should have been a chair that held the bassinet. My hand dropped as a crushing weight rested on my chest. For some reason, deep inside, I knew the bassinet wouldn’t
be there.

“Nina?” I called out. I rose up and rested on my elbow and was about to call again when I notice
d my room.

It was different. Gone were my cream walls and large space, my sitting area and desk and large en sui
te. Gone.

I shot up out of bed and flung my legs over. My feet hit the edge of a worn
floor mat.

“Nina?” I couldn’t keep the panic out of my voice. The white walls, the bare floor, even the thin blanket I’d just shoved aside, all looked like something you’d find in a
hospital.

What happened to me? Why w
as I here?

“Nina!” My fingers clutched the edge of the mattress as I screamed. My body froze and my muscles tightened as I continued to call out Nina’s name. My eyes were glued to the door. I waited for the knob to turn, for the slash of light that sneaked in under the door to alter, but there was nothing. Nothing. No one answered. No one heard my
screams.

I was all alone. A vise gripped my heart and squeezed. I was
all alone.

I slipped my feet into the slippers that were on the mat and ran over to the door and turned
the knob.

“Nina. Somebody. Anyone hear me?” I opened the door, not sure what I expected, but seeing a bare wall with a single metal chair directly opposite my door w
asn’t it.

I stepped into the hallway but kept my hand on the door knob. “Please. Somebody help me.” All the energy in me evaporated at the stillness around me. Where was I? “Please. Someone, anybody, plea
se…”

There was a door at the end of the hall, the type of cold, metal door you’d expect to find in any type of hospital. At the other end were a few doors and as I continued to yell out, one of those doo
rs opened.

“What’s with all the racket? Simmer down, Diane, before they do it for you.” Some strange woman held up her finger against her lips and h
ushed me.

“Help me, please?” I asked her. I had no idea who she was, but that didn’t matter. I was
desperate.

“What’s your problem this morning? Go back to bed. You know Nina will be he
re soon.”

My knees buckled and my legs folded as I collapsed onto the cold hard floor. I had no idea what was going on. I swiped at the tears on my face and struggled to my feet. There had to be an answer somewhere in this room. Maybe I was sick. Maybe I’d been in an acc…oh God, no. N
o, no, no.

I pushed myself up and stumbled back into my room and made my way toward the small bathroom. There was a heavy haze in my mind as I splashed water on my face and looked up in horror. I barely recognized myself. My eyes were bloodshot and haggard, and the lines around them as well as on my forehead were more noticeable than before. I had to be dreaming. That was it. There was no other explanation. I just needed to wake m
yself up.

Please, God, let m
e wake up.

There was a window in my room with blinds over the glass panes. At the top was a knob. I turned it and the world outside opened up and the sunshine filtered into the room. Directly across from me was a park full of large trees and walkways lined with flowerbeds. Below me were benches but there was no one outside. I recognized the pathway below, the benches, even the park. I had been there before. Snapshots of sitting on the bench flashed through my mind, then flittered away before I could grab
onto them.

Where was I? I didn’t recognize the building I was in. From my angle I counted four floors beneath me, and who knew if there were any
above me.

There wasn’t much to this room I was sequestered in. A bed. A rug. A small desk and chair, with a book on top along with a box wrapped with a fabric ribbon. I shrugged into the housecoat that lay across the foot of the bed and sat down at the desk. I touched the box and wondered what was in it. I lifted it up and it was lig
htweight.

About to untie the ribbon, I caught sight of the book and had to double-check the words written on it.
Diane’s Memory Journ
al
. What?

I dropped the box and went to reach for the journal, when there was a slight knock on the door. I shot up from my chair and tugged the housecoat I wore tight around
my waist.

“Diane?”

I sagged with relief when I heard Nina’s voice. The moment she entered the room I rushed over and engulfed her in a l
arge hug.

“Nina, I’ve been so scared. Where am I? Why am I here?” I gripped her shoulders and stared into
her eyes.

There was a look there. A look of surprise and…relief? Why would she be relieved? She shook her head and a wall came between us as I continued to stare at her. I recognized that look. She’d put on
her mask.

“How are you feeling today?” Nina placed her hands over mine and forced me to release her s
houlders.

“I don’t want to be here. Please, can we just go home?” I glanced around her to the barely opened door but she stepped back and closed it so I couldn’t
see out.

“Nina?” There was a look on her face, a look that told me too much but gave away nothing at the s
ame time.

“Any headaches today, Diane?” Nina led me over to the bed and had me sit down. She sat beside me and folded her hands i
n her lap.

I stood back up. I didn’t want to sit down. I couldn’t sit down. Something w
as wrong.

“No.” I shook my head. “For the first time in a long time, there’s no headache. But what’s going on, Nina?” I paced back and forth in the small room; the sound of my slippers as they shuffled along the floor was prominent in the
silence.

“Do you know what day this is?” Nina pulled out the small notebook she carried with her all the time and ope
ned it up.

“Day? I don’t know.” Honestly, why was the date important? “Summer sometime, by the looks of it.” I stood at the window and glanced out at the flowe
rs below.

“Do you remember anything from ye
sterday?”

I studied Nina as she wrote in her little notepad. What did she write in there ever
y morning?

“Where’s the tea?” She always came into my room with a tray carrying tea, some breakfast, and pill
s. Always.

“Tea? We’ll have it when we go for breakfast, just like every other morning.” She glanced up at me with a question in
her eyes.

“You usually bring it in to me and we have breakfast together.” I hugged mys
elf tight.

Nina shook
her head.

A tidal wave of fear swept through me as I tightened my arms around me. I knew in that moment that the nightmare I’d held at bay for so many years was no longer something I only dreamed about. It was
now real.

My mother—

“Stop. Whatever you are thinking, just stop.” Nina patted the bed. I bit my lip before I sank down be
side her.

“Diane, you’re in the hospital.” She reached for
my hands.

“Why?” My mind blanked and I couldn
’t think.

I read the pity in Nina’s eyes and I wanted t
o cringe.

“You’ve been here since just after Christmas.” I sat back in shock. What? How was that possible? I was home yesterday wi
th Grace.

Nina shook her head. I must have said that
out loud.

“You were here yesterday. And the day before t
hat. And—”

I held my hand up and cut her off. I didn’t want to hear it. She was lying. She
had to be.

“Where’s Grace?” The sudden urge to hold my daughter, to see her face, hit
me hard.

She leaned forward and I scooted backward until my back was against the cold wall. I hugged my knees to my chest and rocked back and forth. This didn’t make sense. None of this made sense. I shouldn’t be here, not in this room. I should be at home, with my daughter, filling out her baby book, taking pictures of
her…

“Where is my d
aughter?”

“Diane, Grace is…” She sighed. “Grace
is dead.”

I shook my head. “No. No. Don’t you tell me she is dead. She’s not. She can’t be. I can feel her”—I hit my chest with the palm of my hand—“in here. I can feel her, Nina. She’s not dead. She can’t be.” I covered my ears with my hands and dropped my chin onto my knees, blinking away the tears in my eyes. Then I remembered her cries and how I tried to calm
her…

I raised my head and stared at Nina. “I didn’t…please, God, please tell me I did
n’t…”

“No, no, of course you didn’t.” Nina touched me and I jumped. I pushed myself up from the bed and vaulted until I was over at the door. I pounded on it, screaming for help, for someone to come and open the door. Nina just sat there on the bed and waited until I stopped. I turned toward her and felt myself slipping, falling down to t
he floor.

Nina caught me in time and pulled me close, her arms wrapped around my body as
I shook.

“Come sit down.” Nina helped me to sit on the chair at the desk. She smoothed my hair back while I just stared at her, as i
f frozen.

I didn’t know what to think. What to feel. What to say. I felt so lost and alone. So very, ve
ry alone.

Nina slumped against the wall by the window and glanced out. “Do you remember when Brian left to go to London?” She didn’t look at me as she asked the question. But I caught the way her body stiffened ever so
slightly.

“I do. I drove him.” Why bring Brian into this? Unless he was the one who put me here and he now had Grace. Oh my God. Tha
t was it.

“Did Brian take her? Is that it?” A mixture of fear and relief overwhelmed me in that moment. Grace wasn’t dead,
thank God.

“No, Diane.” She took a breath and let it out, the sigh deflating her body before she turned toward me. “Do you remember anything that happened after you left to take Brian to the
airport?”

I nodded. “Of course. I came home. You were waiting for me by the front door and we ended up watching a movie t
ogether.”

Nina shook her head. “No, honey, that’s not what happened. You never made it home, Diane. On the way to the airport, a truck lost control of its brakes and ran through a red light, hitting your vehicle on the driver
’s side.”

“Brian was driving,” I
whispered.

Nina nodded. “The ambulance was on the scene fairly quickly, but Brian died on the way to the hospital and you went in
to labor.”

“Grace?”
Please, please don’t say the words. Please don’t say
the words.

Nina
swallowed.

“She didn’t survive?” I wanted to crumble, to fall, and never to get up again. I didn’t want to hear this. I couldn’t. I wasn’t strong enough. That’s why I was here, wasn’t it? I wasn’t strong enough. I stumbled to the chair and sat down, never once taking my eyes
off Nina.

“She was stillborn. The impact…it was too much. It was my fault. I shouldn’t have let you go.” Nina turned back toward the window but her body shook almost as much as mine did at th
at moment.

Why couldn’t I reme
mber this?

“Was I in
a coma?”

“No. God no. You were okay. ” She wiped at the tears on her face and left her post at the wall to sit back
on my bed.

“Then why don’t I remember this? It’s not true. It can’t be. I held Grace in my arms. I remember her. God, Nina, I remember my daughter. I held her yesterday. She smiled at me.” I banged my fist on the desk and the small box I’d looked at earlier flipped and fell over the side of the desk and onto the floor. For a moment, both Nina and I stared at it until I picked it up and held it
in my lap.

“What
’s this?”

“Open it,” Nina
whispered.

I watched her as I slowly untied the ribbon. I popped open the lid and inside were two rings. Brian’s wedding ring and mine. I lifted them out and slid them down my ring finger, but I couldn’t get my own ring to move past m
y knuckle.

“The medication you’re on makes your fingers swell.” Nina winced as I took the ring off and placed it back in the box. I didn’t want to think about the rings and what they meant
. Not yet.

“Why does Grace seem so real to
me then?”

Nina’s hands knotted together as she glanced everywhere b
ut at me.

“Do you recall a pamphlet you filled out and gave to Walter about Rebo
rn dolls?”