The Memories of Ana Calderón (18 page)

I felt strange when I first held Ismael in my arms. I looked at his face and an unexpected feeling, something like an iron hand gripping my heart, assaulted me. A sensation I had never experienced flooded through me, surprising me, leaving me confused.

I closed my eyes, waiting for my thoughts to clear. When I looked at my son again, I felt serene because I realized that there was a reason for the pain I had experienced for him. I looked out the window and I remembered what Amy had read in the Bible about Ismael, of how he would be opposed to everyone, and everyone to him. I made a vow that this would not happen to Ismael because I would assure him that he would be loved by all who would ever enter his life.

Two years after the birth of Ismael, on a sunny day in April, Alejandra and Octavio stood at the entrance of the church posing for photographs. They had just emerged; their marriage mass had ended and the organ was still bellowing out the triumphal wedding march. Outside, the smiling bride and groom were met with loud cheers and clapping accompanied by the joyful tolling of bells. As rice showered them, they giggled trying to dodge and shield their faces from the tiny grains.

Despite the war, everyone was in the mood to celebrate because there was more than a wedding for which to be grateful. Henry Miranda and Reyes Soto, son of the elder Reyes, had volunteered for the Navy the previous year, and both had been assigned to a ship that was attacked while in Pearl Harbor. When the news broke out, the barrio went into shock, thinking that two of their boys had been killed. Reyes Junior and Henry Miranda survived, however, and when word of their safety spread from street to street, from house to house, there were shouts of joy, and Father Gutiérrez made sure that there were thanksgiving rosaries for several nights.

Still relishing their relief and joy, the Reyes and Miranda
families and everyone around them took the occasion of the wedding to prolong their feelings of happiness. Only a few of the older people grumbled when they saw that some of the young ones, girls as well as boys, were pretentiously made up in pachuco dress.

The young men, hair heavily greased and square cut in the back to better show off the cleavage of a duck tail, sported fancy tailored zoot-suits. The girls wore short tight skirts, and their hair was piled high on their heads, rolled up with supports they called rats.

“Look,
Comadre
Amparo. Over there. Isn't that a shame?”

“Is that little Tony?
¡Qué vergüenza!
Where did he get the money to have that suit made up that way?”

“Look,
Comadre
. Look at Esperancita and the way she's dressed. If I were her mother, I'd tear that rag off of her. Then they're surprised when men get fresh with them. Just look at her! You can almost see her
nalgas
, the skirt is so short!”

Alejandra and Octavio, oblivious to the heavy undercurrents that swept through the crowd, were resplendent. Alejandra wore a white satin gown that flowed gracefully to her feet; the soft folds of the dress accentuated the curves of her body. Her head was crowned with a wide white band interlaced with fresh orange blossoms and tiny artificial pearls. Attached to the band was a gauzy veil that floated gracefully in the noon breeze. This headdress made Alejandra's eyes seem larger, more brilliant, matching her smile which told everyone of her intense happiness.

Octavio was strikingly handsome, dressed as he was in a black tuxedo and white tie. The reddish brown tones of his skin contrasted sharply with the whiteness of his shirt. He had grown taller over the past two years, and the dark suit lengthened his height even more. He was keenly aware of the adulating looks that came his way, especially from the women, and his strong, evenly spaced teeth gleamed with each broad smile that he returned to his admirers.

Not once did Ana or her child cross his mind, even though Octavio was informed of their whereabouts. What mattered to him at that moment was that everyone around them was celebrating his and Alejandra's marriage. As Octavio looked around him, he saw only friends, neighbors, co-workers, and family. He basked in the applause that he heard each time
the click of a camera sounded, especially when the photographer instructed the couple to kiss for the most important picture of all. As he gazed into Alejandra's eyes just after their lips separated, he heard a loud ahhh! coming from the crowd, and he was sure the sound reached up to the bell tower, soaring straight to the brilliantly blue sky.

Octavio saw Rodolfo at the fringe of the crowd. His face was glum, but there was satisfaction stamped on its expression. It had been his desire that Alejandra marry Octavio, and that wish was now fulfilled. When he had approached Octavio with the idea of matrimony two years before, he pulled Alejandra out of school and saw to it that she was given Ana's job at the shoe factory.

Rodolfo returned Octavio's glances; his eyes told him that everything was as it should be and that together with Alejandra he would build for the future with sons. Octavio looked at Alejandra and saw that she looked not only radiantly happy, but victorious as well. When she returned her husband's smile, her eyes told him that she thought she was the winner and that her sister Ana had lost. Octavio understood, and smiled in return.

As the wedding party rode back home in Reyes Soto's car, Octavio thought of the past two years. He and Alejandra had saved every penny so that they could be married in a ceremony such as this one. Together they had worked extra hours, sometimes even on Sundays, so that on this day she could wear the dress of her choice and he the suit of an elegant young man. The money they had put away, however, covered only the cost of their outfits and a reception to be held in Reyes Soto's garage. But it didn't matter to either of them that they would have to continue living with Rodolfo and the rest of the children because they couldn't afford a place of their own after these expenses. Neither did it seem important to Alejandra and Octavio that they would have to return to work the following Monday so that they could settle their unpaid debts.

Octavio sat back in the seat thinking that the bills didn't matter. What was important was that he had Alejandra and that he had followed her father's advice. “It's good for a young man to lay with a woman before marrying, because then he brings that experience to his wife and performs better as a man.”

On the other hand, Rodolfo harped when telling Octavio that under no circumstance should he marry a woman who was not a virgin. “If you marry such a woman, it is the same as eating another man's leftovers. Would you be content with garbage on your table, Octavio?”

These words were so engraved on Octavio that he once put Alejandra to the test. He invited her up to the hill to watch the sunset, and there he asked her to be intimate with him, but she shrank back shocked, insulted even. He ignored her reaction and reached under her skirt aiming to insert his fingers under her panties. Alejandra had been caught unaware. But she jerked away from him. She ran home alone, and didn't speak to him for several days until he apologized and swore never to do that again before getting married.

Octavio kept his promise. He, nevertheless, asked her again to come to the hill several times, but she declined each time. He liked this in Alejandra because he felt challenged and more desirous of her. He also remembered Ana, and the ease with which she used to take off her clothes and the abandon with which she gave herself to him. Whenever he was assaulted by feelings of remorse for what he had done to her, he told himself that she was not the type of woman meant to be a wife to anybody, that she was too easy; cheap even.

When the car drove onto the dirt driveway of the Soto house, it had been preceded by all the guests who were waiting for the bride and groom. Octavio and Alejandra got out of the car and glided through the crowd to the open garage as they were showered with shouts of
“¡Viva el novio! ¡Viva la novia!”
The place was decorated with satin streamers and large white cardboard bells, and to one side was a table already laden with gaily wrapped gifts.

As the newlyweds walked along smiling, shaking hands, and exchanging embraces, the guests pelted them with rice and confetti. A trio of guitar players crooned
boleros
, and soon there was dancing and drinking of wine amid shouts of
“¡Qué linda boda!” A
big cheer went up when the three-tiered cake was cut.

After a while, Octavio took Alejandra by the hand and together they crossed the street to the Calderón house and went into the bedroom that had now been set aside for their
use. Without speaking, Octavio took off his clothes; Alejandra did the same thing. When she laid down on the bed, she was so still that he looked at her face to make sure she was awake. When he got onto the bed, he stayed on his back beside her for a few moments, then he rolled over on top of her and with one of his legs he spread hers apart. When he pressed himself into her, he felt her body shiver and he heard her moan. When it was over, he toppled back onto his back. His body still throbbing and agitated, Octavio felt an enormous relief because now he was certain that Alejandra had been a virgin.

I lived and worked with the Bast family after the birth of Ismael, and we became a family. Franklin loved my son, showering him with affectionate words and sounds. He often took Ismael in his arms, carrying him around the kitchen and outside when the weather was fine. Amy, initially surprised at her husband, often told me that she never dreamed that Franklin was capable of expressing so much warmth. She also loved Ismael, and she showed her affection for him by knitting him booties and sweaters. I know now that I grew to love Amy and Franklin as I had never loved anyone in my own family.

During the first months after his birth, Ismael was left indoors and cared for in rotating shifts by the three adults; one stayed with the boy while the other two went out to work. When he began to walk on his own, the pattern changed because now Ismael was allowed to accompany one of the three people as they went about working.

This pattern worked well until the day of their first argument. Franklin wanted to take Ismael along to keep him company while he counted sacks of feed, but Amy said that it was her turn to take the boy. Ana, under the impression that it was her day, protested. The conversation escalated to a near fight until Franklin, waving his arms in the air, came up
with the solution.

“Let's be calm about this matter. I think that we can sit at the kitchen table and work out a schedule.”

“Schedule! What are you talking about, Franklin? We don't need any such thing!” Amy showed her irritation at not being able to take Ismael with her on that day.

Ana broke in on Amy, “I agree with Franklin. Here's a calendar so we can write in the day each of us takes Ismael. All we have to do is follow the schedule.”

“Oh, all right! All right! Have it your way, but we all know who the boy really wants to be with, don't we?”

They agreed to follow the schedule. So it was that Ismael went along with each of them, learning the different chores of an egg ranch before he was able to speak.