The Mammoth Book of Tasteless Jokes (133 page)

Upon hearing the news of Michael Jackson’s death, mourning fans released several white doves in his honour. Actually they were blackbirds, but with a rare skin condition.

What was so unusual about Michael Jackson hanging his youngest child off the balcony? Because usually he tossed them off.

Only in America can someone be born a good-looking black kid, and die an ugly white woman.

What do you call a three-foot-tall black person?

A Yardie.

Why should you never take the piss out of a retarded midget?

Because it’s not big and it’s not clever.

This morning on the way to work I drove into the back of a car at some traffc lights whilst not really paying attention.

When the driver got out, I saw that he was a dwarf.

He said, “I’m not happy . . .”

I replied, “Okay, so which one are you then?”

Did you hear about the gay midget?

It took him a lot of courage, but he finally came out of the cupboard.

What do you get if you leave a midget in the sun too long? A red dwarf.

A dwarf walked in to a bar. The barman said “Oi, short arse, where are the other six?”

The dwarf replied, “Fuck off, you cunt, I’m off.”

He must have been Grumpy.

Two dwarfs walk into a mini-bar.

A female midget goes to the doctor’s. “Doctor, every time it rains, my vagina gets sore.”

The doctor replies: “Hmm, that’s a strange one. Well, tell you what, come back and see me when it’s raining and I’ll take a look.”

A couple of days later it’s pouring down and she goes back to the doctor’s. “Right,” he says. “Hop on to the bed and I’ll take a look at you.” So she gets on the bed and the doctor examines her. He then takes his scalpel and says “Ok, I just need to do a couple of cuts here and there.” Then he tells her to stand up and asks; “How’s that?”

“Much better, doctor! What did you do?”

“I just took a couple of inches off the top of your wellies.”