The Mammoth Book of Tasteless Jokes (111 page)

She kick-starts her vibrator and rolls her own tampons.

What’s the worst thing about catching your wife in bed with another woman?

Who’s in the kitchen?

What do you call a lesbian with fat fngers?

Well hung.

If homosexuals come out of the closet, do lesbians come out of the pantry?

How many children with Attention Defcit Disorder does it take to change a light bulb? Want to play on my Nintendo?

How many paranoiacs does it take to change a light bulb? Who wants to know?

How many Jehovah’s Witnesses does it take to change a light bulb?

Three – one to change the bulb and turn it on, the other two bastards to knock on your door and ask if you’ve seen the light.

How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two – the diffcult bit is getting them in the light bulb in the frst place.

How many homosexuals does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it takes the entire A&E department to remove it.

How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?

Two – one to change the light bulb and the other to suck my cock.

How many sex therapists does it take to change a light bulb?

Two – one to screw it in and one to tell him he’s screwing it in the wrong way.

How many Scousers does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them - one to change the light bulb, the rest of them to have a funeral for the old light bulb and all sign a book of condolences for it.

How many Afghans does it take to screw in a light bulb?