The Mall (Evenstad Media Presents Book 2) (10 page)

JOURNAL 12IMRAN

ENTRY 004

DATE: 1/27/2075

I've tried to deny the truth for some time now. I wanted to
keep myself safe and was willing to go without food, if necessary. But it's
catching up to me. Pain wracks my body, and it never truly recedes, only dulls
long enough for me to sleep an hour or two. But it always intensifies again,
and it's only getting worse.

I need to take the risk, now. I might die if I leave this shop.
But I will die for certain if I don't. Not soon, perhaps. But soon enough. I
just need to go up the stairs and to the food court. Not much travel time to
get shot. But even if I do, a death from a bullet is preferable to slow
starvation. At least, I think it is. I've never experienced either. If the
starvation is anything like this pain, though, I can definitely say I'd rather
have the bullet.

ENTRY END

JOURNAL 11KIM

ENTRY 004

DATE: 1/27/2075

That old guy in the toy store across the hall left his shop.
Other than when he pulled that lady's body in, I haven't seen him leave once.
Kind of curious about what he's doing. The guards saw him, and I think he may
have gotten hurt. I thought I saw him limping, anyway. Which just fucking
sucks. This kind of thing shouldn't happen.

But I can't let myself focus on it, or let myself focus on
anything extra, really. I'm not doing very well, getting Bill on my side. Lots
of sex, lots of blow jobs, but he's not bending the way I want him to. Bending
mentally, I mean. That sounded bad. If this wasn't so fucked up, that'd be the
kind of journal entry I'd look at in a few months and giggle at.

But it is fucked up, and I physically can't do what I need
to do. That's why I want Bill to play his part. No, fuck that. I need him to
play his part if I’m going to have any chance of not totally dying. No matter
what I do, though, he's still distant. I have to beg him for sex, which isn't
right. He's supposed to beg me, God damn it.

I guess I need to change tactics… I just don't know what
else I can do for him, is the problem. Other than sex, I don't have much to
offer, unless he wants to kill me and eat me. So nothing that serves my
purposes. But I need to figure something out. If he decides to leave, I'll die.
Plain and simple, I'll die because I guarantee nobody else is about to come
along to take care of me. He still brings food down and still shares it, even
if he isn't doing anything else I want. Which I guess is something. But I don't
feel in control. I feel dependent. And if I'm dependent on him, that puts me in
the weak position, which isn't any fucking better than when I started, really.
It might even be worse, since I have someone right there I have to contend
with. If he decides at some point that I’m not worth the trouble, I’m done for.

ENTRY END

TO: Niels Evenstad

FROM: Edward Andel

SUBJECT: Server Recovery

SENT 1/28/2075 AT 11:27 a.m. EST

Just a quick update. The servers are up and running, and the
update is nearly complete. The techs say that all the backdoors they could find
are closed up, now, so we should be safe. We’ll have to wait and see to be
certain.

I'm sorry it took so long, but I thought it best that
everything be as thorough as possible so we avoid this happening again.

Unfortunately, they can't figure out where the hacking
originated. They explained it to me, but I'm not exactly tech-minded. They
think it was an inside job, but couldn't tell me anything more than that. All
those messages should be in your email, if you'd like to go through the records
yourself, but the general consensus was that the hacker was good enough to not
leave any real traces behind. They’re only guessing it came from the company
because of how far they made it into the system All of that is in the records
that got sent to you, too.

At any rate, Live and Breathe should be up and running
tonight or tomorrow morning, as long as nothing else goes wrong.

JOURNAL 10ALEXA

ENTRY 006

DATE: 1/28/2075

I gave up on the books. I still read some of the fiction, on
and off, but the self-defense books and survival books all turned into nothing
but noise. I read too many of them. A little sunk in, which I suppose is more
than I could really ask for, given the circumstances. But in general, I've
moved on to something more philosophical. I find myself ruminating on human
nature as I sit here. I can't imagine that everyone in the world is evil. That
doesn't make sense to me, and it doesn't fit with the facts I know to be true.
Keep out the fact that I consider myself a good person. I assume most people
do, even those who aren't. After all, serial killers can justify their own
actions. But I've met good people, people I can't accept are evil. That’s proof
enough that there’s good in the world.

So somewhere out there in the mall, there are good people.
People who don't have any interest in killing. I was operating under the
assumption that they would all be killers, somehow. Now that I see it, of
course, it makes absolutely no sense, but I guess it's a survival mechanism.
Assume the worst to keep yourself safe. But knowing that there are probably
people out there just as scared and just as disgusted as me helps. It sounds
kind of bad, like that, but it makes them more human. And it gives me something
to think about. I see people out there, walking around or just in their shops.
I used to hide and wait for them to turn and kill me. But now, while I still
hide, I feel less hopeless. And I can try to imagine what kind of people they
must be. I'll likely never find out for myself, but it's much nicer to think
about that than it is to constantly worry about death.

ENTRY END

JOURNAL 06TESS

ENTRY 006

DATE: 1/29/2075

It's been sort of quiet, lately. Which is better in my book
than all the gunshots and stuff. I can't put it from my mind, so to speak, but
I can at least relax a little bit. I've been stretching my food out to make it
last. I guess I can call it a diet, if I make it out of here.

But let's be honest, now. It's just me and God here seeing
this. And probably the TV company, but I don't want to think about that either.
Anyway, in honesty, I won't make it out of here alive. I accepted that from the
very beginning. I'm not cut out for anything like this. I don't know if anyone
would be. Maybe a cop or a soldier, but I'm not sure even then. This isn’t
something you can try to get ready for, even if you were given a chance, and as
far as I know, nobody was given that chance. I damn sure wasn’t.

At night, when I sleep, I still have nightmares where
someone finally comes in. It'll happen eventually, I'm sure of that much. I
don't want it to necessarily happen now, but the waiting is so bad. If I could
just know when I'd die, how many days or hours I have left, I think I could
relax a little more. It’s horribly morbid, but I do think I would like that
over what I’ve got now. Nothing but fear.

ENTRY END

JOURNAL 05EVAN

ENTRY 005

DATE: 1/29/2075

Things have gotten better. Not necessarily with the situation
I'm in, but with me on a personal level. I feel as though things have improved
inside of me, now that I've accepted reality the way it is. Now that I'm no
longer fighting against the incessant cruelty present in the universe, I feel
lighter. I can't remember feeling this good in years, in fact. Decades, perhaps.
So long. Maybe in college. And I don’t want it to stop. So far it hasn't. I
haven't really done anything yet, haven't played advocate for the new truth
I've taken upon myself. I'd imagine that it would be even better. Not that I
relish murdering, or even injuring someone. I'm still myself, and it's not
something I necessarily want to make a habit of. But I can't help but wonder
how it would feel to really be in line with the world, to actively participate
in the bad things that happen to people, at least that one time. Would it feel
even better than this? I can’t exactly imagine better, but if it’s a
possibility, it’s certainly not one I turn up my nose at.

ENTRY END

TO: Edward Andel

FROM: Niels Evenstad

SUBJECT: Results

SENT 1/31/2075 AT 8:06 a.m. EST

Edward,

I thought you should know how well you did on the update for
Live and Breathe. It's only day three since the new additions, but responses
are overwhelmingly positive, and subscriptions have gone up twenty-five percent
from this time last year. Since a shutdown like we had normally loses
subscribers, it's fantastic. I haven't had the chance yet to look at it
personally, but I don't need to see it to understand how well you led this
project. It lets me know for sure that I made the right choice. I had
reservations, obviously, and I won’t say that they’re all assuaged by this. It
certainly lets me relax a bit, however.

Niels Evenstad,

Chief Operating Officer, Evenstad Media

JOURNAL 03BILL

ENTRY 005

DATE: 1/31/2075

I think I might end up going on the move sooner than I
thought. The only reason I technically wanted to come here with Kim is that he
could be gun fodder, when the time came. And because his shop was much closer
than mine to the main source of food. Those two things still apply, but I
didn't fully look at everything. I was in too much of a rush, I guess. But I
can see it all much more objectively, now. Other than a possible target for the
guards, should I need one, and mediocre sex, which I can get along without very
easily, he brings nothing of value. In fact, I consider him something of a
draw. In order to keep him here for what value he does bring, I have to get
food for him when I go to get it for myself. And of course he never comes with
me, or ever goes to get anything on his own. The food's limited. It said so in
the letter I had at the beginning of this whole ordeal. So having him eating
off my supply is only going to take it away faster.

I haven't made any decisions, yet, but if he doesn't start
showing me something worth a little more, I may well end the whole thing
between us. Cut my losses and move on.

ENTRY END

JOURNAL 08QUINN

ENTRY 007

DATE: 1/31/2075

I never could have imagined what I'd find here would be so
good. It was well worth the effort it took to get past all the guards. I've
found the security room for the mall, and all the cameras are still up and
running. I don't think for a second these are all the cameras Evenstad put up
in here. These don't even cover everything, and I’m sure they want a lot better
angles than these for TV. But it's much better than trying to watch from the
hunting supply up on the second floor. Even though I got pretty beaten up
getting in here, I don't regret it at all. It wasn't anything major. A lot of
bruises and some shallow bullet wounds. Just got grazed. I managed to close
them all up pretty quick.

The cameras even show me what's happening in the shops. I
found out who I've been helping out. She's a little thing, and she basically
just sits in one spot. Unfortunately, I won't be able to help her out with food
so much, staying holed up in here. I don't want to lose this place to anyone
else, but if things get too bad for her, I might be able to slip away. I think
I'd have to. Now that I've seen her face, I feel even more responsible for her
well-being. But I guess that's a pretty normal reaction. Proof that she’s
human, not that I doubted it.

And, in case the room wasn't enough, I got guns from the
robots I killed. Deactivated. Whatever. Most of the bullets were spent when I
got them, but I loaded what was left into one of the magazines. It's about
three-quarters full, so I need to be careful when I use it, but it's better
than just knives and a bow that I can't shoot worth a shit. I didn't even
bother taking that with me, when I left. Let someone else have it, now, give
them a fighting chance. I'll be able to see who it is from here, anyway. If I
think they're too big a threat… well, now I have a gun.

ENTRY END

JOURNAL 05EVAN

ENTRY 006

DATE: 2/1/2075

It took me a bit to figure out what to do, but I came up
with a plan. I can finally commit to being what I need to be and, hopefully,
not get squeamish. There's a bookstore on the second floor, and whoever's in
there blocked off most of the doorway with a bookshelf. Which is going to make
it hard to escape.

I don’t know how well this is going to work, but I figure
paper burns pretty easily. I've got one of those camping stove propane tanks,
and a fire-starter packet, like you take camping. Open the propane and toss it
in, then light the store up. When the flames hit the propane, I don't think
there'll be any way for whoever's inside to get out. Either the smoke or the
fire will get to them. I'll still stay close, in case I see anyone come out.
I'm hoping it doesn't come to that. I want it to be impersonal, at least this
time. It'll make it easier on me. But I guess, if I have to, I'll do what needs
doing. I won’t have a choice, if they see me and figure out I just tried to
kill them. I picked up a good hunting knife in that shop, just in case.

ENTRY END

JOURNAL 08QUINN

ENTRY 008

DATE: 2/1/2075

I can't do anything about what’s happening outside my room.
At least, I haven't been able to so far. I saw that guy start the fire in the
bookstore. I saw the exact moment the woman inside noticed something was wrong.
By then, it was too late. The flames got to the propane and the whole place
went up. Floor, walls, books, all of it. The fire alarms went off, and the
sprinklers turned on, so the damage was kind of contained. Nothing came on soon
enough to save her, though. Shit, it wasn't even the fire or the smoke that got
her. It was panic. She tripped trying to get out and fell on the edge of the
bookcase there in front of the door. The corner jabbed right into her neck and
cut straight through the side. It wasn't dramatic or anything like that. It
just happened, and it was over. She burned a while before the sprinklers put
her out, but I doubt she was alive to feel it. I'd like to think that, anyway.
A wound like that should have killed her quick, but there's a chance it didn't.
She didn't move after she fell, which gives me hope that her death might not
have dragged on.

Someone ran out of the shop underneath the bookstore and
headed straight for the nearest door. I had to keep myself from running to stop
him. I wouldn't have gotten there in time to save his life. Would have put
myself at risk for nothing. If he makes it through those doors, he's just going
to get shot. I can’t entirely blame him. The floor of the bookstore was falling
through, and he probably would have died of smoke inhalation if he stuck around.
Or gotten knocked out by something. Natural instinct is to go outside and get
away from the fire. I just hope he realized his mistake before he got dead. I
didn't want to watch that death, too, so I wrote the journal. I guess I'll find
out if he got away when I'm done. Thankfully, there's no sound on the security
footage. God, I hope he survived.

If that one dies, that means the guy who lit the shop on
fire to begin with murdered two people. I can't let that stand. I'll have to
find him, when the time comes. People like him are the reason I became a
soldier to begin with, and I wouldn't feel right if I let someone that evil
just walk away without consequences. If he doesn't get stopped, he'll probably
just continue his murdering. I don’t care if it’s the point of this stupid
game. I can't abide by that, and I won't abide by that.

ENTRY END