The Making of Matt (3 page)

“You’re really getting the hang of this,” I joked, smiling so wide my jaw ached.

“I think the copious amounts of alcohol we’ve consumed helps.”

“I’ve had fun tonight,” I admitted. “It’s like old times. We’ve been pissing each other off a lot lately.”

“
I’ve
been pissing
you
off you mean. I seem to be able to make you lose your shit just by saying hello. What’s the deal with that, huh?”

I was drunk, but not drunk enough to stop me feeling suddenly uncomfortable. Shifting in my seat, I sighed before taking a swig of courage from my bottle of beer.

“Remember at the wedding, when you said you wanted to change? What happened?”

“I’m exactly the same as when we met. That not good enough for you anymore?” Matt chuckled. As usual refusing to take anything seriously. “What do you care if my life has no purpose?”

“Because I
do
care!” I snapped, straightening my back. “I care about
you!
I don’t want you to get old and die full of regrets. The only time you leave the house is to get wasted or laid. Don’t you want more from life?”

“I
had
more. I’m never gonna recreate what I had in the band.”

“That’s bullshit. You’ve got so much money you could use it as toilet paper. You’ve no ties or commitments. You’re in a perfect position to do anything you want with your life. It just seems like such a waste.”

“Wow. This really bothers you doesn’t it?” he said, his mischievous grin turning serious.

“Like I said, I care, that’s all. I want you to be happy and the one night stands won’t last forever. Neither will your liver.”

“Okay. Let’s do it.”

“Do what?” I asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Find me something to do with my life.” If I scrutinized his face close enough I could almost see the cogs whirring in his mind, forcing his forehead to crease. “So, Kip owns a recording studio, Daz is writing music, Gavin’s buying a freakin’ ranch and Sawyer’s in porn.”

“Any of those interest you?”

“Seeing how porn is actually made totally ruined it for me so that’s out.” Laughing, I almost choked to death on my mouthful of beer. “Being back in the music industry seems like a step back. I think it’d make me miss being in the band even more. So that leaves buying a ranch, and horses scare the shit outta me.”

“
Scare
you?”

“They’re like dogs but fucking
huge.
I don’t trust anything alive that’s so much bigger than me.”

I swear only Matthew Carter could see the similarities between a horse and a dog.

“Okay, what else are you good at? Apart from music, fucking and ridiculous statements.”

He opened his mouth to speak but his words caught in his breath when he realized I’d insulted him. I half smiled, content with how easy it was to poke fun at him.

“Drinking.”

“So open a bar? Or a club.”

“Yeah, right. Wait… I could do that. I know shit about running one but I’d just hire someone to take care of all the complicated stuff, right? I could just stand behind the counter luring in the girls.”

Shaking my head, I replied, “No, Matt. That’s pretty much the same as what you do now. This is about
change
, remember?”

“Then I guess owning a bar is out.”

“I’m not saying you shouldn’t buy a bar, but the point is you should
learn
to run it. I could teach you. I’ve worked enough bars to know how they run. Even managed a couple. Make it your goal to turn it into a success, don’t just pay someone else to do it for you.”

“I dunno, man. I might just fuck it up.”

“Then you’ll have lost a couple of rolls of toilet paper.” I winked.

“You know what? I’m gonna fucking do it. I’m gonna buy a bar and turn it into the biggest and best goddamn bar this country has ever seen!”

Smiling, I felt pride swell in my chest. I quickly searched my memories before deciding this was the first time I’d ever seen such a look of pure excitement on his face. I just hoped the enthusiasm remained after the alcohol had passed, and that he’d even remember this conversation in the morning.

“To the biggest and best goddamn bar this country has ever seen!” I stretched out my arm, holding my bottle of beer out to clink against his. “Cheers.”

Jerking his neck back and appearing almost bewildered by his decision, Matt grinned. Like
really
fucking grinned. The most captivating smile I’d ever seen. Then he flopped backwards onto the couch, his glass bottle dropping to the floor as he passed out cold.

“G’night, buddy,” I whispered, before reclining my seat and following him into sleep.

~Matt~

A
clatter startled me awake the next morning. I was certain it was the sound of a gigantic truck crashing into my condo, but upon jumping into a sitting position I was surprised to see it was just my mom emptying the dishwasher.

“Morning, boys,” she said after hearing me grumble.

“What time is it?” Alex piped up, rubbing at his eyes with his knuckles.

“Almost two,” my mom replied. “At one point I held my compact over your mouths just to check you were breathing.”

“I need coffee.” My whole body creaked in protest as I stretched my arms above my head. When my mom’s gaze landed on mine I flashed her my best puppy eyes, smiling when she reached into a cupboard and picked out two cups. “Love you, Mom.”

Alex narrowed his eyes, silently chastising me. “Let me help you with that, Mrs. Carter.”

Noticing I still had my shoes on, I kicked them off and flexed my toes. Even
they
hurt.
How much did I actually drink last night?
The daylight hitting my pupils felt like someone gouging my eyes out with a rusty spoon, so I closed them while I waited for my coffee fix. Every so often I would smile at the conversation occurring in the kitchen area. I couldn’t hear most of it, and what I did was just random shit about the latest episode of Grey’s Anatomy, but I just loved how well my mom and Alex got along. He made her laugh, whereas I tended to piss her off most of the time.

“He tell you I’m buying a bar?” I asked my mom as she perched the tray of coffees on the glass table in front of me.

“A bar of what?”

“An actual bar, Mom. You know, one that serves alcohol.”

“I’m just teasing you, honey. Yes, Alex told me all about it just now. It will be good for you. Give you something to focus on apart from vodka and hussies.”

I thought about objecting but soon realized she was absolutely right. He didn’t say as much, but I think Alex was quite impressed that I remembered our conversation, and that I was still on board. He had to work early today and said he was going to talk to his boss, who was apparently some kind of legend in the club and entertainment industry, about upcoming opportunities. He headed upstairs to get ready for the day after downing his coffee in record time. That’s when my mom told me my cousin Ashley was moving back to LA.

As kids, Ashley and I were inseparable. We went to the same school, hung out with the same friends, and she was also responsible for turning me from geek to god when I hit puberty. If it weren’t for Ashley, I’d probably still be wearing beige slacks and striped polos. But then we grew up. I went on to tour the world with Souls of the Knight and she went on to marry a fucktard called Adam who stopped her wearing skirts above the ankle and managed to fit a quote from the Bible into nearly every freakin’ sentence.

“I’ll never understand why she married him.” He was a moron. “She’s worth so much more.”

“She loves him,” my mom said, shrugging. My Aunt Carol, Ashley’s mom, died when we were fourteen and her dad disappeared before she was born, and so my mom had always been very protective of her. “And I’m sure he loves her too. He has his beliefs and it’s not for us to judge, Matthew.”

“He’s still a jackass,” I muttered under my breath.

“I need to head off,” she said, pretending she hadn’t heard me. I knew she had, however, because of the disapproving scowl on her face. Once it’d softened into a smile, she took both of my hands in hers, like she used to do when I was a boy. “It’s good to see you finally moving on from the band,” she said, her voice sweet and motherly as she squeezed my hands a little tighter. “To see you settling down. Maybe love will follow next, huh? Grandbabies?”

“Whoa, slow down, Mom,” I said, palpitations suddenly clogging my throat. “I’m not sure love will ever be on the cards for me, anyway. When you look at all the women I’ve had…”

“Um, do I need to hear this?” she interrupted, dropping my hands and scrunching up her nose.

“What I mean is, I didn’t feel a connection to a single one of ‘em. Statistically, surely one of them should’ve made a dent in my heart. Unless you count Belle, but looking back I think she affected my di…Wait, you definitely
don’t
need to hear that.”

“There’s someone out there for everyone, Matthew.”

“
You’re
single.”

“Mine was your father. No one has been, or will ever be, able to take his place. I wish he’d lived long enough for you to remember him.” She sighed dolefully and so did I. Cancer stole my dad from us when I was eighteen months old. It was hard growing up without him, emotionally
and
financially, and from being ten years old I was determined to grow up and be successful enough to take care of my mom. I never could’ve dreamed I’d be
so
successful, but I was able to ensure whatever worries my mom might’ve had, money would never be one of them again.

“How did you know?” I asked, curiosity forcing my eyebrows together. “That Dad was ‘the one?’”

I thought back to Elle and Kip’s wedding, remembering how lonely I felt. Just because I believed I’d never find that kind of bond with someone, didn’t mean it wasn’t something I craved.

“Oh, honey, when you find it, you just…
know
.”

“But how? I mean I thought I loved Belle, and look how that turned out.”

“When something happens in your day,” she began, tilting her head as she appeared to reminisce. “Big or small, good or bad, they’re the person you can’t wait to tell. They’re the person you can sit in silence with for hours without feeling uncomfortable. The person
you
can insult but would defend to the ends of the earth if anyone else dared to try. When you see them, hear from them, or even just think about them, they’ll make your heart smile. That’s how you know.”

“Hearts can smile?” I questioned, raising the tone of my voice just enough to sound sarcastic. It earned me a swat to the top of my arm.

“Mock all you like, but believe me, when you feel it, and you
will
, you’ll remember this conversation and know I was right.”

I wasn’t convinced. I was nearing thirty. I’d slept with an immeasurable number of women. Hell, I’d even proposed to one. Yet I’d never felt any of the things she described. When I had news, Alex was the first person I thought to call.

You’re gonna end up a lonely old man with only your limp, wrinkly dick to keep you company.
“We’ll just have to wait and see, I guess.” I brushed her off, changing the subject to a discussion about my pool cleaner not showing up last week.

The topic continued to run silently in the back of mind, however. I hoped that one day I would understand what my mom meant. Sure, life was great
now
, despite being alone. I had Alex to keep me company, but what would I do when he found the person who made
his
heart smile? He was the only one of my friends left who hadn’t settled down, who didn’t have a life plan and a future to build with someone else. When he joined the love club too, I’d well and truly have no one.

Fuck.

I was making myself miserable so I literally shook the depressing thoughts from my head and carried on talking about the pool guy, deciding I would ask Sawyer for the number of the guy he and Jake used.

“I really do need to get going now, honey,” my mom said. I glanced down at my watch and realized I’d kept her behind for almost twenty minutes. “Gather the laundry from your bedroom before I go.”

“Thanks, Mom.” Grinning widely, I jumped up and pecked her on the cheek.

Just then, Alex appeared in fresh clothes, his hair still dripping from the shower. “You should make him wash his own clothes, Mrs. Carter. He needs to learn how to be a big boy.”

“Screw you,” I said, blowing out a chuckle. “Don’t you have work to get to?”

“I’m going, I’m going. I’ll call you if I hear about any bars or premises becoming available.”

Making my way toward the staircase, I fistbumped Alex. “Sure. Thanks, dude.”

Alex scurried over to my mom, pecked her cheek, and then headed out to his car while I went in search of laundry. I picked it up piece by piece before tossing it in the basket. It was the only way I could be sure no rogue panties found their way inside. Again.

Assuming my mom wouldn’t mind waiting around a little longer, I hopped in the shower before returning downstairs. When I started making my way down, armed with the laundry basket, it confused me to hear Alex’s voice coming from the games room.

“I thought he left,” I said to my mom, planting the basket by her feet.

“Car trouble. He’s on the phone with the garage.”

“I’ve told him a billion times to give up on that heap of junk. I’ve seen less rust on a…well on…on something really fucking rusty.”

I should just buy him a new fucking car.
And so today’s plan was born. I was going to buy Alex a new car. If I told him, he’d tell me not to, so instead I decided to just do it anyway and have it delivered to the club where he worked. I had nothing else to do with my day.

“Fucking Tuesday,” Alex grunted, making his way into the lounge and snapping his cell closed so hard he must’ve cracked the screen. “They can’t fit me in until fucking Tuesday!” Alex didn’t swear all that often, or even get angry, really. It was a side of him I wasn’t used to and I wanted to make it go away.

“Just take one of mine,” I offered. “Keys are in the safe. Take your pick.”

Sighing, he replied, “Thanks. I really appreciate it. Should only be for a week or two.”

“Dude, that car is in the garage more than it’s out. Think it’s time to say your goodbyes.”

“It’ll be fine.” I knew he was too proud to admit he couldn’t afford a new one, and that same pride would make him turn down my offer to pay for it instead. “Dammit. Now I’m late.” He raced upstairs, heading for the safe, and was back down and out the door with no more than a wave in under a minute.

What the hell’s eating him today?

My mom left soon after, and right away I called Sawyer to ask if I could borrow Neil. According to my mom there was an army of reporters outside my gates this morning that I couldn’t be bothered dealing with alone today. No doubt I was at the center of some bullshit sex or drugs scandal again. Some desperate chick selling her fuck ‘n’ tell. As suspected, Sawyer wouldn’t even take a shit without his bodyguard watching the door so I called Ryder instead, who agreed to come over in an hour.

Still feeling sorry for myself, I used that hour to pour some soluble aspirin down my throat and lie down on the couch.

I’m never drinking again.

**********

When someone punched the code into my gates, the various monitors dotted around the house pinged. It was almost one AM, and I suspected this particular ping would be Alex returning from his shift at the club, coming to thank me for the car. I walked over to the monitor and beamed at the new bright red Jag passing through my gates. Ryder and I both agreed it fitted Alex’s personality perfectly – cool, sophisticated and bold. Yet it still crossed my mind that he would refuse to sign for it. Clearly, he
did
accept it, and so I made my way back to my seat feeling rather happy with myself.

“What the fuck is this?” Alex held the keychain up in the air after storming into the house and kicking the door closed behind him.

“Um, is that a trick question?”

“I signed for a box. A
small
box. A box which I didn’t discover until the end of my shift contained a set of keys and a note telling me where my new Jag, which I didn’t order, was parked. So, this was you wasn’t it?”

“You needed a car.” I shrugged and it pissed him off, evident from the scowl on his face. “So I got you a car.”

“You can’t do shit like this, Matt! I can buy my own goddamn car!”

“If that were true you wouldn’t keep pouring your paycheck into the damn garage trying to repair that lump of rust you’ve been driving around since you were seventeen years old. Besides, I can afford it.”

Alex usually kept his dark hair pretty short, disguising the fact he had a natural wave. Recently, however, it’d grown out a little, and while he paced the room ranting into the air, I found myself watching one defiant curl bouncing up and down above his eyebrow with each stomp of his feet instead of actually listening to him.

“
Matt!
”

“Huh?” I blinked myself back into the room, realizing I hadn’t heard a single word.

“I said it doesn’t matter how much money you have. I’ve never taken a dime from you. I’ve always paid my way and I always will. I’m not friends with you because of your status, Matt, and if you think I am then-”

“If I thought that for a second I wouldn’t have done it,” I interrupted, cautiously stepping closer to him, but not close enough for his fist to reach my face. “I know a freeloader when I see one, Alex. I’ve met enough of them since I started in this business. You’re a good friend. My
best
friend. And believe me, buying you that car hurt my wallet about as much as if I’d bought you a pizza.”