The Making of Matt (2 page)

“So, what are we talking about?” Ryder asked, pulling up a stool and perching himself on the edge of it.

“Matt wants to find love,” Alex said, hiding his mocking smile behind his glass.

Ryder raised an eyebrow. “What’s wrong? Not been laid in two days?”

“Says the man with the most sociable butthole of the century.”

“Hey, not anymore,” Ryder said, laughing. “But seriously, you okay?”

“Sure. I’m just bored I guess. But Dr. Phil here is going to help me find my way apparently.”

“Not if you keep talking like that, asshole. I was trying to be nice.”

Before I could give Alex my comeback, a steady stream of people started bustling into the function room. Music started playing soon after – some mushy boy band shit that Elle liked. Seeing everyone coming toward the bar, I ordered four beers – all for myself – and made my way over to a table in the corner, ready to drink my sorry ass into oblivion.

**********

Picking up my spoon, I tapped it against my champagne glass to get everyone’s attention. We’d just finished a five course meal and, according to the movies, this was when people started giving speeches. I hadn’t been asked to give one, but naturally that didn’t stop me. As one of the most important guests there, I saw it as my duty to impart my wisdom on the happy couple.

“Ladies and gentlemen!” I began, standing from my chair. Elle put her head in her hands and Kip looked at me like he wanted to kill me.
Do they have no faith in me whatsoever?
“Okay, I’ll keep this short because I know Kip is dying to get his new bride upstairs so he can bang her into next week.”

“Jesus, Matt,” I thought I heard Alex mutter beside me. I ignored him…and the handful of gasps too.

“People often ask if Kip is like a brother to me. I actually see myself more like a father to him. I mean I’ve seen him sucking on nipples, stagger around the place naked, and helped him undress after cleaning up his vomit. But regardless of that, I fucking love this man right here,” I continued, pointing to Kip. “I went straight from school into one of the biggest bands in the fucking world. Life was crazy, and I wouldn’t have been able to get through it without Kip and the rest of the guys. They’re my family.” I turned to Kip. “
You’re
my family, man. And so is Elle.”

I glanced toward her. “Elle, Kip is one lucky bastard to have snared you. You’re fucking beautiful, inside and out. If I’m honest I’m kinda surprised you didn’t choose me. I can make women scream way louder than he does.”

“Okay, thank you, Matt,” Alex said, tugging on my elbow.

“Hey, I’m not finished!” He rolled his eyes at me but I carried on. “Anyway I guess all I wanted to say is, congratulations, you guys. May you live a long, happy life together, filled with good sex and laughter.” Raising my glass, I sang, “To Kip and Elle!”

People clapped before raising their glasses, repeating my toast.
See? They liked it,
I thought while snickering at Alex. Sawyer gave a speech next which personally I thought was way less entertaining than my own. Kip’s dad followed, then Gavin, and finally Kip said a few words of his own while not once taking his eyes off Elle. It was mushy as fuck but again it panged in my chest. When we moved back into the ballroom for the party I found myself watching all my band mates and their respective partners.

It didn’t seem so long ago we were all on the road together, making music, getting wasted and sleeping with different women every single night. Yet now here they were, in love. Settled. Starting a new chapter in life. Whereas me, I was still trying to relive that same old chapter, only now the pages were starting to blur.

“Hey,” Dana, Darren’s wife, said while nudging my shoulder. I was sitting in the corner watching everyone dance and celebrate. “Could you take Rosie while I go to the bathroom? I can’t find Darren anywhere.” It was great catching up with Daz and Gavin. We didn’t get to spend much time together since the band split with them living in different corners of the country.

“Um…”

“She’s two months old, Matt. She won’t hurt you.”

“Uh, sure, okay,” I said, reaching out uncertainly to take the baby. As I took baby Rosie in my arms I decided to consider myself lucky she didn’t ask me to watch Poppy, their older daughter, instead. Poppy could walk, so at least Rosie couldn’t escape on me.

When Dana disappeared I continued to hold Rosie with outstretched arms and I just stared at her, wondering what the fuck I was supposed to do with it.

“Um, hey, little girl.” I smiled awkwardly as I spoke and then I felt her tiny body vibrating in my hands. “Oh shit. No, no, shhh. Don’t cry.”
Fuck.
Not knowing what else to do, I started singing
Always
by Bon Jovi to her. I don’t think she liked it, given that I was barely into the chorus when she started screaming so loud I thought her bright red face was going to burst.

“You okay?”

“Alex, thank
fuck.
Help me! It won’t shut up. I think I broke it.”

Alex sat down beside me and scooped Rosie into his arms. He brought her into his chest, cradling her like he actually knew what he was doing. “There we go,” he whispered, rocking her gently from side to side. Amazingly, she stopped crying. “Were you giving your Uncle Matt trouble, huh, princess?”

“Okay. How the fuck did you do that?”

“You were dangling her in the air. She was probably terrified,” Alex said, smiling down at Rosie.

“Well Dana didn’t tell me I needed to hold her like that,” I protested, picking up my empty glass from the table. “I need a refill. Want one?”

“No thanks.”

Shrugging, I stood up and made my way to the bar. I planned to stay there for the rest of the night.

**********

“Matt?”

I heard my name but convinced myself it was part of the dream I was having.

“
Matt?
” My shoulders being shaken was harder to ignore. Peeling my eyes open, I saw Alex hovering over me. “Come on, buddy. Time to go.”

“Ugh,” I grumbled, squinting. I glanced around the room to see I was lying in a crumpled heap on the edge of the dance floor. Apart from a couple of mumbling old ladies, we were the only ones left. “What time is it?”

“One AM. You passed out about an hour ago, just before you and the guys were due to close the show.”

“Oh shit.”
The guys and I were supposed to be singing the final song.
“Is Elle mad?”

“No. I don’t think she even noticed the rest of them on stage. Too busy staring at Kip. You ready to get up?”

The room swirled around me. “No.”

“Tough. Come on.”

Alex lowered his arm toward me and I grabbed on to his wrist, using his strength to help me pull myself up.

“Whoa…Dude, I think I’m gonna hurl.”

“Oh for God’s sake,” he muttered, pulling on my arm. “Hold it in till we reach the bathroom.”

He pulled me through the double doors and led me along the corridor to the bathroom. I started retching and with one hand on my back he shoved me forward toward the toilet where I spilled what seemed like my body weight in alcohol.

“I don’t think I’m gonna make it back to our hotel. Can you try and make a reservation here for the night?” I asked, doubled over with my hands on my knees.

“Already done. Seventh floor.”

“Not the top?”

“Sawyer and Jake have the entire top floor.”

“
Bastards.
”

“I’m afraid you’re not in a position to make demands tonight. Besides, you’ll be asleep in seconds. You won’t even notice the room. Here.”

I glanced up to see Alex holding out a wet paper towel for me. I straightened up and took it from him, patting down my face and neck.

“I’m getting too old for this shit.”

“Stop feeling sorry for yourself. You ready to walk to your room?”

“
My
room? Where are you staying?”

“They only had a double left. I’ll crash on the floor or something.”

“Oh fuck…” Turning sharply, I started heaving once again into the toilet. When I’d finished Alex handed me a fresh towel and I wiped myself down. “We need to go now or I’ll be here for the night.”

It seemed to take hours to get to our room. The end of the corridor seemed to move further away with each step I took. My head felt like it was trapped in a vice, tightening with every movement. Alex was right. I didn’t give a rat’s ass what kind of room I was staying in. When I walked through the door the only thing I could see was the plush red couch beneath the window. I thought I heard Alex mumble something along the lines of  “Bedroom’s through there,” but I was already curled up in the fetal position on the couch.

“G’night, buddy,” I said. I was asleep before he could reply.

~Alex~

G’night
, buddy.
I repeated the words in my mind. Matt
was
my buddy. My best friend. It amazed me how close we’d gotten in such a short space of time. It was an unlikely friendship. I mean, he was a freakin’ rock star. A womanizer. Or like his British band mates called him, a bit of a twat. Trouble is sometimes I couldn’t help thinking of him as
my
twat, and that scared me. He could never be
mine
and I knew that, but that didn’t mean I couldn’t dream. There were a thousand reasons it would never work. Relationships weren’t on the cards for either one of us. Oh, and of course the fact he was straight.

“You’re being ridiculous,” I whispered to myself when I found myself staring at him curled up on the couch.

After pulling off his shoes I draped a thick blanket over his body before heading to the shower where I washed away the day’s dirt and jerked away my inappropriate thoughts of my best friend. Feeling refreshed, I took myself into the bedroom, flopped down on the double bed and switched on the TV, watching reruns of The Walking Dead until I drifted to sleep.

**********

One month later…

“Shit, sorry,” I muttered before hurrying out of Matt’s room after finding him balls deep in a brunette. I had a key and access codes to his condo but really I should’ve learned my lesson about walking in unannounced by now. This was the fourth time in two weeks I’d walked in on him screwing some chick. At first it made my chest ache but now it just made me angry. At Kip and Elle’s wedding he wanted to change his life. Find some stability. A purpose. But since we got back he spent most of his nights wasted and his days curled up naked next to a different woman.

Why do you even care?
I asked myself that same question daily yet I still hadn’t come up with an answer. This was the Matt I became best friends with. He hadn’t changed so why did it suddenly matter? Maybe
I’d
changed. Maybe I was tired of watching him waste his life. Maybe I didn’t want to see him end up a lonely old man. I mean a day would surely come when his looks and fame faded and the fact he had money wouldn’t be enough of an incentive for anyone to stick around.

Or maybe it was because I was falling in….

No. Nuh-uh. Not going there.

“Sorry, man,” Matt said, pulling up his zipper as he came barreling down the spiral staircase after me.

“No need to finish on my account.” Grabbing my jacket off the back of the stool I left it on when I arrived, I hooked it onto my finger and tossed it over my shoulder, turning to leave.

“You’re pissed at me. Why you pissed at me?”

“I’m not pissed. I’m late. Gotta head into work early, that’s why I came, to tell you I can’t make tonight.”

“Uh, no problem. We’ll go out tomorrow instead.”

Matt was inches away from me, his toned and exposed chest making me want to drool and slap myself in equal measure. His blue eyes bored into mine as he stared at me like he was thinking ‘What the fuck is your problem?’ Well I didn’t know what my fucking problem was, only that I wanted to scratch my own eyes out because all I could see every time I blinked was Matt’s ass bobbing up and down on top of that girl.

“Wait, are you…are you
jealous?
” The bastard actually laughed at me.

“What the hell ever. I gotta go.”

Turning sharply, I left Matt’s condo, sprinting toward my car as fast as my legs would allow. I was in a vile mood. I didn’t particularly know why, or at least I wouldn’t admit the reason to myself, and that mood stayed with me, dragging me down like a boulder suspended from my neck, for the rest of the day.

***********

The next day I planned to cancel on Matt again, but then I forced myself to get over my childish sulk and headed to his place like we agreed. I wasn’t, however, in the mood for yet another night of partying, or to put it more factually, watching Matt get wasted and grope as many chicks who’d let him before taking one of them home and leaving me alone. So, I went to the store on my way and picked up ingredients to make us dinner instead.

“You went shopping?” Matt said, stating the obvious when he answered the door. “And why didn’t you use your key?”

“Because every time I do I’m usually interrupting something,” I said, stepping past him and walking through to the kitchen. I placed the grocery bags down on the side, smiling at the pristine granite surfaces. Like everything else in Matt’s kitchen, it had never been used for actual cooking. He lived off takeouts and reheated dinners made by his mom.

“So what’s with the groceries?” Matt asked, ignoring my jibe.

“I’m making us dinner. Thought we could just stay in for the night.”

“Sure. Got a headache anyway.”

“Do you need me to get you some pills?”

“Nah,” Matt said, shaking his head. “It’ll pass. So what are we having?” he asked, peeking curiously into the bags.

“Shredded beef and onion pie, mashed potatoes, veg and gravy. Ryder showed me how to make it once.”

“
Ryder?
Ryder can cook?”

“Apparently he wanted to be a chef once upon a time,” I said, setting out my ingredients on the counter.

“Chef. Porn star. Chef. Porn star. Nope, not seeing the similarities.”

After a minute’s silence, he leaned back on the counter, his arms folded over his chest, and looked at me with curiosity. He watched intently as I set to work on dinner, following me around the giant kitchen with his eyes and making a mixture of ‘hmm’ and ‘huh’ sounds. I even managed to get him to stir a couple of times, although, he looked like I’d just asked him to piss on a baby when I did.

“What did
you
want to be when you were younger? No kid dreams of working in a bar.”

I looked up to the ceiling, like it stored my answer. “When I was really young, like a lot of kids, I wanted to be a singer. But then I realized I couldn’t sing for crap.”

“I know,” Matt said, scoffing. “I’ve heard you.”

“Then I wanted to be a veterinarian. I loved animals. Still do. I worked real hard at school so I could get into college.”

“So what happened?”

I shrugged. “Life. I had a disagreement with my parents and decided to travel instead. I went from state to state. Worked in several coffee shops, a hardware store, a couple of pizza joints, and then ended up here when, as usual, I ran out of money. Only this time I stuck around.”

“Why?”

“The scenery,” I said, forcing a smile. I wasn’t prepared to share my reasons with Matt, or with anyone. I’d been through so much since I moved to this city, things that had changed me, changed the course of my future, and the only way I could stop them destroying me completely was to keep them locked away.

Matt snapped his neck back. “So they kicked you out? Your parents.”

“No. I left through my own stubbornness. My dad wanted me to join his business and I wanted to make my own way in life. Looking back, knowing what I know now about
real
problems, it was a stupid argument over nothing important.”

“
Real
problems? Sounds serious.”

“Can you pass me the jar of tomato sauce?” I asked, deliberately sidestepping his question. I felt at ease with Matt. Safe. Sometimes it made me reveal a little too much about myself and I needed to learn to control that.

“Umm…” Matt’s gaze scoured the kitchen surfaces until it landed on the sauce. He reached out for it, removed the lid and then grinned devilishly at me. “You mean this one?” He dipped his finger into the jar and then flicked a dollop of sauce right at my face.

“
Seriously?
” I wiped the sauce from my cheek on the back of my hand. “How old are you? Twelve?”

The fucker did it again.

Remaining completely calm, I turned to the side, opened the refrigerator and grabbed a carton of milk.

“You wouldn’t dare,” Matt said, gathering another blob of sauce on his finger and hovering it threateningly in front of me.

Without giving him a chance to get to me first, I lunged at Matt, chucking the entire contents of the carton into his face. 

“What the
fuck?
” Matt sucked in the breath he was holding before shaking himself off like a wet dog. “This is fucking war!”

I saw him coming at me with the full jar of sauce. I sidestepped him and ducked, and then ran for my life into the living room, jumping over the back of the couch. As I lifted my leg to climb over the coffee table I felt my foot being pulled. Half a second later I was flat on my back on the floor, Matt straddling me, and the jar of tomato sauce just inches from my face.

“Okay, okay,” I began. “Truce!”

“Say you’re sorry.”

“
You
started it!”

“Say it,” he repeated, milk dripping from his mousey-brown hair as he tipped the jar just slightly.

“Okay I’m sorry! Jesus!”

“I forgive you,” he said with a twisted smile. His weight lifted off my body and he stood up, one foot on either side of my waist, trapping me. “But you still deserve a punishment.”

“
Fucker!”
I yelled at the same time the full contents of the jar splattered across my face. Sitting up, I pulled my t-shirt off over my head, using it to wipe myself down. “I needed that to finish dinner! Asshole.”

“I think I’ve got some of that shit in the cupboard,” Matt said, holding his arm out for me to pull myself up.

“Wait,
you
have actual
food
in those cupboards?” I asked, crinkling my eyes and staring at him when I reached his level.

“My mom keeps the cupboards stocked. Then every couple of months she throws it all in the trash and starts again.”

“Guess I’d better switch the stove off while we get cleaned up.”
And while I plot my revenge.

I wasn’t sure what I would do yet, but I needed to do something. Probably while he was sleeping, then I could run before he could retaliate.
Maybe shave his hair off again.
He hated that. After he lost the bet last year he tried the look out for a few weeks but decided he looked eighty years old. So now, after months of growing, he was back to his shaggy ‘I don’t own a brush’ style, only now it was brown instead of blond, and currently sodden with milk and sticking to his cheeks.

After showering in separate bathrooms, Matt changed into some sweat pants and I borrowed a pair of his jeans and a t-shirt. Naturally I found myself gawping unashamedly at Matt’s exposed chest all the way through dinner, as I imagined any gay man with eyes would. He was
hot,
and he knew it too. That was clear by the wink he flashed every time he caught me looking.

When we’d finished eating I forced Matt to help me clear the dishes and tidy the kitchen, ignoring his insistence that his mom would do it the next morning. I swear I didn’t know why she put up with his shit. He was a big boy now and needed to start acting like it.

“Where do these go?” Matt asked, holding the clean plates in his hands.

“Are you being serious? It’s
your
kitchen.”

“Hmm. I’ll just stuff ‘em in there,” he said, opening the cupboard filled with cans and jars. Shaking my head, I laughed. “I only used to spend a couple of months a year here and my mom has always kept the place tidy. I’m sure she moves things around just to confuse me.”

“More likely you never actually
use
the kitchen for anything more than getting a beer from the refrigerator.”

“That too. Seeing as you mentioned it,” he said, stepping toward the refrigerator. “Want one?”

I took the bottle of beer he held out for me and set it on the counter until I’d finished washing the saucepans.

“You know, I have a dishwasher.”

“The tomato sauce will stain the plastics in there. Better to do it by hand.”

“How do you even
know
that? I never knew you were such a…a…
housewife.
”

“It’s less about being a housewife and more about being an adult who can take care of myself,” I said with a sly grin.

“Well, while you’re busy being an adult, I’m gonna go find us something to watch on TV.”

With a kitchen that once again looked brand new, we spent the next few hours drinking beer, watching movies and comparing the female leads’ tits, grading them from a slight jiggle to extreme bouncy castles. Of course, to be fair to our own sexualities, it seemed only right I convince Matt to compare men’s trouser bulges too, and after a short protest, we did.

“Now that’s an anaconda right there,” Matt said, weighing up Channing Tatum’s crotch in Magic Mike – a movie I had to practically pin him down to watch. “In fact, I think we’re yet to see an earthworm in this movie.”