The Making of Americans, Being a History of a Family's Progress (71 page)

     This one then was perplexing, slowly it came to me to know it to be true of him that he had not, as this one thought he had, a slow developing mind in him, the mind in him was slow only because it went on logically working when all the actual learning had been done by this one as experiencing and it seemed slow because this one believing that his mind was developing things for him let this mind run him and keep him from poignant experiencing and so this one was to himself a person slowly developing himself and everything in him and this was not true of him, he was slow-minded to himself then not because he had any slow-minded resisting being in him but because his mind was just doing with rationalising what this one had already done with experiencing. This then led to bad things in this one in developing for this one more and more believing in his mind as slowly developing in himself and slowly developing learning, let himself be run by it himself and his mind was not as fine an instrument as his experiencing and so running himself by his mind was not for this one a true way of developing. For some of this kind of them it is the true way of developing, for this one of them it was not the true way of developing.
     It is now a little clear perhaps to some one how this one was perplexing to me to make of this one a whole one, always this one was then a puzzle to me, two things then made this one clear to me, the knowing that his mind was not a slow steadily developing thing, the recognition that although there was only one kind of being in this one it was not a unified thing in him. It was not unified in him as I found out by more thinking about this one because this one had all the parts of the kind of being that was his kind of being equally strongly in him and that then could not be a unified one for there was nothing making a bottom and so then this one was clear to me, this one was then a whole one to me, this one then was such a one as I have been describing.
     Now to give a little description of one who was of the resisting kind of being and had a different kind of complication from that in this one I have just been describing but one who also had only one kind of being in him.
     This one was one of one of the kinds in men and women that have resisting being in them. As I was saying when I was describing resisting being, these, those having resisting being in them, can have this being in them in various ways depending on the conditions so to be speaking of the substance in them, the substance that is them.
     This one that I am now beginning a little to tell about to make the fifth one of the six that I am now describing in this explaining of the way natures are and are mixed up in men and women, this one had in him resisting being and one kind of resisting being only in him and not any other kind of nature in him. This one was perplexing too to every one but this one was perplexing mostly to everyone for a different reason from that in the case of any of the others that I have been describing. This one was perplexing to every one by reason of his failing to succeed in living and this in this one was perplexing to every one that ever came to know this one. This is now a little a history a little an explanation of this one, a little a description of learning to understand the being in this one.
     This one was then of the resisting kind in men and women but as I was saying, sometimes it is not easy to know it in one whether the being in that one is of the resisting kind in them or of the attacking kind in them. This is now perhaps to some one a little clearer in the way I know it in men and women from the description I have just been giving of a kind of them that have attacking being more or less as static in them.
     It is not then always easy even after much knowing of some one to know whether the being in that one is attacking or resisting, in them.
     As I was saying, resisting being in some is in such a thin layer in them that reaction in them is as quick in them as in those having attacking being in them. In some, as I was saying, those have resisting being in them have this in them as a mass dry in the centre and only actively penetrable for reaction by them of the surface of the being in them. In these then resisting being may be very quick being, in some of such of them it may be almost brilliantly quick being in them but mostly in those of them that are brilliantly quick the central portion of them is not dead dry in them it is living enough in them to give meaning to the clever quick surface reaction in them. This is very clear to my feeling, this is very clear in my knowing of this kind in men and women, this must then sometimes be clearly made into a description. I am now beginning again to make a description of this kind of being in men and women.
     There are then many millions always living having resisting being in whom the resisting solid mass of being in each one of them is not acting and so such of them never in their living are slow in their thinking or their working. In such of them the part in them that is active in them is the surface of this being and this gives to such of them clever thinking and being. There are all varieties in this kind of them as there are in all the kinds of them in all the resisting kinds of them in all the attacking kinds of them. I am always feeling each kind of them as a substance darker, lighter, thinner, thicker, muddier, clearer, smoother, lumpier, granularer, mixeder, simpler like every kind there is of earth or of anything and always I am feeling in each one of them their kind of stuff as much in them, as little in them, as all of a piece in them, as lumps in them held together sometimes by parts of the same sometimes by other kinds of stuff in them and always sooner or later for each one I am feeling the stuff in them acting in them and so sometime each one I am ever knowing comes to be made of something really existing that is them and each one of them sometime then is to me a kind of stuff that all of a certain kind of men and a certain kind of women have in them as the material in them that is bottom nature in them, that is other nature or natures in them. Each one then sometime comes to be to me made out of a real something that always is there acting and that is that one and sometime then I really know that one, I really understand the meaning of the being in that one.
     The one I am now beginning to describe a little for there will not be here now much description of this one, this one was of the resisting kind of them and there was in this one clever being for this one was of the kind of them I have been just describing, the central mass in this one the slower fairly clear brown not completely dry mass in him was not so active in him as the surface of the mass in him that was quickly cleverly reacting. But in this one this caused trouble in him that the central mass was not quite dry in him, in some places the central mass was profoundly active and this made a complication in this one that made it that this one was not successful in living and this is very very interesting and this is now a little a description of this one in which description there will be a mingling of the history of this one, of the description of the being in this one, of the learning by some to understand the meaning of the being in this one.
     This one as I was saying never really succeeded in living and that was surprising to every one for this one was very clever and quick and energetic, this one had really a quality of bottom thinking, this one was strong in keeping going at working and always this one was not succeeding in living, was not really succeeding in anything. Always this one, though always this one was working steadily and sometimes very cleverly, this one never really finished anything. Always this one was capable of real thinking and always this one was never understanding anything in himself or in any one. And always this one knew it in him that he was failing. Always this one had an exalted nature in him and always this one was not in any way petty in his being and always this one was always failing in being decently good to any one. Always then this one was failing in living and this was perplexing him and perplexing to every one that ever came to know this one, that ever came to think about this problem. This was the history of him.
     The being in him was as I was saying resisting being and this one had in him only the one kind of being, that was the bottom nature in him, there was not in him any other nature or natures of any other kind of being in him and in this this one was like the last one I was describing. This one was very different though from the last one I was describing for this one had not all the being in him possible to the kind of being that was his kind of being. This one had however certain parts of the kind of being in him that were natural parts of his kind of being, that without other parts of that being being in him made a fundamental contradiction in his being and this was the meaning of the being in this one.
     To begin again then with thinking of a mass of being of the resisting substance very active at the surface and active inside toward the center only here and there, this was the being in this one and this caused the trouble in this one.
     Always then this one had in him active in him isolated spots in the central resisting mass in him, these were in him as the conceptions that were the starting in him of various schemes of working, mostly the actual working in him was done by the quick clever surface of him, always then these central live spots in the whole mass of him would be reacting to all the mass of work the surface of him had been doing and there was not enough self-consciousness in him to know that it was a poorer kind of work than he had wanted that he had been doing and it was to him only that that time he had not succeeded in doing the work he had been planning, and he must just begin again. So it went on with him and so he never was finishing anything and the two kinds of activity of the being in him being that they were of the same kind of being in him never came to struggle together in him they just went on in him and so he never was succeeding in his living, he never was succeeding in anything, he never could finish anything with all his steady energetic patient working.
     So then when some one has in her or in him separate pieces active of the one kind of being in them and not adjusted so that one is dominating or when as in the last one I was describing some one has all the pieces possible of one kind of being equally active in him such a one can never really come to a completely self-conscious being, such a one may be successful in living but such a one never has in him a unified being, mostly such a one has not in him any struggling of the pieces with each other in him. Of this last I am not yet absolutely certain.
     The meaning of the being in this last one came to some who had often at moments thought about this one. Mostly no one puzzled about this one, failing in living in this one, though succeeding in living could have come to this one to every one, had something about it curiously inevitably to any one who ever came to know this one, and so as I was saying mostly no one really puzzled about this one. One day some were thinking about the queer history of this one and they began to think about a specific case in which this one had not finished something and then it came to be clear to them for they realised then that this one always was planning and criticising his complete work with the chunks of slow solid central intelligence and feeling in this one and always this one was working with the surface of this one and this one was not self-conscious ever to criticise his way of working, only to criticise the specific result he had been achieving and so this one always had to be beginning again and this was then the history of this one. Sometime perhaps there will be written a complete history of this one, sometime perhaps there will be written a complete history of every one.
     Now to give one little additional example. There will be very little telling about this one. This one was different from the two last ones I have been describing, this one had a mixing of natures in him and very little in him of each of the kind of natures in him. There was as a bottom being in him a kind of resisting being. This one had as bottom being rather turgid resisting being. This one had not much bottom being in him, not much of this rather turgid resisting being in him. This one had such a kind of bottom being in him, enough of it in him to be always evident in him to any one really looking at him. This one had other natures mixed up in him with this bottom nature of him in him. There was then not so very much bottom nature in him, all that there was of it was of this quite turgid between sodden resisting and engulfing resisting being. There was enough of this in him as a bottom nature to him so that every one really looking hard at him knew this in him. It was in this way, by looking at him and so understanding, that one knowing this one knew the bottom nature there in this one.
     There were then other natures in this one. There was in this one mixed up with the bottom nature in this one two other kinds of natures in this one, one a kind of resisting being, one a kind of attacking being. The kind of resisting being that was in him was of the kind that I was describing in the first of these six that I am now finishing. It was a kind of smooth dark very thick engulfing being that has with it as a way of being, much complete vanity and separation from contact with any one and much needing of indolence and elegance and luxury to make life a pleasant thing for such a one, elegance in luxury is a need for such a one. The kind of attacking being there was in this one was of the kind that I have been just describing in the one before the last one I have been describing. This being gave to this one I am now describing an affection for all beauty in living and in being, it gave to this one that in the beginning of his conscious living this one had embraced as a conviction the need of steady, unexalted, slightly ambitious working.
     This one having the rationalising mind of the kind of attacking being that was one of the natures in him this one then knew very early in his living that loving a beautiful life and needing elegant luxury for pleasant living and yielding to these things in him would soon lead him to be dominated by the bottom being of him, the sodden resisting mixed with engulfing resisting bottom being in him and this would lead him so that sooner or later the beautiful life would be turned by him into an ugly one. This one dimly then knew this in him, this one as I was saying had mixed up in him the kind of attacking being that has it to be rationally minded and ambitious of succeeding in living and having a power of it making itself into a life-long resolution and a carrying of it out completely during a whole living as if it were the natural way of being in him, an instinctive being in him, the kind of living best suited to the purposes rationally embraced by such a one. This one then that I am describing knew that steady unexalted working which was not to this one the whole natural way of being was the only way of living for this one to keep this one from making ugly, beautiful elegant luxurious being that was in him and that in this working this one must not wait for the stimulation of experiencing, working must go on in him always and experiencing and needing elegant luxury and the bottom being in him must just be there acting while always this one was working, always this one was succeeding fairly well in living. Perhaps later this one would not succeed so well in living, perhaps this one would be more and more worn out with his working. Perhaps this is what would happen to such a one. This is a description of one, one who had it in him to not be able to have a beautiful elegant luxurious life in living because then later the bottom being in this one would make the beautiful life an ugly one. This one then lived by energised conviction in the attacking kind of being there was in him mixed with the other being in him. This one then was one that one could know the bottom being of him by looking at him, mostly in his living he was working by energised conviction, sometimes he would be worn out and then he would be not succeeding very well in living but the balance of natures in him would be in him as it had been always in his living. There was not then in this one any active struggle of the natures in him, but keeping them so balanced in him although it was not an effort in him for energised vocation of working was as naturally active as all the other kinds of being that were in him, that being the peculiarity of the type of attacking being that this one had in him, the keeping them so balanced in him was wearing, not to him, for it was not an effort in him, but was wearing to his whole being, his whole being would wear itself out by excessive spontaneous equilibration and so this one more and more then would be not successful in living but always up to the ending of the acting living in this one the equilibration of natures in him would be what I have been describing. Here ends then the describing of the learning of the natures in the being of six kinds in men and women.