Authors: Vacirca Vaughn
“Nothing,”
Paulo frowned. He longed to connect to her, but felt as though
Phoenix were still in New York and he were trying to speak to her from a tiny
village in Tokyo.
“Okay…” Phoenix
frowned back. She was dismayed that Paulo was shutting her out. He
had never, since the day he first met her, shut her out.
And the wall
became thicker between them.
Phoenix and
Paulo continued to eat in silence, barely tasting the cold, soda-soaked ribs.
After a few
minutes, Paulo’s cell phone rang. “I wouldn’t normally answer on
our…outing, but it’s Cara.”
Phoenix
shrugged. Paulo fumed.
“Hey,
Cara. What’s up?” He tried to keep the dead pan of frustration from his
voice. He listened for a few minutes. “Yeah, me too. I don’t
know why, but thanks for doing that. Tell James thanks also.” He
paused for a moment, listening, and then let off a sigh, running his fingers
through his hair. “Yeah, well, I will. I don’t know for sure what
it could be, but I am getting a good idea. Okay, thanks. God bless
you guys, bye.”
He stared at
Phoenix for several minutes as though she were the answers to a set of
difficult math questions.
Before she
could ask about Cara, Paulo stood up with the bill that had long since been
placed on the table. “Listen, why don’t we get out of here? I’m
tired from a long day and church and I’m sure you feel the same way, so…” he
walked away to pay the check.
Phoenix sat
there, blinking. Her annoyance was slowly building, like a newly lit fire
someone had struck with a rock and two sticks. If Paulo continued to heap
sticks on it, that fire would build and they would both get burned. “God,
what in the world is happening here?”
Pray
,
the Spirit whispered the word that was a faint breeze caressing her ear.
Phoenix looked
around and back at Paulo who was on the checkout line
Pray
,
the Spirit’s voice was faint, distant, like someone calling her from
another room with thick walls. But she could hear Him.
Father God I
come before you asking for help. Please forgive me and Paulo for whatever
is going on that we caused. I don’t know what to do but suddenly things
have taken a wrong turn. I am sure it is my fault. I didn’t want to
tell him how I felt until this thing with Cedric was resolved. Please
help us and this relationship. I am sorry for keeping You waiting to do
my own thing, but I don’t know what else to do. Please help us, in
Jesus’s
Name. Amen.
When Paulo
returned, his frown had deepened. He wanted to hold out his hand and help
her out of her chair, or pull it out for her at the very least, but he had no
desire to do so. Still, the gentleman he had been raised to be could not
be restrained. He pulled out her chair so quickly, though, that she could
have slipped off had she not kept her balance.
Phoenix cast a
look at him and threw him a dry, “Gee, thanks, Man.”
Paulo stormed
towards the exit of the restaurant. Even as he did, he could not figure
out why he was treating her so badly. Okay, so she wasn’t ready to say
the words. Big deal. Men were supposed to lead anyway, weren’t
they? Women
should
be a bit of a challenge, right? Didn’t
Jacob work fourteen years to marry Rachel? Didn’t the Word say that those
years seemed like days to Jacob because of his love for her? So what if
Phoenix wasn’t ready to respond. Did that give him the right to treat her
like anything other than a lady? From the time he was a young boy in
Brazil, he had been raised by strong women, and a father, who wanted him to
learn how to treat women. He had never walked ahead of her when they
traveled together. Now he was halfway out to the street and she was just
leaving the table.
And the worse
part of it was that if felt as though he were watching himself do these
horrendous things but couldn’t stop if he tried.
God, what is
wrong with me? Why am I so angry with her? I did this before to
her, that first week we were working out, didn’t I? That was the day I
thought you told me she would be my wife. Why am I pushing her away
again?
With a strength
that was not his own, Paulo stopped and waited for Phoenix to catch up.
When she did, she threw him a tight-lipped look before moving past him out the
door. She stalked to the car and waited for him from her perch on the
passenger side.
As they settled
into the car, Phoenix asked Paulo in a dead voice, “So what did Cara want?”
“She called to
see if we were alright. She said that when she and James got home from
church this evening, they began praying for us in tongues and didn’t know why.”
Phoenix snorted.
“Yeah, we need all the prayers we can get right about now.” She turned to
the window and shut out further conversation.
Jesus help
us,
Paulo petitioned silently.
Paulo was at a
loss, but what he didn’t know was that those three words were just enough to
tip the scales in the battle.
The angels of
the Lord raised their swords and rend the wall of darkness blocking their
communication and affection.
The Spirit
commanded Truth to have its way between them.
The enemy saw
Truth making its way, and commanded Discord to block Truth’s efforts.
“
He
uses
Truth is to build up, but I will use it to tear down,” Discord vowed to Truth
before taking its post between them.
It was after
eleven when Phoenix and Paulo arrived at her building ten minutes after leaving
the restaurant. When Paulo spotted a parking space close to her building,
he quickly claimed it.
“Thank you,
Jesus!” he exclaimed, relieved that the Lord provided a space close to midnight
in West Harlem. “And it’s close to my house. Last night I had to
park three blocks away.”
“You’re parking
here?” Phoenix asked in a shrill voice. The anger towards Paulo overtook
her. She was shocked at how annoyed she was because he was parking near
her building.
“Looks that
way, doesn’t it?” Paulo snapped, raising an eyebrow at her.
“Why would you
park here?” Phoenix snapped back. “You live around the corner.”
“I know where I
live, Phoenix. I’ve known my address longer than I’ve known you.”
“You don’t know
me, Paulo,” she snarled. “You obviously don’t know me at all.” With that
she unsnapped her seat belt, opened the door, stormed out, and left the door
wide open.
Paulo jumped
out, came to the other side, kicked his door shut, and stormed up the steps
after her. “You are right, I don’t know you at all.”
“You must not
know me, ‘cause if you knew me, you would know not to keep messing with me,”
she hissed as she stormed into the building.
He came after
her waiting until the elevator came and they got onto it. “I don’t know
you, huh?”
“Obviously not,
Paulo.”
“Oh!” Paulo let
out a nasty chuckle as they stepped off the elevator. “I don’t know you,
eh? His next words were decorated with his thicker accent, tinted by
frustration, and highlighted with a growl, “You’re right. I
don’t know you at all. I guess that’s why it’s so strange to me that I
spent the last few months trying to clean up the messes you’ve made in your
life.”
Phoenix’s mouth
dropped as she fell back against the wall in the hallway. “What?”
“You just told
me I don’t know you, correct? So why am I here? Why am I constantly
helping you, taking care of you, working with you? Why did I fall I love
with you, tell you, only to have you look at me like I am a fool?” Paulo
sneered. “No, I don’t know you at all.”
“So!” Phoenix
yelled, as she flung open the door to her apartment. “I guess that is
what makes you such a great Christian, Paulo. So full of salt! You
do something for someone and throw it back in their face when things don’t go
your way.”
Pray, my
son. Leave the room and pray.
But Paulo
shoved the voice of the Spirit away like a bully on the school yard. He
was sick of this mess. Discord jumped onto his back as Truth struggled to
touch his heart. “No, I don’t usually throw things in people’s
faces. I am just sick of this!”
“Sick of what?”
Phoenix shouted.
“Sick of taking
care of weak women who are too stubborn to do what they have to do!”
“Weak?”
Phoenix’s blood drained from her face. “You’re calling me weak?”
“And for what?”
Paulo continued as Discord manipulated Truth’s efforts. “For you to get
guys like me, who have a weakness for helping people, to fall in love with you,
only to destroy everything with your foolish plans and ideas? I am sick
of this! I should have never loved you!”
And the words
left his mouth before Paulo could stop them. He stood shocked as he
watched the woman he loved crumble before his eyes.
Phoenix was
sobbing and shaking her head. “I knew it. You don’t care about
me! You feel sorry for me. You’re doing all this to make yourself
feel good about your efforts. I was just a sad case that you felt you
could save, since you couldn’t save your wife. That’s what this is
about. You don’t care about me at all. I am such an idiot to think
someone like you could ever love me!”
Oh God, what
have I done? Please help me,
Paulo cried out from his heart, watching
the woman he loved helplessly.
Please, God. Please help.
And the Lord
heard His plea.
The Holy Spirit
of God began to command His angels to move Discord out of Truth’s way.
Phoenix’s
throat closed up with unshed tears as she collapsed in a heap on her
sofa.
He thinks I’m weak? He feels sorry for me. I knew
it. He doesn’t want to love me. Why did he say that stuff about
foolish plans? Maybe he said that because he knows my plan for Cedric?
Paulo watched,
unable to physically open his mouth to say another word. He had spoken
the darkest, most hidden thoughts in his heart. He had not known that he
had continued to hold on to such thoughts in the first place. After all
his time with Christ, his heart was still so full of so much bitterness and
evil that he was staggered. He had no idea what to do. There was
nothing he could say to take back the words he had spoken out loud.
“Jesus,” he
whispered, as he watched the tears form in Phoenix’s dazed eyes and slip down
her cheeks. Gingerly, he walked over to her place on the couch and knelt
before her. “I am so sorry, Phoenix. I really don’t know what is
going on with me. I had no right to say those things to you. I didn’t
mean—”
Phoenix flinched
when Paulo’s hand landed on her leg. She moved away. “Yes you did,
Paulo. Yes you did. And you’re right. I am glad the truth is
out, though.”
“No, Phoenix, I
was boasting and—”
“No, Man.
You’re right about me,” Phoenix whispered. She kept moving away from each
touch that Paulo placed on her. Finally he sat down next to her and
collected her stiff body into his arms.
“I am so
sorry,” Paulo whispered, his eyes tearing up as well. “I am so sorry,” he
repeated, over and over.
After a time of
rocking Phoenix and quieting her sobs, he whispered the one thing that made
sense the first time during that evening. “We need to pray together,
Phoenix. After what Cara said, and all this, I know that something
strange is happening here.”
Phoenix did not
have the strength to process or respond. So Paulo, being the man who
loved her, in spite of his frailties, was strong for her while she was weak.
“Father,” Paulo
began in a tearful voice, “I have no idea what is happening. We have
never argued like this and said such cruel things to each other. I can
still be an ill-tempered jerk, but what I said was horrendous and was not of
You. I ask for your forgiveness for my harsh words and anger and
bitterness. Lord, I ask you to also forgive Phoenix for engaging in this
argument as well. Please take control of the remainder of our time
together. Please lead us in clearing the air and let truth prevail
tonight. Please lead us in sharing the truth in a way that builds up and
not tear down. Unblock our communication…Holy Spirit, please lead in me
in praying the rest,” he trailed off, choked up with emotion and tears.
After a few
minutes, the Spirit led Paulo to pray in a loud, booming voice that surprised Phoenix.
He spoke with an authority that could only be given by the Spirit of God.
“I command all forces of darkness coming between us to go back to the pits of
hell right now, in the mighty Name of Jesus Christ. I command all
Discord, Strife, Anger, Fear, Bitterness, and Pride to be cast down in
Jesus’s
Name. I ask for mercy, oh Lord, that You
would lead us in the battle before us right now. I ask You for
mercy. I ask You for mercy!” he cried as the Spirit became a fire burning
his spirit. “I ask You right now to heal the damage we have done.
If we are being tested, we will stand on the Word that we will not fail.
I ask for everything standing between You and Phoenix to be cast down right now
in the Name of Jesus. I ask for everything hindering my own growth as a
Christian to be cast down right now in the Name of Jesus! I command every
mountain between us to be moved and cast into the sea in the Name of Jesus
Christ! Nothing can be declared crooked that God has declared straight!
Straighten us out, oh Lord! In Jesus Name!”
And they cried
out to the Lord, while Holy Spirit finally had His way. They felt the
tingles and the power of His presence as they received His ministering to their
hearts. They could not see the angels fighting each other, the Spirit of
God healing them, or the enemy gnashing his teeth trying to find a new way to
tempt them. All they knew was that right then, at least, a small victory
had been won. Truth began to work between them in the open spaces of
their communication.