The Love She Craves: Selling Her Soul to Declan (23 page)

23

Declan sat at his desk in the bedroom he converted to an office. On the wall, he displayed his medical degree from the Yale School of Medi
cine and his Texas Tech diploma both professionally framed for the day he could hang them in a place of prominence when he owned his own private practice. The desk looked out onto the street and he wondered what on earth had possessed him to buy the house. It was supposed to be the up-and-coming part of town, urban renewal at its prime but for the most part, he found the neighborhood unappealing. It was too close to the University. On game days, he could hear the noise from the stadium and his friends wanted to park in his driveway. And good God, the traffic on those days was a nightmare –
if
he could get out of his garage.

The elementary school sat a mere block away. It was as if the teachers had his work schedule and knew when he was trying to sleep. That’s when they
released the feral children to the playground to scream as if half of them possessed axes to kill the other half. Who would’ve thought a classroom of kids could make more noise than a stadium full of rabid tortilla tossing Red Raider fans.

Declan picked up his phone and called Joseph using the number he’d texted to his friend. “Everything set for the kid’s surgery tomorrow?" he asked and waited for Joseph to respond. “Two? That’s late. Hey, do me a favor; don’t tell Nyxie. She’s got enough t
o worry about…. Look, I’m calling because I need your address…. No, not for your date. Nyxie doesn’t drive. I’ve got a car picking her up. I thought I’d give the driver an itinerary.”

He typed it into his laptop as Joseph rattled it off.

“Yeah, can you and your friend be ready by ten…? No, it’s not a stretch limo, just a town car. Stay out of the minibar, too. Nyxie’s a teetotaler. I’ll let you and your friend get drunk on my dime another time. I appreciate you doing this….Uh, one more thing. I don’t think Nyxie’s ever worn makeup. Do you think...? Not one of your drag queen friends.…You know what, never mind. I think she’s beautiful the way she is. Yeah, yeah, that’s okay. If
she
wants to.”

Declan looked up as Nyxie appeared in the doorway. She wore one of his T-shirts and smiled shyly
as she stepped inside the room but came no further. He hoped she hadn’t heard any of his conversation.

“Speak of the devil. Gotta go.”

He hung up on Joseph without another word.

“Hey,” he said. “Feeling better?”

She chuckled. “Yeah, I am. I didn’t think I would, but I do.” Nyxie pulled at the hem of the T-shirt. “I hope you don’t mind. I couldn’t find my clothes.”

“Considering how sexy you look, I may not tell you where they are. Come here.”

The way her shoulders sagged showed her reluctance, but she bit her lip and walked to him. He took one hand dangling loosely at her side and tugged her off-balance. She fell into his lap with a squeal and giggled.

“After my Dom fattens me up, you won’t be able to do that so easily.”

“Want to bet?”

She reached for his arm and lightly squeezed his bicep. He flexed his guns and grinned with male pride. Her hand flattened and stroked the muscle. She sighed and smiled at him.

“No, thanks. I don’t take sucker bets.”

“Smart girl.”

“Yeah,” she said dubiously.

He wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her closer. “You’re twenty-two, right?”

“Right.”

“Huh, that’s weird.”

“What’s weird?”

“Well, I thought I’d try to get your birth certificate. I’ll tell you the system is messed up. You’re supposed to put in your state license or ID number to get it. But how can you get an ID if you don’t have your birth certificate? Anyway, I started trying to find your date of birth by doing an internet search.”

“Why didn’t you just ask me?”

He looked at her like the answer was obvious. “You were in my armoire. I didn’t want to bother you.”

“Did you figure out I was born August 30, 1991?”

“Not according to the records I found.”

She looked at him as if he just told her aliens abducted him and took him to Planet Nuttier-Than-a-Fruitcake.

“So when was I born?” It didn’t surprise Nyxie too much that her mother remembered the date wrong. No doubt the woman neither stopped drinking or smoking during her pregnancy. She didn’t stop when she was pregnant with Cody, she knew.

“How far off?”

“Thirteen months—give or take.”

“Thirteen! You’re kidding me.”

He shook his head and brought up the newspaper birth notices. “Your folks are John and Amanda Carmichael, right?”

“Black Jack and Mandy were the names they went by, but yeah, Daddy’s real name was John. Mama, I don’t know—could have been.”

He pointed at the screen, “I tried several combinations. But John and Amanda were the only hit I found. Look, ‘Congratulations to Amanda and John Carmichael of Chimera Flats on the birth of a daughter September 20, 1992.’”

“But that can’t be right.”

“Were you born at UMC?”

“I-I’m not sure.”

“Tomorrow I’ll pull up the records and see what I can find out. Since UMC is the county hospital, it’s where everyone without insurance goes. She wouldn’t have had you at home and had another baby a year later who died, would she?”

“No, I don’t think so. The paper has to be wrong.”

“Does it?” he asked turning her face back to him.

“Did you attend prekinder or go straight to kindergarten?”

“I didn’t go to
pre-k. It was full.”

“Ah the last piece of the puzzle.
I bet she took you to enroll you in pre-k and didn’t see any harm in fudging the deadline by a month. But when she found out it was full, she lied to the school and told them you were about to turn five. You had to be five before September first so she said you turned five August 30th.”

She stared at him. “Are you suggesting she started me in kindergarten when I was four?”

“Three—your birthday isn’t until September. I think you started kindergarten one month before you turned four.”

“No, that’s not possible. Surely, she had to prove my age.”

He shrugged. “How’d you get Lotus and Reina registered? Did you have their birth certificates?”

She leaned again
st him putting her head against his neck as she remembered how she argued to get them enrolled. Neither of her nieces had attended school regularly in her sister’s care. The girls provided a list of schools they attended in Lubbock, but their records showed they were absent nearly as often as they attended. In the end, Onyx questioned if the school would be so nitpicky if the girls had been the children of migrant workers. She knew it was a shit thing to say, but she didn’t care. The girls needed an education and the school district was obligated to provide it.

“It’s a small town. Sometimes they can be persuaded to bend the rules.”

“Yeah,” he said setting his hand on her thigh.

“She probably
wanted to get me out of her hair,” Nyxie murmured. “I wonder if that’s why I struggled so much in school.” She went completely still in his arms. “I always figured I had some mild form of fetal alcohol syndrome. It’s good to know I might be normal.”

He leaned his head against hers. “Hey, leave the diagnoses to the experts. You struggled because you were placed with kids two grades above you.”

“Two?”

He placed his soft lips on her forehead. “If she had told them the correct date, you wouldn’t have been allowed to start school the next year either.”

“No wonder I was always the smallest in my grade. I used to try so hard in P.E. but I could never keep up.”

“Yeah,” he said simply, his mind going to the confrontation earlier with his father. He wished he had a way to apologize for what Coach did to her—for the embarrassment he caused. Christ, not only would his father hav
e detested her for her footwear but also for having the coordination of a middle-schooler—because physically that’s what she was.

Declan cringed realizing how young she’d really been when he had first taken notice of her. The age difference didn’t seem s
o far now that they were adults but she was just a baby back then. Thank God he never pursued her.

Maybe part of why he felt the need to help her was because she seemed so out of place and overwhelmed. But only part. How many times had imagined her touching herself in the girls’ room after the principal paddled her? How many times had he imagined following her in there and fucking her like the world was ending?

“We still need to talk about what happened in the bedroom,” he said. “I can’t figure out if you antagonize me because it’s a defense mechanism and you’re trying to push me away or if you’re doing it because you are trying to draw more pain from me.”

She buried her face in his neck
not wanting him to see her face. “I don’t know. I think it’s because I’m scared. I’ve never been with anyone. You’re convinced I am a masochist but I’m not.” She chuckled and shrugged. “But then again, maybe I am. I know I couldn’t sit still when I read that book. Or maybe I just don’t want to be a freak. I’ve been an outsider my whole life. I just want to be normal for a change.”

His mercurial mood shifted. “A freak? Goddamn, Nyxie. That’s what you think? That’s what you think of me?”

He grabbed her by the shoulders and shifted her away so he could see her face.

Nyxie kept
her eyes down unable to meet his gaze. She tried to be honest, tried to explain what she felt. She didn’t mean to make him angry. “I’m sorry, sir. I don’t know how else to explain it.”

“No reason to try another way. I think I understand. I don’t think you understand anything. There’s nothing to be ashamed of. We are not freaks.”

“No? I don’t see you flaunting it around.”

“Only because other people don’t understand. Maybe in fifty years, Doms can walk down the st
reet with their subs on a leash but not now.”

She drew even further away. “Am I no more than your pet? Are you going to put me in a crate when you don’t
wanna play?” The sudden laugh that escaped her lips sounded loud and forced. “Oh, shit, you already did.”

His face hardened and his grip on her arms tightened. “First of all, I didn’t cage you up. You said you feel safe in small place
s. I was just accommodating you by taking care of your needs. You weren’t locked in or even told to stay there until I let you out, so don’t act like I was punishing you.

“Secondly, I wouldn’t walk you on a leash, ever. I was using that as an example of the extreme. Do you see how strong your reaction is? That’s the reaction most people have to the prospect of a little swat during sex. They don’t understand and apparently neither do you.”

“I never sought out pain,” she said slowly. “I just dealt with it the only way I knew how. I’m sorry if that makes me a freak.”

Declan gave her a hard shake. “You are not a freak and neither am I. And I swear if you say that again, I’m going to turn you over my knee.”

“But….” She bit the inside of her lip knowing she wanted to tell him how she felt, but also knowing that he’d never accept it. “Why can’t I just be your girlfriend and we just have the sex as kinky as you like. Why can’t I call you Declan? I know you don’t have time for a real girlfriend, but….”

“
Nyxie, if I wanted a girlfriend there are a hundred women at the hospital I could date. I want a sub. I want
you
to be my sub. We have an arrangement and I’m doing everything in my power to help you regain custody of your kids. In return, I need you to do your part—live up to your end of the bargain. I’m sorry if you want a boyfriend—that's not our agreement and you’ll just have to figure out how to deal with that.”

“Yes, sir. Of course.”

He was right. She may not have understood the lifestyle completely, but she agreed to it. She could not expect him to change now she had begun to fathom what she had agreed to even if she found it unsettling.

“We both have a busy day ahead of us tomorrow. Are you ready for bed?”

“Yes, sir. Will I be sleeping with you or somewhere else?” she asked as she climbed from his lap.

He stared at her as if she should already know the answer, his eyes narrowing.

“In that story, the guy didn’t normally sleep with his subs,” she added quickly afraid that he would think she was being sarcastic. “I didn’t know if that was usual. My clothes weren’t in your closet.”

“I wasn’t sure which clothes were clean. I took them to the laundry room. If it weren’t for Cody being in the hospital, I might not let you have them back—I’d love to see you just the way you are right now.”

Mercurial shift again.

She tried to divert him from the seductive look she saw in his eyes. “It’s the swamp cooler. It makes everything smell a little mu
sty. I’ve lived with it so long, I hardly notice unless someone says something.”