The Love Series Complete Box Set (63 page)

We hold onto each other for a few minutes longer, until Katie knocks on the door to let us know that it’s time to leave.

As we walk down the stairs, fingers laced together at our side, I register the surprise on his face as he sees not only Momma and Mel, who we were already expecting, there waiting for us, but Jack, Cammie, Lia and Logan have also make the trip to be here for Reid.

He looks at me all confused and adorable. Before he even asks it, I answer his question. “Of course I called them. They’re our friends and they’ve been the only family you’ve known until recently.” Katie wraps her arm around his waist from his other side and he looks down at her with the love and appreciation I’m sure every brother feels for his sister.

He squeezes my hand. “Thank you, Maddy. I wouldn’t be able to get through today without you.”

Jack approaches us first, with Cammie holding onto his hand tightly. There are tears in her eyes. Jack extends his hand to Reid and they do that ridiculous handshake—half hug combo that men do when they want to be there for each other, but they don’t want to seem like less of a man for hugging their friend.

Cammie wraps her arms around Reid telling him how sorry she is. Lia and Logan follow behind them as do Momma and Mel, and before we know it, we’re all piling into our cars to say our final goodbyes to Reid’s mom.

The evening has been a swirling mess of emotions. Meeting so many of Joe and Mom’s friends has helped me understand just how much changed in her life after she left my father. I’ve had the chance to reminisce with Joe and Katie and it’s really helped me find some peace despite the pain I’m feeling. When Joe tells me of the day he and Mom were married, he points out some pictures on the collage propped up in the front of the room. Mom looks happier in those pictures than I remember her looking in her wedding pictures to my father. And through everything, Maddy hasn’t left my side once. It feels lighter, easier almost, to remember her when I’m surrounded by family.

When it comes time to say our last goodbyes, a fresh wave of sadness passes over me. As Maddy and I kneel before her coffin, I pull my wallet out of my back pocket and tuck the sonogram picture of our baby into the tufted silk lining. Maddy holds my hand as we say one last goodbye. “Goodbye, Mom. I love you,” I whisper to her, and even though I know she can’t hear me, somehow, I hope that before she died, she knew in her heart that I loved her all those years we were apart.

Standing by, as Joe and Katie kneel together before her coffin, breaks my heart. They’re holding onto each other for dear life. Their new reality is just that—they are each other’s life now. Other than Joe’s brother, Evan, who is here today, they have no family.

As the last of the very small crowd clears, it dawns on me that my father didn’t show up. I guess I expected that much and I can’t say I’m disappointed. He didn’t respect Mom while she was alive, so what right does he have to try and pay her respect in her death?

Just as we’re about to leave, one last visitor enters the room. He looks vaguely familiar. About my height and build, he’s nothing out of the ordinary. I stand to greet him as Katie, Joe and Evan are sitting on the other side of the small room lost in reminiscing.

As I walk towards him, he looks up at me and recognition dawns. Extending my hand to him, I say, “Hi. Dylan Hopkins, right?” He shakes my hand in return and smiles at me.

“Yeah, man. Wow, it’s been forever. I haven’t seen you in what, like four years. Are you still playing ball? I know you always dreamed of playing in college.” He’s right. My lifelong dream was playing Division I baseball for a top school. I was even scouted by a few, but after Shane died, I lost all desire to play. There was no point in having fun when your brother was dead. We move to the side and sit in two chairs that are right in front of one of the many picture boards that line the room.

“Nah. Things changed after Shane died. How about you? You played for a year didn’t you? Down in Florida right?” Dylan was the all-star short stop of our high school team, and there isn’t a memory of playing ball with Shane that doesn’t include Dylan as well. He was our third wheel. I remember being so devastated that Dylan and I lost contact after Shane died. Other than me, Dylan was the only other person who really knew Shane. In the blink of an eye, they were both gone from my life, and I was truly alone. No brother. No best friend. No family.

At the mention of Shane’s name, I notice Dylan’s shoulders slump. Leaning forward in his chair, he props his elbows on his thighs and hangs his head in his hands.

Without looking at me, he shakes his head a few times before speaking. “You never knew did you?”

Suddenly realization dawns and I twist sharply in my seat to look at him. “You mean . . . you two were . . . ?”

Dylan slowly cranes his neck up, and when his eyes meet mine, it’s as if I’m looking at him in an entirely different light. “Yeah, we were . . . together.” His words are whispered painfully. His voice laced with anguish. To Dylan, losing Shane meant so much more than losing a best friend. Involuntarily, I glance across the room to see Maddy talking with Momma and Melanie. I can’t imagine what my life would be like if Maddy was no longer with me. That has been Dylan’s reality for the last few years. My heart breaks for my long-lost friend.

“When? For how long? How did no one ever find out?” I don’t mean for my questions to come out in such a rapid fire way, but I can’t help it. A new light is being shed on my entire childhood and early teen years.

Dylan’s eyes nervously scan the room and I know he fears being overheard. I hate that he has to fear anything. No amount of reassurance will calm him; it never calmed Shane. When Dylan’s eyes settle back on me, he says, “Reid, I promise to tell you everything. But not here.” His words are cautious and timid. He sounds so nervous.

He stands and walks over to the podium where the sparsely filled guest books sits. Grabbing a pen and a scrap of paper from the back of the book, he scribbles down a few things and hands it to me. “Here’s my number. I’ll be in town for a few days. Give me a call and we’ll get together to catch up.”

Clapping him on the back while shaking his extended hand, I say, “Thanks. I will. I’m staying with Joe and Katie until Monday. Maybe sometime Sunday?” I nervously fidget with the paper as we continue talking.

“That sounds great man. Listen, I’m sorry about your mom. I just wanted to pay my respects, but it was good to see you. I’ll talk to you soon, okay?” Dylan’s words are rushed like he needs to run away from the painful memories.

As he walks out of the room, Maddy comes to my side and wraps her arm around my waist. Resting her head on my shoulder, I lean down and sweetly kiss her silky-soft hair. “Who was that, baby?”

“His name’s Dylan Hopkins. We used to play ball together when we were kids.” I say tentatively.

Maddy looks up at me; pure love and adoration make her deep, green eyes sparkle even more. “Well, that was really nice of him to show up for your mom, especially after all of these years.”

“Yeah,” I chuckle softly. “It was definitely a surprise to see him.” I squeeze her tightly to my side and I’m pretty sure she can sense that there’s something I’m not telling her. Before she can ask the question that’s obviously on the tip of her tongue, I answer it. Whispering quietly into her ear, not wanting anyone else to hear Dylan’s secret, I say “He was Shane’s boyfriend.”

Lying in the guest bed at Joe and Katie’s, Maddy is cuddled up against my side, tracing imaginary patterns across my chest. “So, tell me more about Dylan. You seemed surprised that he was there.” Her voice is calm and comforting after a long and emotionally draining day.

I turn on my side and lean my head on my elbow; Maddy faces me and her eyes are sparkling in the cool, white glow of the moonlight. Without even thinking, I reach out and begin running the pads of my fingers across the soft, perfect skin on her upper arm. Scouring my brain for a decent starting point, I lay there silently for a moment before sharing about this part of my past. Rather than the dark, looming cloud that usually accompanies the memories of my childhood, a lighter, happier feeling blooms in my chest. Maybe being here, making peace with my past and with my mom, has finally allowed me to remember the happier times.

A small chuckle comes out as I start talking about how close Dylan, Shane and I were. “Dylan was just like a brother. I always remember him being around, but I guess since Shane died, I sort of blocked him out of my memories. We played ball together for as long as I can remember.” Maddy and I sigh at the same time and a smile curls at the corners of my mouth.

She shakes her head and laughs at our synchronicity. “I used to do the same thing about my parents—block out the memories, I mean. I always thought it was easier than letting them come to the surface, but you know what I figured out?” She leans forward and kisses the tip of my nose. “I found out that the happy memories actually help take away some of the pain. It’s good to share the happy times. Eventually, the good times outshine the bad ones.”

I know she’s right. I can feel the happiness overpowering the sadness right here and now. Who am I kidding? The light has been tackling the darkness ever since Maddy walked into my life.

I allow myself to laugh thinking about my childhood. An even larger chuckle comes to the surface as I remember what a goof ball he was. “You know that picture that’s down stairs on the mantle? The one where Shane and I are all dopey and smiling like idiots?”

“I love that picture. You both looked so happy.” Maddy smiles and runs her fingertips through my hair.

“Dylan was the reason we were smiling like that. He was standing next to my mom making funny faces and sticking his tongue out at us.” The memory is suddenly so fresh in my mind that I can smell the fresh cut grass and newly laid chalk of the ball field.

We lie silently for a few more moments. She’s allowing me my space to remember, to smile. Her curious voice interrupts my thoughts. “But that was when you were kids. You obviously never knew that they were together. Does that change things for you?” I can hear the concern and genuine interest in her voice. Her fingers continue to tangle in my hair, and it’s relaxing and as comforting as her words are meant to be.

“Umm . . . no, I definitely didn’t know that they were
together.
” I shake my head at the thought. “I don’t even know when that happened. I would have to guess sometime in high school. But no, it doesn’t change how I feel about them. You know, sometimes, I wonder how I turned out so differently from everyone else in town. I mean, why is it that Dylan and Shane’s relationship is okay with me, but not with other people?” I shake my head as if doing so will explain why there’s so much hatred and narrow-mindedness in the world.

Moving her hand from my hair, to my face, Maddy gently brushes her knuckles across my cheek. “Baby, you can’t explain hate. Some people use hatred to cover up their fear. I’m not saying that Shane should have been feared, but there are some things that are just so ugly and pointless that no amount of explanation will bring them meaning.” She shrugs her shoulders and a lopsided grin pulls at my lips at her perfect rationalization of an imperfect topic.