The Love Series Complete Box Set (42 page)

The house is nothing special—a simple cape-cod styled home sided in light green cedar-shake. The trim around the windows is a warm cream color instead of the expected harsh and bright white. There are a few small evergreen bushes in the front garden, but I imagine that brightly colored flowers bloom there in the spring as well. Simple though it may be, it’s not
just
a house. This is a
home.
Even sitting out in the driveway, I can feel the warmth and love exuding from the place. I feel a slight pang of jealousy as I realize that my house, the one I grew up in with my parents, never had this feeling.

Katie grabs her bag and bounces out of the truck. I sit for a moment longer and try, but fail, to gain some sense of composure. Exiting the car, I hope for the best. That’s all I can really do at this point.

Mr. Donovan opens the front door and steps out onto the porch. For a man in his early fifties, he’s still in good shape. Lean and trim, he’s about as tall as me at about six feet. His face is weathered and tired looking. When he catches sight of his daughter, his warm brown eyes, that just moments ago looked pained and exhausted, beam with pride and love. His gigantic smile forces his eyes to crinkle in the corners, making the few wrinkles he has a bit more prominent. Katie nearly sprints into her father’s arms and they share a warm, seemingly overdue, embrace. I stand back, at the bottom of the three stairs that lead up to the door, giving them their space to reunite. Katie reaches down and grabs her father’s hand and looks up at him reassuringly. I think she says something to him, but I can’t make it out. She smiles at him and he winks back at her. It’s an obvious routine between the two of them. Their bond is palpable and suddenly I feel like I’m invading their world. Sadly, that’s not all that far from the truth.

I try to avert eye contact; I can’t believe my own nervousness. I kick some rocks around under my feet, but when Katie comes to stand next me, pulling her father by the hand behind her, I lift my eyes to hers and some of the anxiety dissipates.

The silence is awkward as all three of us just stand there not saying a word; no one knows what to say, exactly. Katie breaks it. “Reid, I’d like you to meet my father, Joe. And Daddy,” she says as she looks over at Joe, “this is Rebecca’s son, Reid.” It’s been so long since I’ve even heard her name that it sounds foreign and unfamiliar in my ears.

I extend my hand in front of me to shake Joe’s and he just stares blankly at me. In that momentary blank stare, I feel as insecure as some weak teenager. What a fucking prick. I swallow my pride to come make peace with Mom and he can’t even shake my hand. Fuck that!

Just as I’m about to go off on him, he looks down at my hand and shakes his head from side to side and then swipes his hand over his face and up through his short cropped, dark brown hair.

I feel frozen in this moment. My feet are glued to the floor and my mouth is stuck, unable to form any kind of coherent words.

When he meets my eyes again, they are shining with unshed tears. He reaches for my hand and pulls me into a tight embrace. Mumbling into the limited space in between us, he says, “It’s so good to finally meet you, Reid.” He breaks his embrace and takes a step back. I realize that in the two minutes that I’ve known Joe Donovan, he’s shown me more emotion than my father did in the seventeen years that I lived with him.

Okay, fine. I take it back. He’s not a prick.

When my brain starts to function again, I say, “And it’s nice to meet you, Mr. Donovan. Thank you for allowing me to drive Katie home. It was nice to spend some time with her. And thank you for welcoming me into your home.” My words are overly polite; I know I don’t sound like myself. I’m trying to over compensate for just mentally cursing him out. The sugary sweet tone of words is nearly comical. Even Katie is looking at me like she doesn’t even recognize the person standing next to her.

A small chuckle escapes his mouth. “It’s Joe. Please call me Joe. And it’s not
my
home. This is
our
home. That includes you too, Reid.” He wraps an arm around my shoulders and squeezes tightly. I feel like I’ve entered some kind of alternate universe. I’m overwhelmed by the need to pinch myself to see if what’s going on is really happening.

We walk up the steps of the porch and into the entry way of the house to escape the cold December air. Before he opens the door, he turns to look at me. “I mean that, Reid. I know it’s been too long since you’ve been a part of your mom’s life, but in her heart, this has always been where you belong. She’s just been too afraid to go to you.” Joe’s voice is laced with sadness.

I’m still kind of speechless. I don’t know what to say, so naturally, I stumble over my words and sound like an ass doing so. “Um . . . well . . . thanks.” It’s lame, but it’s all I’ve got.

Stepping inside, the warmth, not only in temperature, but in emotion, bathes over me. It really is a home. The small living room is directly to the side of the narrow entryway, and even though it’s small, it’s cozy and not in any way cramped. It’s colored in varying shades of blue, and instead of being over-done, the room is calming and peaceful. There’s a recliner and a small loveseat facing a modest television. The side and end tables are covered in family pictures.

My stomach drops and my eyes mist over when I catch sight of the mantle. I walk slowly over to it and with trembling hands, I reach out for the framed picture before me. It’s of me and Shane, dressed in our little league uniforms. I think he was fourteen and I was twelve. We’re smiling and laughing, arms wrapped around each other’s shoulders in a brotherly embrace. He looks happy and me, well it’s simple—I am in awe of my older brother, my hero.

Replacing that picture, I look at the others which are all perfectly placed in an almost shrine-like fashion. They are all of me and Shane. I realize that even though we may have been absent from Mom’s life physically, , we’ve been in her heart every single day.

It does little to moderate the anger I feel at her for everything, though. If she loves us this much, to see us in her life every day, why hasn’t she done anything about it?

Joe steps behind me and claps a hand on my shoulder. “She loves you. You have to know that. And she loved Shane too. She messed up and she knows it, but she never knew how to make it right. She’s asleep right now. Why don’t we sit down and get to know each other a little?”

He moves to the side and allows me to walk past him. He takes a seat in the recliner. It’s obviously his spot. I settle into the pale blue love seat and try to take everything in. Katie sits next to me and scans the room. When her gaze falls on an empty corner, her brows knit together in confusion.

“Where’s the Christmas tree, Dad?” There’s excitement in her voice.

Joe turns to his side while still sitting in the chair in order to get a better look at the corner where the tree is apparently supposed to go. “Oh, well, with all of Rebecca’s appointments and trying to pick up a few overtime shifts, I haven’t had a chance to get one.” I can see the stress and worry in his eyes. From what I can tell, things have been more difficult around here than he’s letting on with Katie.

“We can go get one this weekend if you want though, sweetie. It’ll be fun. We’ll watch
It’s a Wonderful Life
and decorate just like we do every year.” Joe’s offer brings a smile to Katie’s face and I can tell that it has always been his mission in life to make his daughter happy.

“Deal. Okay you two. I’m going to go grab a few things from the truck and head up to my room. I’ll let you guys chat for a bit.” She walks past her father and leans down to kiss him on the cheek. When she’s behind him, she looks at me and holds her hand up by her face and mouths the words, “talk to him” while opening and closing her hand mimicking the motion of a duck beak. I can’t help but laugh at her antics. She’s pretty damn funny.

When she’s out of the room, I look at Joe. I’m pretty sure he can see the nervousness in my eyes. It’s not that he’s making me nervous. I actually feel comfortable with him. The thought of facing my past is what’s wrecking me. I run my sweaty palms over my thighs as if doing so will help me come up with some way to break this long, awkward silence.

Completely unable to come up with anything intelligible, I silently hope that he’ll say something before I do.

Wordlessly, he stands from his chair and walks into the kitchen. Returning to the living room, he hands me a Budweiser and he twists the cap off of his own. After taking a long pull from the bottle, I say, “Thanks, I needed that.” His lips pull up into a lopsided smile and he nods in agreement.

“So, I imagine that Katie chewed your ear off on the ride over.” He takes another drink of his beer smiling at the thought of his daughter and her animated ways.

“Yeah, she did. It was good, though, I think.” A small chuckle helps to ease the tension building between us. “She filled me in on a lot. I . . . I didn’t realize that things were so bad. I wish I would have known. I could have helped.” Two weeks ago, I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth. I think back over all of the times that I ignored Katie’s calls. If I would have picked up the first one, would I have been able to help? It’s a complete reversal of how I originally felt over all of this, but I’m being completely sincere in expressing my desire to help. I want to make amends. I want to be a part of this family. I want to be a better person and this is my chance to do all of those things.

“Things definitely have not been easy, but we’re getting by. I’ve been able to pick up some overtime and my boss was nice enough to give me today as a comp day because he knew Katie was coming home.” I can tell that the conversation is making him uneasy. We’re essentially picking apart the reasons why he is struggling to support his family. That’s enough to piss off any man.

“Joe, I don’t want to step on any toes here, but I can help. I want to help. You don’t have to answer and we don’t have to talk about it again if you say so, but I still have most of the money from Shane’s lawsuit. I know that Mom must have told you about it. I want you to have some of it, to pay for mom’s bills, to get you on your feet again, to give you some room to breathe.”

That money has always been tainted for me anyway. It’ll be better if someone else uses it instead of me.

He takes another sip of his beer, this one longer, as if he’s trying to swallow back his pride along with the alcohol.

“Thanks, Reid. I’ll think about it.” I hear his voice wobble with unsteady emotion. I can’t imagine how difficult it’s been on him. The man has already lost his first wife in a way that no one should ever have to deal with. Now, he’s watching the woman he loves deteriorate and waste away right before his eyes.

The guilt of everything weighs heavily on me and my words are laced with pure emotion. “Joe, I’m serious. I want to help, and I know it might be difficult for you to accept it, but please let me. Mom wants to patch up our relationship and . . . well I can’t believe I’m actually saying this, but so do I. This is going to help me put things behind me. You can think about it if you want, but please know that I am going to be here for her and for you and Katie. If paying off her bills will make things lighter around here, then please let me do it.” I hope he can tell that I’m being sincere, that I’m not trying to wave my money in his face.

I can see him struggling with his decision. I can only imagine being in his position, but I want this. Actually, I need to do this. I’ve made the decision to be the bigger person here, to be the person my parents never were.

When he says, “Okay, Reid. I’ll take you up on your offer,” I want to pump my fist into the air as if I just hit a homerun. Instead, I just extend my beer in his direction. We clink our bottles together and silently toast our secret deal.

Before either of us can say another word, Katie races down the stairs to let us know that mom is up. I can hear mom’s footsteps in what I assume is the hallway above me and my nerves return. Both Joe and I stand as tension immediately invades the room.

Joe looks nervous as well. He hasn’t told Mom that I’m here and I can see the panic flit across his face. Katie stands next to him and holds his hand. “Dad, why don’t you go up there and talk to her for a minute. Let her know that Reid is here. It won’t do her any good to be shocked like that. She’s having a good day, so let’s not ruin that for her.” Katie’s voice is calm and even, yet warm and gentle. She’s obviously good under pressure.

Joe leaves us to go talk to Mom, and Katie comes to stand by my side. “It’ll be okay, Reid.” Her soothing words do nothing to slow my racing heart. I wish Maddy was here. She’d be able to defuse my tension. In this moment, I realize just how much of my strength comes from Maddy, from us being a united front against the world.

Katie and I stand, waiting for our parents to descend the stairs for what seems like forever. We hear the loud crash of breaking glass and we both recoil at the noise. I break away from Katie and race up the stairs two at a time. Katie follows behind me, her face etched in concern.

The bathroom door is cracked open and I see Mom crouched down on the floor, her chest heaving in sobs, as she tries to pick up the shards of glass. Joe races into the bathroom from the adjoining bedroom, but Mom is so distracted by her own tears that she doesn’t immediately notice either Joe or me. Joe and I make eye contact over the slumped heap that is my mom on the floor. He nods as he takes a step back, indicating that I should be the one to talk to her.