The Love Series Complete Box Set (155 page)

“I promise to take care of her; just please give me the chance. Don’t take her away from me before I can save her.” My throat constricts as the tears I kept at bay all night well up in my eyes. “I love her and I know you loved her too.” My words float up to Jimmy, hoping that he’ll hear them. “Please let her stay here with us. Melanie needs her. I need her . . .” The rest of my words evaporate into thin air as I feel arms wrap around me from behind.

With her cheek pressed flat up against my back, I pull her arms tightly around my waist, lacing our fingers together. “You’re not going to lose me. I promise, Evan.” Lucy’s voice is raspy and heavy with sleep.

I turn around to face her. Tears fall in tracks down her cheeks. Her eyes are bloodshot and her shoulders sag with the heaviness of last night’s revelations. “Come here. I don’t want to see you crying.” I pull her to my chest, lightly combing my hands through her hair. Then a wisp of a thought flits through my mind. What if I do lose her? What if this is the beginning of the end? Will this be one of the last times I’ll feel her soft body pressed against mine in need of comfort and protection?

I squeeze her tighter and inhale the sweet scent of her hair. That’s when my tears fall. “I can’t lose you, Lucy. I only just found you.” The thought of losing her—it’s just one I can’t face. It’s more frightening than any fire I’ve ever battled. Even just the threat of it feels as if I’m falling into a chasm of nothingness.

We hold each other for what feels like forever as the sun rises in the sky behind us. When our tears stop and she pulls away from me, she faces the sun, offering up her silent good morning to Jimmy I’m sure.

“I asked him to help us get through this.” My admission of offering a prayer up to Jimmy catches her off guard.

“You did?” Her reaction is one of muted shock.

“I did. I stayed awake all night praying for the strength to get through this . . . whatever
this
might turn out to be. Then I saw the sun and figured an extra word or two to Jimmy wouldn’t hurt either.”

Her face softens as a warm smile spreads across it. “That’s . . . Evan, it’s so . . .” she chokes on her words a little. After opening and closing her mouth a few more times, still unable to utter any words, she finally settles on, “I love you more than I thought possible.”

“And I love you the same.” I press my lips to hers, a silent vow to do everything in my power to get through this together. “Now, let’s sit and have some breakfast. You can tell me more about what the doctor said.”

The weeks that follow are filled with doctor’s appointments, second opinions, medical jargon and a few more biopsies, but the answer still remains unclear. Lucy definitely needs surgery to remove the lump and then there will be more waiting as we hope and pray that it’s not cancer.

“It’s been three hours. You think they’d have some kind of news by now.” Melanie is frantically pacing the waiting room with me. Maddy and Reid are with us too; the baby is with one of Maddy’s friends from work. Linda and Joe are also here. If good news could be brought on by the amount of love felt for someone, well, then Lucy would be the healthiest woman on the planet.

“Anyone want some coffee?” Linda has been trying her best to keep everyone calm, and she’s been such a support for both Lucy and me in the past few weeks. The girls and Reid join her in a short break from the non-stop worry that fills our time here, leaving just Joe and I in the small space.

I sit next to Joe, stretching my tired legs out in front of me, folding my hands behind my head. “It shouldn’t be much longer, Evan.”

“That’s what I’m worried about.” My admission confuses the fuck out of him and he does a shitty job of hiding that confusion, so I clarify it for him before he even asks about it. “I’m not worried about the surgery, exactly. It’s what comes after the surgery that scares the shit out of me. What if it is cancer? What if she gets really sick?” After a long pause, I add, “What if I lose her?” I can’t say the words
“What if she dies?”
because that’s just too frightening to even think about.

“I know what you mean. When Becca got sick, I was plagued by the ‘what ifs.’ But you can’t pay them too much attention. The ‘what ifs’ drain you of all the energy you need, to face down what
is.
”

Worry still courses through my veins so I stand and walk over to the wall of windows that provide a clear view of the lake out in the distance. I’ve served up lots of prayers in the last few weeks, spent many moments hoping that Jimmy is actually out there listening to Lucy when she talks to him—hoping he’ll put in a good word for her.

Please let her be okay, Jimmy. Please let me keep loving her.

Naturally, the doctor takes this moment to walk out into the waiting room. Her return is perfectly timed, as Linda, Melanie, Maddy and Reid return just as she’s about to approach Joe and me.

She pulls over an extra chair and faces us all. “The surgery was a success. We were able to get the entire lump, and from the preliminary tests we ran in the OR, it looks like it was benign.”

The weight of the last few weeks releases itself from my shoulders and flies away like a helium balloon set loose into the sky. Dr. Foster says a few more things and I try my best to focus through my relief. “Obviously, we’re not out of the woods entirely, but things are looking good.”

“Can we see her?” Melanie is bouncing in her chair. I know she won’t truly believe Lucy is okay until Melanie can hold her in her arms.

“Sure, as soon as we bring her out of the recovery room, you can see her.”

About a half an hour after Dr. Foster first let us know that Lucy was okay, she brings us back into Lucy’s room, where she’s resting comfortably.

“Hey,” she croaks out in a raspy and overly tired voice. A weak smile pulls at her lips and she tries to open her eyes enough to register who’s there to visit her. But, the anesthesia is making her groggy, so for our quick fifteen-minute visit, we mostly just watch her drift in and out of sleep.

When Dr. Foster returns, she lets us know that visiting hours will be over shortly and I can see the look of sadness pass across Melanie’s face knowing she won’t be able to see her mom until at least tomorrow morning.

Linda sees it too. “Don’t worry, Melanie. We’ll be back first thing in the morning. Come on, let’s go grab some dinner and rest up before we spend the whole day here tomorrow.” Everyone else decides to join in, agreeing that it’s been way too long of a day to go without a meal and some sleep. Just as we’re about to walk out of the room, Lucy wakes once again.

“Leaving so soon,” she jokes through the haze of her drowsiness. The doctor, who is standing at the foot of the bed finishing up the last of whatever paper work she needs to do, stifles a small chuckle. She also catches the worried look on Melanie’s face, softening to it quickly.

“Okay, they can stay a little longer, but just two.” She holds up two fingers for added emphasis.

Melanie and I say goodnight to everyone else, and pull up a chair on either side of Lucy’s bed. Before long, Melanie is passed out in her seat. I drape a blanket over her and she pulls it up over her shoulder. My moving around the room must wake Lucy, because when I get back to my seat, her eyes flutter open.

I reach under her blanket and find her hand. Careful of the I.V., I pull it out from under the covers and bring it up to my lips. “Hey, love.” I tuck her hair behind her ear and she turns her head toward me.

“Hi, yourself,” her words filter softly through a weak, but bright-as-ever smile. “Can I have some water? I’m so thirsty,” she rasps.

I reach to the small side table that the nurse set up for us earlier. “Not yet, but they said if you wanted you could have a few ice chips.” She nods and opens her mouth for me to feed her some.

As she lets the ice melt in her mouth, we sit and stare at each other for a few moments. I stroke my knuckles across her cheek, more thankful than I’ve ever been to feel her skin beneath my hands.

I offer her more, but she declines. “Did the doctor say anything? Was it cancerous?” I can already hear the rising anxiety in her words and I try my best to calm her.

“Dr. Foster said they were able to get the entire lump and that the initial tests suggest that it’s not cancer.”

A tear slips out of the corner of her eye as she pulls our hands up to her dry lips. “Don’t cry, Lucy.” I wipe away her tears with the pad of my thumb. “Shh, it’s going to be okay.”

“I know it is. I can feel it.” She kisses our joined hands again before giving herself over to sleep.

Around midnight, the nurses finally kick Melanie and me out. Lucy isn’t doing much other than sleeping anyway. We promise to be back bright and early the next morning, even though we know she can’t hear us.

After two days in the hospital, Lucy and I are packing up the last of her things, getting ready to be discharged. We were hopeful that the test results would come back while she was still here, but since we’re just about ready to leave, it doesn’t look like we’ll be that lucky.

With her small duffle bag in one hand, and a bunch of flowers in my other one, we’re all set to go. Just as we’re about to walk out the door, Dr. Foster walks in.

“Oh good, you’re still here. I just got the lab reports back. I guess when you have a friend who owes you a favor in pathology, things move more quickly.” The light tone of her words makes us think she has good news to share, but we’re both still too afraid to admit the opposite might be true.

She pulls a chair over as Lucy and I sit on the edge of the bed. Lucy is holding my hand so tightly that her knuckles are turning white with tension. As Dr. Foster flips through a few papers, our anxieties rise. My knee starts bouncing and my mind races with all of the possible words that could come out of the doctor’s mouth.

“Just as I thought.” Dr. Foster closes the lap reports with a bright and reassuring smile plastered to her face. “All tests indicate that the tumor was, in fact, benign which means that you won’t need any chemo or further treatments.” Unable to hold back my elation, I pull Lucy into my arms.

“Now, you’ll have to come back into the office for a few routine check-ups, but I suspect that there’s nothing to worry about.” Dr. Foster gives us a few more instructions on how to care for the incision and when to see her to have the stitches removed. She stands and shakes our hands, reminding us to call her if we need anything at all.

When it’s just the two of us in the room, we both look at each other like it’s the first time we’re seeing each other. I pull her back into my arms, careful not to touch the tender spot where her stitches are.

“You ready to head home now, love?” My lips are pressed against the top of her head and her face is buried into my chest. “I have a feeling you’ve got more than a few people waiting for you.”

She laughs in my arms. It’s a soft sound, but one filled with so much relief that I can’t do anything but hold her even tighter. The sun shines brightly in our eyes as we step out of the hospital and I silently thank Jimmy for helping her through this, for listening to our joined prayers and for letting me love her for the rest of my life.

Epilogue

December 31, 2013