The Lost Days (Prairie Town Book 3) (4 page)

Maybe she did feel bad for him, but that’s not what he wanted.  He didn’t need anyone’s sympathy.  He didn’t even
want
to remember anything anymore.  He just wanted to move on.

“Here.” The doctor held a tissue out for him to take and he snatched it from his hand, holding it up to his nose as his eyes met the girl’s again.  The last thing he wanted to do was cry in front of her, or any of them for that matter.

“I’m so sorry about my brother,” Laney said as she stood from the table and hugged her purse to her chest.  “He doesn’t forgive as easily as I do.  Devin...”

His eyes snapped to Laney again.

“I believe you.  I believe that you really did lose your memory.”

“That’s bullshit, Laney!” Jeb was at it again.  His hands flew into the air and he was acting like a mad man as his friend, Callum, quickly stepped aside to avoid his swinging fists.  “He tortured Lydia when we were little; he intimidated you when you dated him; he got me thrown in jail!  Or, have you forgotten that?”

“No, I haven’t forgotten that, Jeb.  I’m just saying that I believe him.  It’s possible for a person to lose their memories.”

“In movies, maybe,” Jeb muttered, side-eyeing Devin something fierce.  “This is real life, Laney.  People don’t just conveniently lose their memory like that.  Oh, I’m sorry,”—he scoffed—“I guess it makes sense if you’re about to be thrown in prison for the rest of your natural born life.”

“I don’t know what I did to you...” His voice weakened, trembled in despair as he stood from the floor and leaned against the wall.  “But I’m sorry for it, all right? I’m really sorry.  If I could remember any of it, then I’d deserve to live with the guilt.  But I can’t remember it, okay?  I don’t remember anything.”

“People had to tell me my own damn name.  My parents are strangers to me.  I didn’t recognize my brothers.”

Oh, hell.  He
was
going to cry in front of them.  It was humiliating and he felt lower than dirt as he bowed his head and pinched his nostrils together to stop the flowing blood.

“I’m truly, truly sorry for whatever I’ve put you through.”

The room was quiet.  No one said a word.  When he finally lifted his head to peer at them, one by one, and he tried to convey just how sorry he was as more tears spilled down his cheeks.

“I’m sorry, Lydia.  Whatever I did to you when we were kids—I’m so sorry.”

Lydia really was a pretty girl.  Her green eyes welled up with tears as she leaned against Callum and quickly wiped at her cheeks.  “I forgive you, Devin.”

“What?” Jeb’s mouth fell open.

“Laney, Benji.” He sniffled and blinked rapidly to clear his vision.  “Whatever I did on that night...whatever I said to you...please forgive me.  I wish I could take it back.”

Benji grabbed Laney’s hand and held it tightly within his own, giving him a firm nod.

“I forgive you for that, Devin,” Laney whispered with a small, quivering smile.  “We all forgive you.”

“WHAT?” Jebson bellowed.  “You’ve got to be kidding me!”

“Mr. McIntosh, I’m going to have to ask you to step outside.  You were in agreement to come here this evening and you are disrupting this session.” Doctor Thompson’s voice was firm as he pointed towards the door.  “Please step outside.”

“This is bullshit.” Jebson snorted with a roll of his eyes.  “I can’t believe you people are falling for this.  He’s lying!  Can’t you see that?  He’s pulled the wool over all your eyes, but not me—No, Sir.  Abso-fucking-lutely not.”

“Come on, Jeb.” Callum gripped his friend by his upper arm and pulled him towards the door.  “Don’t cause a scene, man.”

“I’m
not
causing a scene!  He’s the one who’s pretending to be innocent in all of this.  He’s the one who’s caused us so much fucking pain. 
He
hurt my sisters.
He
got me put in jail. 
He
tried to con you out of a million bucks, Callum.  Wait...stop pushing me—why are you pushing me?  Callum, stop!”

Once Jebson was outside and the door closed, Devin relaxed a little.  Well, not as much as he would have liked, but at least his heart calmed down.

How the hell am I supposed to move on with my life with someone like that around?  He’ll never forgive me.  He’ll never let me forget.

And it was pretty ironic that he couldn’t even remember any of it.  Would he be able to reconcile with a complete stranger?

“I’m sorry about him,” Laney said.  She maneuvered around the table and stood before him, her watery eyes darting back and forth between his.  “He hasn’t seen what I’ve seen, Devin.  None of them have heard you as I have.  It was really difficult for Lydia to come here tonight because of the history she has with you.  To be honest,”—she sighed—“you weren’t a very good boyfriend in the end.  You frightened me.  That night...the night you and Mia kidnapped me and Benji, well, that’s the single most terrifying thing I’ve ever experienced.”

“I’m sorry,” he sobbed.  “I’m so sorry, Laney.  I-I can’t take that back.  I can’t make it right.  I don’t know what to do...”

“I’ll tell you what to do,” Lydia spoke softly.

He whirled around and there she was, peering up at him with eyes similar to Laney’s.  Her mascara ran down her cheeks, but she still managed to look lovely.

How did I ever hurt her?  How did I ever hurt any of them?  Who was I?

“You’re going to get out of here and you’re going to start over, Devin.  You’re going to be kind to people.  Treat others as you want to be treated, okay?”

All he could do was nod.  His chin quivered uncontrollably as he sniffled again, and damn did it hurt.

“Just be a good person.  I can see it now—I didn’t believe Laney at first, but now I can see it.  You
can
start over.  You’ve been given a second chance and I’d hate to see it go to waste.  Just be kind.  Please?”

“Yes, ma’am.” He struggled to say, nodding once more.  “I’ll be sure to do that, I swear.”

“Good. That’s all I’m asking for.” She thrust her hand forward and he hesitantly grabbed it, shaking it as gently as he could.  “I forgive you for those days back then, Devin.  The mean person I used to see when I looked in your eyes is gone.  Don’t ever let him come back.”

“I won’t,” he promised.  “I won’t let him come back, Lydia. T-thank you.”

“You’re welcome, Devin.  Just take care of yourself.  I can’t even begin to imagine what you’re going through.”  She patted his hand and released it, joining her brother and Callum outside the room.

He was left with Laney, Benji, and Kelly.  Though his heart felt like it was about to jump out of his mouth, he forced a nervous smile and tried to wipe away more blood as he turned to gaze at them.

“Well, I suppose that went exactly as you expected it?” He rubbed the tissue over his mouth and frowned from the copper taste on his tongue.  Blood tasted disgusting.

“A little,” Laney admitted.  “I’m really sorry about that.”

“Jeb is usually a really nice guy,” Benji chimed in, wrapping his arm around Laney’s shoulders.  “But you really rattled his cage a lot.  The stories I’ve heard,”—he whistled—“not exactly fond memories for him.”

“Or Lydia,” Kelly added.

Hearing her sweet voice caused his heart to flutter and Devin prayed—he
prayed
—he’d never done anything to her.

But it wouldn’t exactly be surprising.  Apparently he was horrible to everyone.

“I am ashamed.” His head dropped and his heart plummeted into his stomach with a sickening splash.  He felt nauseous as he swallowed a few times and released a soft breath.  “I really do wish I could take it all back.”

“I know, but you can’t.” Laney’s hand touched his arm and he felt a strange tingle.  Why did it feel so weird to be touched by her?  “Just because it was terrible between us doesn’t mean it won’t work out with someone else in the future.”

His eyes immediately met Kelly’s gaze and she looked away.

Was she blushing?

No, you idiot.  She just heard every bad thing you’ve ever done.  Why would you even think that?

“Just do as Lydia asked; be a good person.  This is your chance to become the Devin you could have been, but never was.  And Devin?”

She had his full attention.

“Whatever you do, don’t let your father or your brothers change your mind.”

“What?” His eyebrows pinched together. 

What did Laney mean by that? 

“Good luck.” She stepped away from him and grabbed Benji’s hand, exiting the room. 

He watched as Kelly followed after them, but something in the back of his mind caused his mouth to open and a question slipped out.

“Did I ever do anything?” His voice squeaked.  “To you, I mean?”

Very slowly, she turned to peer at him.  Her gorgeous blue eyes moved back and forth between his for several long seconds before she finally shook her head.  “No.”

Thank God.
  He sighed in relief.

“But you did things to my friends, Devin.  And that makes me sad.  I never understood why you did the things you did, or why you hurt people for no particular reason.”

She stepped up to him and it felt like his innards were being squeezed.  Just being close to her caused him to get dizzy and he didn’t understand it a bit.  He couldn’t like someone he didn’t remember.  What if they had never been friends?

“My husband—”

Shit.  She was married. 
Of course
she was married.

“Patrick always told me people like you picked on others to make them feel better about themselves.  He said that’s the only reason for shitty attitudes.  I think I understand that now.”

There was no hate in her eyes, but he could definitely see disappointment—and maybe a hint of pain.  Had something happened to Patrick?

“Whatever insecurities you had back then will surely still be intact when you get out of here, Devin.  Make sure you don’t use them to hurt others. Get a friend.  Talk to someone who
isn’t
related to you because they sure as hell don’t know how to treat other people decently.  And please,”—her voice became softer—“please don’t ever hurt my friends again.”

“Kelly, I—”

“Just promise me that.”

“I do promise you that.  I swear it on my life.”

“Good.” She nodded and some of her golden hair fell into her eyes.  He had the strangest urge to push it away, but refrained as she turned to leave the room.

Even long after the door closed and he was left with only Doctor Thompson, his heart still fluttered erratically like a crazed butterfly.

It just didn’t make sense to feel that way around her when Laney was obviously his ex-girlfriend. 

Nothing makes sense anymore.

“Well, I’d say that went very well,” Doctor Thompson spoke as he grabbed his clipboard and gazed at him.  “I am pleased with what I saw tonight, Mr. Rose.”

“How can you be pleased with that?  You saw what happened, right?  That Jebson guy hates me.  He probably would have killed me.”

“Yes, but be that as it may, you didn’t fight him back.”

“I didn’t have a chance to.”

“No, but you had an opportunity when his friend interfered.  You didn’t do it.”

“And that’s helpful to my case, how?”

“The old Devin Rose would have caught him off guard.  As someone told me, and I quote, ‘The Roses fight dirty.’  You didn’t.  You chose not to play at all.”

“Doc, that doesn’t make me feel better.  None of this makes me feel better.  Those girls?  I hurt them.  I did terrible things to all of them and I have to live with that for the rest of my life.”

“We all make mistakes, Devin.  But you’ve been given an opportunity not many have ever had.  You can leave this facility and become a new man.”

“What sort of man can I be if I can’t remember anything?  Do you have any idea how crazy this is making me?” His hands began to shake as he sat down.  He could feel his chest tightening. 

Perfect—another panic attack.  That’s all he needed.

“Mr. Rose, I want you to consider what possibilities await you.  It is evident you didn’t make many friends when you were younger.” The doctor shrugged. “Who’s to say you cannot make friends now?”

“Who would want to be friends with me?  I’m an infamous asshole around here, aren’t I?”

“Devin, listen to me.” The doctor knelt before him and stared up at him, his eyes becoming kind and gentle.  “Everyone deserves redemption—
Everyone.
  I need you to do this.  You’re going to walk out of here and start over.  Take the life you’ve been given and make something of it.  Help people.  Help yourself.  Show them all that you can be a better man.”

“I don’t know how to show them that,” he admitted quietly.  “I don’t even know how to show myself that.”

“Time, my boy.” He rested a hand against his shoulder and squeezed it.  “Time.”

K
elly

Later that night as she prepared for bed, she couldn’t get those eyes out of her mind.  There was such overwhelming sadness in Devin’s eyes and it reminded her of someone.

Herself.

Learning to live without her husband and the father of her children had never been easy—it was never easy for anyone.  The hard times that fell on their household after Patrick’s death were a complete nightmare for her, but thankfully she’d gotten back on her feet with the help of friends.

Maybe that’s all Devin needed, too.

Do I want to be his friend?
She ran the brush through her hair and gazed at her reflection.  Concern and hesitation stared back at her as her lips anchored into a frown.

Everyone deserved a friend, didn’t they?  Even though she’d lost touch with hers over the years, they had come back.  What if Devin didn’t have anyone like that in his life?

It was such a depressing thought; he was about to be released into the world and maybe he just didn’t have anyone he could turn to.

But maybe he deserves it.

She scoffed at the terrible things her mind could come up with and rolled her eyes.  That was most certainly no way to be thinking when the poor man was so lost.

But why was she taking it upon herself to help him?  Why did it have to be her?

“Mommy?”