The Lost Blogs (21 page)

Peace.

From:
http://www.florence_nightingale.com/blog/

Subject:
Party to a Wounded Dog

Mother and Father had the most exquisite social engagement of the season yesterday evening, with most of the well-to-do around
London arriving in ornate carriages and bearing wonderful gifts for the family. Mother told me I would have to stay upstairs
during the event, as it was for the elder members and not for children like me and sister.

We watched from the window upstairs as people came and went that afternoon, trying hard to keep our eyes open as the night
enveloped the sky—of course, we were startled when deep into the evening we heard the sound of a crying dog in the distance.
We rushed down in our nightgowns onto the front drive—and there we spotted a dog that a carriage had hit.

I took one look at the blood and blacked out.

Mother was standing over me, holding my cold palm when my eyes opened again—but all I could see was the poor dog’s wounds
and it made me so sick that I couldn’t bear to keep my eyes open. I cried and I cried (although my sister did not) and my
mother and father assured me that the dog had not suffered and was now in a better place.

But the blood. I could not keep myself from thinking about it. Seeing it. The oozing red thickness of it all permeated my
thoughts. It was a living nightmare for me, and although Mother and Father have done their best to wipe the image from my
mind, I must be candid when I say that if I never see such things ever again in my lifetime, it will not be too soon.

Social engagements and Sunday tea. These are the things that I find myself longing for. The simplicity of life without complication.
The pure paradise of living a life where you are safe, taken care of and satisfied. This is what Mother and Father will provide
for me and sister—and these are the images that I hold close as the events of yesterday still cloud my mind.

I shiver with horror. Blood. There can be nothing less appealing than that!

Sister, of course, has already begun
talking about yesterday’s events
on her own journal, where she revels in the events by providing sketches of the incident. I, personally, have not gazed upon
them nor will I choose to do so… I must put such horrific images as far from my mind as possible!

From:
http://www.mao_zedong.ch/blog/

Subject:
You Will Read This Blog, Repeatedly (As Written by Chairman Mao)

You have come here to my weblog because it has been required of you.

First, if you have not
purchased the “Little Red Book”
filled with helpful quotations from a variety of my speeches, you must do so now.

Click on the image of my book to the left and order it now. It is required that each citizen own my book and thus there should
be no delay in your clicking of the image to the left here on my official site and purchasing the book so you may carry it
with you wherever you go and that which you will show to others who do not yet have it so you may influence them to purchase
my book as well. Once again, this is required of all citizens by law, and thus, you must buy it.

Wonderful news!! My book,
Quotations from Chairman Mao Zedong
is currently the #1 bestseller in China! Some are saying that the book, which some refer to as the “Little Red Book,” has
surpassed the Bible in sales and that it appears as if each and every citizen has one in their home. This is wonderful news,
and a total surprise, and I can’t thank enough each and every citizen who has decided, on their own, to pick up this book!

Now that we have finished with the above business, which I remind you is your duty to purchase, I would like to direct your
attention to a variety of additional writings not included in the above book (but which will be included in
More Quotations from Chairman Mao Zedong
, and a potential follow-up book entitled
Even More Quotations from Chairman Mao Zedong
)… You will want to click on these articles because I am asking you to and if at some point in the near future you are questioned
on the words within these writings and you cannot answer such questions, well, these will be dark times for both you… and
you.

Why I Like Swimming, Pt 1

Why I Like Swimming, Pt 2

Building a Pool Near the Forbidden City, Pt 1

A Pool Is Born!

Class Struggle, and Swimming

Why We’d Rather Not Fight a War, and Swim Instead

It would be wise for all who read this page (which should include every citizen of our country) to send a message
here
and include text that praises the words that I have provided above, as well as the book that some are saying “is sweeping
the nation of China”!

A #1 bestseller! I am beside myself with glee.

From:
http://www.evabraun.com/blog/

Subject:
An Exciting Time!

You will not believe what happened to me this week…

So I’m working for Heinrich Hoffmann—he’s that photographer I told you about
here
who takes photographs of the Nazi Party… Well, I went out to assist him the other night and something amazing happened…

I met the most wonderful, gentlemanly, intriguing man ever—such a mysterious fellow who goes by the nickname “Herr Wolff”!
He comes across as a total gentleman, although some may say he looks a bit silly with his funny mustache and his big felt
hat! But that’s what’s so refreshing compared to the evil men I’ve dated before—this “Wolff” is different! He’s not a man
in wolf’s clothing, but a “Wolff” of a man! Like you’ve all said before—it’s time for Eva to find a nice gentleman this time
around anyway!
[email protected]
said it best when he wrote that “
Eva should find a man who cares about others, who wears his heart on his sleeve and who can laugh at himself!
”

Well, Franz—I believe I’ve fallen for a man just like that!

Sure, my father and family disagree with Adolf’s (that’s his real name, isn’t it so adorable!?) political beliefs and whatnot—but
really, when have someone’s political beliefs ever harmed anyone? When love is in the air, isn’t that the most important thing
between a man and a woman? Isn’t that all that one should take into consideration?

[email protected]
wrote me a note that said, “
Eva—when you find that gentle, supportive, loving gentleman that you are looking for to complete your life, you will know
it! Do not listen to anyone else around you—they don’t have your best interests at heart! If you feel it. If it makes you
feel happy… Then it is what you should pursue!
”

I did something silly, too. After meeting him and finding myself enamored with him and his silly little outfit, I slipped
him a love letter into his pocket! I know!!! So crazy! But I felt that we were meant for each other from that simple meeting
and could not let him disappear forever without at least letting him know my true feelings!

I can just tell—this is going to so work out and my family will get to really know him and realize how great of a person I
feel that he is… They’ll finally realize that my instinct in picking someone (this time) is good. That I’ve gotten better
at really seeking out the kind, thoughtful, harmless partner that will share a long life with me. forever!

God, I’m so giddy about the future right now I can’t even stand it!

From:
http://www.ferdinand_marcos.ph/blog/

Subject:
Problems Other than Martial Law

I understand some are not pleased that on September 21 I declared martial law here in the Philippines, as supported by Proclamation
No. 1081. But understand that such decision was motivated by the current violent activities by the New People’s Army (
their website is here
). I promise to try and make this drastic change in governmental policy as seamless as possible.

Under these new guidelines, I will be introducing my vision of “Bagong Lipunan” or, a new society—a new direction in which
all people (no matter their class, background or wealth) will work together toward the common goal of achieving the liberation
of the Filipino people. The first step, of course, will involve a redistribution of wealth, so to speak… Families with great
wealth will have their property given to those with less. Those with privately held land will find that some will be given
elsewhere. It is important that those who stockpile their wealth or spend inordinate amounts of money on useless items and/or
worthless material goods should not flaunt such financial status and waste such wealth while others are starving or necessitating
more.

This is, of course, the focus of Bagong Lipunan.

In other news, I must direct you to
Imelda’s Shoe Fantasy
—a new site she’s just created which includes over 3,000 pictures of her extremely large collection of shoes and lingerie.
You’ll especially want to peruse her unique pieces in the collection—from her pair of plastic disco sandals whose heels flash
while one dances (which cost $2,500) to her bulletproof bra (valued at over $10,000)!! Imelda is quite adept at providing
commentary on each pair of shoes and each brassiere—from where she bought them to how much they cost, to how many times she
has worn them (usually fewer than two times, can you believe it!?) and why each pair means so much to her. It’s a wonderful
site with a great message—that fashion really can make you happy!

Once again, we will get through this period of civil and violent unrest—this martial law will play its part, fix the problem,
and return the Philippines to a place where all citizens will be able to afford a comfortable lifestyle and where those who
take advantage of their wealth will be treated to a reality they will soon not forget!

Bagong Lipunan!

From:
http://www.spiritofsaintlouis.com/lindbergh/

Subject:
Blogging the Transatlantic Flight

Pre-flight, Roosevelt Airfield, NYC: Press. Family. Friends. Levity and excitement all around. This is going to be such a
wonderful opportunity—being the very first person to fly solo from New York to Paris. I’m a little nervous, but we’ve double-checked
everything. Departure is minutes away. Shared a quiet moment with the plane’s designer,
Donald Hall
.

Hour 1 & 2: The great going-away celebration at Roosevelt Field still has me smiling. Wow. Just an amazing opportunity. Reflecting
some more on the departure. On the flawless takeoff. Should probably go over my flight plan and check over the instrument
panel.

Hour 3: Checking over the instrument panel some more. Everything looks okay. Spending more time thinking about departure in
NYC. That was a great moment. All those people. It’s a little quiet being alone up here. No one to talk to. I had some great
conversations while in NYC on the airstrip. Talked to some of the technicians from Ryan Airlines—the company that built the
plane. That was fun.

Hour 4: Sooooooooooooo, yeah. Umm… Did I mention that when we took off from Roosevelt Field it was a pretty flawless takeoff?
Yeah. That was great. Yeah.

Hour 5: It’s been the fifth hour for what seems like ten hours. I have about twenty-eight more hours to go until we reach,
er, until “I” reach Paris. I should have brought a book. Although, if I think back to when I took off from Roosevelt Field,
maybe I can replay it in my mind like I’m watching a movie. Maybe that would keep me busy or entertain me and make the time
fly? Maybe not. That’s just stupid. Concentrating on the flight. That’s the most important thing.

Hour 6: And then Donald Hall says, “
It’s been such a pleasure working with you, Charles
.” And then I say, “
Thanks, Donald
.” And then he says, “
I wish you the best of luck, and my thoughts are with you
.” And then I say, “
Yes, but what about the Russians!
?” And he looks at me with this look of horror and says, “
The Russians? Have they found us out!
?” And then there’s this big explosion and we go running for cover.

Hour 12: I thought I saw a Model T up here with me after Donald Hall and I battled and successfully escaped from the Russians
who were intent on stealing my plane for questionable and treasonous
activities. I tried to follow the Model T, which brought me off course, which I’ve now rectified. Twenty-one more hours to
go.

Hour 15: I can see the Eiffel Tower. I swear to God I can see the Eiffel Tower. Yes, I know it’s far away and yes. I know
it shouldn’t be possible, but I am telling you I can see the Eiffel Tower. I mean, sure I have great eyesight—I’m always able
to see that line on the very bottom of the eye chart… it’s E, E, E, E, a backwards E, and a few more Es. No, there’s the
Eiffel Tower! I must be closer than I thought. I must be. I swear. I’ll be right back.