The Lost and Found (7 page)

“I hope so. How’s Ethan?”

“He’s doing good. He’s made a couple friends here. I’m sitting here at his school waiting for him to get out.”

“Oh good, I’m glad to hear he’s doing all right. So what are you driving? Did you get a cool car?”

“I’m in one of the ranch trucks, and it’s a beater. Josiah’s going to help me figure out what kind of car I should get.”

Gracie jumped on my slip of the tongue. “Josiah? Josiah
who
?”

Crap
. “He works for Billy.” I hoped she’d drop it.

“Your voice changed when you said his name.”

“No, it didn’t.”

“And now you’re defensive about it.”

“No, I’m not.”

“That’s fine. You don’t have to tell me about him yet. I can wait until you’re ready to talk about Josiah.”

I gritted my teeth and rolled my eyes. Thankfully the school bell rang and it gave me the excuse I needed to get going. “Hey, The Kid’s out, so I gotta get going. Talk to you later.”

“Later.”

I hung up quickly before she could decide to ask me again about Josiah. I’d have to be on my guard for a while, be careful not to slip any more. Agitated, I got out of the truck and stood next to the open door, my eyes trained on the doors of the school, watching for Ethan to come out.

On the drive home he told me all about his day, his teachers, the classes, the drama. I laughed a little as he relayed those details. Some things never changed, I reflected. The names were different, but the drama remained the same.

Josiah

JOSIAH WATCHED HER, NOTING
the way Crimson moved. She was getting stronger. Her eyes were warming, like melted honey. Her skin was glowing again. He could see she was still in pain, holding it deep within, but she wasn’t drowning in it any longer.

Today she wore a black tank and worn blue jeans. He watched her shoulders flex and move as she pulled the rake through the corral dirt. He had a strong desire to taste and touch those shoulders. See if her skin was as soft as it looked.

They were cleaning river rock out of the soil so the horses wouldn’t be injured when being ridden. He’d taken a wheelbarrow full of rock out behind the barn where they dumped it, and as he got closer to her, he couldn’t help the heat that flared inside when he saw her.

Even covered in sweat and dirt, Crimson was beautiful. Nothing, it seemed, could dim her beauty. He was so proud of her, of how far she‘d come in the last few weeks. From that first day, when she’d made the decision to live, he’d watched as she’d gone from zombie, to living and breathing, and now she was blooming, opening like some rare flower. Josiah took pride in the knowledge that he’d had a part in her progress; he’d been instrumental in her breakthrough. There was still so much more that she was in need of. Her shoulders, those lovely shoulders, were still heavy with the burden of her pain.

Josiah could only imagine the extent of it. He knew pain, was very familiar with it. He knew betrayal and he knew fear. But he also knew that each person responded to that kind of pain in his own way — that Crimson would have to find the courage to face and defeat hers all on her own. He’d gladly take it from her, but Crimson would have to offer it first.

He thought back to the day she woke up, when she’d suddenly appeared at his side, after he’d dumped her in the pond. He’d decided then to keep his mouth shut, not wanting to spook her. Not when she’d just made the decision to return to life. He remembered thinking she was little, so tiny compared to him. Too tiny for the work she was attempting. Yet, she had worked hard. She’d worked out her anger and fear that day, never saying a word to him, just worked alongside him, sweated and strained. Josiah had been so proud of her, but he’d kept his smile hidden, that pride hidden.

Josiah recalled the bitter, tangy scent of the alcohol on her when he’d lifted and carried her out to the pond. It was a familiar scent he’d never thought to find here at the L&F. It brought back memories he’d preferred dead and buried. He thought maybe he’d made a mistake, but then he’d caught a mild trace of it again later that day as she’d sweated beside him. He’d intended to question her, but Crimson had already moved on toward the house and he didn’t have the heart to call her back. She’d been darn near exhaustion that first day, and he knew she needed to rest. He’d have to wait and see how things progressed.

That was how things continued for the next three weeks. Crimson continued to pull her weight, throwing herself into whatever task Josiah had set for them. She never baulked at anything, always put in a full one hundred percent effort. He couldn’t have been more proud of her. And she was blossoming. The healthy glow was back in her eyes and on her skin. She smiled more now. Not only was she still alive, she was beginning to thrive again.

He’d noticed her eyes on him several times in the last couple of weeks as they’d worked together, but had never commented on it. Josiah had wondered, though. Her reactions reminded him of how girls responded to him in town. He knew he got looks. Some were bold, others more reserved. All of them were curious about him. Wondering what it would be like to be with a guy like him. One known to be dangerous. The guy with the ink. The one no one messed with.

Crimson didn’t strike him as that kind of girl — her gaze held interest and curiosity, even though she was shy about it. Still, Josiah recognized an interested look when he saw one. It was the same look he was trying desperately to keep off his own face when he was around her.

After a minute or two of Josiah watching her, Crimson stopped, straightened, and stretched her shoulders, then looked over said shoulder to locate him. Their eyes met and he saw that enticing flash of heat flair in hers before she looked away. Josiah shook his head, trying to get his thoughts right. Crimson was his boss’s granddaughter, and Josiah didn’t know how Billy’d feel about the two of them becoming an item.

She licked her lips, just a nervous gesture, not intended to be seductive, but Josiah felt the shock to his body clear down to his toes. He kept forcefully reminding himself that he needed to watch it. Billy might have issues. Josiah knew this, but he couldn’t help the desire Crimson stirred in him — he was only human after all.

She’d blushed again as their eyes met and he knew she’d seen it, that heat, and he wondered if she knew she was playing with fire. Josiah watched as she turned her honey brown eyes away; she had a look of deep contemplation on her face now, and he wondered what was going through her head right then. Was she uncomfortable with him? Was she bothered by his attraction to her? He didn’t think so. Was she planning to talk to Billy about it? Josiah decided he’d have to tell Billy, man to man. Honestly. He hoped Billy would at least be open and not opposed to the idea. He hoped…

Crimson Sage

JOSIAH MOVED FAST
. We’d just spoken yesterday about the
idea
of me
possibly
giving a few of the ranch boys some math tutoring, and yet here I was snorting coffee out my nose and into my hand at the breakfast table as he broached the subject with Billy. Ethan pounded my back in brotherly fashion as I wiped my chin and shot an exasperated look at Josiah. Billy ignored my dripping coffee and scratched his chin in speculation. “Your mother said you were good in math.”

“Yeah, but I’m not a wiz or anything,” I told him. “I can hold my own, I guess, though.”

“Well, I’d intended to hire someone. There are four boys Bentley figures need some help in math. I suppose, if you’re willing, we’ll give it a shot. Ryan and Jack, Kelly and Dean, you were who we’d originally thought of. Anyone else think they’re gonna need some tutoring?”

All eight boys, ranging in ages from twelve to seventeen raised their hands indicating they wanted math tutoring. My eyebrows shot up in surprise. That anyone would
want
tutoring was beyond me, but that even the older boys like Rob, who would graduate the program and high school this year, seemed interested was even more surprising.

Josiah caught my eye and a grin flashed across his face. I remembered his comment yesterday, that he thought the boys liked me just fine. I couldn’t keep the color from touching my cheeks. I looked at him for help, my eyes pleading. I didn’t want to tutor all eight boys.

“Let’s give Ryan, Jack, Kelly, and Dean a go first. They could probably use the most help. Then we’ll go from there,” Josiah suggested.

I quickly nodded in agreement. Billy felt that was a good idea and suggested we begin the following week. The four boys mentioned would meet with me right after school and I’d help them as best I could. Billy said he’d call their teacher and let her know our intent and see if she could give me a better idea about where they were, what they needed help with the most.

After breakfast Billy pulled me aside, before I took off with Josiah for the day’s work. “Are you doing all right, Sage?”

Josiah was the only one who called me Crimson. I didn’t know why that was and I hadn’t bothered to ask him. It’s what he’d called me right from the start. I glanced over to see Billy leaning against the fence rail. I shrugged. “I’m fine.”

“You’re settling in?”

“Yeah.”

“You know you don’t have to work… it’s not required for you to stay here — you know that, right?”

I nodded. “I need the work, Billy. Need to stay busy.”

“All right, just don’t think you have to. You’re family.” He paused for a moment then continued. “I was planning to pay a tutor about fifteen dollars an hour. That sound fair?”

“Sure.” I nodded again.
Fifteen dollars an hour?
That was more than I’d expected.

“Per student.” Billy stated. I looked over at him and he nodded seriously. “I mean it. If you can help them, it’ll be money well spent.”

It looked like he intended to reach out, maybe to touch my shoulder. I quickly turned out of his reach, my shoulders tingling, anticipating his touch. “Thanks, Billy. I’d better catch up to Josiah. See what he has in store for me today. See ya.”

I tried not to see the look in Billy’s eye as I’d turned away from him, but I had. The hurt was there, but I didn’t know what I could do about it. I wasn’t ready for physical affection yet. I was barely handling the verbal stuff. Billy couldn’t have known how I was barely holding things together inside. How I was so terrified that if I gave in just a tiny bit, all that hurt, all that pain, all that raw emotion would come pouring out. I knew he couldn’t have known that, but I didn’t know how to tell him that either.

These last few weeks working with Josiah, I’d begun to live again. But, I wouldn’t go so far as to say I was alive. Yes, my brain was functioning, there was breath in my lungs, and I was able to respond to most of what went on around me. But, emotionally I was still shattered. I still didn’t know who I was.

For all my life I’d been Crimson Sage Smyth, daughter of Terri and Dean, sister to Ethan. I’d known who I was and who and what I’d wanted to become. Mom and I had this dream of me becoming a nurse maybe, or getting into sports medicine. Now, I just didn’t know. That dream no longer seemed to be mine. It was like it had died with my parents.

Sometimes it made me angry, thinking about them. My parents. Why hadn’t they told me the truth about who I was? The truth about where I’d come from? I’d continued to read Mom’s letters. Some were just random thoughts that she had in the day, noting some sweet little thing she’d caught me doing or saying. Those were the letters that read more like a journal or diary. Then there’d be the ones that talked about something from her past. Mom wrote about her friends, her boyfriend Jon, her dad. She’d describe these people, almost like she wanted me to know them. I just couldn’t figure out why. Why would Mom want me to know them? It seemed for every question I’d ask, another question would arise, making me just that much more confused.