The Lion's Den (Faraway Book 2) (20 page)

He held me in his stare, and I wanted to know everything else he was keeping from me. The colonel stood, and I felt like a little girl as he towered above me. I needed him to fix all of this. To make it right so we could be together without anyone being hurt, but that wasn’t how life worked. It wasn’t how affairs worked.

“I’d better take you home.”

I had a thousand more questions to ask him, but I stayed silent. He was letting me go. Giving me a fresh start to release the guilt and love myself again, and for tonight, I was going to take it.

MY DRESS WAS PERFECT. MY
shoes were perfect. Everything was perfect except my marriage. Brad seemed to buckle under his stress more and more each day, and the guilt of my part in the erosion of our marriage wore me down with him.

I kept my distance from the colonel. We slipped into a silent relationship that included none of the usual jovial exchanges. One day, Daniels mentioned the new coolness in the office, and I pretended to have no idea what he was talking about. Truthfully, the office felt too hot to me, getting hotter with every day I stayed silent. It was another reason I had to leave the job I loved as soon as my memory completely returned.

Little things had come back. I remembered how awesome Liv was, the Fall Festival the year before, and how Liv had won the costume contest. I had remembered standing in the middle of Main Street, talking to Jenna and the colonel’s wife about an upcoming field trip. The one I wasn’t going on because I was planning on spending the extra time in bed with the colonel. All of it made me blush. Most of it made me sick. But I loved him. I couldn’t stop myself.

I checked the time on my computer again. I needed to leave a little early. I was having my hair and makeup professionally done for Brad’s office holiday party. They held it in January to avoid the rush of the holidays. It also coincided with promotions, so for some, there was a lot to celebrate. Even the party seemed to cause him stress, which was funny, since I couldn’t remember a time Brad wasn’t ecstatic when an open bar was involved. For some reason he didn’t want to attend this one. Amit’s insistence was what finally convinced him to go.

I was hoping it would be good for us. In another lifetime, we loved celebrations and the dancing and drinking that went along with them. We just needed to find the Meredith and Brad who used to be the last couple on the dance floor. We needed to remember why we were together in the first place. I hoped the floor-length red dress with the slit up the side would help bring it all back.

The frigid air flew in the front door as I waved the sitter inside.

“Mrs. Walsh, you look beautiful!”

“Thank you, Alexis. It’s Mr. Walsh’s office party tonight.”

“I love your dress.”

“Me, too. Let’s hope he loves it.”

“Where is he? Mr. Walsh.” Funny how a twenty-year-old girl easily made the connection that I was an island, but I was able to ignore it most of the time.

“The party’s in Philadelphia, near his office. So I’m meeting him there.”

“Oh. Well, drive careful.”

“I will. See you in a few hours. We shouldn’t be much later than midnight.”

“Take your time. We’ll be fine while you’re gone.” I bundled in my coat and grabbed my clutch off the counter in the kitchen. It was a forty-minute drive to the hotel, which was plenty of time to prioritize my goals for the evening.

I had to find some clue as to why my husband was so angry all the time and manage to find a way for us to have some fun together the way we used to. I wanted Brad to love me the same way he did before we moved out of the city. I wanted him to bring me home and
make
love to me, not just fuck me.

I wanted him to make me forget about the colonel. To make me forget who I was.

I felt like he’d succeeded in doing it at least once before, so he could do it again.

I pulled into the parking garage and found the closest spot to the elevator I could fit the enormous Escalade. Groups of people dressed in formal attire walked from their cars to the elevators. While Brad’s boss’ party was usually an intimate affair, this party was for the entire Philadelphia office and some counterparts from around the world. There would be several hundred people here. I shared the elevator with four couples. One I recognized from a party a few years ago.

“Meredith, right?”

“Yes.” I shook the gentleman’s hand. “I’m sorry. You look familiar, but I can’t place your name.”

“It’s Richard, and this is my wife, Hillary.”

“Of course. How have you been?” The elevator ride was long but good practice for what was coming my way.

“Good. How were the holidays?” A question I would undoubtedly repeat and answer fifty times over the next few hours. The elevator doors opened, and everyone exited together. We were all going to the same place.

“Busy. How about you and Brad? The kids must have been excited.”

“Oh, they were.” I followed Richard and Hillary to the coat check. The poor man had his own wife and now Brad’s to deal with. As soon as possible, I made an excuse to go to the bathroom and relieve him of me.

I freshened up, smoothed my hair on the sides, and reapplied my lipstick. Brad was going to love the dress, and we were going to love each other. I checked my phone for texts about the kids and stored everything back in my clutch. Taking one last deep breath, I opened the door to find my husband.

It took about thirty seconds to see him after I entered the ballroom. He was at the bar, surrounded by people hanging on his every word. He was taller than almost every one of them. He glanced toward me and winked, and at that moment, I thought we were going to be okay.

I worked my way through the people until I was next to him. He was ordering me a glass of Cabernet, and when he tipped the bartender, I kissed him on the lips. Brad smiled before his eyes darted around the room, and my heart fell, cemented to a sinking brick of fear that daddy’s friend, Dharma, was more than in Liv’s head.

“I’ve been watching for you,” he said and handed the wine glass to me.

“You have?” I wanted to love him. I wanted to need him the way I used to, or at least the way I thought I used to.

“Of course. You look beautiful.”

They say that to everyone.
I pushed my mother’s words out of my head. “Thank you. Have you been here long?” Brad had that I’m-kind-of-drunk smile he often had after a few beers.

“A bunch of us went to happy hour before here.”

“Hey, Meredith,” Brad’s friend, Amit, said just before pulling me into a hug. “How’s that head of yours? We were worried.”

“It’s good.” I laughed as I spoke. Amit and Brad had been close since Brad had started working there. He was at our wedding a million years ago.

“Did your memory come back?”

“Just about all of it,” I said, and watched the smile drain from Brad’s face. Fear replaced his unyielding confidence and it left me cold. “Everything I need to know is back.”

We danced. We drank. We ate.

I listened to every word spoken around me for some hint as to the origin of Brad’s stress. I still harbored some hope it was job related and not a result of another woman. Nothing came up. Amit seemed his laid-back, normal self. In fact, out of everyone who was at the party, Brad was the only one who seemed on edge.

He stayed close to me, barely leaving my side to get another drink. As the line formed by the coatroom, I excused myself to use the bathroom one last time before driving back to New Jersey. While I was in the restroom, I came up with the brilliant plan to convince Brad to leave his car at the hotel so we could drive home together. We could bring the kids into the city tomorrow to retrieve it. We’d be like a real married couple. Normal. Like he liked us.

However, when I came out of the bathroom, Brad was nowhere to be found.

I scanned the ballroom and he wasn’t there. I checked both bars inside as well as the one set up in the hall. I knew he wasn’t on the terrace smoking. Brad hated it. But after a few minutes of still not finding him, I walked over to the windows. Brad was leaning down toward the young girl who was speaking to him. She was petite with dark hair, which was pulled back in a sleek ponytail. Her head flipped back and forth violently as words flew from her mouth. At one point, she pointed a finger at him. She was maybe twenty-five, twenty-six. Quite junior to be so combative with Brad. Most people his level wouldn’t dare speak to him that way.

I gently pressed the bar on the glass door and opened it.

“She’s none of your fucking business,” Brad said, and I stopped breathing. I stood in the doorway as both of them looked up at me. Neither of them spoke.

Instincts kicked in, and I smiled my fake, nice-to-meet-you smile I’d plastered on my face most of the night. “Sorry to interrupt.”

“You’re not,” Brad said too fast. He stepped back from the girl.

“I’m Dharma,” she said and walked over with her hand outstretched, but I already knew who she was. Dharma had enormous breasts that were billowing from the top of her dress. Even as a heterosexual woman, my eyes were drawn to them.

“Meredith,” I said, shaking her hand before turning to Brad. “Are you ready to go? It’s getting late.”

“You can’t leave now. We were just going to the lobby bar for the after-party.” Dharma wasn’t talking to me, even though she was staring right at me. Her words were meant for Brad. She was bold and young.

“Would you excuse us?” Brad said to Dharma without using her name, as if by not saying it, I would forget she existed.

“Nice to meet you,” she said and walked back inside.

“Would you mind if I stayed a little later?” Brad asked. He was sweating, but it was freezing out.

“I was actually hoping we could ride home together.” Brad’s shoulders rose as he tilted his head with denial. “Like a couple,” I added and hated the way my voice sounded. If there was something to be jealous of Dharma for, I wasn’t going to let Brad know it.

He leaned over the way he’d been with Dharma just minutes before and kissed my cheek. “I won’t be late.”

The cold wind whipped around us, taking the last shreds of affection I felt for my husband with it.

I DROVE OVER THE BRIDGE
alone. It was almost funny. I was content. The pressure of loving Brad was gone. I was no longer searching for the answer to the question that had plagued me since I’d remembered having sex with the colonel. The question that kept me awake at night. How could I have an affair?

Watching Brad and his young friend tonight made me realize I wasn’t cheating on a thing. He was no more my husband than I was his wife.

For a split second, I tried to convince myself I was overreacting and that Dharma was not fucking my husband, but deep down I knew.

My mind drifted to every sentence out of Brad’s mouth since the accident. He wasn’t frustrated by work. He was stressed out by his young girlfriend. That could only mean one thing—she wanted to be more than his girlfriend.

I followed the roads home without paying much attention to the other cars or the direction in which I traveled. At least I didn’t until I reached the base of the bridge in New Jersey. Instead of driving to the house I couldn’t wait to move out of, I ached to return to a place I’d made love to the colonel. I knew the way to the pasture. I knew it just like I knew exactly how his hand had felt between my thighs as I’d driven us there while he fed me ice cream. My children were home, though, and that was where I needed to be.