The Lily (The Flowering Series Book 1) (10 page)

I was friendly with one of the women in the office, Sophia, and I asked her what would be appropriate to wear to such a party. Reminding me of Lily, she clapped her hands and told me to come to her house that evening and we would shop her closet.

I left my building and came back inside three or four times before I got up the guts to make my way to Sophia’s house. Immediately she welcomed me with wine and we got started on several hours of ‘dress up Morgan’ and by ten I was exhausted but had two outfits to choose from.

Sophia also said we could take a taxi together to the party to share the cost and I was grateful to not have to enter the party alone. Saturday came and I tried on both outfits. As I stared at the revealing dress Sophia had picked out I knew I should have never had that second glass of wine that night.

The other outfit had leather and there was no way I could pull something like that off so I had no choice but to wear the dress. Any other woman would be jealous of my gentle curves, which luckily had filled back out after I visited the therapist for a while. I knew Jake would have loved the silver dress and I saw my eyes get sad in my reflection.

Tonight I would be independent fun-loving Morgan. Jake would never stand for the pity party I continued to throw myself. Although it would be the second hardest thing I would ever do, I knew I needed to stand on my own. Not as a widow and not as a lover scorned by death. I needed to be myself again.

Sophia and the taxi picked me up and we headed to the party. She was a talker so luckily I did not have to add much as we passed beautiful old farmhouses and rows of vines growing delicious wine grapes. When we finally turned into a driveway lit with thousands of twinkling lights I was already under the spell that is Italy.

The rumors had been right and there were celebrities, political figures and all sorts of gorgeous people. There was really no surprise as to why they were here when you looked up and saw the house. Actually it may be accurately labeled a villa but regardless it was magnificent.

Sophia quickly found a group she knew and before I knew it I was alone with a glass of champagne. Rather than stand around and look awkward I decided to take a tour of the house. I roamed room after glorious room filled with a delightful mix of antiques and modern fixtures.

At the doorway of each room there was a server with a tray of champagne and before I even knew what I was doing I had drank four glasses. Normally I am a one and done girl and my tolerance had gone down since Jake’s death. I was starting to feel the effects of the bubbly as I entered what appeared to be a library.

Gorgeous wooden bookcases lined the walls and large doors opened onto a balcony. I thought the fresh air might do me some good so I headed that way. I looked out over the vineyards knowing that Jake would have loved it here and the tears started coming. It was then that I noticed someone sitting in a chair at the far end of the balcony.

What happened next was nothing less than magical, bizarre and intoxicating. A tall man unfolded himself from the chair and made his way over to me. Without pausing he gently brushed the tears from my cheeks. I looked up at him pleading with him to ease the pain in my heart and that is when he kissed me.

I had not kissed another man since Jake and before him there had only been a few sloppy high school kisses. This mysterious kiss was full of comfort, lust and understanding. To my surprise I did not hesitate but kissed him back with equal intensity.

When he finally broke the kiss he whispered in my ear with a thick Italian accent, “Please let me love you.”

As an answer I pulled his head and lips to mine letting him know that I was accepting his offer. He grabbed my hand and pulled me inside. I then noticed that there was a fire in the fireplace to keep the damp night out. My savior went to lock the door returning to slowly lift my dress over my head and used his touch to let me feel his desire. I returned the favor by unbuttoning his shirt allowing my hands to roam his chest feeling the strength beneath his muscles. After a kiss filled with wanting we quickly discarded the remainder of our clothing.  Within minutes we were naked and tangled on a blanket in front of the fire.

I did nothing but feel. It had been so long since someone had touched me intimately that I had forgotten how much I missed it. Jake and I had such a physical relationship there was never a want or need that went unanswered. The emotional grief did not allow me a chance to mourn the physical grief and now I was getting the chance.

Tears rolled down my face as this nameless man worshiped me, setting my body aflame with every touch. He often would catch my eye, kiss me gently and wipe my tears. We never exchanged words but I could feel him reaching out to help me heal. I also had an instinctual feeling that he also needed to feel this closeness.

I barely remember being with anyone before Jake so it was hard to compare. Actually it was completely different. This man made my toes curl in a very physical way and I felt a small piece of my former self slide back into place. It felt as if his only goal was to make my body sing and remind me that I was a woman who had needs.

After we were both spent we lay in each other’s arms for an hour or so before I decided that I better go. I had never had a one-night stand so I was not sure about the protocol but I did know that it was time for me to leave.

We both quietly got dressed and walked hand and hand to the door. Before he turned to unlock the door he again cradled my face in his hands and kissed me deeply. I choked out a ‘thank you’ and then turned down the hall.

The party was still in full swing as I made my way to the waiting taxis. As we pulled out of the driveway I did not look back but felt a piece of my heart grow back. It sounds weird but I knew that nothing would ever be the same and this time that was a good thing.

I should know by now to trust my instincts. Nothing was the same after that night and it became even more obvious when two weeks later I woke up with morning sickness and I knew right away that I was pregnant.

I thought immediately back to the night of the party and I realized we had not even exchanged names. We were so caught up in the passion and mystery of the night we had not thought to take precautions. I had not been on birth control in years and the doctors had even told me there was a chance I would not be able to conceive again after the accident.

At the time I had not been heart broken because if it was not Jake’s baby I thought I would not want it. Yet as I got older I realized that a child could help me move on and I had even casually looked at adoption.

I could have tried to track down the father, but I was convinced this all happened for a reason and that I was supposed to raise this child by myself. I expected to feel scared and angry but I felt calm and happier than I had in a very long time.

Chapter 13:

Nine months later I had Joshua Jacob Petrillo at a hospital in Florence. I was just finishing up the merger and as soon as we were able to travel we would be heading back to the States.

I contemplated leaving the project so I could have the baby at home but to honor his father I thought it was important that he have dual citizenship. It was my way of keeping Joshua loosely tied to the place where he had been conceived.

When we excited the plane in NYC four months later I was expecting to take a taxi to my apartment but then I saw them. My family was here to meet us. Carmine, Nancy, Lily, Mike and even Jake’s parents waited with signs and baby boy balloons. I took a shaky breath not sure how they were going to react to Joshua but I also knew they loved me and Joshua was an extension of that love.

There were hugs, kisses and everyone wanted to hold Joshua. I looked at Jake’s parents and I could see pain but they quickly replaced that with love and Joshua became their first grandchild. Nancy insisted on moving in for a few months until I was able to handle working full-time and the baby and I will forever be grateful for her love.

It was hard to raise Joshua on my own and I had a huge support network. I cannot imagine those amazing women who are single mothers with no one to turn to. I continued to work and Joshua had a nanny until he started school. He was a remarkable child and I could not believe how lucky I was that he was mine.

When he was five he asked me where his father was. I knew the question was coming but it still did not prepare me for looking into my child’s eyes and having to explain the situation. I decided before he was born that I would not lie to him about his father. I wanted Joshua to learn honesty and respect and that started with me.

So in the simplest terms I thought a five year old could understand I told him his father was most likely in Italy and we needed to be here so we decided it would be best to be apart. This worked for a few years but finally at age eight he asked me why I was not married to his father.

With the Internet and cell phones kids were growing up long before their time and I knew the same old story was not going to work here. I remember taking a deep breath and asking Joshua if he knew where babies came from.

If it had not been such a serious conversation his reaction would have been comical. Explaining in way too much detail for me he accurately described sex. Once that horrible two minutes was over I then asked him if he knew what love was.

This time he was quiet. I explained how people fell in love with one another, chose to get married and have children. Of course there are exceptions to that and our family was one of them.

I knew that I could not avoid the next question but how I wished I could. Joshua then asked me if I had loved his father. I searched my mind for memories of that night and played it over and over in my head reliving the feel of his father’s lips and hands. I thought I was going to have to figure out a way to tell him that no I did not love his father but I stunned myself by realizing that at the very moment in time where he had mostly likely been conceived I had very much loved his father.

I loved him for seeing my pain and not ignoring it but helping me live through it. When we were together it was not about sex but the connections people need to help them deal with their lives. I do not know if his father felt the same way but it did not matter because I could with honesty tell Joshua that I had been in love with his father.

Besides an occasional comment here or there that was the last time Joshua asked about his father. Of course during his childhood I also had one heck of a time explaining our mismatched family. Carmine and Nancy were easy and they took being grandparents to the next level.

Lily and Mike were friends so they were also easier however I know that when they saw Joshua they thought of Jake and Aidan so I never pushed them to get together if they were not in a good place. Jake’s parents however were the oddities in our little family but they wanted to be in Joshua’s life and I wanted to keep the closeness with Jake. I never had to worry about Ash because as far as I knew he had not been spending time with his family.

I explained that they were friends of the family and to call them aunt and uncle. I finally told him the whole story when he was eleven after he confessed to having his first crush. I knew he would not yet understand the intensity of the love Jake and I shared but I wanted him to know about Jake and how important he had been in my life.

By the end of the story I was a mess and without saying a word Joshua handed me the tissue box and hugged me for a long time. Jake would have liked Joshua and I was glad he finally knew my whole story.

As Joshua was set to turn thirteen I knew that we needed a change. Although I was sending him to some great schools I did not like the values that were preferred there; materialistic values over honesty and respect. So before Joshua was to enter high school we bought a house in upstate New York and relocated.

I was able to convince Morgan Stanley that I could work remotely a few days a week and still be a valuable part of the Mergers and Acquisitions team. They agreed and because I had been smart with my money over the years Joshua and I were in a great place financially when we moved.

We must have looked at twenty houses before finally walking into a perfect sized, two-story home that had a backyard leading into a forest of tall leafy trees that would be bright gold, orange and red in the fall.