The Lighter Side of Large (34 page)

“Nope,” he remains adamant. “That will endanger the mission.”

“You silly man,” I laugh. “I can’t wait,” I say, wondering what he has planned.

“Neither can I,” Jae says softly. “See you tomorrow, beautiful.”

I’m so excited that my hands shake as I pack my clothes while trying to get Abe and Fi’s clothes ready for their weekend with their dad. Where will we go? What will we do? Not that I can do much. Though it’s been a couple weeks since I left the hospital, I am slow to recuperate and rest as much as I can.

I’m in such a state of anticipation about the weekend that I decide to take a shower now in the late afternoon, hoping to get to bed early and be bright and ready in the morning for the “mission.”

On my way to the bathroom, I see a woman in the hallway mirror. Her clothes are baggy but her eyes are bright with hope and anticipation. I turn around, examining all my angles. My face has shrunk: no more double chin, though the skin needs tightening from years of being stretched. My butt doesn’t stick out like my own built-on Victorian bustle. It looks like a normal-size butt. My hips no longer need a “Wide Load” sign: they’re more slender, albeit they could stand a bit of toning. I lift my arms -stretched skin sags, nothing that weight training can’t take care of. Overall, I am pleased and happy with the person I see. “You are looking good, girl” I wink at her and give her the thumbs up.

The sound of a car and heels clicking on the walkway interrupt my thoughts. Tiresa has arrived early to pick up the kids.

I open the door before she knocks. “Come in - their bags are on the couch. I was just about to hop in the shower,” I tell her breathlessly, going to the back door and opening it. “Abe, Fi! Aunt Tiresa’s here!” I call.

They take their time getting off the trampoline. I shut the door and turn to see Tiresa standing in the living room. It hits me that this is the first time since her blow-up in this very room that she’s been in the house.

“You seem better,” she says in a halfway polite tone.

I nod. “I feel much better. If you’ll excuse me, I have to take a shower and finish packing.”

She glances at the kids’ bags and then back at me. “Going somewhere?”

I smile. “Jae is taking me away for the weekend.”

One perfectly plucked and arched eyebrow lifts. “Where to?”

“I don’t know; it’s a surprise,” I reply.

Tiresa shifts her weight from one foot to the other. “I had coffee with Jae the day you got out of hospital.”

I glance at her, puzzled. “Yeah, I know. He told me.”

“He said he is still close with his ex-wife. They do business together. Doesn’t that bother you?”

I shrug. “Why should it? She’s remarried and he’s with me.” The kids stumble into the house then. I hug and kiss them goodbye. “Be good. I’ll see you rascals on Monday,” I say.

They grab their bags and rush out the door to Tiresa’s car. Without another word to Tiresa - we never say goodbye to each other - I head down the hallway to the bathroom, leaving her to see herself out. In a minute the water is running and I am undressing. I pause when I hear my mobile ring. After a few rings it stops.
If it’s important, they will leave a message.
I hop into the shower, singing corny love songs into the hand-held shower head.

•

After taking me out for breakfast, Jae drives the Jeep onto Highway 6 going east but refuses to reveal our destination. I sit back and relax. Jae holds my hand when he isn’t shifting. A little over an hour into the trip, we turn onto Queen Charlotte Drive, and a little after that we go north on Kenepuru Road. Soon we have a view of the Mahau Sound.

“Do you have any idea where we’re going?” Jae asks teasing.

Just then we pass a sign which gives away our destination. “The Marlborough Sounds? Are you serious? I’ve always wanted to see them!”

There’s a lot more twists and turns in the road before we finally pull off Kenepuru Road to a smaller road, which leads to a gravel road, which then winds through the woods for a short way until it emerges into heaven.

The trees give way to a two story cabin. Well, it isn’t exactly a cabin. It is more of a luxury condominium built of logs. The deep blue water of the Marlborough Sounds spreads across the valley floor behind it. A boat dock juts out to a small motorboat. A barn sits nearby. Its door is open and I see quad bikes parked inside. With the sun shining through fluffy white clouds and the temperature hovering around perfect, I know we are in for a special weekend.

Jae parks next to a silver SUV. “Who’s here? Where is here anyway?” I ask.

Jae gets out of the Jeep and comes around to open my door. He extends a hand to help me out. “This is my home away from home. As for who’s here, that’s another surprise.” Holding my hand, he leads me to the front door and opens it. We step into a gorgeous rustic house - rustic with every modern amenity. The ceiling of the den rises two stories. A twelve-point buck is mounted on a shield above the stone fireplace. A wooden stairway climbs up to the second story, its banister looking like a slender tree cut down the middle, its smooth lacquered cut side serving as the top of the banister and its underside with branches serving as the spindles. One wall of the cabin is of windows, affording a view of the water.

And seated in overstuff sofas centred around the fireplace sit Riyaan, Sands, and a woman I don’t recognise. And then I do.

“Cat?” I blurt. And it is, except this is Cat as she should be - bathed, hair combed, and dressed in non-bag lady clothes. “Is it really you?”

Riyaan and Sands greet me with a hug, but Cat remains seated, back ram-rod straight as usual. Some things don’t change. “Who else would it be?” she replies and we all laugh. “Sands let me shower at the gym. Your man gave me some clothes.”

Sands clears her throat. “You mean I had to drag you into the shower and force you into those clothes. Now see, isn’t it worth it? You look ready to rejoin the human race.”

“No thanks. I have a very low opinion of humans,” Cat retorts.

We laugh again. She may look different on the outside, but she is still Cat on the inside.

Jae wraps his arms around me. “Bella, this weekend is for you. You deserve a vacation; you deserve to have a fun time with your friends with no responsibilities. Your wish is our command.”

I squeeze him back. “I don’t deserve this or to have best friends like you. Thank you, thank you, thank you.”

“What do you want to do first, Bella?” asks Riyaan. “There’s a boat and quad bikes…”

“And trails and rock climbing,” adds Sands.

I look around. “The first thing I want to do is find the loo.”

Jae takes me upstairs to my room, which overlooks the lake. It features an en suite bathroom. “I know you’re still hurting, so I want you to take it easy,” Jae admonishes. “Don’t feel obligated to go rock climbing or do anything too exerting, okay?”

Despite the pressure in my bladder, I don’t rush to the bathroom. Instead, I take both of Jae’s hands. “The only thing I want to do this weekend is be with you.”

And for the rest of the day, we never leave each other’s sides. After exploring the house and barn (full of recreational equipment), Jae takes us for a spin in the boat across the Mahau Sound, cold water splashing on us in a fine mist.

We return in the evening and while I sit with my feet propped up to a small fire in the fireplace, the others make dinner. At first they plan to keep it simple and eat frozen pizzas, since I am still on a liquid/pureed food diet, but I insist they have a celebration meal. “It won’t hurt my feelings to see you guys eat hearty,” I say. “In fact, if you don’t, I’ll feel guilty.” And so Jae grills steaks from the freezer, Riyaan and Sands make the vegetables and other side dishes, and to everyone’s shock, Cat makes a tasty appetiser and sets the table.

We linger at the dinner table long after everyone finishes eating, laughing and joking and enjoying each other. Everyone except Cat. She remains expressionless through the meal and conversation, so it’s hard to tell if she is enjoying herself or not.

Nevertheless, I’m thrilled that Jae fits in with my gang. Over the past two weeks, he met us at Café Crave and it seemed like he was always a part of our group. He hit it off with Riyaan; he and Sands planned to give a discount to Go 4 It to her gym members; and Cat didn’t bother him. In fact, he seemed to get her, and most importantly, accept her.

After dishes are done and the food put away, Riyaan races up the stairs and comes back down lugging a karaoke stereo.

“Oh, no!” wails Sands.

“Oh, yes!” Riyaan cheers. “Come on - it’ll be fun.”

Riyaan starts off with a gyrating rendition of the B52s
Love Shack,
which we all sing along to, followed by me with, appropriately,
I Will Survive.
The group claps in time to the music as I strut across the “stage” (in front of the fireplace). Jae looks adorable when it’s his turn. He chooses My Way by Sinatra and gets into the act with gusto. I have goosebumps by the end of the song. Sands, however, is laughing so hard that she has to run to the loo so she doesn’t wet herself. When she returns, we perform a duet,
You’re the One that I Want
from the film Grease.

We finish, collapsing into one another with laughter. And then to our surprise, Cat, who had been flipping through the karaoke songbook, stands up and takes the microphone from me. “Number 703,” she says flatly. Riyaan punches in the number and the song begins.

Violins play softly. Cat opens her mouth and we are stunned. “When you wish upon a star/makes no difference who you are/anything your heart desires will come to you.”

Her clear alto voice warbles slightly, as if from years of lack of use. “If you heart is in your dream/no request is too extreme/when you wish upon a star/as dreamers do.” I recall the very first crazy conversation I ever had with Cat; we talked about our favourite Disney songs. She is singing my favorite.

As she comes to the end of the song, Jae takes my hand. “Like a bolt out of the blue/Fate steps in and sees you through/when you wish upon a star/your dreams come true.”

“Oranges,” Jae whispers.

“Huh?” I whisper back.

“Oranges, not fate, stepped in, in our case.”

I remember the orange avalanche with a smile and lay my head on his shoulder.

The party breaks up soon after that. While the others go to bed, Jae and I sit out on the deck in a double reclining deck chair, cuddled together under a thick fleece blanket wrapped around us, gazing at the stars reflected in the glassy lake.

“Are you warm enough?” Jae asks, taking my hand which isn’t wrapped around his back. “Your hands are freezing.” He kisses it. If I was freezing before, I wasn’t now as he sets off a spark. He reaches out to caress my face, first with his hand and then with his lips. We’ve kissed before, but not like this.

It gets hotter and hotter underneath the fleece blanket. Even in the passion of the moment, Jae doesn’t go too far. He keeps his hands around me or on my arms or face. The difference between him and Mika, who would be inside me at this point, is striking. We part for a moment, the cool breeze flowing between us. “Do you want to continue this upstairs?” I ask breathlessly.

Jae strokes my face and kisses me once more. “Not yet.”

My heart jumps and my stomach clenches. He doesn’t want to? Why? Why? If my boyfriend doesn’t want me, that can’t be good. Despite his declarations of accepting me as I am, am I still too fat? Is that why he doesn’t want to sleep with me? Rejection seeps into my soul.

And then he smoothes back my hair. “I know you’re still sore and in pain. The last thing I want to do is hurt you, so,” he kisses me again, “I will wait until you are ready.”

I
am
ready, though I see his point. A night in bed with him would tax my strength and current physical limitations. “You’re right,” I hate to admit but am relieved as well. He’s not rejecting me because of my size. And it doesn’t stop us from kissing a few minutes more.

By the time he breaks off again, I feel secure, the echo of my brief panic attack fading away. “I have something for you,” he says.

“Jae, no,” I protest. “You’ve given me this weekend. There’s nothing more I want.”

He shakes his head. “Close your eyes.”

“Jae,” I begin, but he puts a finger to my lips.

“Just close your eyes,” he says again.

I sigh in surrender and shut my eyes. “You really don’t have to do this.” As much as I like Jae and am flattered by all the planning which went into this weekend, it makes me feel just a teensy bit guilty that he wants to give me something more.

“Okay, you can open them,” he says.

I open my eyes to see him cupping his hands together. Right, so this gift is small. Jewelry? A key? “Open it,” he says, holding out his hands to me.

Holding my breath, I unfold his hands - and see nothing. I bite my lip, uncertain how I am supposed to respond.

“What do you see?” he asks.

“Nothing,” I reply, wondering what I’m missing. Certainly he wouldn’t joke at a romantic time like this.

Jae smiles. “That’s right. I want nothing to ever come between us.”