The Light in the Wound (19 page)

I graduated with honors and stepped up on that stage knowing that I had made Jesse, my grandparents and my sisters as proud of me as they had ever been. And when Jesse went up on the stage to give his commencement address, he looked straight at me as he spoke his words. It made me burst with pride, but more importantly, it made me feel like all those years may have been worth it. When he spoke his last line, “Remember that if you manage to stay true to yourself in this journey called life, you will accomplish great things. Success is not measured by money, fame or friends. Its intrinsic value can be found in the hearts of those whose lives you have touched,” the whole school cheered. Caps were flying all around the stadium as he proudly walked off the stage to stand next to me. The celebrations continued for the next two weeks, a party here or there and even a huge group trip to someone’s house on a gorgeous resort island. There was a change in Jesse that was noticeable to me, but I wasn’t sure if it was because this was the first time I was seeing him around a larger group of people. He was more relaxed, louder, and more social than he ever was with me. He also drank a lot and got drunk quite often. I chalked it up to the release of all of his pent up energy for the past four years. I no longer felt threatened by Katrina, in fact, she was in all of the parties and even came along during our trip to the beach. All the years of seeing what my mother went through swore me off both drinking and any form of medication. I was used to tolerating headaches and colds and coughs only because I refused to take anything to relieve any kind of pain. So I was probably the only sober person during the three-day trip to the beach.

We arrived at the house on the beach a little after 8:00 P.M. The boat ride across the island was choppy and rough. The home was a stunning three-story house on the shores of the Pacific Ocean. We were assigned one of the seven bedrooms and walked on the beach with the rest of the group to find a spot to build a bonfire. Jesse was in great spirits, laughing with his friends and chugging those beers, it was a joy for me to watch him so relaxed and at ease. I was content with sitting on the sand between his legs, leaning on his chest and listening to the many conversations that were going on around me. About an hour into the bonfire, I started to feel the effects of the day trip and let out a stifled yawn into Jesse’s arm. He jumped at the opportunity and pulled me up, bidding everyone a good night and leading me back into the house.

“I’ve been waiting to get you alone all night,” he muttered as we held hands and walked down the hall to our bedroom.

“I have to take a shower before bed to get all this grime off me,” I said as I gave him a quick kiss and headed to the bathroom.

Minutes later, I felt a draft on my back as the shower door opened and he stepped on to the teak-lined floor. We both laughed as it made a creaking sound, but his look turned serious almost immediately after I twirled around to face him. He had that all too familiar
look
— the one that he got whenever we were alone together. I stepped into his arms, and he held me under the warm and relaxing rush of the water.

“Iss, let’s hurry so we can go to bed,” he whispered, as he unleashed a devilish smile so delicious I had no intention of staying in that shower a second longer than I had to. I pulled him down to give him a kiss. “Mmmm, you know how I am about having to blow dry my hair, right, babe? Fifteen minutes tops, I promise.”

Ten minutes later, I climbed into bed and into his arms.

Later, flashes of our night popped into my head as I relished the soreness that I was still feeling from being driven into while I was on my knees.

“Oh my God, Isabel. You feel so good!” That sensuous voice in my ear would be with me that day, every day, forever.

The second day we were there, the guys decided to take the boat on a fishing trip off the coast of a neighboring island. Jesse had asked me if I wanted to come along, but we had already done a late night boating trip the night before and I didn’t do too well with the darkness, the strong waves and the current. None of the girls in the group opted in either, so I decided to stay by the pool and relax for the day. It was a beautiful infinity pool that stretched out over a balcony overlooking the beach. I think I was the first one there but pretty soon, the other girls in the group had pulled up their deck chairs and struck up casual conversations among each other. There were six of us, but only three of us were the better halves in a relationship. Ryan’s girlfriend, Gina, was the one who introduced me to the group and went out of her way to make me feel at home.

“Isabel, Jesse says you’re going to be working for the government. Are you excited?” she asked as she was attempting to spray her back with sunblock.

“Here, let me help you,” I offered, as I took the cylinder from her and continued to squirt some formula on her shoulders. “Yeah, I really believe in what Senator Rickey is trying to do to help improve the quality of life for those living in the slums.”
Oops. Too much information.
I knew why I was suddenly nervous. Katrina had just walked up to us and taken the deck chair next to me. Why did she even bother to wear a bathing suit? The flesh colored string bikini she had on made her look gorgeous, pathetic and naked. And what I would give for that blond mane of hers. It made me want to smooth my hand over it instead of yanking it out of her head.

“Congrats, Isabel,” Gina continued. “And Jesse, how about that? First job and with a big time multinational! When does he leave for the training session? I know Ryan wanted to leave a little bit earlier so they can tour the place.”

Katrina nonchalantly turned over to us and piped in. “We leave next Saturday.”
We? We.

“Oh, where are you going, Katrina?” I asked in my sweetest, most innocent voice.

“Jesse, Ryan and I leave all together. Did you not know we were going as a group?” She threw back.

“Oh, yes, I did, actually. I think I just spaced out for a few moments there.”

The rest of the afternoon was pure torture for me. All I wanted to do was get up, go back to the room and absorb the new information I had just learned without having to feign my emotions. I felt glued to my seat, unable to move. I couldn’t give any indication that our short exchange had just unnerved me. We stayed by the pool for two more hours and then went in to make some sandwiches. Afterwards, I excused myself to take a nap in the room. I grabbed my phone off the nightstand and noticed three missed calls from Alex. Alex?
Today is certainly the day for bewildering surprises.
An hour later, I woke up to my phone ringing in my ear. I searched around the room and figured that Jesse wasn’t back from his fishing trip.

“A?”

“Hi Isa. Where are you?”

“I’m at Karen Michell’s beach house on the island. Where are you calling from? Are you okay?” I was wide awake now.

“I’m fine,” he said chuckling. “I’m back in town, and you’re the first person I called. I am so sorry I just disappeared like that. Issues.”

“Why were you angry at me? What did I do?”

“Absolutely nothing, Isa.” An uncomfortable silence ensued. “Listen, I’d love to see you when you’re back in town. You know, catch up. Are you still not allowed to go to the club? I can swing by your house, and we can go out for coffee or something.” Why did he sound so different?

“The club. Huh. I haven’t been there in ages. I would love to see you, Alex. I’m so glad you’re back. I can’t wait to hear what you’ve been up to.”

“Me too. Text me when you’re back in town?”

“I’ll be back tomorrow. Not sure what time, but I’m sure Jess will take me home directly from here.” I winced when I said his name. My heart dropped as I remembered this morning’s revelation.

“Okay, Isa. See you soon.”

“Yup. Bye, A.”

I pressed END on the phone and flung my arms back as I lay in bed and stared blankly at the ceiling above me. My eyes started to pool with tears. My heart was heavy with a conflicted mixture of overwhelming love and hopelessness. What was wrong with me? I was sick. Sick with love. I couldn’t let go even if I knew that I deserved more than four Saturdays a month of his time.

TEXT FROM ALEX: I missed you, too.

Jesse walked in about an hour later. Night had fallen and the sky was dark. I was watching the beautiful darkness over the clear dusky water from our expansive bedroom window. Shimmering sparks of light would flash every so often, illuminating the totally black sea. I heard the door close and felt him come up behind me.

“Hi, baby. We’re going to have the big blue marlin we caught today for dinner. You should see how huge it was!” He was pressed against my back and his arms were folded across my chest. “How was your day?”

“It was good. I slept for two hours this afternoon. I guess I didn’t realize how exhausted I’ve been.”

“Looks like you got some sun,” he whispered, turning me around to face him. His hands were now underneath the oversized t-shirt I was wearing. “I’m the luckiest guy in the world, this is what I get to come home to,” he breathed, as he searched for my mouth.

“Jess?”

“Mmmmm.”

“Why didn’t you tell me that Katrina was going to be working at the same firm as you?” My eyes were closed.
I love his lips. Focus on the conversation.

“Who cares?” He cupped my breasts. “I’ve been thinking about doing this all day,” he whispered as he planted his lips on my neck.

“I do. She’s also going to be flying to the States with you and Ryan.” I tried unsuccessfully to push him back from me.

“There’s the magic word. Ryan. He’ll be there.” His hands skillfully roamed my back as he lifted me up and pressed me against him.

“Ryan being there, ungghhhhh, has never stopped her before.”
Did he have to slip two fingers inside me while I’m trying to have this discussion?

No wait, stop, I can’t do this anymore.
I gently pushed his hand down so his fingers slipped out and disentangled myself until my feet were firmly back on the floor.

I held his face and gently pleaded, “Baby, please, let’s just talk about this for a few minutes.”

“Okay”, he conceded. We moved back and sat together at the edge of the bed. He took my hand firmly in his.

“I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you that she was going to be working closely with me, especially during the training period. But I wanted to prove a point to you, that it wasn’t a big deal to me. I don’t care that she will be there. I don’t care about her. I’m going to train and then come back home and work as hard as I can so we can plan our life together. Isn’t that what our ultimate goal is?”

“I think there’s a bigger issue that we’ve been avoiding here.”

“What do you mean?” His head flinched back and his shoulders tightened.

“For the past four years, you have been so focused on your plans for the future. Where do I fit in with any of this? I’m going to be working just like you. But unlike you, I keep waiting and adjusting to make sure that the path I take collides with yours. You don’t seem to be doing that for us.”

“I know,” he confirmed, as he took a deep gulp of air.