The Life of Anna, Part 3: Embraced (46 page)

*****

Once Kurt had left to get ready for the
service, Anna hit bottom again. There was nothing to distract her
with him gone. She dressed in a black dress and heels and then went
downstairs to the dining room for breakfast. The other dancers
greeted her with warm smiles and hugs. She hadn’t seen many of them
yet. It was nice that they had come, but it didn’t make her feel
any better.

She looked at the food and realized she
wasn’t hungry. She sighed and walked to the window and looked
outside. It was raining again. She leaned her head against the cool
glass and closed her eyes.

“
Guten Morgen
, Anna.” Wilhelm came
and stood next to her. “How are you feeling?”

Anna sighed. “I don’t like feeling. It
hurts.”

“I can understand that
Liebling
.
Sometimes it seems easier to be numb.”

Anna nodded.

“But I am glad you’re talking again. I was
worried about you.”

Anna managed a small smile. “I didn’t mean to
worry you.”

She looked up at him and then closed her
eyes. Looking at him was looking at Alex. She adored Wilhelm, but
being with him was painful. Being here was painful.

“Devin offered to take me home tomorrow,” she
said without thinking.

“He did?” Wilhelm asked, his voice shaking
slightly. “Anna, you are welcome to stay here as long as you would
like. You are part of our family. Alex’s death hasn’t changed
that.”

“I know,” she whispered.

“I would rather you stay for a little while.
I...I do not want you going home alone.”

Being alone sounded rather nice. Nothing to
trigger memories, maybe? But Wilhelm was right. If she went home,
she’d be in that big empty house full of memories of Alex. And Seth
and Tony as well. Which would be worse? Here at least she had
people who loved her.

“I don’t know what to do,” she admitted
softly.

“I will not force you to stay, Anna. But I do
ask you to consider it. I love you. My family is your family and
they love you. Maybe just...stay until the initial pain is
gone.”

“But what about dancing?” she asked. Dancing
had always helped before. Maybe that’s what she needed.

Wilhelm paused. “I forgot about that. You are
close to another performance, correct?”

She nodded. “Two weeks.” But she had missed
many rehearsals. Would Isaak let her perform? It was to be her
debut as principal. With Aaron.

The decisions to be made were starting to
overwhelm her. She squeezed her eyes shut. She didn’t want to think
about anything.

*****

People began arriving a little while later.
Wilhelm’s brothers arrived first. Friedrich and Klara looked as
distraught as Wilhelm and Ilsa.

Of course.
Erich
. How could she have
forgotten? Her grief over Alex had overshadowed the realization
that there were other men that died that day. But all Anna could
think about was Alex.

She stood in the entryway with the rest of
the family. She met Seth’s mother and sister, and Tony’s parents,
and the other men’s families too. The Elders came as well.

The power those men radiated was
overwhelming, and with so many of them in the room, it was
suffocating. They were very polite to Anna. She was introduced to
several women that she knew instinctively were Elder-Mistresses.
They seemed very nice, but...ethereal. They didn’t seem to
understand why Anna was so upset.

She didn’t even fit in among her “own kind.”
What a depressing thought. She felt like she didn’t fit any
anywhere.

“Anna,” Devin said, walking up and kissing
her cheek. “How are you doing?”

She looked at the three men who walked over
with him. Father, son and grandson? The older man, probably in his
seventies, had gray hair and a gray beard. The younger man was in
his early fifties and had black hair sprinkled with silver and a
black beard. The youngest man was a few years older than Anna with
thick black wavy hair and was clean shaven.

“I’m all right,” she answered softly. She
wanted to ask Devin about the pills, but wanted to wait until he
was alone.

“Anna, this is Vitaly from St. Petersburg,
his son, Vlad, and his grandson Peter.”

Anna looked at Vitaly with hard eyes. He was
the reason Alex was gone. She knew she needed to be respectful, but
wanted to slap him in his face. Her hands curled into fists and she
trembled as she fought within herself.

“Anna!” Devin said sharply, but quietly.

“Hello,” she managed to squeak out.

“I am sorry for your loss, Anna,” Vitaly said
in a thick Russian accent. “I had no idea that Alex had so recently
married or I wouldn’t have contacted him.”

Anna pressed her lips together to keep from
being rude. Tears stung her eyes and her jaw trembled. “Excuse me,”
she said, and turned and walked away.

She walked to a window and tried to get
control of herself. She’d never been so angry before. Devin would
be angry, but Anna was beyond caring.

But if he was angry at her, he wouldn’t give
her any more pills. She needed those pills if she was going to make
it through the next couple of weeks.

She closed her eyes and took several deep
breaths. She needed to calm down and be contrite to pacify Devin.
When she was sufficiently calm, she returned humbly to Devin.

“I’m sorry I was rude, Devin,” she said
softly.

Devin gave her a sympathetic smile. “It’s all
right, Anna. I know you’re going through a lot right now. I
shouldn’t have introduced you to them. I didn’t think how it would
make you feel.”

Wilhelm came up to the two of them. “Anna,
the service will begin in a few minutes. We need to go inside.” He
put his arm around Anna’s shoulders and guided her into the crowded
hall.

It was filled with chairs, and most of the
chairs were occupied. There were several hundred people in the
room. Wilhelm led Anna to the front row and sat her between Ilsa
and Kurt. Kurt took her hand in his and squeezed gently.

A priest of some sort came to the front and
began speaking in German. Kurt interpreted for her, but she didn’t
pay any attention. She couldn’t concentrate on anything above the
pain in her heart.

Many people got up and spoke about Alex and
the other men. They were held in high esteem by all present, Alex
especially. Friedrich spoke about Alex and Erich as children. Isaak
spoke about how much Alex loved the ballet and supported it, and
loved a certain ballerina. More than one person talked about how
happy Alex was being married to Anna. How he had become a better
man because of her. Aaron spoke about his friendship and how much
Alex had changed Anna and vice versa.

Anna stared at the floor the entire time with
tears streaming down her cheeks. She clutched Alex’s wedding ring
in one hand and held Kurt’s hand with the other.

By the time Wilhelm got up to give the
closing remarks, Anna’s heart felt like it had been through a meat
grinder several times. She wanted to run away and drown herself in
a bath of cold water, just so she could numb her brain and heart.
God, would this pain ever end?

Wilhelm spoke fondly of the men and then
thanked everyone for coming. He sat down again in his chair and the
priest dismissed everyone, saying there would be refreshments in
the back.

Kurt kissed her temple. “Are you all right?”
he asked quietly.

Anna shook her head. “I need to find Devin.”
She needed those pills before she lost it.

“Devin? Why?” Kurt looked suspicious.

“I just do.” She stood and looked around the
room. He stood in the back of the room talking with Tom. Tommy and
Tyler were with them as well. She didn’t want to see Tommy. He
was...too nice. But her desire for relief outweighed anything else
and she hurried to the back of the room.

Devin looked at her kindly. “You okay?”

Anna shook her head and gave him a desperate
look. “Can I speak to you for a moment?”

Devin nodded and they walked to the side of
the room. “What can I help you with, Baby?”

Anna chewed her lip for a moment. “Do
you...have any more of...what you gave me yesterday?”

Devin shook his head. “No, not with me. I
have one back at my hotel room, but that’s it. It’s difficult to
travel with those things.”

Anna’s shoulders slumped and she hung her
head. There would be no relief from her pain.

“Is it that bad, Anna?”

She looked back up at him and nodded. “I
can’t stand it, Devin. I took it last night and felt so much
better. But this morning, I felt terrible again. And all this....”
She motioned around the room. “I can’t...deal with it. It
hurts!”

“I don’t think Wilhelm would approve of you
taking drugs to help you feel better.”

Anna thought for a moment. She loved Wilhelm.
But being here was too painful. Devin had something to make her
feel better. Devin didn’t look like Alex or remind her of Alex.

“Anna, if you come home with me, I have
plenty at home and you can have as much as you want. I have...other
things that might help as well.”

The thought was too tempting. She was too
desperate to get rid of the pain. She made her decision. “I’ll come
home with you.”

*****

Devin smiled, trying to keep himself from
looking too satisfied. Anna had done precisely as he knew she
would. She didn’t know how to deal with emotional pain. That’s how
he made her. He would take her back to the hotel room, fuck her
like crazy and promise her a pill when they got on the plane home
tomorrow. He really did have a plethora of drugs to offer her. As
long as she was coherent when he needed her to be, he didn’t care
what she did the rest of the time.

“I’m so glad, Baby,” he said hugging her.
“I’ve missed you.”

“I don’t want to go to my house,” she said
with a desperate look. “I can’t go home.”

Devin nodded sympathetically. “Why don’t you
stay at the Manor for a few days and then we can discuss getting
you a new apartment?” If she wanted one. She might be perfectly
content to stay at the Manor. Though it was nice to have her in
town. Hmm. He would have to think about that.

Anna nodded, relief already showing in her
eyes.

“When do you want to leave?” Devin asked
carefully. He didn’t want to press her.

“When can we?” she asked.

“My car is out front, but do you want to
leave Wilhelm so quickly?” Devin was pleasantly surprised for her
to be willing to go so soon. He didn’t want to stay any longer than
he had to. The place annoyed him.

Anna nodded. “He’s too much like Alex,” she
whispered.

“You need to say good-bye.”

She nodded and went to find Wilhelm. Devin
watched as she spoke to him, tears streaming down her face. Wilhelm
looked up at him with narrow eyes and then back at Anna. He cradled
her cheek and shook his head, speaking rapidly. But Anna shook her
head and backed away. She said something else to him and then
walked quickly back to Devin and hugged him.

Wilhelm gave Devin a pleading look. Devin
smiled triumphantly at him and guided Anna out toward the entryway.
“I’ll have your things brought to the hotel,” he said as they
walked outside.

He motioned to Tom, who nodded. They had
driven out here together with their sons. Anna would have plenty of
sex to distract her until they got on the plane in the morning. He
just had to warn Tyler to be nice until they were back in the
country. Devin wouldn’t risk Anna running away or she might never
return to him. Well, at least voluntarily. He preferred her coming
to him willingly. It was much easier that way.

*****

Anna sat between Tyler and Tommy on the drive
back into Frankfurt. She felt guilty for leaving like she did, but
the longer she stayed, the more painful it got. She didn’t even say
good-bye to Kurt or Aaron. Or even Ilsa. She ran. But soon she
would feel better. Devin promised.

They arrived at a luxury hotel in Frankfurt
and Devin took her up to his room. They walked in and after Devin
closed the door, he stood behind Anna and kissed her neck.

“I’ve missed you Baby,” he whispered in her
ear, running his hands down her chest to her breasts. “Let me make
you feel better.”

“Please,” Anna whispered and Devin took her
into the bedroom.

*****

Had she made a mistake by leaving the
Gutshaus
? Should she not have left Wilhelm? Shouldn’t she
at least have said goodbye to the rest of the family?

Devin was out in the living room, making
arrangements for Anna to return home with him. After the rush of
sex was gone, she felt as miserable as ever. Added to that was the
guilt of leaving people who cared about her. Maybe she shouldn’t
have left with Devin. Maybe she should have stayed.

She rolled onto her back and looked up at the
ceiling. She just wanted the pain to be gone.

Devin came in a few minutes later with a
bellboy following him. Anna sat up in bed and held the covers over
her breasts. The bellboy grinned at her.

“Anna, your suitcases are here.”

The bellboy put her things in the closet,
gave her one last look and then left.

“Get dressed. We’ll have lunch in a bit.”

“Devin?” Anna asked in a quiet voice. “Do you
have that pill?”

He smiled at her. “I only have one. Do you
want it now or do you want it for the flight home?”

Anna gave him a distraught look. “Only one?
Can I have half now and half tomorrow?” A half made her feel good
yesterday.

“It is half. It’s the other half of what I
already gave you.”

Anna looked at her hands. “But you have more
at home?”

Devin smiled tenderly at her. “I have
anything you could possibly need back at the Manor.” He sat next to
her and smoothed her hair. “I’d rather you wait until tomorrow to
take it. I’m sure Tommy would be more than happy to help you feel
better.”