The Lies Uncovered Trilogy (Books 4, 5, and 6 of The Dancing Moon Ranch Series) (23 page)

***

While Emily was bundling Jesse in his coat and hat for going outside, she couldn't set aside the look on Adam's face after she'd told him how she felt about him. The glint of affection she'd seen moments before had been replaced by distrust, and she couldn't expect otherwise. After what she'd done he couldn’t possibly trust her again and she was resigned to it. Her only goal now was to know that Jesse was safe with Adam, and that Erik could never get to him.

While pulling Jesse's wool hat down over his ears, she said, "This will be fun, honey. Daddy's going to take us on a walk and you might see a squirrel."

When Jesse looked at the couch with the two books laying on it, Emily knew he was remembering one of the picture books she'd left behind, a book about squirrels and other woodland animals. But he could be remembering toys too. They'd left so quickly there had been no time to take anything but the absolute essentials with them. "Daddy will get you lots of new toys," she assured him. Picking him up, she stepped onto the porch and shut the door.

Adam started towards them from the direction of the barn. Stopping some distance away, he said, "I locked up the dogs so they wouldn't scare Jesse. I'll walk ahead and you two can follow as close as you want." He turned away from them and plodded in a trampled-down path that meandered across an open expanse to where the mountain started to rise some.

Emily set Jesse down and took him by the hand and they started after Adam. They had barely left the vicinity of the cabin when a squirrel darted out from behind some brush and stopped long enough to stare at them.

Jesse, catching sight of it, cried,
"Skurl!"
In an instant, he slipped away from Emily and ran after the squirrel, which scurried across the top of the snow towards the woods. But in another instant, Jesse was gone.

"Adam! It's Jesse. Hurry!
" Emily screamed, while racing to the spot where Jesse had simply disappeared into the snow.
"Oh, my God! Adam!"
Feeling her heart pounding hard, she stood frozen, not knowing what to do as she looked down into what appeared to be the caved in remains of an abandoned brick-lined well and saw Jesse, about eight feet below, sprawled face down across some boards that once covered the well, and which looked ready to give way to the dark void beneath. Adam was immediately at her side. When Jesse lifted his head and started to get up, Emily saw blood smeared on the side of his face. Tears filled her eyes, and it was all she could do to keep from going after him, knowing the boards wouldn't hold beneath her weight.

Jesse raised his arms. "Mo... mo... mommmmy," he wailed.

"Mommy's here," Emily said.

"It's okay, Jesse," Adam called down. "Daddy's coming to get you."

"How?" Emily asked. "There's nothing but old bricks down there and a board that's ready to give way. You couldn't stand on it without it breaking through."

"I'll rig up a cross piece and walk my way down the bricks by straddling the well," Adam said. He retrieved a sturdy limb, partially buried in snow, and laid it across the opening, then pulling off his belt he made a loop and slipped it onto the limb. While holding onto the belt loop, he started making his way down, bracing one foot against a brick on one side of the inside wall of the well, and the other foot opposite, gradually descending, while saying to Jesse, who was sobbing and shaking and holding his arms up, "Daddy's coming, Jesse. Daddy's coming."

With one hand gripping tight to the belt loop, and his feet braced against the sides on the well, Adam reached down as far as he could with his free hand, and said, "Jesse, take Daddy's hand." When Jesse seemed too terrified to move, Adam said again, "Jesse, take hold of Daddy's hand." And then, Adam felt a tiny hand against his.

Wrapping his palm around Jesse's wrist and arm, Adam lifted Jesse up and said, "Put your arm around Daddy's neck." Which Jesse did, wrapping his arm around Adam's neck and holding on with a strength that surprised Adam. Gradually, Adam made his way back up, while easing his arm into the belt loop to get more leverage, until he was able to brace his elbow on the wide brick rim of the well and lift himself, with Jesse still clinging to him, out of the well.

Once standing, Adam went to hand Jesse to Emily, but Jesse held fast, so Adam curved his arms around Jesse, held Jesse's head against his shoulder and walked toward the cabin. "He has a nasty scrape on his face," he said to Emily, "but there's a first aid kit with antibiotic ointment and band aids at the cabin." Adam realized he was rubbing Jesse's back as he was talking to Emily. It felt natural, just as having his son in his arms felt natural, like he belonged there.

"I think Jesse will do fine with you now," Emily said.

Adam looked at her with misgiving. What she'd just said, and the way she'd said it, sounded final, like she intended to give Jesse to him. Permanently. And then what? Go back to Erik?

Then, maybe he was jumping to conclusions. Some old habits die hard. "It sounds like you plan to turn Jesse over to me," he said, testing.

"A ranch is a good place for a boy to grow up," Emily replied.

"I have no problem with that," Adam said, "but when would you see him?"

"Whenever I could," Emily replied. She looked at him then, and her brows drew together as if she were deliberating about something, then she gave a little shrug and said nothing.

"Okay, Em," Adam said. "What's going on? You were about to tell me something."

"Just be a good father to Jesse," she said. "That's all I want."

"To do that I need to establish paternity," Adam replied, "so we need go back to the ranch and find a lab close by and have the DNA tests done."

"Not around here," Emily said. "Someone from high school could see us, and word would get back to Erik, and he'd be here in an instant."

"Then we'll go to Portland," Adam said, "but there's no getting around returning to the ranch so I can get my truck."

As they approached the cabin, Jesse tucked his head under Adam's chin and made no move to get down. Adam tipped his face to the side so he could look at Jesse, and said, "You want Daddy to make a nice warm bath for you?" Although Jesse didn't say anything, Adam felt Jesse nod against his neck, an almost imperceptible gesture, but Adam knew it was another small baby step toward becoming Jesse's father.

***

With Emily sitting behind Adam on the horse, and Jesse in the saddle in front of Adam, and the dogs loping ahead, they headed down the mountain to the ranch. They started out at dusk so it would be dark by the time they arrived. But when they finally reached the end of the trail where woods opened into the clearing, and Emily looked across at the lodge and ranch houses and stable and barn and other outbuildings that made up the ranch, all standing out beneath the glow from several overhead utility lights, she started shivering. It wasn't the cold. She was bundled in the parka she'd worn when she'd hiked in with Jesse. It was pure panic.

She'd had an hour, while sitting behind Adam on the horse, to think about everything that could go wrong while at the ranch, and her greatest fear was that people in town would learn she was there. Not only was Sheridan a small community, it was also the site of a federal penitentiary, and McMinnville was the county seat.

"What's wrong?" Adam asked, while tipping his head back to talk to her. "You're shaking."

"I'm worried word could get out while I'm here," Emily replied. "Maybe it already has. Sheridan's small and people talk. Word could have already gotten back to Erik."

"Trust me, Em. We'll be fine," Adam said. "My folks will not have said anything to anyone beyond the ranch, and the boys are out of school for Christmas and won't be talking to friends. Besides, they all have other more important things to talk about than what's going on with us."

"If Jesse and I stay in one of the cabins that's closed for the season, and we leave early tomorrow morning before anyone gets up, no one would know I'm here," Emily said.

"They already know we're coming," Adam replied. "Dad said he'd get a cabin ready and turn on the heat so it would be warm by the time we arrive."

Another worry, Emily thought. Her presence back at the ranch. Earlier that day Adam hiked up the mountain to the top of the ridge where a cell tower was in range and called the ranch, and although he'd reported that his parents were expecting them, the brooding look on his face told the whole story. She was not welcome back in Adam's life. And she didn't expect to be. She was returning to the ranch with Grace and Jack Hansen's grandson, whom she'd had out of wedlock with their son while she was married to another man. She'd also left behind a lot of wedding expenses for a wedding that never took place, and even though she intended to make good on those, it would be years before she could. Her best hope for the next two days was that she wouldn't have to face Grace and Jack Hansen, or anyone else on the ranch.

Seeing Maddy would be especially awkward since she'd asked Maddy to be her flower girl. Maddy had been thrilled with the prospect. Not only would she be able to wear the beautiful new dress she showed to everyone who came to the house, but she'd be the first one down the aisle, and would get to sprinkle a path of flower petals.

"Dad opened the cabin on the end, since the waterlines in all the other cabins have been drained for the winter," Adam said, as they approached the stable. "Dad keeps that cabin ready for staff if someone needs to sleep over."

"There's only one bed in that cabin," Emily said, knowing the cabin well. It was the day after they consummated their love in the cabin. Adam wanted her at the ranch that Christmas so she wouldn't have to stay with her family, so Grace put her in one of the guest rooms in the lodge, and while Grace was busy with Christmas preparations for the family, and Jack was off with guests on a moonlight sleigh ride, she and Adam had an hour to themselves. But sharing that bed now was exactly what Adam didn't want.

Leaning into Adam, she said, "I know how you feel about us being together, but we can share the bed without anything happening. I'll stay well to my side." Although she had no idea how she'd do that. She couldn't imagine lying beside Adam and not touching him. Even now, with her arms around him while they rode together, she was fighting the urge to tuck her hands under his parka and run her palms over his chest.

"My dad doesn't intend for us to share the cabin," Adam said, guiding the horse to the hitching rail. "He expects me to stay at the house."

"I guess I jumped to conclusions," Emily said. "Of course they'd expect you to stay with them." Still, after having Adam with her at the mountain cabin for the better part of three days, and his staying overnight one of those, even if they didn't share a bed, and seeing his determination to bond with Jesse and be a part of his life, she'd expected him to stay with her at the ranch cabin too, but now she knew she'd slipped into more wishful thinking.

Adam tipped his head back, and said over his shoulder, "I only said they expect me to stay at the house. That doesn't mean I will."

Emily felt the first glimmer of hope. "Then you're actually considering it?" she asked.

Adam reined the horse to a halt in front of the stables. "I have no intention of leaving you and Jesse alone in that cabin," he replied. "I'll get a cot for me and a folding crib for Jesse from the lodge."

Still, Emily couldn't decide whether Adam intended to stick to his resolve to keep a distance between them in the close confines of the cabin. The night before, they'd been in separate rooms, she in the bedroom and Adam on the couch, but with Adam on a cot beside her bed, they'd hear each other breathing, and would be so close in the small cabin that she could reach out and touch him, and if she did, she'd have the same almost overwhelming urge to entangle her body with his the way it once had been.

"Just stay put until I get Jesse down," Adam said, drawing Emily out of her thoughts of what could lay ahead. He lifted Jesse out of the saddle and hoisted him against his shoulder then raised his leg over the saddle horn and hopped to the ground. After setting Jesse down, Adam said to him, "Jesse, stay back from the horse." Jesse stepped back and waited as instructed.

Adam turned and raised his arms to Emily, who brought her leg around, then bracing her hands on Adam's shoulders, she slid down. But when she was settled on the ground she didn't remove her hands from Adam's shoulders, nor did he release her waist, and as she held his smoldering gaze, she knew then what the outcome would be. And if it was to be her last night with Adam, she'd treasure every moment of it and try not to think beyond.

CHAPTER 7

While Adam was tending his horse, Emily took Jesse to the cabin and got him ready for bed. Because they'd had to ride triple on the horse, she wasn't able to bring much in the way of clothes, but what she did bring was in a small pack she'd carried on her back. It was already far past Jesse's bedtime by the time they'd arrived at the ranch, and she'd barely lowered him to the bed when he was fast asleep. A little while later, Adam joined them in the cabin.

Looking down at Jesse on the bed, Adam said, "Jayne keeps a crib for when Becca visits with her daughter so I'll bring it here for Jesse. Jayne's also concerned about the situation with Erik, and she was asking questions."

"What kind of questions?" Emily asked, feeling a wave of panic, wondering if Jayne, like the others, would take it upon themselves to get a restraining order against Erik in the event he showed up. The reality of that couldn't be shoved aside.

"Questions about Erik's behavior. She said she wanted to talk to you."

"Tonight?" Emily asked.

Adam shook his head. "Probably after we return from getting the DNA tests."

This was exactly what Emily dreaded most. The whole family getting involved in what was going on. They'd be asking questions she couldn't answer without jeopardizing Jesse. She was even more anxious than before to return to the cabin and keep Adam there with them until she was certain Jesse would be all right without her, at least for a little while. What the future held after that she didn't want to know. But for tonight, she'd try to block it from her mind and concentrate on the present.

"Will he go back to sleep when I bring in the crib, or should we leave him there?" Adam asked, while looking down at Jesse.

"He'll go back to sleep," Emily assured him. "He probably won't even wake up when you move him since he's such a sound sleeper."

For a few moments Adam stood looking down at his son, then he said to Emily, "We need to talk before I go for the crib,"

Emily shifted her gaze from Jesse's peaceful face to Adam's troubled one and wondered if she'd read him wrong when he'd helped her off of the horse. "If you're bothered by this arrangement I'll put the bolt on the door and Jesse and I will be fine by ourselves."

"You won't be staying here alone," Adam said in a tone that wasn't open for argument, "but before we share this cabin, I want to ask you something."

"About Erik?"

Adam nodded. "I want to know what he did that kept you going back to him. All the time you dated him he was hot and cold, and when you'd be fed up and come to me and we'd talk it out and you were sure it was over, the next thing I knew you'd be back with him. Why?"

"I don't know," Emily said in all honesty. "It was like he hypnotized me or something. I know it wasn't hypnosis, but he still somehow controlled me. I'd go back to him prepared to tell him it was over, but before I could get started he'd somehow make me feel that without him to direct my life and help me cope with all the garbage going on in my family I'd end up like my mother and father. Then he'd tell me I was his whole life and he loved me, and he wanted to be everything I wanted him to be, and he'd protect me, and on and on, until I believed him. So I'd be back with him. For a while he'd be everything I wanted, then gradually things would slip back to what they were before, and the cycle would start all over."

"But he was completely out of your life the last time," Adam said. "We were two weeks from getting married and you seemed happy. You held back nothing then, even conceived Jesse. Then Erik was home on leave a week and you were back with him. How did he do it?"

"It was the same thing," Emily said. "During that week he followed me without my knowing, and one day after I left my house he walked up to me and said he wanted to spend some time with me to see how I was doing, that he'd been concerned while he was in training. I told him I was engaged to you and we were about to get married. He said he knew, which was why he wanted to talk to me about you, and since he wanted to visit his aunt at the coast, maybe I could drive with him. I don't know how he did it, but I agreed. But when we got to the coast, he made a call and said his aunt wasn't home—I learned later he didn't have an aunt there—but we might as well walk on the beach. So we did. He took my hand because he said it was easier to walk that way, then he started telling me he understood me in a way I didn't even understand myself, and he understood my family and how destructive they were, and you couldn't help me because you didn't have the kind of sixth sense he had that tapped into my psyche. By the time he finished with his litany of reasons why I needed him, and why you were wrong for me, I was so upset, and confused, and afraid, and sure he was right, I did exactly what he instructed me to do. I gave you back the ring and married him."

Adam, standing with his arms folded, and his eyes fixed on her, said in an edgy tone, "What would keep you from going back to him if he showed up?"

"Jesse," Emily replied. "If it weren't for him, I'd still be with Erik. He had that much control over me. But when he started playing the mind game with Jesse it wasn't about me anymore. Until then, he had complete control of me. I was afraid to go against any rules he set up for me."

"Rules like what?" Adam asked, his tone tempered with concern.

"Like not leaving the house without him. Not talking to neighbors or old friends," Emily said. "He even disconnected the phone to make sure I had no contact with anyone. My purpose was to follow the set of rules he had for me, which included servicing him no matter how exhausted I was after following his rules, like I was some kind of animal."

"Then he raped you," Adam said.

Emily shook her head. "He didn't have to. I never turned him down because I knew if I didn't appear as if I was bonded to him, he'd carry out some of the things he'd threatened to do. So I did what he wanted, which meant faking things."

Adam unfolded his arms, which he lowered to his sides, but Emily saw his fists lightly knotted as he said, "What did he threaten to do?"

Emily wrapped her arms around herself again. "For starters, strip me naked and put me out in a bad neighborhood at night and make me walk home. He said if other men got to me, I'd appreciate him."

"That goddamned bastard," Adam said. "If he ever gets near you again I'll rip off his balls first then kill him. Why didn't you go to the police?"

"He threatened to do other things, like kill the kitten in front of Jesse. Everything was a game with him, a game he had to win, and his way of winning was to first take me away from you, then make sure I'd never go back, which to him would mean complete defeat."

Drawing in a long breath, Adam looked at her long and hard. Then lifting his hand to her face, he said, "I won't touch you tonight if you don't want me to, Em. It's okay. And if you just want me to lie in bed and hold you that's okay too. You've been through hell."

Emily turned her face and kissed Adam's palm and held it to her cheek, and said, "You've been through hell too, and I don't want to just lay in bed with you. I need you."

Adam curved his hand around Emily's neck and pulled her to him and kissed her, a kiss she welcomed by curving her arms around his neck and kissing him back, long and hard. Afterward, Adam looked at her and said, "I'm a fool, but I'll go get the crib."

"What about the cot?"

Adam kissed her again, and said, "I'll just get the crib."

He had not been gone long when Emily was startled by a rapping on the door.

Followed by a rush of adrenaline that made her heart pound and her legs weak.

Backing toward the bed where Jesse lay sleeping, she was about to grab him and leave by a window, terrified that Erik had found her and could be just beyond the door, when she heard a voice. "Emily, it's Grace."

Releasing the breath she'd been holding, and feeling suddenly faint, Emily waited a moment for the lightness to pass, before saying, "Yes, come in." But when Grace stepped into the cabin, the dizziness of moments before was replaced by apprehension. She couldn't imagine what Grace would want at this late hour, so she braced herself for whatever it would be.

Grace quietly closed the door, then glancing at the bed where Jesse was sleeping, she said, "I'll talk softly. May I take a look at Jesse?"

"Of course," Emily replied, "and you don't need to talk softly. Jesse's a very sound sleeper."

Grace walked over to the bed and gazed down at Jesse, who was sleeping face up, with his arms bent back and his fists relaxed, completely at peace. Bending over him, Grace reached out and started to touch him, then retracted her hand, and said, "He's so much like Adam was at that age. Is he talking a lot? Adam started talking before he was two."

"Jesse doesn't talk much," Emily said. "He knows a lot more words than he says, but things haven't been good for him, so he's very quiet."

"Adam told us," Grace said. "Can we talk for a few minutes?"

"Yes, I suppose," Emily replied, feeling increasingly uneasy about what Grace could have on her mind, yet knowing she had no choice but to listen.

After pulling the single chair in the cabin forward for Grace to sit in, Emily lowered herself to the side of the bed, and said, before Grace could start, "I brought Jesse here so Adam could get to know him, but I also want you to know that I feel terrible about what I did to Adam and I can't even explain why I did it because I don't understand it myself."

"Honey, I do understand some," Grace said. "Adam relayed what you told him, and knowing the length he's willing to go to protect you and Jesse, I realized, all this time I've been so caught up with the loss of one son, I'd completely neglected the other when he needed me most. We all knew there was a problem with Erik when you were dating him and you'd call Adam. Then when you and Adam became engaged and you were finally free of Erik, it nearly killed Adam when you went back, but I was so focused on Marc leaving the family that I wasn't there for Adam. After Adam told Jack and me what you told him tonight about Erik, we talked to Jayne and Sam, and Jayne recognized the same pattern she'd had with Becca's father, and she wants to talk to you. She's right outside."

"Then maybe she can explain it to me in a way I can understand," Emily said.

Grace went to the door and motioned for Jayne to come in.

Jayne stepped inside, and after taking a moment to look at Jesse, she settled on the bed beside Emily, and said, "I know it's late, but it's important that we talk. Do you mind?"

Emily shook her head. "My only concern is that Erik might find me, so I don't want anyone saying anything to anybody."

"I understand, because I was in a similar situation with Becca's father," Jayne said. "You find yourself trapped in a relationship you know is destructive, yet you stay. But I want to get a little more information from you that might help you finally be free of Erik. First of all, did he ever threaten to kill you? Not just a veiled threat, but the actual words."

Emily nodded. "He made an actual threat, but it was like a two-edged sword. He told me if I left him and took Jesse he'd track me down and kill us to keep us safe from others who might harm us."

"That follows a pattern," Jayne said. "Did you ever try to leave before now?"

Emily shook her head. "I slipped out of the house once and went to the library. I knew Erik would be gone all day and I wanted to go on the internet to try to find out what to do. That's when I realized Erik was a sociopath. He fit all the behavior patterns, and it all fell into place, but when I got home that day, he was there. Instead of going into a rage for leaving the house without him, he got Jesse's new kitten and threatened to kill him in front of Jesse. That's when I knew I had to get away, and when I finally did, this was the only place I could think to come where he wouldn't look for me, at least not right away."

"He'll go to any lengths to find you," Jayne said. "I was luckier than you with Becca's father. You may not know the background, but when I was involved in a similar controlling relationship and was pregnant with Becca, one evening I drove Becca's father to a convenience store to buy cigarettes. When he came out and told me to drive off I didn't know he'd just robbed the place. Minutes later the police surrounded us. But my going to prison broke the cycle of abuse so the relationship never reached the point where you are. But while in counseling in prison, I learned all I could about the symbiotic relationship between a sociopath and his victim so I’d never find myself trapped again."

"Erik seemed so sweet and nice initially," Emily said, "and my home situation was very dysfunctional, and he seemed to understand me, like he cared enough to take control of my messed up life and make order of it. He actually did for a while."

"Of course he did," Jayne said. "Sociopaths use deception to make themselves look good while distorting facts, which allows them to get a foothold in a person’s life. They're masters in finding weaknesses in people, but because they have no conscience, they use charm and wit and intelligence to become your ideal mate. They also know love makes people vulnerable, so they start the relationship by promising the world, then using subliminal mind control over a period of time until you can't visualize a positive, fulfilled, future without them. But once he knows he has you, he isolates you from anything and anyone who's damaging to the relationship."

"That didn't happen until after we were married," Emily said. "Before, whenever I broke things off with him and went to Adam for advice, Erik acted disappointed that I hadn't tried to work things out with him, then he’d convince me he loved me and was concerned only with my happiness and he'd try to be a better man, and be the man I wanted. I was never afraid of him then. I just didn't understand some of the things he did."