The Letter (23 page)

‘Oh my God. What have I done? What have I done?’

Chapter 23

Graham knew if Sheila ever found out she would kill him. He peeled off a wad of banknotes from the roll in his pocket and handed them to the shop assistant.

‘Thank you, Sir. I’m sure your wife will be very happy with it.’

Graham hesitated. ‘Oh, it’s not for my wife.’

The shop assistant gave a knowing look. ‘Oh, I see. My mistake.’

She gave him a wink and punched some buttons on the till. With a loud ring the drawer shot open and she counted the notes into it.

Graham was flustered for a second. ‘No, it’s nothing like that. It’s for a friend.’

The assistant gave out a low whistle. ‘Must be a good friend.’

‘She is, yes. A very good friend.’ He wasn’t sure why he was even having this conversation with a complete stranger. He was too honest for his own good.

He bade the shop assistant a good evening and pushed the brand new, top of the range, Silver Cross pram out on to the pavement. He heard the door click behind him as the shop girl turned the sign round to read ‘Closed.’

He wheeled the pram over to his van, cursing the wet streets as the pram’s virgin tyres collected up their first traces of grit and grime. He knew it was an extravagant gesture, but the sight of Tina wheeling away that battered old second-hand thing had really stirred him. He knew he was a soft touch where Tina was concerned, but he couldn’t help himself. He only hoped that Rick would not be there when he delivered the pram.

When he pulled up outside the Craig’s house, he was confused to see it in darkness. He glanced at the street lights – all lit – so there couldn’t be another power cut. He left the pram in the van and rang the doorbell. He noticed the old charity shop pram was still by the front door, now completely sodden.

After the third ring he gave up and returned to the van. He started the ignition and the damp engine reluctantly coughed into life. Then it occurred to him that he could leave the pram in the shed at the back. He could put a note through the front door explaining what he had done. It would be a nice surprise for Tina when she returned home. He manoeuvred the pram down the narrow ginnel at the side of the house. It was only just wide enough, but eventually he came to the shed and had to squeeze past the pram in order to open it. There was a lot of junk in there, as well as the lawnmower and some under-used garden tools, but with a little re-arranging Graham managed to squeeze the pram in. He hesitated for a second and then on a hunch he cupped his hands to his face and peered in through the kitchen window. In the blackness, it took his eyes a while to adjust and then his brain a few seconds longer to register what he had seen. With a swift jab of his elbow he broke the glass in the back door, reached for the key and burst into the kitchen.

‘Tina. Tina…’ A sob emerged from his throat. ‘Jesus, what happened to you?’

He ran down the hall to the telephone and dialled 999. His fingers were trembling and almost too thick to fit into the holes in the dial. It took him three attempts before he managed to get through.

He returned to where Tina lay and sank to his knees. His hands shook and he hardly dared to touch her. Her face appeared ethereal, while her lips had a bluish tinge and her dress had ridden up to expose an expanse of bone-white thigh. He gingerly pulled the dress down to preserve her modesty and then he noticed it. A dark red stain had spilled out from between her legs and congealed on the lino, and Graham knew instinctively that she would not need either of those two prams.

Chapter 24

The first thing she noticed was the smell. Disinfectant at first, but then another less familiar scent, one that caused her pulse to quicken. The pungent, metallic aroma of blood. She opened her eyes and tried to lift her head off the pillow, but it felt as heavy as a medicine ball. Her arm was stiff and pinched slightly on the inside of her elbow. She craned her neck and saw she was attached to a drip. Her mouth felt parched and furred up and her lips were cracked. And something else, something a lot more sinister. She felt empty.

The door to her room was eased opened and Graham walked in carrying a plastic cup of coffee. She saw him register the fact she was conscious and he rushed over to the bed.

‘You’re awake!’ He smoothed his hand over her brow and stroked her hair, still matted with sweat.

‘Graham! What are you doing here?’ Where am I?’

Graham took hold of her hand and kissed the back of it. ‘You’re in the hospital, love.’

His eyes shone with tears and he looked away as he tried to compose himself.

‘Graham?’

He took a deep breath. ‘I’m really sorry.’

Tina held up her hand to spare him. ‘I know. I lost the baby.’

‘Oh, Tina.’ He leant forward and kissed her on the forehead.

‘Where’s Rick?’

Graham clenched his hands into fists and fought to control himself. ‘A long way from here if he knows what’s good for him. You’re going to press charges I assume.’

Tina was weary. ‘Graham, I can’t think about that now. I just need to see him.’

Graham shook his head with incredulity. ‘After what he’s done, Tina? You’re not thinking straight, surely.’

Tears began to burn their way down her cheeks. She tried to wipe them away with her hand but this caused the bag of fluids to sway on its stand. ‘My baby,’ she whispered. ‘My baby’s gone.’

She gave way to huge racking sobs as Graham enveloped her in his arms. He rocked her back and forth. ‘That’s right, let it all out.’

She could hardly form the words. ‘Was it a boy or a girl?’

‘A beautiful baby girl, Tina. God, she was truly beautiful. A perfect bundle of loveliness.’

Tina pulled back to look at Graham more closely. ‘You’ve seen her?’

Graham look embarrassed. ‘Yes, I was here with you the whole time. Well, not for the actual birth, I waited in the corridor then, but afterwards they let me see her.’

Tina propped herself up on her elbows. ‘I want to see her.’ Her voice was surprisingly calm.

Graham hesitated only for a second. ‘Of course, I’ll fetch a nurse.’

As Tina gazed down on her newly-delivered daughter, she marvelled at how perfect she was. Her eyes were closed, but her long dark eyelashes swept across her cheek and she looked like she was just asleep, like she would open her eyes any second and gaze adoringly at her mother. ‘Are you sure she’s…’

Graham removed his head from his hands. ‘She didn’t stand a chance, Tina. That bastard hit you with so much force you suffered something called a placental abruption. You’ve lost a lot of blood. It’s a wonder you didn’t die as well.’

Tina squeezed her eyes closed. ‘I wish I had.’ She hugged her daughter closer to her chest. ‘This is all my fault. I shouldn’t have gone back to him. You and Linda told me I was mad, but I wouldn’t listen. Now my baby has paid the ultimate price. I’ll never forgive myself for this.’

Graham squeezed a clump of bedclothes in his fist.

‘There is only one person to blame here Tina and it’s not you.’

‘Katy,’ whispered Tina.

‘Sorry?’

‘I’m going to call her Katy.’ She managed a weak smile.

‘That’s a lovely name, Tina.’ Graham took out his handkerchief and blew his nose noisily.

Tina cradled her baby and sang to her softly, gently rocking her in time to the words

Sleep my child and peace attend thee

All through the Night

Guardian Angels God will send thee

All through the Night

Her eyes began to droop and finally she drifted off into a drug-induced slumber.

When she eventually woke up it took a moment for her to remember where she was and what she was holding. She smiled as she traced her hand round the infant’s face.

She turned to Graham, who was reading the paper in a chair nearby. ‘Can you get the nurse to take her now?’

He jumped up at the sound of her voice. ‘If you’re sure.’

Graham rang the bell and a few moments later the nurse appeared. Tina adjusted Katy’s pink blanket so that it fitted snugly round her little face. ‘I don’t want her to get cold,’ she said firmly. She gazed down at her perfect baby and kissed her on the forehead. ‘Goodbye my little Angel. I’ll never forget you. Sleep tight.’ Then she handed her baby over for the last time.

It was way past midnight when Tina awoke again from a fitful sleep. Graham was slumped in the chair beside her, snoring gently. Tina looked at him fondly and smiled. There were some decent men out there. Her thoughts turned to Rick and she felt the bile rising. Her heart began to quicken and she wished she had more energy to give way to her feelings of anger, but the trauma of her daughter’s stillbirth had sapped her of all her strength. Graham had tried to telephone Rick at her insistence, but had received no answer. Tina thought about ringing her mother-in-law, but could not face the woman and the excuses she would no doubt try to make for her son’s abominable actions. He was probably unconscious somewhere, his pickled brain unable to cope with the reality. All she could remember, apart from the searing pain, was him storming out of the house clutching Billy’s letter, his evil mind full of foolish thoughts, incapable of seeing the truth.

It was the early hours of the morning by the time Rick returned home. After leaving Gillbent Road, he had gone to the nearest pub to try and gather his thoughts. He had made a complete fool of himself with Alice Stirling and when he read Billy’s letter again, this time calmly and thoroughly, he realised what an irrational idiot he had been. The problem was he loved Tina so much and was terrified of losing her to another man. His jealousy had now turned to paranoia of epic proportions. Not only was Tina incredibly beautiful, but also kind and caring and her quiet intelligence stunned him at times. He knew he was not the best husband in the world. His behaviour could be erratic and his lack of judgment sometimes bordered on lunacy, but he loved her with all his heart. He sank down another pint and staggered to his feet. He had made his mind up. He would make Tina proud to call him her husband. He knew he had let her down too often, but he was determined to make amends. They would be wonderful, doting parents to their child, who would want for nothing and their little family unit would be unbreakable. He looked around at the other drinkers in the pub and scoffed. They were a sorry sight all right, huddled together, hunched over their pints, barely able to see each other through the haze of smoke. It was way past closing time and the landlord had dimmed the lights and pulled across the heavy brown curtains to facilitate the ‘lock-in’. Rick didn’t know why he bothered. Sitting at the end of the bar, laughing and swigging whiskies on the house was one of his best customers, the local police constable.

Now, putting the key into the lock of his own front door, he stopped as he saw the old pram on the doorstep. He couldn’t remember seeing it when he had stormed out earlier. He tiptoed down the hall quietly so as not to wake Tina. He badly needed a drink of water. The very long walk home might have sobered him up somewhat, but now he was parched. He switched the light on in the kitchen and ran the tap for a few seconds to allow the cold water to come through. He gulped down two glasses and then stopped as he felt something crunch under his feet. He bent down and examined the shard of glass. Frowning, he stood up and registered the broken window in the back door.

‘What the…?’ His heart was pounding and despite the water his mouth had become dry again. He backed away from the door, fear rising like mercury through his body. Slowly, he turned round and surveyed the kitchen. Something did not feel right. An icy river of sweat trickled down his spine and his heart thumped wildly against his rib cage.

And then he saw it. He backed away in a panic and leant against the sink. He covered his face with his hands and rubbed his eyes fiercely. He forced himself to look again. Just as he knew it would be, it was still there. The dark, red stain on the floor unable to disguise itself as anything other than his wife’s blood. He turned and retched into the sink.

After confirming that their bed was indeed empty, Rick returned to the kitchen and pulled out a chair. He rested his head on the table and closed his eyes. His breathing became shallower and then suddenly his body jerked and he was alert again. He stood up and searched around for a pen. He found one by the phone in the hall but no paper. He felt in his trouser pocket and pulled out Billy’s crumpled letter. With shaking hands he smoothed it out, turned it over and wrote one word.

‘Sorry.’

He cut a forlorn figure as he made his way out of his marital home for the last time. He knew with absolute certainty that Tina would never forgive him. He neither expected nor wanted her forgiveness. As he shuffled his way down the street, he was finally giving her what she deserved.

He was setting her free.

Chapter 25

Tina sat on the edge of the hospital bed and swung her legs absently. She had been in the hospital for almost a week now and there had still been no word on Rick. Graham had been back to their house on a couple of occasions, primarily to clear up the kitchen and get rid of the two prams, but Rick was nowhere to be seen. In the end Tina had telephoned Molly Craig, but Rick’s mother had not heard from him either. She was devastated to hear of the loss of her grandchild and frantic with worry that Rick seemed to have disappeared.

‘My Ricky would have made a wonderful father,’ she sobbed.

There was a hesitant knock at the door and Graham bobbed his head round.

‘Are you ready, love?’

Tina slid off the bed and picked up her little bag. She swayed a little and Graham caught her at the elbow. ‘Easy now. Look, I’ve brought your coat. It’s freezing out.’

Tina took the heavy winter coat and pulled it on. She realised there was something different but could not work out what it was. Then it dawned on her. She could fasten all the buttons. The last time she had worn this coat she had been nine months pregnant. Her bottom lip trembled and she bit down on it firmly.