The Legacy (39 page)

I see the pain I am causing my husband every time I look
into his sad eyes, but I don’t know how to stop. I can’t handle
my own pain enough to comfort him. I try to pray for strength
to be of some comfort, but how can I help him when I can’t
even help myself?

I turn slightly as Adagio enters our bedroom and closes
the door, then my gaze returns to the window, though I look at
nothing in particular. Our bedroom window faces the back of
the condo, which is totally wooded. The only view is a forest
full of trees, with the exception of a squirrel or two on the
window ledge every now and then. I've even spotted a deer
once. Under different circumstances I might go exploring in
the beautiful woods. At another time I would find the prospect
romantic. But I won’t allow my heart to soften enough to delve
into such simplicities. I can’t. I tense slightly as Adagio moves
beside me.

“Velma and Ted took Ingo to the mall. Jessica went with
them.”
“That was nice of them,” I say, grateful for all they do to
help.
When Velma and Ted came back from their honeymoon
and were told what happened, Velma couldn’t stop crying. She
couldn’t believe her mother could do something so cruel. She
knew Gladys hated me and blamed me for all the things that
went wrong in her life. She even knew her mother blamed me
because she moved out and found happiness, but like me, she
could never have imagined Gladys was far gone enough to
kidnap our child as a way to exact revenge.
Velma
immediately
began
to
blame
herself,
despite
Adagio and I doing our best to assure her none of it was her
fault. She couldn’t have known how deeply her mother’s hatred
was embedded, and even if she had, there was still no way
Velma could stop Gladys from doing whatever she wanted.
And what she wanted was to punish me. Sadly, I know Gladys
better than Velma, despite the miserable years she lived under
her mother’s rule. She and Ted come over every other day and
always try to help in any way they can.
My uncle, Pete, and his wife, Dona, have also started
coming by a couple of times a week. They feel terrible about
everything, including the way they treated me in the past. They
offered no excuses, they simply asked me to forgive them.
Though I had forgiven them in my heart a long time ago, I'm
thankful for the chance to tell them. And despite the sadness
that fills me, I'm grateful for the opportunity to get to know
them better.
“I guess I should go and prepare something for lunch,” I
finally say, breaking the silence. “Ingo will probably be hungry
when he gets back.”
Adagio reaches for my hand and stops me. “Lunch can
wait,
amore
. I really think we need to talk.” His voice is soft and
full of longing.
“About what?” I ask, trying to hold on to the distance
that feels so safe.
“About us. About our son.”
I lower my eyes. “Our son is gone. There’s nothing to
talk about.” When I try to pull my hand away, he holds it
firmly. I manage to keep my voice calm, but a familiar turmoil
fills my heart. “What do you want from me?”

Adagio struggles to bite back an angry retort and control
the emotional anger now hovering close to the surface. Lifting
Cisely's chin with his free hand, he forces her to look into his
eyes. He clearly sees the emotional struggle in hers, but he
needs to say this.

“I miss you, Cisely. I desperately miss my wife. And right
now I feel more alone than I have ever felt in my life. I hate
this feeling and I don't want to do this alone anymore. I can't.”
He waits for her to say something. When she doesn’t, his
frustration works its way to the surface. “Say something! Say
anything!” His voice softens as he moves his hand to her cheek,
caressing it softly. “Tell me you miss me too.”

Freeing my hand from his, I turn away as tears flood my
eyes and spill down my cheeks. “I’m sorry, but . . . I don’t have
anything to give you right now.” I know I'm not being fair to
him, but I can’t seem to break through the wall I've built
around myself.

He heaves a sorrowful sigh, tears filling his eyes. Wiping
them before they can fall, he slowly moves to the door. When
he turns back, my eyes meet those of a broken man–and I
know it is my fault.

“Cisely, you have so much to give, but you will not give
it, and you won't let me get close enough to comfort you in any
way. I have tried, but I can't force you to accept my comfort,
and I can't force you to give it. I shouldn't even have to. And I
am not talking about a physical need, but an emotional one.”
When I say nothing, he again sighs sadly.

“Cisely, I know your heart is aching, and I know the pain
is unbearable thinking about our son and what he must be
going through. I know this because I go through exactly the
same emotions every minute of every day. I can't heal your
heart and I can't take the pain away. All I can do is be your
husband and love you. But you have to let me. You have to let
me into your heart.”

He wipes his eyes once more. “I need you, Cisely, more
than I have ever needed anything in my life, and I know you
need me, too. Handling this alone is killing me, but I haven't
had a choice. When you can finally see that you need my
comfort as much as I need yours, let me know . . . and I will be
here.”

I press my face in my hands, not able to say anything, and
unable face him right now. When I finally hear the door open
and then close, I look up. Adagio has left, leaving me to
tearfully ponder his words.

Velma and Ted drop Jessica and Ingo off just as Adagio
comes through the front door. He thanks them before they
leave, appreciating every effort they make to help. He smiles as
Jessica walks up.

“Did you have a good time?” Adagio asks, kneeling down
to hug Ingo.
“Yes, Papa,” his son answers, holding out his new action
figures for Adagio to see.
“Wow! Those are pretty cool!”
“I got this, too,” he says. Opening his bag, he pulls out a
gray teddy bear in a little white and black tuxedo. “I got this for
Mama. Maybe it will cheer her up and help her feel better.”
Adagio gives him a teary smile. “I think Mama will love it.
You should go in and give it to her.”
“Okay,” he says, his innocent smile shining some light
into his father's heart.
Jessica squeezes Ingo’s shoulder. “Why don’t you go on
in and show her your treasures. I will be in in a few minutes,
okay?
“Okay.”
Jessica
closes
the
door
after
him,
then
motions
for
Adagio to sit with her in one of the cushioned chairs on the
porch. “How are you?” she asks, squeezing his hand gently.
He releases a weary sigh. “I don't know, Jessica. I haven't
felt so alone since before we were married.” He pauses, rubbing
his eyes. “I am so tired, and I am trying with everything in me
to have faith that we will get Phillip back, but . . .”
“But?” Jessica presses.
“It would be so much easier to deal with this if I didn't
feel like I have lost my wife, too.” He heaves a frustrated sigh,
tugging a hand back through his hair. “She is so far away from
me, Jessica, and I don't know how to bring her back. I know
she is in pain, but I am, too. I miss her so much. We should be
helping each other through this, but I can't even get near her.
Each time I try she just pulls away.”
Jessica sits quietly for a moment, waiting for inspiration,
which quickly comes. “I would like to share some thoughts
with you if that’s okay.”
“Of course,” Adagio says, willing to listen to any insight
she can give. He is desperate for something that will help
because he is at a complete loss.
“I remember the day I introduced Cisely to Ingo like it
was yesterday. The two were instantly taken with each other.
And when they finally married, I didn’t think there was a
happier couple in the world. I could see how much they loved
each other every time I looked at them.”
Adagio is surprised at the direction of the conversation.
He smiles, remembering the time he spent with Cisely and
Ingo. “I could see it as well.”
“You were a constant support to Cisely after Ingo died. I
used to marvel at the way you were always able to get through
to her and comfort her when no one else could. She grew to
depend on you for your strength. You brought joy back into
her life and helped her to realize she would make it and
everything would be okay. After a while I could see how
inevitable it was that you two would fall in love.”
Adagio smiles as the memories come rushing back. “I
tried to fight my love for her, but I couldn't. I was fighting a
losing battle the moment the feelings began to grow.”
“I know. And she fought hers as well. When you two
finally married, I was so happy for you both. I knew you were
supposed to be together.”
“So did we,” Adagio says, again remembering the joy he
felt on their wedding day to know that Cisely was finally his. “I
had fallen so desperately in love. I felt guilty because of Ingo,
but I couldn't help my feelings. When I finally accepted that it
was okay to love her, she became everything to me. All I could
think about was making her mine. I wanted that more than
anything, and when we were finally married, her happiness
became all that mattered.”
“And she felt the same. You became her whole world.”
She pauses, staring out across the tree-lined street. “Do you
remember the first Christmas I spent with your family in Italy?”
“I will never forget it. It was very special because it was
the start of our tradition of taking Christmas to families in
need.”
“It was wonderful and one I will always treasure. But I
also remember something else.” She squeezes his hand. “I
remember observing you and Cisely and how happy you both
were. Every time I stepped into the same room, I could feel the
love
between
you
two
radiating
all over.
I could feel it
throughout your home, like a warm blanket on a cold winter
day. I’d never witnessed that emotion as strongly as I did when
I was around you two. Cisely and I talked quite a bit while I was
there, but one thing she said always sticks out in my mind, and
that thing is the most important thing I can tell you now.”
She looks at him intently. “Adagio, she told me that
though she loved Ingo with all her heart when they were
together and would always treasure the time she had with him,
there were no words for what she felt for you. She told me each
and every time she looked into your eyes . . . she saw forever.
Don't you see, Adagio? Even then her love for you was a lot
deeper than her love for Ingo.”
Adagio remains quiet, letting the words sink into his
heart. He knows the emotions intimately and they match the
intensity he feels whenever he looks at his wife. That Cisely's
feelings for him were just as strong at that time in their
marriage leaves him in awe. Neither of them had spoken of this
to each other then, but they felt it.
Jessica gives his hand a final squeeze and stands to go
into the house, pausing to leave him with one final thought.
“Adagio, Cisely loves you and that will never change. Just be
there for her and love her. If you do, I know with all my heart
she will come back to you. You own her heart, just as she owns
yours. You two were destined for each other. I’m as sure of
that as I am about anything. You have years invested in your
love for each other. Years of growing together, and years of
being a strength to one another. Hold on to that.”
Adagio nods and let the truthfulness of her words echo in
his mind. “Thank you, Jessica,” he says, finding it hard to
speak.”
“You're welcome.”
After a few moments he stands and pulls his car keys
from his pocket. He helps Jessica up and kisses her cheek. “I
am going out for a while and will be back later.” Before
opening the car door he adds, “Tell Cisely I love her more than
anything.”