The Last Year of Being Single (24 page)

Katrina—‘I’ve already seen one, Sarah. I know I didn’t tell you, but I’ve got a male friend who works in town and I’ve told him stuff in the past. About how unhappy I was in the marriage. And I had a fling with him in the past. Henry found out about it, but said he forgave me, and that was about two years ago. I thought it was all sorted, but it obviously wasn’t.

‘Anyway, he threw that up in my face and said that he couldn’t cope with me having an affair, thought he could but he couldn’t. And I said that was two years ago and why couldn’t he cope now when he felt he could then? Why the delayed reaction? And he said it had just taken time to make him realise that he was unhappy as well and that he had to move on and it was best we split now for the sake of Gerry than try and make it work and wait until Gerry was a teenager and that that would be a worse scenario.’

Sarah—‘Do you know anything about the other woman?’

Katrina—‘No. Well, not strictly true. He was seen with her by a mutual friend and he’s been introducing her to some of his broker friends as his new girlfriend. He’s been telling them that we’re getting divorced because I had an affair and making it sound very one-sided. So I haven’t really called anyone.’

Sarah—‘Did you tell him about the affair or did he find out?’

Katrina—‘He found out. He read my e-mail. I had a virus on it and he wanted to sort it out and find out who sent it to me and this guy—well, he’d sent me an e-mail
saying how much he missed me and, well, you know, loved me and wanted me, and got, well, quite explicit and Henry read that and it was obviously very hurtful and he was angry and I thought he was going to chuck me out then and there but he didn’t.’

Sarah—‘Perhaps he didn’t because he couldn’t, and now he’s thought about it. But I think after a certain number of months—don’t know how long for—you’re seen to condone the affair so you can’t cite it in divorce proceedings. Read about it somewhere. Anyway, he can’t cite that. But you can cite his. If you want to. Do you want to divorce him?’

Katrina—‘No, Sarah. I love him. He’s the only one for me. When I first met him he treated me beautifully. I thought my prince had come and all that. Know it sounds so corny. I’m not stupid. You know me, I’m a cynic, but he changed my view on men. Thought he was different. I’ve met my fair share of emotional fuck-wits. Never gone out with a married man myself, but met many “happily married” who were prepared for more than a one-night fling. Those insecure pricks who have lovely wives to go home to and yet still play away. Coz they’re insecure, or their wives don’t understand them, or don’t have sex with them, or won’t have the right sex with them, or they’ve grown apart, or whatever or whatever. The ones you don’t think are like that but they are. But you never think you’re married to one. But I am. I am.’ (She bursts into tears.)

Can’t text now. Rude. I’ll text J later. In the loo or something. Always good place to text.

Sarah—‘Do you know anything else about the other woman?’

Katrina—‘He met her in the gym. Think she was working out too, or something. She works in publishing. Financial publishing, I think. One of our friends met her. He’s been introducing her as his new girlfriend and saying we’re considering divorce because of my affair, but it’s not like that. He’s painting himself as the victim. My friend says this girl is the total opposite of me. As in completely. She’s just over four foot. Sarah—that’s a fucking munchkin. Not that I’ve got anything against short people. Only the ones that are fucking my husband. She’s dark—red hair. I’m blonde. She’s quiet, I’m told. But I don’t think she’s quiet. I just think she’s quiet now coz she’s in a shitty situation. Think of it. There is a young child involved. It isn’t just me. It’s Gerry as well.’

She sobs again. For five minutes. I go over to hug her and feel her pain, and she’s shaking and I think she’s going to be sick, but she says she’s fine.

Sarah—‘Have you eaten?’

Katrina—‘Yeah. I’m eating, but it’s going through me. I can literally feel the stress burning it off me. No diet has anything on the Divorce Diet. I’ve lost two stone in a month, Sarah. Two stone. And I’ve got to keep it together for Gerry coz I don’t want to lose him. Not through ill health. And I can’t even beat up the bitch coz she sounds as though she’s only a bit taller than my three-year-old and I could lose Gerry if I attacked her. And Henry is being such a bastard. I’ve never seen him like this. A real dark side. And I’ve been to clairvoyants and tarot card readers and spiritual healers and they all say that I have to move on and that Henry has moved on and is like a racehorse and wants out and that’s that, and he’s surrounded by friends who will tell
him to move on, coz he’s not telling them the whole story so they’re just validating what he’s saying about the marriage and himself. And, you know, not one of the two hundred people who turned up at our wedding have contacted me to say, Hi, Katrina, just ringing to see if you are OK. Know Henry has told me his side of the story—but what’s yours? Or, Do you want to talk about it? Or, Are you still OK?’

Sarah—‘People get embarrassed, Katrina. You know what people are like. And then others are just nosy and like a good gossip. They lead such little lives themselves they have to live vicariously, off other people’s lives—or through soap operas—to make them feel, Hey, I haven’t such a shitty or boring or conventional life myself. I’m OK. You need genuine friends around you—and, Katrina, at least they’ve made your choice for you. They’ve made it for you. They’re
not
your friends. You’ll see them with better eyes now. And you have Gerry.’

Katrina—‘Oh, yes, I have him. He’s wonderful, Sarah. And Henry’s so stupid. He’s missing out on such a wonderful time with Gerry at the moment. He’s becoming a real little person. So wonderful. And I want Henry to see as much as he can of Gerry. Not for Henry’s sake, but Gerry’s. He needs his daddy. Needs to feel his daddy wants to see him. To be with him. It’s so unfair.’

Sarah—‘So, your mother was no help?’

Katrina—‘You joking? She’s like yours, Sarah. She’s barking. From a different age. But at least she believes in marriage and stayed married to my dad. But perhaps he was the one who believed in marriage and now it’s the men who don’t believe in it any more. I don’t know.
I don’t know.
’

Sarah—‘How about Henry’s parents? Do they know?’

Katrina—‘Yes, they know. But they’ve heard Henry’s side of the story. You know, like Paul’s, they’re a close fam
ily. Well, I say close. The children don’t tell the parents anything, but they all stay close together. They only live five miles from here. Doubt if Paul will ever move far from his parents, Sarah. Take that into account. These close families are really just insular and isolated. I’ve never felt a part of their family and this has made it worse. You know Henry’s Catholic too?’

Sarah—‘Yes, I know.’

Katrina—‘Well, I’d thought they would be all anti-divorce, but, no, they think it’s best that he moves on and finds happiness. Perhaps even with this midget, and these things happen, and it’s very sad for Gerry. And I’ve become this non-person and, for God’s sake, Sarah, I’ve been married to the guy for over eight years now. How superficial is that?’

Sarah—‘It’s to be expected, Katrina. He is their son. Favourite, I think. I’ve got it with Paul and will always have it with Paul. He can do no wrong. You knew what you were getting into when you married Henry, didn’t you?’

Katrina—‘No, I didn’t. Didn’t think he was such an arsehole. Could be so cruel. You know he went on holiday with her? Went on holiday with her and missed Gerry’s third birthday party two weeks ago. He went to the Caribbean. Some big island. He wanted space and wanted to go on holiday and wanted to go with her. And told me he was. But said he wasn’t asking my permission, just how I felt about it. How I fucking felt about it! Well, I said I wasn’t very happy about it and he said he wouldn’t go and I said thank you but the wanker did anyway.’

Sarah—‘Why do you want to stay married to this wanker?’

Katrina—‘Coz I love him.’

Sarah—‘Doesn’t sound as though he loves you, though, Katrina. Men are different from women. They handle things—or rather don’t handle things—in a different way.
It’s the only way they can. That’s why I’ve got to find work, a career, a lifestyle that will make me happy, totally independent of Paul, though I love him. Because I know he’s human and he’ll let me down—’ (and has already) ‘—like I will probably let him down.’ (Have already.)

Katrina—‘I know—I know. But I’m thinking of Gerry, Sarah. This is so unfair on him. Why do we bring children into this world if marriage becomes so throwaway? So cheap? So disposable? Well, this one didn’t work, let’s try again—there is only one life. You know what he said? You know when the Twin Towers came down in New York? It made him re-evaluate his life and made him think about everything, what he wanted in life, and he woke up one morning and looked at me and thought, I’m not happy. I’m not happy with you and I’m not happy with this life and I want out. I want out. That’s what he said to me, Sarah. And he said it’s taken him this long to do something about it.’

Sarah—‘No, Katrina. It’s taken another woman for him to find the balls to do something about it. Men—not saying all, just most—only have the balls to go when there is another woman involved. Especially those who’ve been so close to their mummies. They need another carer in their lives. They can’t be by themselves. They need someone. Not necessarily to do their ironing and cooking and cleaning, but to say they are wonderful and number one and the best. And with marriage you have to work on that. And when you had Gerry—well, Henry became number two, and that happens in lots of marriages and you felt it too; that’s why you had the affair. And you had it for a reason, right?’

Katrina—‘Yes, I was unhappy. And it was exciting. I don’t know if you would understand, Sarah, because you have such a wonderful relationship with Paul, and it’s so perfect, and I’m very happy for you, and don’t know if I should be sharing this with you right now, but I need to speak to
someone and feel that you’ll understand coz you’re not conventional and you’re marrying—well, you’re marrying quite a conventional guy, really. And, well, just be careful. Just be careful.’

Methinks, Is this a message from God, or something? Do things just fall into your lap to teach you a lesson and you ignore them at your own cost? Here was Katrina, utterly distraught, with a gorgeous house and home and little boy and a seemingly lovely marriage and it was a complete sham. And she didn’t want to divorce him and wanted to stay and work at it for the sake of Gerry, but Henry wasn’t having it any more coz he’d gone off with a trog-bitch-from-hell, according to Katrina—who was painting her smaller by the minute.

By the time Catherine arrived I imagined her as this incredible shrinking woman who lived in a doll’s house.

Catherine—‘Sorry I’m late. Had trouble with the car.’ Aside to me, ‘Bastard Liam. Wants to get back together, but won’t. Well, want to, but won’t.’ To Katrina again, ‘I’ve got you a very good solicitor. Specialises in divorce law and was great with my sister. Go and see her. I’ve contacted my sister already and told her the story and she says that she’ll fix up an appointment for you tomorrow. It will help. She will be able to tell you what to do. It will help. She can deal with the financial side of it. Henry is money-orientated, and if he’s reachable it’s through his money. You’re not just thinking about yourself now, Katrina. You’re thinking about Gerry and his welfare. The new girlfriend—’ (methinks of doll’s house again) ‘—may want children and will put hers first. So you’ve got to get as much security for yourself and Gerry as possible. Think about it.’

We stayed there for another couple of hours. Katrina was nervous Henry would walk through the door any moment, but I said he wouldn’t. I had the instinct he’d stay out
with his Pippa doll that night. They were due to come to the wedding, and I told Katrina that she still could if she wanted to. She said that Henry had said they should go just to show face. But then he had started to introduce the girlfriend as his new partner so that might prove awkward. But that they should be grown up about things.

Sarah—‘Grown up? What the fuck does he know about being grown up? If ever there was a little boy with broken-toy-and-want-a-new-one-scenario it’s this one. Wanker. Do you want us to stay the night? We can. I can.’

Katrina—‘You have a wedding to get ready for.’

Sarah—‘This is important, and I don’t think you should be by yourself tonight.’

Katrina—‘No, Sarah, I’m fine. If I need anything I will call.’

Sarah—‘Promise?’

Katrina—‘I promise.’

Sarah—‘OK. But you promise to call? You can call at any time. Middle of the night. Four in the morning. Any time. Promise?’

Katrina—‘Promise.’

As Catherine and I go.

Katrina—‘You’re almost as thin as me.’

Sarah—‘Wedding nerves.’

Katrina—‘Yes, I remember when I…’(Bursts into tears.)

We hug. Our emaciated bodies clinging to each other.

Drive back. Thinking of dropping in to see John because I need to see him. But I couldn’t tell him everything. I’d have to spend a month telling him about everything and then he’d hate me and then it would be destroyed anyway and I’d lose both men. But perhaps I wasn’t meant to be with either. And look at Katrina.

I didn’t want to go into too many details with Paul about it. But Paul wanted to know where I’d been that night and I told him.

Paul—‘Oh, yes, I’ve heard. Katrina had an affair and Henry can’t deal with it. It’s understandable. I think he’s found someone now, and she’s dealing with it OK and being grown up about it. People have to move on. Henry’s putting a brave face on it. I feel sorry for Gerry.’

God, that made me so angry. I’d just come from seeing Katrina, totally distraught, and her husband was painting such a woe-is-me-I’ve-been-cuckolded attitude with his friends and colleagues. It made me sick. So I spoke.