The Last Confession of Thomas Hawkins (40 page)

I crumpled the paper in my fist and collapsed back upon the bed.

Eliot leaned closer. ‘Do you not see the danger you are in, Hawkins? For God’s sake, man – what ails you? Why do you not defend yourself?’ He lowered his voice. ‘Are you guilty?’

I roused myself enough to glare at him. ‘No.’

He snuffed in irritation. ‘
No
. Always
no
and nothing more. It is not enough, sir! Do you wish to hang?’

I covered my face in my hands. And despite my best efforts, I began to weep.

When I was recovered I rubbed my face and sat up. Eliot had not tried to comfort me, or offered any words of kindness, but his expression had softened a little. He picked up the crumpled broadsheet and smoothed it across his knee. ‘We
must
counter this. Give me something to tell the town. Let them hear your defence.’ He hesitated, cleared his throat. ‘Mr Defoe has offered to visit you and write of your story . . .’

Daniel Defoe.
Well, he had written Jack Sheppard’s story – and made a tidy profit from it too.

‘He is inclined to believe in your innocence,’ Eliot said. ‘The prosecution’s case is weak. You are being tried by the town, Hawkins. Defoe could turn them about. Remember how the mob protected him when he was in the pillory? He wishes to speak with you and with Kitty—’

‘
No
.’ I sprang to my feet. If Fleet suspected that I’d engaged Daniel Defoe to tell the real story of Burden’s murder, Kitty’s life would be forfeit and so would mine. ‘I forbid it,’ I said fiercely. ‘Do you understand, Eliot? Do not speak further with Mr Defoe, nor to anyone else.’

Eliot rose from the chair, baffled and frustrated. ‘What ails you, sir? Kitty is convinced of your innocence, and yet you act as if you are guilty.’ He sighed, puffing out his fat cheeks. ‘I have practised law for over thirty years. I know when a man is hiding something. I am your lawyer, sir. I am bound to keep your secrets safe. You must trust me. You
must
tell me everything – or else I cannot help you.’

It was tempting. My God, how I longed to unburden myself at last. Holding in the truth was making me ill. My dreams were nightmares and my waking hours were worse. But I couldn’t risk it. What if he told Kitty? What if he even hinted at the truth?

‘There is nothing to tell. I am innocent. That is all.’

Eliot’s shoulders sagged. ‘I will visit again in the morning—’

‘—No. No more visits, sir. I thank you, but we have no more to discuss.’

‘Mr Hawkins! Your trial is set for the day after tomorrow . . .’

‘I am quite aware of the date, sir.’

Eliot frowned. ‘I think you are determined to hang,’ he said, defeated. ‘Well. Eat some supper, at least. And call for a barber, for God’s sake. The jury expects to see a young gentleman on Thursday, not Robinson Crusoe.’

He left, no doubt cursing me under his breath. And who was I to Eliot, after all? Kitty’s idle, drunken beau, a feckless rake who would squander her fortune if he could only get his hands upon it. He didn’t know the iron core that ran through me. Obstinate. Wilful. My father’s favoured words for me as a child. I could waft happily through life when it suited me, but when I had set my mind upon something I could not yield – ever.

Still, Eliot’s visit had not been without value. I could not risk selling my story to Mr Defoe, but if I might concoct a way to write it myself in secret, with close instructions for its safekeeping . . . The thick, dank fog of melancholy that had surrounded me ever since I had arrived at Newgate dissolved a little. My future was no longer mine to shape – it rested in the hands of twelve men and one woman. But the past still belonged to me.

And so the day came for my trial – Thursday 26th February. I took Eliot’s advice and called at dawn for the prison barber. He grumbled when he saw the thick black stubble that covered my scalp and face – I had not been shaved since my arrest. It took him a half-hour and three passes with the blade before he was done, and he charged double the usual fee for his trouble. Once he had left I dressed in my sober black waistcoat and breeches. I had no mirror and could only guess at my appearance. Judging from the way the clothes hung from my frame, I supposed I must be an alarming sight, gaunt and haggard. My eyes felt raw from lack of sleep. Well, there was nothing to be done – and indeed it would appear odd if I bounded bright-eyed into court.

My hands began to tremble as I wound my cravat and so I paused and sat down upon the bed. I had never felt so alone as in this hour. All my life I had sought the company of others, happy in a large, boisterous crowd. Now there was only silence and a cold cell. My friends were gone or unable to help. My family were many miles away. My sister had written several letters and I had wept over them all, knowing that she if no one else would always believe in my innocence. But how I’d shamed her! How would she ever find a husband now, with such an infamous brother? My dear sister Jane – always so good to me. And here was her reward. I closed my eyes and imagined myself home, walking the old coastal path, the sea sparkling beneath an endless sky. A taste of salt and clean air on my tongue.

Someone began to play the fiddle in a neighbouring cell and voices filled the air, new words set to an old ballad.

Tom Hawkins was a parson
’
s son

With evil in his heart

A deed most wicked he has done

And so he
’
ll ride the cart.

He stabbed Jo Burden with his blade

The blood is on his hands

A noose old Hooper he has made

The gentleman will hang.

The key rattled in the lock and Mr Rewse stepped into the cell, a set of iron chains slung over his shoulder. He had let me live unfettered these past weeks, but now I must be chained again for all the world to see. I rose and let him fix the manacles to my wrists.
This is a play
, I told myself.
Act the part you have been given and you will be spared
. They led me through the ward, my fellow prisoners shouting and joking to one another as I passed. I had not tried to win friends in Newgate, keeping to my cell as much as possible. I had not repented, nor had I fallen in with the lower sorts who drank and whored their way to the gallows. Worst of all, I had continued to protest my innocence, which infuriated the good and the wicked alike. So there was no fellow-feeling as I walked through the gaol. They sang my ballad again to send me on my way, while the turnkeys chuckled to themselves.

I comforted myself with the knowledge that Budge was still endeavouring to secure my release. He had written again, briefly, to say that his mistress would prefer the matter to be resolved at trial and hoped that I would be set free without her aid. I wished that too, in the way one might wish one could fly or pluck gold coins from the air. Wishing would not make it so.

We took a passage beneath the street, connecting the prison to the Old Bailey. My chains clinked as we walked, the sound echoing through the tunnel. Eliot stood waiting for us at the other end.

‘You look ill, sir.’

‘You would have me skipping like a spring lamb, I suppose?’

‘The King’s Council has called Kitty to testify.’

I stared at him in horror. He seemed to draw some comfort from my reaction – proof that I was at least decent enough to care for Kitty’s reputation. ‘She wishes to speak in your defence. You may call her as a witness.’

I shook my head. God knows what she would be prepared to say in order to save me. Eliot sighed, as if he had expected my response. He seemed so dejected that on impulse I clasped his hands. ‘Thank you, sir, for all you have done.’

He gave an exasperated laugh, as if to say –
you have let me do nothing.

‘You are a good man, Mr Eliot. And an excellent lawyer.’

‘Aye . . .’ He glanced towards the courtroom, where the judge and jury waited. ‘But what sort of a man are you, Hawkins? I fear I cannot tell.’

And so we entered the court and the world knows what happened next. I will not write of it here. To place myself in that room again, the sweat pouring down my back, mouth dry, barely able to breathe with fear . . . and all about me the rows of spectators, half of them old acquaintances, all craning to get the best view as if this were the theatre and not my life. James Fleet was there, tucked quietly in the shadows, to be sure I behaved.

And on the front row, Charles Howard, face set throughout in grim, glowering concentration. When at last it was over and the verdict came down, he rose and picked up his hat, pushing past his neighbours to reach the aisle. I passed not two feet from him as the guards led me in chains back to prison. He smiled, teeth bared, but it was his eyes that I remembered, alone in my cell. Those terrible eyes, gleaming in cold triumph.

Part Five

. . .the Prisoner was brought to the Bar at 9 in the Morning, a very great and extraordinary Audience present; diverse Gentlemen of Distinction and a Crowd of Ladies. The Prisoner pleaded Not Guilty as at his Arraignment.

The Council for the Crown open’d the Indictment; setting forth, That the said
Thomas Hawkins
, gentleman and former Student of Divinity, being a Person of inhuman and cruel Disposition did Assault and Murder the said
Joseph Burden
in the Unfortunate Victim’s own bed; and that the Prisoner did Stab him nine times with a great Dagger. And that the Prisoner did wound the said
Joseph Burden
with a fierce cut to the Heart, plunging the Blade to the very hilt and drawing forth great Geysers of Blood, by which the aforementioned soon died.

The King’s Council proceeded to open, That the Prisoner at the Bar was well known to hold a great Loathing and Hatred of his Neighbour, and had been witnessed upon several occasions threatening to Strike and Murder the Unfortunate Deceas’d.

The Council continued, That the Prisoner had every means of entering his neighbour’s home, which was upon Russell Street, having constructed a Secret and Ingenious Door between the attics, granting him Access whenever he so Wished. And thus the Prisoner had entered into the home of his Unfortunate Victim and murder’d him in an act most callous and cunning.

Following this Brutal Act the Prisoner compounded his crime and with Great Wickedness sought to place Suspicion upon innocent parties:
Stephen Burden
the son of the Deceas’d,
Judith Burden
who was his Daughter and
Ned Weaver
, his apprentice. That thus, despite a childhood bless’d with good Fortune and the best of Educations, the Prisoner shew’d himself to be not only a Cold and Pitiless murderer but also a Coward and a Liar, having no decency or honour.