The Language Inside (43 page)

as we reach the car he blurts

they’ve lost so much

these older Khmer—

family, friends, homes, their lifestyle . . . 

you can’t imagine what they went through

during Pol Pot . . . 

               
Lok Ta Leap lost his father and mother

               
uncles, cousins, three brothers

               
his two youngest daughters . . . 

and they had nothing

when they got here

nothing

it’s been so hard

so when they’re old

here in America

these Khmer

who can’t speak much English

who have hardly any relatives left . . . 

or have kids and grandkids

so different from them . . . 

when they lose someone else . . . 

Samnang turns away

I stand nearby

but not too near

give him space

and after a bit I say

Leap Sok is lucky to have you

but Samnang says sharply

I don’t think that’s called luck

to just have me

he unlocks the car and we get in

and I don’t know what to offer

to his silence

other than more silence

when we reach YiaYia’s I say

come inside, just for a bit

I tell him that tomorrow

Gram and Gramps return to Vermont

and pretty soon my father

will be back in New York

it’s a big family meal

with my mom joining if she can

Samnang rubs his hand

over his face

eyes the clock

tilts his head

okay, sure

and parks the car

I wait while he calls Beth

then we go up YiaYia’s walk

YiaYia welcomes him right in

and sets another place

without my asking

and Dad introduces him as

Emma’s friend Samnang

dancer and gymnast

and Gram and Gramps throw him questions

about Cambodian dance

which they call the Royal Ballet

going on about the artist Rodin

and his sketches of Cambodian dancers

visiting France

and I’m wondering . . . 

how do they know all this stuff

coming from Vermont?

when dinner is served

YiaYia chats with Samnang

about people at the Newall Center

she knew from when Papou was there

Samnang talks soccer with Toby

and Boston Marathon with my mom

he explains his upcoming gymnastics season

and assures my father, yes, he’s looking at colleges

he’s lively and good to everyone

and I can tell they all like him

but now I know that

even when Samnang is animated

he’s still carrying all that loss

after dinner I grab my jacket

go outside with him to the car

and ask if he’ll visit Leap Sok

again this week or if I should drop by

I’ll try to go
he says

but I don’t think you should bother

he doesn’t speak much English

and it’s slurred

from the stroke

I tell him I think I can handle that

I work with someone who can’t even speak

he gives a half smile

then says
thanks

for dinner and everything

and I tell him
anytime

and out of habit

my head drops

into a slight bow

a little later

when I’m helping YiaYia wash dishes

I get a text:

               
39

when I get home from school on Friday

Dad meets me at the door

and before I can even step inside

he says
let’s go for a walk

we got the path report

and I begin to panic—

they already took off the whole breast

the lymph node tested negative

the tumor was only .3 cm . . . 

what’s left to report?

it’s okay

nothing unexpected

no bad news
he says

and as we head down the sidewalk

he goes on to tell me that the surgeon

and the oncologist and the radiologist agree

there’s the slightest chance of cancer cells in the chest wall

and that radiation followed by five years of hormone therapy

is considered the best course of treatment at this time

no chemo?
I ask

no chemo
he says