The Knowing: Awake in the Dark (20 page)

I began to pray and meditate and in my mind, asked the angels to come and assist the woman in her transition.
She’s lost and scared and she doesn’t know she’s dead
.
Please come help her.
I’d spent about a half-hour in meditation twice before anything aside from relaxation occurred. On my third attempt I had success. After breakfast, I sat in the kitchen area on a built-in banquet against a large bay window where morning sunlight fell across my shoulders in soothing warmth. The experience was remarkable.

I’m uncertain how much time had passed while I prayed and meditated. Suddenly I saw the woman in my mind’s eye. I felt her confusion and fear. I sent her telepathic messages.
Don’t be afraid. You’re not alone. The angels have been looking for you. They’re waiting for you. Look for the light.
I felt her acknowledgment and relief. I repeated my message again and again.

Without warning I saw a bright light. The light had an exceptionally high vibration and sounded like music without a tune. I knew the loving presence was an angel. Tears fell in a constant stream from beneath my closed eyes but I could not feel the rest of my body as I watched the event unfold.

The body of energies that were the woman and angel’s merged together and they evolved, disappearing from my consciousness.

My body was covered in goose flesh and tears flowed freely.  It was the most extraordinary thing to witness and be part of and it left a stunning impression I have never forgotten.

I no longer saw her and Robert had no more dreams of the lost and lonely woman. I learned to trust myself a little more when the
pictures
came. I had other
pictures
while living at the estate.  These seemed to increase in frequency and for the first time I saw
pictures
that occurred in real time instead of past or future events.

During this part of my life I acknowledged the frequent visits from the
light-body
and had begun talking to it in my mind and out loud. I still felt foolish and I kept the information to myself, but an opening into the possibility that I wasn’t crazy had begun.

Eventually, the estate was ready for resale and I had to move again. I rented a small three- bedroom house with no roommates, just me and the kids.

One night, as I sat at the top of my bed in my new room leaning against the cool wall to meditate, I felt the presence of the
light-body
and I asked in my mind, “
Who are you?”

And it said, “
I am you, I am your guide
.”

“
Okay, what does that mean
?” I asked.

“
It means I am part of you and here always to help you, to guide you along your way. We are what you need most.”

“
Are you the one that has always been there? The one I have always seen
?” I asked.

“
Yes”
came the reply.

“
Will you always be here
?” I questioned.

“
Yes, I am part of you
”

“
What’s your name
?”

“
You may call me anything you wish.”

“
Can I call you my father guide
?” I asked because the energy felt fatherly, protective and loving. Something my father was unable to give.

“
Yes
” the
light-body
answered.

“
Okay because I never had a father
,” I replied.

Silence followed and I heard nothing more so I opened my eyes. I continued to have a dialog almost nightly with my guide and the feeling of loneliness began to wane. I also understood that the voice I heard was just another way my intuition manifested, like the
knowing
but I was still learning how it all tied together.

I did my best to absorb and understand the information I received. Yet with my new understanding and the two years that passed since I’d left Aaron, I was still afraid of him and leery he was just around the corner.

The tiny house sat alone near a jetty surrounded by sand and trees. The man liked it here away from prying eyes. He needed someplace private to entertain. Having a family had not worked out for him and had only added to his anger and frustration. Now, though, he had a place of his own secluded and quiet. He smiled and whistled a tune as anticipation surged through him. He was excited to have a weekend guest in his new place. It felt good. He checked to make sure things were perfect one more time before he left to pick up his visitor.

A large roll of tape next to the handy blindfold he’d made himself, sat on the bedside table. A new tube of lubricant, smooth and clean was there too.  He reached for the small mirror that came with a shiny metal straw and snorted what cocaine was left on the smudged surface enjoying the burn. He rubbed what was left of the bitter powder across his gums. Satisfied, he grabbed his mask on the way out; this one had bright green eyes which suited him fine.

What the young girl felt was a thrilling excitement in the deepest part of her belly. She was camping with the boy who made her heart pound.--she was definitely in love. Her brother and his friend had come along too, but were at the next campsite so the young lovers could be alone. A permanent smile lit up her pretty face.

They lay together under the stars in their tent breathing hard and making out. The girl was fifteen now and had everything she could want. Her glossy, black hair lay in provocative curls against her exposed chest, accentuating the white lace of her bra.  They laughed and passed a joint back and forth and planned their weekend.

“Let’s hike and lie naked on the lake tomorrow” she said with a mischievous smile.

“Anything you want, baby,” he said, exhaling smoke as he reached for her. The sound of feet over loose rocks surprised them and seemed to come out of nowhere.

“Hey, what’s that? Shush- be quiet. Shit, is that a flashlight?” she asked alarm rising in her voice.

“You two better get out here.” came the voice from outside the tent. “I have a gun and I’m not fucking around.”

The young couple was scared and did as they were told.

“What the fuck?” the young man said as he lifted the tent’s flap and stepped out.

The man stood just outside of the tent with his arm extended, pointing his gun at the young man’s face. “Shut the fuck up, buddy and get over to the car before I blow your fucking head off.”

The young man balled his hands into fists and stood his ground. The man grabbed the girl’s hair at the back of her head and pressed the snout of the gun against the soft tissue of her temple.

“I mean it, motherfucker.”

The masked man forced the young male into the trunk of his car and closed him in. He took the girl, crying and stumbling to his truck parked nearby and placed her face down across the seat covering her face with the mask he’d worn.

“Stay down, cunt. Don’t make me shoot you.”

Hearing commotion, the girl’s brother hurried to his sister’s tent.

“Hey, what’s going on?” He asked as he peeled back the tent flap finding it empty. He turned toward a loud bang and saw the trunk of a car fly open and watched in surprise as his sister’s boyfriend sprang out clutching a tire iron and screaming,

“He has her! He took your sister!”

The man with the mask started his truck and backed out quickly; he jammed the gear shift into drive prematurely making the gears grind, just as the two boys ran toward the truck screaming,

“You better stop! Hey!”

A tire iron smashed into the truck’s passenger window nearly shattering the glass completely. The man, angry and shaking with adrenalin, fired two shots through his rear window as he pressed harder on the accelerator.

The girl was crying and pleading with her abductor.“Pleease let me g-go, please. I won’t tell, I promise. Oh, God, please. Don’t hurt me,” she begged.

The helicopter hovered like a hawk eyeing its prey, its giant blades whooped in an excited rhythm.  Police cars came from all directions and screeched to a halt, effectively sealing off the building. There would be no entry or exit. Car doors swung wide releasing eager dogs that pulled against leather harnesses to subdue their quarry.

A local auto body shop filled the television screen. A handcuffed man, flanked by officers sporting grim expressions, kept his head bowed and shuffled toward the camera.

“That’s all for now. Stay with News 3 for updates on this developing story,” came a disembodied woman’s voice and the camera panned back to the newscaster behind his desk, his eyes alive with the excitement of a breaking story.

“Okay, Terry, thanks again and stay with us at News Channel 3 as we bring you the latest news and developments as they unfold.”

In the corner of the screen the man in handcuffs glanced up into the camera’s lenses. His chilling stare looked directly into my eyes – I was astounded – frozen with disbelief. My stomach puckered as though zapped by an electric current. Panic roared through me, I spun around and hurried to the kitchen. I searched the phonebook for a number and mindlessly dialed.

“I know the man they’re arresting right now, the one on TV. Can you tell me what he is being charged with?” I said into the phone,

“I’m sorry, ma’am, I’m afraid we can’t release that information. Who did you say you are and what is your connection to the man?”

“I need to speak with whoever’s in charge, please, it’s important, please.” My body felt like a thousand pounds of cement. I could no longer stand and I sank to the floor.

My scalp tightened with the prickling sensation of dread. After an eternity on hold, a man answered the phone, “Dade County D. A., this is Markus Short."

He was soft spoken but rigid and he was cautious. He refused to tell me anything until I explained who I was-so I did- I told him everything. I told him with shame that burned my lips what I’d told no one, I confessed my connection and all that it meant. When I finished neither of us spoke and then he said, “He’s being charged with rape.”

My stomach plunged and I felt the truth wash over me like stinging needles dancing on my skin.

“He is suspected of multiple assaults, serial rape. The media have dubbed him the ‘The Sweetheart Rapist’ and we’ve been looking for him for several years. After what you’ve told me, I’ll need to send someone to your home immediately,” he continued. “We will need to interview you. We will need you to testify.”

I was astonished because I hadn’t heard of the crimes. I didn’t read the papers or watch the news. I was grossly uninformed. Suddenly there was a humming in my ears and my hand shook as I hung up the phone. I stared at the wall, my mind as empty as a hollowed tree. I stumbled to the bathroom and vomited. My stomach heaved until there was nothing left. I panted on my knees and clutched the cold porcelain bowl and the memory of the
pictures
of the man in the mask came racing back. They rose up fierce and suffocating and forced my body into a cold sweat.

Oh my god, oh my god, this is my fault. I should have known. I did know, didn’t I? I saw him, Did I know somewhere within myself who it was and what he was doing? Oh, God forgive me, what have I done?
I believed that somehow, I had the power to alter the events. If only I’d been able to face what I falsely thought, I should have known. I sank into what felt like a dark tunnel where the only sound was the roaring in my ears.

The story was covered on nearly every television news station and an article was easy to find in the paper the next day. I carefully cut it out and hid it.

Recent assaults may have broken 2-year rape case.

Sheriff’s investigators hunted two years for the East County “The Sweetheart Rapist,” even setting up decoy officers in amorous settings in an attempt to trap him.  Efforts to find a suspect proved unproductive until this week when a 31-year-old man was arrested for the kidnap and rape of a 15-year-old girl and a 17-year-old teenager. The string of sexual assaults occurred primarily during warm weather in secluded areas of East County frequented by lovers. There were seven assaults within the sheriff’s jurisdiction and two inside local city limits. Captain Raymond Nulty said Tuesday that after last week’s incident in which a 15-year-old girl camping on Richmond’s levee was kidnapped and raped, crucial information identifying a suspect came into the investigation division…

My fingertips were numb as I held the paper and finished the article. Adrenaline forced my heart in a wild rhythm and white sticky foam coated my tongue making my mouth like paste. I hadn’t slept since last night and the discovery of the rapist. I felt responsible like a guilty co-conspirator. I felt shameful and dirty.
Three-year-old rape case? That’s before I left him
.
When people find out who I am,
I thought,
they will think I’m dirty too and what will happen to my children?
I imagined the kindergarten mothers beating the drum and whispering, fingers pointed at my innocent Raine. “He’s the child of a rapist,” they’d say, “keep your children away from him.”
How can I protect them? How will I tell my children, that their father is a serial rapist and their mother should have known all along?