The Jewel of His Heart (31 page)

Nellie leaned over, whispering, “I’m truly sorry for your heartache. I’m going home for now. You know where to find me if you need me. You’re in good hands.”

Juliana pressed her hand. “Thank you,” she whispered. Even in her grief, Juliana sensed their concern was genuine. “Where’s Josh?” she asked, scanning the room.

“He’s taken your father to the undertaker’s to start the arrangements for you, if that’s all right,” Miss Margaret answered.

“Yes. I’m so grateful to have Josh.” She blew her nose into the fine linen hanky Miss Margaret handed her. “I’m still in disbelief. Life isn’t supposed to be this way, Miss Margaret.”

“I know, dear. It’s hard to lose someone we love.”

“I’m not sure I loved him. I didn’t really know him. I hadn’t seen him since I was ten years old.” She fingered the lace workings on the handkerchief.

“But you’ve had God’s love in your heart for him as his daughter and little girl since you were born. That’s why you were so affected now, despite what he’s done. You’ve just lost something you hoped to have again, and that hurts. Your pain is very real. You’ll get through this, we’ll see to it.”

Louise grabbed her arms and pulled. “Come, my dear friend, let’s get you upstairs, cleaned up, and into comfortable clothes, and you can rest better in your bed. Natalie will make us some tea, won’t you, dear?”

“Certainly. You get freshened up, and I’ll bring it right up.”

Miss Margaret moved aside as Louise led Juliana upstairs. “I’ll be up directly, dear.”

Juliana paused on the landing, “You’ll let me know when Josh returns?”

“As fast as a jackrabbit hops!”

It would be a long afternoon to face without Josh
, Juliana thought. She needed his strength and his arms around her holding her tight like he had earlier.

Josh returned within the hour, and when Juliana came back downstairs, her hair was brushed and pulled back, and she wore a clean dress. “The service will be tomorrow afternoon. You need to let Reverend Carlson know what you’d like him to say at the gravesite. We assumed that since few knew your father, you would want a simple service. Is that right?” She looked exhausted and somber, but lovelier than ever to Josh.

“Yes, you’re right. No one here knew my father.” She paused. “Not even me, but I do want him to have a proper burial. My mother would want him to be buried next to her.”

He took her small hand in his larger one. “I’m very sorry you had to hear those confessions, but you must respect your father for that at least.” Josh waited for her reaction, but she merely turned and stared out the window. He sensed that deep in her heart the “okay” she’d said to Davin was forgiveness, but he also sensed the struggle she was having. “He did love you, after all.”

Juliana whirled around. “Then why, Josh,
why
did he have to stay away? He knew we needed him. How could he do that to us? How? Tell me!”

He pulled her to him, and she laid her head on his shoulder. “Jewel,” he whispered, “I really don’t have the answer to your questions. We may never know more than what he told you, but one thing he said registered with me. He’d made peace with his Maker. You
will
see him again, just as you’ll see your mother.” Josh stroked her dark hair and inhaled the sweet lavender soap smell.

“I pray you’re right,” she said. She pulled back to look at him, her eyes brimming with tears.

“I have something for you to take to the service tomorrow.” Josh rose, picked up a package he had placed on the piano earlier, and handed it to her.

“Josh, what’s this?” Juliana untied the string around the brown paper wrapping and drew in her breath. “My very own Bible! Josh, you shouldn’t have,” she said with genuine surprise. She leaned over to touch his face, drawing her hand down to his cheek, then briefly touched her lips to his. “Thank you,” she said softly as big tears rolled down her cheeks.

Josh wanted to kiss the tears from her eyes but instead gently wiped them aside with his thumb. His hands shook. Her unexpected kiss had sent a jolt of lightning through him. “Nothing’s too good for my Jewel.” He wanted to tell her he would spend his life trying to give her everything her heart desired if she would only be his wife, but he knew this was not the time to talk about that. Not when she was hurting so much. “I hope you don’t mind. I’ve marked a few verses for you that are some of my favorites. Maybe someday we can have your name engraved on the front.”

Juliana opened it to the dedication page that read,
To Jewel,
with love, Josh McBride
. “I will cherish this, Josh.” Juliana clasped the Bible to her chest. “I’ve never had my own Bible. I can’t thank you enough.” Juliana’s eyes burned with affection, and she leaned over to hug him again.

Miss Margaret walked in, and they pulled apart. “I hope you’re feeling somewhat better, Juliana. I’ve prepared a light supper for us all, with Natalie and Louise’s help. Cynthia is off today. I’m sure you haven’t eaten a thing all day.”

“Oh, Miss Margaret, I can’t impose,” Josh said with a serious look. “I’ll just be heading back home now, but I’ll see you both tomorrow.”

“Don’t be silly, Josh. You’ll eat and
then
you can leave. Right, Juliana?”

“Right.” Juliana hooked her arm through his and looked at him through red-rimmed eyes.

“How can I argue with two pretty ladies?” Josh asked.

Miss Margaret tapped her cane on the hardwood floor and scoffed at him. “Exactly my point!” She led the way to the dining room.

33

Josh left after promising he’d be at the funeral. They agreed that Juliana would go with Miss Margaret, and he and Andy would meet them at the gravesite. Juliana stood on the front porch, watching him leave. When Josh turned in his saddle to wave, she knew she could not live without this powerful but sensitive man in her life.

“Juliana.” Miss Margaret came and stood with her on the porch. “We need to go complete the details of the funeral. I have a suit of my late husband’s, if you think that would be appropriate for your father to be buried in.”

Juliana swallowed the lump in her throat. “Thank you. Yes, that would be perfect and so thoughtful of you. Are you sure you don’t mind?”

“I’m sure. I’ll go fetch it. Then we’ll go together and finish with the funeral arrangements. I’ve sent Louise over to inform Albert of the situation. He and Sally would want to know. They’ve grown very fond of you. I’m sure he’ll want a story about this terrible tragedy.”

Juliana’s heart froze. Would he tell everything he knew about her father? How awful that would be. “This is one article I
cannot
write, Miss Margaret.”

“I understand, dear. Leave it to Albert. While he would never want to hurt you, the truth must come out, however embarrassing. Still, I’m sure he will be discreet in his story,” Miss Margaret assured her. “You just hold your head up high.” Miss Margaret gave her a swift embrace.

Juliana was so glad she had moved out of the hotel. Was Miss Margaret yet another gift from God, proving He would watch over her? Maybe so. “I hope you’re right,” she said, returning Miss Margaret’s hug. “Before we leave, remind me to show you the Bible Josh gave me.”

The complete quiet that night weighed heavily on Juliana, and she tossed and turned. Between crying and visions of her own father dying in her arms, sleep was out of the question. She cried for what could have been, and she cried for her mother.

She got up and padded in bare feet over to her window that looked out on Main Street. The street was deserted and bathed in pale light from the moon, which peeked timorously from behind slow-moving clouds threatening a late spring rain. She hoped it wouldn’t rain. It would be sad enough without a rainy funeral.

This all seemed a dreadful dream that she would soon awaken from. There were so many unanswered questions. Perhaps Josh was right—she would never have all the answers.

A light tap sounded on her bedroom door, startling her. “It’s me, dear.” Miss Margaret’s voice was low. “May I come in?”

Juliana opened the door. Miss Margaret and Louise stood in their robes next to a tea cart that held a tea cozy over a china pot and a teacup. “How did you know I was still up?”

“I figured as much. I could hear you stirring around. Sleep is hard to come by with so much on your mind, dear. I brought you some chamomile tea. You can go on to bed now, Louise. I want to talk to Juliana. Thanks for your assistance with the tea cart.”

“I hope you can sleep, Juliana. Good night.” Louise stifled a yawn, then scooted toward her bedroom.

Juliana opened the door for Miss Margaret to pass through. Miss Margaret rolled the tea cart into the room and uncovered a beautiful Blue Willow teapot from its cozy. The familiar scent of liniment that she used on her joints lingered on the air when she walked past Juliana.

Miss Margaret poured the tea, then held the cup out to her. “This will help you sleep.”

“Thank you. You shouldn’t have gone to so much trouble. You’re so sweet to me, and so are Natalie and Louise. Why, Natalie even loaned me a black dress for tomorrow, while Louise ran a bath for me tonight. I’m feeling so pampered.”

“Well, then we are accomplishing what we set out to do. This is the time when we should help out a wounded sister in Christ who’s feeling overwhelmed. It’s our privilege to comfort you, just as we benefited in our time of need. Now, drink up.”

Juliana and Miss Margaret sat on her bed, and she sipped her tea under Margaret’s watchful eye. “Miss Margaret, what do you know about heaven?”

Miss Margaret rubbed her arthritic hands together. “I know there is one. Scripture reminds us in 2 Corinthians that when Christians are absent from the body, we are present with the Lord. That gives us hope that we will see our loved ones in heaven, if they were believers.”

“Would you please show me where that is in my Bible?” Juliana asked. She lifted her Bible from her bedside table and handed it to Miss Margaret.

“Certainly,” Miss Margaret said, taking the book and flipping it open to the passage. “Ah, here it is. I’ll place your ribbon marker right there. Was your father a believer?”

“Yes, he was, though he got sidetracked from the truth or he wouldn’t have committed such crimes. We attended church as a family before he left for the gold fields.” Juliana didn’t mean to sound so angry. “He told me and Josh that he had made peace with his Maker.”

“Then that means he asked for forgiveness, and you have to take him at his word. But what about you? Did he ask for yours?”

Hot tears fell again, and it was hard for Juliana to see. “He did, and I finally just said, ‘It’s okay,’ but now that sounds feeble. I wished I could have said the actual words, ‘I forgive you,’ but I just couldn’t do it.” She hiccupped.

Miss Margaret handed her a fresh handkerchief from the bedside table. “Don’t fret, Juliana. Your father knew the hurt he’d caused you, and he understood. It took a lot for him to make such a confession. But in time, you must truly seek to forgive genuinely in your heart in order to heal.”

Juliana blew her raw nose. “I’ll try, I promise,” she said, her breathing ragged.

“That’s my girl. Now, I’ll leave you to finish your tea. It will help you sleep so you’ll be rested. Since tomorrow is Sunday, I think it would be all right if you just slept a little late, if you can. I’ll be here, and Natalie and Louise will go to church. That way I can get things ready for after the service. I’m sure you will have people come by to pay their respects.”

Juliana touched Miss Margaret’s hand. “I don’t know what I’d do without your constant support. You’re such a blessing to me.”

The old lady’s gray eyes twinkled with a tear or two, and she patted Juliana’s face. “‘Weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.’”

Juliana followed her to the door. “Is that one of your quotes, Miss Margaret, or is that from Scripture too? It’s so beautiful.”

“Psalm 30:5. Good night, dear one.”

Juliana marveled at Miss Margaret’s wisdom and kindness. She listened to the tapping of Miss Margaret’s cane down the hallway until the sound faded away.