The Inner Struggle: Beginnings Series Book 7 (8 page)

“Guilty.”

“I’m running late.” Andrea moved to the door. “One more thing, I put in for five work hours in that little betting pool going around.”

“How’s it looking?”

“Let’s put it this way. You and Henry are still the only two who believe Hap is Trish’s baby’s father. If Jeff is the dad, you and Henry will be winning lots of work hours.”

“Or if Hap is, Henry and I will become very lazy.”

“Valid point. I’ll see you.”

“Bye, Andrea,” Ellen said with a smile and stretched out her legs. She still had to wait for Dean to examine her one more time then Ellen was going home. She thought about Trish and her baby. How she envied Trish because the only thing hinging on the baby’s paternity was a few folks making a fun bet. She wished it were that simple with Nick. The whole situation was screwed up. She brought Henry into the equation so she could freely help Dean. Never did she imagine that Henry would enter the equation as the father. She was still trying to figure that out and hoped that Jason Godrichson would be able to shed some light on it. He said he’d try to figure out the ripple and, more than she let on, Ellen needed to know how it happened.

<><><><>

“Frank?” Joe said surprised as he approached Jason Godrichson’s lab. “What are you doing here?”

“Me?” Frank pulled the door closed. “Um, visiting.”

“Visiting?”

“Yeah, that Jason,” Frank snickered, “he’s funny. Bye Dad.” Frank rushed by him.

Joe saw it on Frank’s face, his looking up to the sky he could care less about as he tried to make an obvious escape. “Frank, what are you up to?”

“Who Me?”

“Yes you.”

Frank snickered, bit his lip, and bobbed his head back and forth. “Couldn’t be me. Then who? Dad! Dad stole the cookie from . . .”

“Frank!”

“Dad!”

“You know I really have to wonder sometimes if you and my real son weren’t switched at birth.”

“Now why would you say that?”

“You’re singing children’s rhythms to me and you have to ask me that? Have you ever seen me singing children’s rhythms when someone is speaking to me seriously?”

“No, but maybe you should try it.”

“Good bye Frank.”

“See ya.” Frank lifted his shoulders in a shrug and walked away.

Joe, trying so hard to control his grunting, walked into the quantum lab. “Hi Jason.” Joe shut the door. “Why was my son here?”

“He was rambling on about something.”

“What?”

“I don’t know. I don’t pay too much attention to Frank. He makes my head spin. I thought it had something to do with Ellen.”

“Ellen?” Joe asked. “What about her?”

“The baby. Nick?”

Joe pulled up a stool next to Jason who stood by his computers. “I’m lost.”

“Oh, about the baby’s paternity? The possibility of a time machine ripple causing it or something, but he didn’t mention it.”

“Why would he? That’s the most ridiculous thing I ever heard. He doesn’t think that, does he?”

Jason shrugged. “Doubt it.”

“So why would you think he’d be up here asking you?”

“Because Ellen did and this is between us.”

“Why would Ellen ask about a time machine ripple? Henry is the father. They had an understanding.”

Jason breathed out heavily. “She doesn’t know how she got pregnant by Henry. She claims they are and always have been completely platonic.”

“They’re married,” Joe said.

“She told me this morning it was for other reasons. They are still platonic. She even said Henry doesn’t know.”

“Oh, that’s complete and utter horseshit,” Joe scoffed. “They’re lying. They came to you …”

“Ellen,” Jason stopped Joe. “Ellen came to me. Not Henry, Ellen.”

Joe leaned back a little, grabbed a cigarette from his pocket, and lit it. “You really believe her.”

“You know her better than I do. When has she ever gone to extremes to cover a lie?”

“Joey and the paternity test.”

“OK, true.” Jason nodded. “I’ll put no more thought into it.” He turned to his computer. “I want to test the machine to keep her running.”

Joe reached out and laid his hand on Jason’s wrists. “You actually do believe she’s not lying.”

“Joe, I honestly think she hasn’t a clue how Henry is the father.”

“Wow.” He paused and took a hit of his cigarette. “Then maybe the question should be, if Ellen isn’t lying.” Joe exhaled heavily, blowing out the smoke. “Is Henry?”

<><><><>

Henry thought it odd, when he passed Dean’s lab earlier, he saw Ben from fabrics in Dean’s lab talking to him. Both Dean and he faced each other, Dean with more of a look of concern than anything else. That was odd to Henry, but not as odd as the fact that as he stood in the empty nursery--empty but for Nick--he watched Ben run down the hall and race into Ellen’s room. Thinking Ben must really want to visit Ellen, Henry returned to just staring at Nick.

“Hey, Henry,” Dean’s call to Henry was close and unexpected that it made Henry jump from his bassinet stare.

“Hi Dean.”

“Nick is doing good. Huh?”

“That’s what Andrea told me.”

“You ready to see Ellen leave this place?”

“Yeah I am,” Henry said. “I have to work on that downed beam, so I just want to get her settled before heading back to that.”

“You know she’s heading over to Frank’s tonight, right?”

“I figured as much, yeah. Since, you know, I’m working and she shouldn’t be alone …” He paused and looked down to Nick. “I feel bad leaving this guy behind.”

“It’s not like you won’t see him. Let’s go.” Dean started to leave.

“Dean,” Henry called to him, “I need to talk to you for a second.”

“Sure what’s up?”

“It’s about this understanding or whatever it is that you and Ellen will be having.”

“What about it?” Dean gave his full attention.

“I was wondering if you thought it was all that good of an idea.”

Dean laughed out a “What? Not a good idea? It’s the only option you know that. Isn’t …” Dean brought his finger to his temple. “Correct me if I am wrong, but didn’t you and Ellen both say that you sneaked off and got married so she could freely spend time with me and learn all she needs to learn. This community needs her to learn. I need her.”

“I know you do. Trust me Dean. I was just thinking . . .” He looked back at the baby. “I was thinking that with the baby, and this is no reflection on you Dean, I was thinking that maybe it would only be right if I have the understanding with Frank.”

“Frank?” Dean started to laugh. “Henry, you don’t want to have an understanding with Frank. He’ll take all the time and, not wanting to sound like a selfish prick, I will sound like one anyway. Again, I need her. This isn’t about an understanding. The understanding is a front for the time I need to have with her. She needs the time to learn to be my eyes before I lose my sight. It’s crucial.”

“You .. you can have my time with her. Ellen said you didn't want to tell Frank anyhow, right? Just take my time.”

“Your time?” Dean shook his head. “Did I do or say something?”

“No, no. Who it is isn’t the issue. Nick is.”

“No he is not. Nick doesn’t know. Henry, why did you change your mind?”

Henry lowered his head. “I owe Frank.”

“You don’t owe Frank.”

“Yes Dean, I owe him everything. If he hadn’t let me be with Ellen in the first place, I wouldn’t be with her now. I broke every promise I made to Frank about that. Every one.”

“Henry.” Dean stepped closer. “Are you feeling guilty? This is not worth your guilt.”

“You don’t think?” Henry lifted his eyes.

“About the baby? You can’t feel guilty about something that you had no control over. Isn’t that what you said? You and Ellen think it was a ripple thing.”

“Yes, but, it … the baby, the marriage. Again, my promises were broken to Frank.”

“Yeah, well, Frank broke a lot of promises too. So … do whatever, Henry. I’m not gonna beg you or fight with you. Just don’t make choices out of guilt. There’s no reason for it.” Dean turned and walked away.

Again, Henry’s head lowered. He looked to the ground and then after a breath, lifted his eyes. He stood there before seeing Ellen and took in all that Dean had said.

“Shut up!” Frank loudly blasted across the commotion in his house. “Your mother is trying to rest here. Be quiet!”

Ellen winced as she lay on the couch. “Frank, you’re just as bad.”

“No I’m not.” He had reached that point as he made it to her from the dining room. The extremely loud game of Twister had to end. “Josh, you and Denny take the game up stairs. Please?”

Josh stomped in a pout. “All right. Come on guys. Denny, untwist yourself.”

Relief hit Frank and so did Brian's walker as he careened full speed into Frank’s leg. He huffed as he grabbed his shin and stepped over the walker only to have Brian wheel himself some more, nearly tripping Frank. “Whose fuckin brilliant idea was this to make this kid mobile?” Picking up the walker, he handed it to Josh. “Take him up with you too and put the gate up. I don’t want him wheeling down the steps again.”

“Got him.” Josh set the walker down, shoved the board to Twister in the seat with Brain, and gave the timer to Brian to hold--it went directly in his mouth--as he carried him up the steps.

“Better.” Frank took in the silence then sat on the edge of the couch next to Ellen’s legs.

“Frank, you’re so tense.”

“I’m sorry. It’s just that I wanted you to rest after dinner and you haven’t been able to.”

“They’re being kids. And . . .” She folded her hands on her legs. “Dean will be here soon so why don’t you take me home while Josh has them upstairs.”

“No, El.” Frank laid his hand on her leg.

“Frank, I have to go home.”

“Why don’t you stay here? Come on. I can take care of you.” In a grip, his hand moved up and down her thigh as he spoke to her so softly with so much depth. “Stay here with me. Please.”

“Frank . . .”

“No, listen. It’ll just be me and you. That’s it. I’ll take care of you. I can do this. You should be here.”

“Frank, I live with Henry..”

“I don’t fuckin care.”

This took Ellen aback. “Frank?”

“Forget it.” Tossing his hand down, Frank clenched the muscles in his jaw and stood from the couch. He walked toward the kitchen.

“Frank?” As well as she could--but slowly--Ellen stood from the couch and walked into the kitchen. She rounded the archway and saw Frank as he finished off a drink and poured himself another. “What are you doing?” She edged her way to him. “Give me that.” She reached for the glass.

“After...” He stopped her hand, “I finish this.” He downed what looked like a shot’s worth of moonshine and handed her the empty glass. “Here.” He raised his eyebrows and walked by her. “Let’s go. I’ll drive you home. I have the Jeep out front.”

“Why are you drinking?” Ellen followed him.

“Why do you care?” Frank snatched up the keys. “Dean will take the kids. Who the hell do I have to be sober for?” He walked to the living room.

“Wait for me. I can’t move that fast,” Ellen hobbled.

“Sorry.” Frank stopped walking. “Do you need help?”

“No.” Shaking her head, she made it to him. “You shouldn’t be drinking so much. You drink all the time now.”

“Well, thank you for your concern but don’t bother.” He held the door open for her. “Need help getting into the Jeep?”

“Fuck you.” Holding back her anger, Ellen got in the Jeep.

“Fuck me?” Frank fluttered his lips. “No, fuck you, El.”

“What?” Ellen gasped her words. “You’re kidding me? What in the world did I do to deserve this sudden Dr. Jeckle and Mr. Hyde treatment?”

Frank said nothing. He just started driving.

“Fine, be that way.”

“I am.” Frank shifted gears.

Ellen was grateful for incision purposes that Frank didn’t do his normal screeching stop in front of Henry’s house. With a painful groan she tried to hide, Ellen opened the Jeep door, ignoring Frank’s hand as she headed up the four steps into her house.

Frank followed her in. “You need anything?”

“No.” Ellen folded her arms and watched him start to leave. “What did I do, Frank?” She saw him stop and his head dropped forward. “Tell me what I did.”

“You’re here.”

“I live here.”

“I wanted you with me.” Frank turned and faced her.

“And you’re upset because I didn’t stay with you?”

“No, I’m upset because you’re here.” Frank reached back and closed the door then stepped to her. “It’s in the way of us.”

“There is no more us.”

“There should be.”

“No.” Ellen shook her head. “You ended it a long time ago. You, Frank.”

“And you wasted no time, none.” His hand shot back and forth. “No wait, that’s wrong. There was no time to waste because you were with him the whole entire time.”

“No, Frank, you’re wrong. I told you.”

“I know what you said and I know there’s a baby, a baby that looks just like Henry.”

“You don’t believe me, fine. It doesn’t matter but I knew it. I knew you were angry. You hid it well Frank, but you couldn’t hide it for long.”

“You don’t think I should be angry?” Frank laughed emotionally. “Do you have any idea how it feels to have loved someone your whole entire life, only to live in a fucked up world and them not want to be with you? Do you know what it’s like? No. I’ll tell you why. Because you have a choice. You have a choice who you want to be with and you don’t need me. Let me let you in on a little secret here. I don’t have a choice. And more so, even if there were more women in this world than men, I still wouldn’t have a choice because it’s one of two ways. I have you in my life or I live alone. I don’t want a choice. You are all I ever wanted or want in my life. No one else. Raising a family is one thing I wanted to do with you and I can’t even have that anymore. You won’t do that with me anymore. Next week, when Nick comes home, he’ll come home with me and you’ll be here.” Frank swallowed and stepped back. “With your newest choice in life.”

“Stop,” she called out softly. “just stop this. Things are different, I know. Things aren’t the way you want them to be. I know that too. Just tell me, Frank, what can I do?”

“Be there when Nick comes home?” Frank asked.

“Why do you want that responsibility? Nick is just a newborn. I want to be there when he comes home. I want to be there those first couple weeks.”

“You can be.”

“Yes I can,” Ellen nodded, “if he lives here with me.”

“No,” Frank said strongly, “I don’t care. Nick is my son. He will be raised as my son and, like all my children, he will be with me. You wanna be a part of the crucial first couple weeks of his life then you be there with me.”

“Why are you putting me in this position?”

“A position?” Frank asked. “What position? This is your child Ellen. I’m not asking you to come to the house and be my lover. I’m asking you to come to the house and help me with that baby you and I sat for hours and talked about raising together.” Frank stepped to her, placing his hands on her arms. “I’m asking you just to stay at the house for a while with me and the kids and with Nick. Will you? El?”

Ellen was silent and she closed her eyes.

“Forget I asked.” Frank let go of her.

“Frank, wait.” Ellen stopped him from leaving. “I’ll . . . I’ll do it.” She closed her eyes again. “I haven’t been the type of mother I should be lately. Maybe now is the time I start to do that again.”

“Thank you.” He walked from the door, kissing her on the cheek. “I’m sorry we fought.” He backed up again to leave.

“Frank, just so you know,” Ellen called to him, “I’ll be working on this virus in the clinic. I’m going to be there a lot..”

“I know that.” Frank lifted his shoulders in a shrug. “As long as you are at the house more, that’s what counts.” With a change in demeanor toward Ellen, Frank stepped outside, pulling the door closed.

Henry saw him leave his house and he knew. He waited for Frank to be from sight then Henry went home. Ellen was on the couch.

“How was Frank’s and dinner?” Henry asked.

“It was good. I’m tired. Though … Henry?” She patted the spot next to her. “I need to talk to you about something.”

“Sounds serious.”

“It is, sort of.”

Henry sat down. Ellen seemed nervous. Why was that?

What exactly were the details of what Ellen told him, Henry didn’t know. She mentioned Frank’s house, spending time with Nick there, and Henry zoned out. His insides steamed, but he didn’t show it. He knew he cut her off, was passive, told her, ‘sure, spend all the time you need’. He didn’t’ mean it. It was fast becoming a pissing contest with Frank over Nick and Ellen, one Henry didn’t want to enter but found himself wanting to win.

Henry just needed to get out, take a walk. He grabbed Ellen a blanket and glass of wine and told her he wouldn’t be long. Did she even care that he was leaving? Probably not. He said his goodbyes, acted as if all were fine, and walked out of the house.

The social hall wasn’t that far away and he just wanted to go to the stockroom to get a bottle of his homemade wine he had dropped off there. Walking inside, Henry knew he didn’t want to be there. Six people were in there, one of which was Frank. It was in Henry’s favor that Frank finished off his drink and rolled up his map as soon as Henry walked in. Hoping for nothing to be said, Henry lucked out. Frank merely left the social hall, giving a quick look and raise of the eyebrows to Henry as he passed him.

Henry’s heart slowed in beating when he realized there wasn’t going to be any confrontation. Deciding to see if anything was behind the bar, Henry walked behind ‘Sam’ the mannequin and hunched down. His hands sorted through the bottles that rested in a crate until he found one. Extending his reach with it first to the bar, Henry was greeted by John Matoose standing across from him as he rose to his feet.

“Henry.” John gave a smile to him. “I wanted to apologize to you.”

“For what?” Henry asked, just wanting to leave.

“For getting on you like I did at Joe’s office the other day.”

“Thank you, John.” Not that Henry cared what John thought, he was only being polite.

“Frank told me and I want you to know that’s really big of you.”

“Thanks.” Henry stopped in his stride to the door. “Frank told you what?” He turned and asked John.

“About you letting Ellen live with him after the baby comes home. He told me Ellen told him that after they had dinner.”

Henry’s heart beat once strongly then dropped in a nose dive. He remembered right then what Ellen was trying to tell him about spending time with Nick. He also didn’t realize the Pandora’s Box he had opened by telling her she should spend time with Nick. It made perfect sense to Henry why Ellen had a hard time telling him that. Maybe he should have let her finish. The truth was, Henry finished it. How could he go back to Ellen and tell her she couldn’t spend time with her son if it meant living with Frank? Henry couldn’t tell her that. “Will you excuse me, John?”

“Henry, can I give you some free advice.”

Henry nodded slowly.

“I don’t know if you know this, but I kind of get the feeling that Frank doesn't want you to have much to do with the baby. He hasn’t said anything to me. It’s just a feeling I get.” John didn’t speak like his usual know-it-all self. He actually sounded sincere. “It may not last long, then again it may. Seeing how you always stop by the nursery, maybe for your sake, you may want to consider hanging around that baby less. It won’t hurt as much if Frank decides to have this one all on his own. From a father’s point of view, it’s the best thing to do. Distance is best.”

“Distance?” Henry had to laugh at that. “How do you propose I distance myself from Nick? I live with his mother.”

“Yeah, but for how long?”

“Excuse me?” Henry asked.

“How long? If she’s moving back in with Frank for a while, how long will it be before it’s for good?”

Cold words? Deliberate words? Or truthful words? Whatever it was that John Matoose was trying to tell Henry, the fact remained that he delivered words to Henry that would ring through his mind. While it bothered Henry and would stay with him, he also wondered if he even had a right to let it bother him. A part of him felt he deserved everything he got. But that was just Henry, and he knew there was more to the situation than anyone knew.