The Impostor, A Love Story (18 page)

“Yeah, for the wedding.”

“The wedding?” He hadn’t said anything about
a wedding.

“The wedding is Saturday night. My sister
Brenda is getting married.”

“A wedding?”
He was taking me to a
wedding
? “A wedding? What time?”

“Saturday night at eight. I have never
brought a girl to one of these things before. You will be my
first.”

I should have been elated. A wedding.
Why
does God have such a cruel sense of humor
?

How could it be that these two opportunities
were happening at the same time? How could I choose? If I went with
Dylan and didn’t get the place because of it, I’d resent him.
If
I don’t go to the wedding,
I could end up losing him
. I
started to tell him of my dilemma, but stopped myself. Maybe I
could do both. I couldn’t ruin this.

“I’ll pick you up at one tomorrow, and we’ll
go get you a dress for the wedding. It’ll be fun. Tell Brad you
aren’t coming in for the early shift okay? We’ve also got to get
your plane ticket.”

I had to tell Dylan, but how? “Dylan, can I
talk to you about something?”

“I’m going to take you shopping. There is no
getting out of it.”

“It’s something else.”

“What’s up?”

“I don’t really want to talk here.”

“Is everything okay? Is Jessica okay?” He
could tell there was something wrong from the hesitation in my
voice. “Can you go on a break?”

“I’ll ask. I really need to talk to you.”

“I don’t have to go on for a bit. Let’s go.”
I ran over to the bar to ask, and then grabbed my coat and walked
back to Dylan. He took my hand and led me to the car. He opened the
door for me, and then climbed in the driver’s side.

“What’s going on, Nicole?”
How could I
begin
?

“I just got some great news, but it affects
something important to me, so I’m having a hard time figuring out
what I should do.”

“So, what is this wonderful news?” I lit up
thinking about the opportunity to get my life started here in
Alaska.

“There’s this guy renting out his basement in
Wasilla. It has three bedrooms, and it’d be less than what Emily
and I are paying now for just the motel room.”

“Wasilla. That is kind of far, Nicole.”

“Yeah, but the great part is, he’s a mechanic
and said he has a car he could fix up for us, so we’ll have
transportation. We won’t have to take cabs everywhere. It would be
an older car, but it would run, and I can make payments.”

“I can get you an apartment, babe. You don’t
have to rent from a stranger. And we can get you a car. I don’t
want you driving around something that could break down. It could
be really dangerous.”

“You’re too sweet. I can’t ask you to do
that. I need to try and make it on my own two feet, and this is all
I can afford right now.”

“Nikki, I was going to talk to you about it
this weekend. I know you need a place for you and your little girl.
I want to help.”

“You are already helping by letting me borrow
the money to bring her here. I can’t ask you to get us an apartment
too. Besides, the guy also says he has a nanny I can use. I was
trying to figure all this out, and he showed up at work today. He
has a car I can buy, a room I can rent, and a nanny my daughter can
use.”

“He came in today?” he questioned.

“Yeah, it was slow, and he was saying he was
renting out his basement.”

“This is a guy you just met at the bar? It
wasn’t an ad or something?”

“He comes in all the time. He’s a nice guy,”
I explained.

“But he’s a guy you met at a bar, and you
want to move into his house?”

“It isn’t like that. He’s renting out his
rooms and has a nanny. It’s for my daughter.”

“He is a stranger. You can’t move in with a
stranger—some dude you just met.”

“He’s got kids. He is single dad, so he isn’t
wild or anything.”

“He is a single dad. Is that supposed to make
me feel better?” His voice began to rise.

I had not seen this side of Dylan before. He
was getting upset, and I hadn’t even begun to tell him the news
about not going to Seattle this Friday. This wasn’t going well.

“You can’t move in with him. I don’t even
know who this guy is. Didn’t you listen to anything Chris said? I’m
not letting you move in with some guy you met at a bar.”

“I met you at a bar.” I could tell he was
hurt by my statement. “It’s a wonderful opportunity. He’s harmless.
Dylan, I’m not like you. I struggle to get by. And this is an
opportunity for me to really begin my life here in Anchorage. It’s
a way I can afford a place, a car, and a nanny. I don’t know how I
could do it otherwise.”

“I can take care of you.”

“I need to be able to take care of myself.”
God, what was I doing
? He was so perfect, and I was screwing
it up because of my pride, but I needed to be able to take care of
myself.

“I’m not letting you move in with him, Nikki.
There is no way!”

“Dylan, you can’t tell me what to do. I can
take care of myself.” I jumped out of the car. He didn’t
understand.

Dylan jumped out of the car, running over to
me. I flinched, covering my face and bracing myself, expecting to
be hit. His eyes opened wide, horrified that I’d think such a
thing.

“Nikki, my god.” His hand was almost shaking
as he took my hands from my face and caressed it. “Did you think I
was going to hit you? I’d never do anything to hurt you.” He
wrapped his hands around my waist and pulled me close. “I’m worried
about you, that’s all. I don’t know this guy. I’ll go crazy on the
Slope worrying, Nikki. When I’m there, I won’t be able to do
anything to help you if you are in trouble.” He picked me up,
sitting me on the car in front of him. “I’ll die if anything
happens to you.”

“Dylan, I have to do this. I need to prove to
myself I can. Besides, it may be safer for Emily and me not to be
alone. It may be better if there is a guy upstairs while you are
gone. He’s harmless. He really is.”

“Who is this guy? Let me check him out.”

“He comes in with a cop all the time. I’m
sure he’s fine. It’ll be okay.”

“I want to meet him before I go on the Slope.
Can we go there tomorrow after I take you shopping? I want to check
out the car. I want to make sure you are going to be all
right.”

“No, he’s going to be busy. I wanted you to
go there with me, but he can only meet me on Saturday.”

“Saturday? I thought you were coming with me
to Seattle. What about the wedding?” His voice became agitated
again.

“I didn’t know about the wedding. I was
trying to figure out how to make it work. I thought maybe I could
fly in after I saw the place. I figured you would be playing on
Friday night anyway.”

“Why can’t you go Monday?”

“He has someone else looking at it on Monday.
I really want this place. I just don’t know what to do.”

“Nikki that is fine. You do what you have to
do. I’ll do what I have to do.” His checks reddened as he held back
his anger. He shook his head and mumbled under his breath as he
walked back inside.

Why couldn’t he understand how important this
was to me? I glanced at the entrance of the club. I didn’t want to
go back in there. I couldn’t bear to see his disappointment. Was he
jealous? It wasn’t like I was moving in with Steve. Steve had a
live-in nanny. Why couldn’t Dylan understand that?

I sighed, but it was his sister’s wedding,
and he wanted me by his side. He wanted me to meet his family—his
family! Maybe it seemed like I didn’t care.

A knot twisted in my stomach. The tears
falling from my eyes began to freeze on my cheeks. I realized I’d
made the wrong decision. I remembered how many times Ronald made up
excuses for not doing things with my family and how it hurt me.
This was Dylan’s sister’s wedding. If the place wasn’t available on
Monday, it wasn’t the end of the world. This was a big step for the
two of us. He was taking me to meet his family! I’d ruined it. It
was over. What had I done?

Headlights pulled into the parking lot.
Someone must have called a cab.

I jumped off the car and ran to the cab,
climbing in the back seat. I needed it more than they did. My purse
sat behind the bar, trapped, but I had some cash at the hotel I
could give the driver. I just wanted to get away from there, and
get away fast. I wiped my face, gave the driver the address, and we
were off.

At the motel, I picked up the phone and
dialed the bar. “Pete, please tell Brad I’m feeling sick and have
to take the rest of the night off.” I managed to hold back the
tears.

“There are plenty of waitresses here. I think
he was going to let a couple go anyway. You get some rest.”

“Thank you, Pete.”

As I hung up the phone, the tears cascaded
down my face. Flopping on the bed, I pondered, “What have I
done?”
Ring, ring, ring
. The telephone rang over and over,
but I couldn’t bring myself to answer it. The horrible sound
tormented me. I put the pillow over my head to drown out the noise.
Ring, ring, ring
. It was over. I couldn’t even begin to
talk.

“He hates me.” I curled into a ball on the
bed.

“
Shh.” He carried me over to the
dresser

and sat me on top, gently rubbing his cheeks
against mine.

“
You don’t want me to go.”

~The Impostor

I heard keys jingle at the door, and the door
opened. Pretending I was asleep, I dug my head in my pillow. I
didn’t want to talk to anyone.

“She’s in here,” Emily shouted.

“Thank god!” a relieved voice answered.

“You idiot, we were worried about you. Why
didn’t you answer the phone?”

I stayed buried in the pillow as Emily took a
pillow from her bed and threw it at me. “I got your purse. I can’t
believe you didn’t call me or something.”

I had hoped Pete would have said something to
her.

Then a deep voice intruded, “Emily, is there
any way I could have a few minutes with her?” I recognized Dylan’s
voice. I squeezed my pillow tighter.
Don’t leave Emily
.
Don’t leave. I don’t want to talk to him. I don’t want to hear
how disappointed he is. Let me sleep
. I peeked up from my
shelter.

“Here,” he said, pulling his credit card out
of his wallet. He turned to Emily. “Could you please get a room for
me?” He handed her the card. “I’ll stay at this motel tonight. Can
you hang out in it till I finish talking to her? Please?”

“Kicking me out of my own room? I’m gonna
order a movie,” she sassed as she proceeded to the door.

“Thank you so much.”

“And maybe room service,” she piped in
jokingly. There was no room service in this dive. As she was
closing the door, she called out, “Nicole, I’m still pissed at you.
You gave us a heart attack.”

Don’t leave, Emily
, my thoughts
pleaded, but Emily closed the door behind her.

Dylan came over to the bed. I curled tighter
in a ball and hugged the pillow as if I was six years old and it
was a teddy bear that could protect me from terrible dreams. I
could feel Dylan’s weight as he sat next to me. He ran his fingers
through my hair, tenderly.

“I’m sorry,” Dylan began.

I kept my head buried in the pillow. I
couldn’t help it; I began tearing up again.

“Come on, baby, don’t cry.” He pried the
pillow from my grasp.

The sound of my whimper was no longer
muffled. My hands sheltered my face.

“I’m not quite sure what happened.” He gently
exposed my face, removing my hands. His index finger wiped the
tears from my eyes, as he gave a little chuckle. “You look like a
raccoon.”

I hit him and buried my face in his chest.
“You are so mean,” I whined with a half-hearted laugh.

“But the cutest raccoon I have ever
seen.”

I observed the stain of mascara on my hands.
Sitting up, I glanced at the mirror across the room. I noticed my
eyes, covered in the smudges of black from the hour of crying. I
rubbed at the mess, but it just smeared them more.

“Come here, baby.” He began to take me in his
arms.

I pushed him away. I felt weak from crying. I
could not handle it. I was falling way too fast, and the roller
coaster of emotions felt toxic.

“Please leave, Dylan. Please go.” I rolled
off the other side of the bed. “Please, Dylan.”

“Nicole, I don’t know what happened. One
minute we were going to Seattle together, and the next you were
moving in with some guy.”

“It’s not like that, Dylan. It’s not like
that at all.” I grabbed the pillow off the floor and curled up in
the chair next to the window. “Please go, I really don’t want to
see anyone right now.” Dylan walked around the bed, again taking
the security pillow out of my arms.

“Nicole, you don’t want me to go.” He lifted
my chin so I would look into his eyes.

“I want to be alone.” I turned my head away
so his eyes wouldn’t hypnotize me.

He leaned in and whispered, “I know you don’t
want me to leave,” as he lifted me off the chair.

“Yes, I do. I want to be alone.” But somehow
he could see the truth in my eyes. I didn’t want him to leave. I
was falling in love with him.

“Shh.” He carried me over to the dresser and
sat me on top, gently rubbing his checks against mine. “You don’t
want me to go.” He began tasting my neck. Then, as he captivated me
with his eyes, his hands began unbuttoning my blouse. I grabbed his
hands.

“No, Dylan. Stop.” He took my hands and
pinned them against the mirror.

“You don’t want me to go,” he whispered
again. His tongue stimulated my earlobe, then ventured down my
neck.

“Dylan, stop.” I sighed as my craving for him
grew. I felt the moisture of his tongue exploring. “Dylan,” I
exhaled in a moan, wrapping my legs around him. I pulled him even
closer with my legs, gasping as he excited me. As he unpinned my
hands, I embraced him, savoring the salt from his neck and then
capturing his mouth with my own. He picked me up and brought me to
the bed, laying me on the mattress. Suddenly, our kisses were
intermingled with my sniffles. Tears came to my eyes.