The Iceman Cometh (30 page)

His face is convulsed with self-loathing
.

Evelyn wouldn’t have heard from me in a month or more. She’d have been waiting there alone, with the neighbors shaking their heads and feeling sorry for her out loud. That was before she got me to move to the outskirts, where there weren’t any next-door neighbors. And then the door would open and in I’d stumble—looking like what I’ve said—into her home, where she kept everything so spotless and clean. And I’d sworn it would never happen again, and now I’d have to start swearing again this was the last time. I could see disgust having a battle in her eyes with love. Love always won. She’d make herself kiss me, as if nothing had happened, as if I’d just come home from a business trip. She’d never complain or bawl me out.

He bursts out in a tone of anguish that has anger and hatred beneath it
.

Christ, can you imagine what a guilty skunk she made me feel! If she’d only admitted once she didn’t believe any more in her pipe dream that some day I’d behave! But she never would. Evelyn was stubborn as hell. Once she’d set her heart on anything, you couldn’t shake her faith that it had to come true—tomorrow! It was the same old story, over and over, for years and years. It kept piling up, inside her and inside me. God, can you picture all I made her suffer, and all the guilt she made me feel, and how I hated myself! If she only hadn’t been so damned good—if she’d been the same kind of wife I was a husband. God, I used to pray sometimes she’d—I’d even say to her, “Go on, why don’t you, Evelyn? It’d serve me right. I wouldn’t mind. I’d forgive you.” Of course, I’d pretend I was kidding—the same way I used to joke here about her being in the hay with the iceman. She’d have been so hurt if I’d said it seriously. She’d have thought I’d stopped loving her.

He pauses
—
then looking around at them
.

I suppose you think I’m a liar, that no woman could have stood all she stood and still loved me so much—that it isn’t human for any woman to be so pitying and forgiving. Well, I’m not lying, and if you’d ever seen her, you’d realize I wasn’t. It was written all over her face, sweetness and love and pity and forgiveness.

He reaches mechanically for the inside pocket of his coat
.

Wait! I’ll show you. I always carry her picture.

Suddenly he looks startled. He stares before him, his hand falling back
—
quietly
.

No, I’m forgetting I tore it up—afterwards. I didn’t need it any more.

He pauses. The silence is like that in the room of a dying man where people hold their breath, waiting for him to die
.

CORA

With a muffled sob
.

Jees, Hickey! Jees!

She shivers and puts her hands over her face
.

PARRITT

To
LARRY
in a low insistent tone
.

I burnt up Mother’s picture, Larry. Her eyes followed me all the time. They seemed to be wishing I was dead!

HICKEY

It kept piling up, like I’ve said. I got so I thought of it all the time. I hated myself more and more, thinking of all the wrong I’d done to the sweetest woman in the world who loved me so much. I got so I’d curse myself for a lousy bastard every time I saw myself in the mirror. I felt such pity for her it drove me crazy. You wouldn’t believe a guy like me, that’s knocked around so much, could feel such pity. It got so every night I’d wind up hiding my face in her lap, bawling and begging her forgiveness. And, of course, she’d always comfort me and say, “Never mind, Teddy, I know you won’t ever again.” Christ, I loved her so, but I began to hate that pipe dream! I began to be afraid I was going bughouse, because sometimes I couldn’t forgive her for forgiving me. I even caught myself hating her for making me hate myself so much. There’s a limit to the guilt you can feel and the forgiveness and the pity you can take! You have to begin blaming someone else, too. I got so sometimes when she’d kiss me it was like she did it on purpose to humiliate me, as if she’d spit in my face! But all the time I saw how crazy and rotten of me that was, and it made me hate myself all the more. You’d never believe I could hate so much, a good-natured, happy-go-lucky slob like me. And as the time got nearer to when I was due to come here for my drunk around Harry’s birthday, I got nearly crazy. I kept swearing to her every night that this time I really wouldn’t, until I’d made it a real final test to myself—and to her. And she kept encouraging me and saying, “I can see you really mean it now, Teddy. I know you’ll conquer it this time, and we’ll be so happy, dear.” When she’d say that and kiss me, I’d believe it, too. Then she’d go to bed, and I’d stay up alone because I couldn’t sleep and I didn’t want to disturb her, tossing and rolling around. I’d get so damned lonely. I’d get thinking how peaceful it was here, sitting around with the old gang, getting drunk and forgetting love, joking and laughing and singing and swapping lies. And finally I knew I’d have to come. And I knew if I came this time, it was the finish. I’d never have the guts to go back and be forgiven again, and that would break Evelyn’s heart because to her it would mean I didn’t love her any more.

He pauses
.

That last night I’d driven myself crazy trying to figure some way out for her. I went in the bedroom. I was going to tell her it was the end. But I couldn’t do that to her. She was sound asleep. I thought, God, if she’d only never wake up, she’d never know! And then it came to me—the only possible way out, for her sake. I remembered I’d given her a gun for protection while I was away and it was in the bureau drawer. She’d never feel any pain, never wake up from her dream. So I—

HOPE

Tries to ward this off by pounding with his glass on the table
—
with brutal, callous exasperation
.

Give us a rest, for the love of Christ! Who the hell cares? We want to pass out in peace!

They all, except
PARRITT
and
LARRY
,
pound with their glasses and grumble in chorus:
“
Who the hell cares? We want to pass out in peace!
”
MORAN
,
the detective, moves quietly from the entrance in the curtain across the back of the room to the table where his companion
,
LIEB
,
is sitting
.
ROCKY
notices his leaving and gets up from the table in the rear and goes back to stand and watch in the entrance
.
MORAN
exchanges a glance with
LIEB
,
motioning him to get up. The latter does so. No one notices them. The clamor of banging glasses dies out as abruptly as it started
.
HICKEY
hasn’t appeared to hear it
.

HICKEY

Simply
.

So I killed her.

There is a moment of dead silence. Even the detectives are caught in it and stand motionless
.

PARRITT

Suddenly gives up and relaxes limply in his chair
—
in a low voice in which there is a strange exhausted relief
.

I may as well confess, Larry. There’s no use lying any more. You know, anyway. I didn’t give a damn about the money. It was because I hated her.

HICKEY

Obliviously
.

And then I saw I’d always known that was the only possible way to give her peace and free her from the misery of loving me. I saw it meant peace for me, too, knowing she was at peace. I felt as though a ton of guilt was lifted off my mind. I remember I stood by the bed and suddenly I had to laugh. I couldn’t help it, and I knew Evelyn would forgive me. I remember I heard myself speaking to her, as if it was something I’d always wanted to say: “Well, you know what you can do with your pipe dream now, you damned bitch!”

He stops with a horrified start, as if shocked out of a nightmare, as if he couldn’t believe he heard what he had just said. He stammers
.

No! I never—!

PARRITT

To
LARRY
—
sneeringly
.

Yes, that’s it! Her and the damned old Movement pipe dream! Eh, Larry?

HICKEY

Bursts into frantic denial
.

No! That’s a lie! I never said—! Good God, I couldn’t have said that!

If I did, I’d gone insane! Why, I loved Evelyn better than anything in life!

He appeals brokenly to the crowd
.

Boys, you’re all my old pals! You’ve known old Hickey for years! You know I’d never—

His eyes fix
on
HOPE
.

You’ve known me longer than anyone, Harry. You know I must have been insane, don’t you, Governor?

HOPE

At first with the same defensive callousness
—
without looking at him
.

Who the hell cares?

Then suddenly he looks at
HICKEY
and there is an extraordinary change in his expression. His face lights up, as if he were grasping at some dawning
HOPE
in his mind. He speaks with a groping eagerness
. Insane? You mean—you went really insane?

At the tone of his voice, all the group at the tables by him start and stare at him as if they caught his thought. Then they all look at
HICKEY
eagerly, too
.

HICKEY

Yes! Or I couldn’t have laughed! I couldn’t have said that to her!
MORAN
walks up behind him on one side, while the second detective
,
LIEB
,
closes in on him from the other
.

MORAN

Taps
HICKEY
on
the shoulder
.

That’s enough, Hickman. You know who we are. You’re under arrest.

He nods to
LIEB
,
who slips a pair of handcuffs on
HICKEY
’s
wrists
.

HICKEY
stares at them with stupid incomprehension
.
MORAN
takes his arm
.

Come along and spill your guts where we can get it on paper.

HICKEY

No, wait, Officer! You owe me a break! I phoned and made it easy for you, didn’t I? Just a few minutes!

To
HOPE
—
pleadingly
.

You know I couldn’t say that to Evelyn, don’t you, Harry—unless—

HOPE

Eagerly
.

And you’ve been crazy ever since? Everything you’ve said and done here—

HICKEY

For a moment forgets his own obsession and his face takes on its familiar expression of affectionate amusement and he chuckles
.

Now, Governor! Up to your old tricks, eh? I see what you’re driving at, but I can’t let you get away with—

Then
, as
HOPE
’s
expression turns to resentful callousness again and he looks away, he adds hastily with pleading desperation
.

Yes, Harry, of course, I’ve been out of my mind ever since! All the time I’ve been here! You saw I was insane, didn’t you?

MORAN

With cynical disgust
.

Can it! I’ve had enough of your act. Save it for the jury.

Addressing the crowd, sharply
.

Listen, you guys. Don’t fall for his lies. He’s starting to get foxy now and thinks he’ll plead insanity. But he can’t get away with it.

The crowd at the grouped tables are grasping at
HOPE
now. They g
la
re at him resentfully
.

HOPE

Begins to bristle in his old-time manner
.

Bejees, you dumb dick, you’ve got a crust trying to tell us about Hickey! We’ve known him for years, and every one of us noticed he was nutty the minute he showed up here! Bejees, if you’d heard all the crazy bull he was pulling about bringing us peace—like a bughouse preacher escaped from an asylum! If you’d seen all the damned-fool things he made us do! We only did them because—

He hesitates
—
then defiantly
.

Because we hoped he’d come out of it if we kidded him along and humored him.

He looks around at the others
.

Ain’t that right, fellers?

They burst into a chorus of eager assent:
“
Yes, Harry!
” “
That’s it, Harry!
”

“
That’s why!
” “
We knew he was crazy!
” “
Just to humor him!
”

MORAN

A fine bunch of rats! Covering up for a dirty, cold-blooded murderer.

HOPE

Stung into recovering all his old fuming truculence
.

Is that so? Bejees, you know the old story, when Saint Patrick drove the snakes out of Ireland they swam to New York and joined the police force! Ha!

He cackles insultingly
.

Bejees, we can believe it now when we look at you, can’t we, fellers?

They all growl assent, glowering defiantly at
MORAN
.
MORAN
glares at them, looking as if he’d like to forget his prisoner and start cleaning out the place
.
HOPE
goes on pugnaciously
.