The Iceman Cometh (12 page)

They all pour out drinks
.

HOPE

That sounds more like you, Hickey. That water-wagon bull—Cut out the act and have a drink, for Christ’s sake.

HICKEY

It’s no act, Governor. But don’t get me wrong. That don’t mean I’m a teetotal grouch and can’t be in the party. Hell, why d’you suppose I’m here except to have a party, same as I’ve always done, and help celebrate your birthday tonight? You’ve all been good pals to me, the best friends I’ve ever had. I’ve been thinking about you ever since I left the house—all the time I was walking over here—

HOPE

Walking? Bejees, do you mean to say you walked?

HICKEY

I sure did. All the way from the wilds of darkest Astoria. Didn’t mind it a bit, either. I seemed to get here before I knew it. I’m a bit tired and sleepy but otherwise I feel great.

Kiddingly
.

That ought to encourage you, Governor—show you a little walk around the ward is nothing to be so scared about.

He winks at the others
. hope
stiffens resentfully for a second
. hickey

goes on
.

I didn’t make such bad time either for a fat guy, considering it’s a hell of a ways, and I sat in the park a while thinking. It was going on twelve when I went in the bedroom to tell Evelyn I was leaving. Six hours, say. No, less than that. I’d been standing on the corner some time before Cora and Chuck came along, thinking about all of you. Of course, I was only kidding Cora with that stuff about saving you.

Then seriously
.

No, I wasn’t either. But I didn’t mean booze. I meant save you from pipe dreams. I know now, from my experience, they’re the things that really poison and ruin a guy’s life and keep him from finding any peace. If you knew how free and contented I feel now. I’m like a new man. And the cure for them is so damned simple, once you have the nerve. Just the old dope of honesty is the best policy—honesty with yourself, I mean. Just stop lying about yourself and kidding yourself about tomorrows.

He is staring ahead of him now as if he were talking aloud to himself as much as to them. Their eyes are fixed on him with uneasy resentment. His manner becomes apologetic again
.

Hell, this begins to sound like a damned sermon on the way to lead the good life. Forget that part of it. It’s in my blood, I guess. My old man used to whale salvation into my heinie with a birch rod. He was a preacher in the sticks of Indiana, like I’ve told you. I got my knack of sales gab from him, too. He was the boy who could sell those Hoosier hayseeds building lots along the Golden Street!

Taking on a salesman’s persuasiveness
.

Now listen, boys and girls, don’t look at me as if I was trying to sell you a goldbrick. Nothing up my sleeve, honest. Let’s take an example. Any one of you. Take you, Governor. That walk around the ward you never take—

HOPE

Defensively sharp
.

What about it?

HICKEY

Grinning affectionately
.

Why, you know as well as I do, Harry. Everything about it.

HOPE

Defiantly
.

Bejees, I’m going to take it!

HICKEY

Sure, you’re going to—this time. Because I’m going to help you. I know it’s the thing you’ve got to do before you’ll ever know what real peace means.

He looks at
JIMMY TOMORROW
.

Same thing with you, Jimmy. You’ve got to try and get your old job back. And no tomorrow about it!

As
jimmy
stiffens with a pathetic attempt at dignity
—
placatingly
.

No, don’t tell me, Jimmy. I know all about tomorrow. I’m the guy that wrote the book.

JIMMY

I don’t understand you. I admit I’ve foolishly delayed, but as it happens, I’d just made up my mind that as soon as I could get straightened out—

HICKEY

Fine! That’s the spirit! And I’m going to help you. You’ve been damned kind to me, Jimmy, and I want to prove how grateful I am.

When it’s all over and you don’t have to nag at yourself any more, you’ll be grateful to me, too!

He looks around at the others
.

And all the rest of you, ladies included, are in the same boat, one way or another.

LARRY

Who has been listening with sardonic appreciation
—
in his comically intense, crazy whisper
.

Be God, you’ve hit the nail on the head, Hickey! This dump is the Palace of Pipe Dreams!

HICKEY

Grins at him with affectionate kidding
.

Well, well! The Old Grandstand Foolosopher speaks! You think you’re the big exception, eh? Life doesn’t mean a damn to you any more, does it? You’re retired from the circus. You’re just waiting impatiently for the end—the good old Long Sleep!

He chuckles
.

Well, I think a lot of you, Larry, you old bastard. I’ll try and make an honest man of you, too!

LARRY

Stung
.

What the devil are you hinting at, anyway?

HICKEY

You don’t have to ask me, do you, a wise old guy like you? Just ask yourself. I’ll bet you know.

PARRITT

Is watching larr
y’
s face with a curious sneering satisfaction
.

He’s got your number all right, Larry!

He turns to
HICKEY
.

That’s the stuff, Hickey. Show the old faker up! He’s got no right to sneak out of everything.

HICKEY

Regards him with surprise at first, then with a puzzled interest
. Hello. A stranger in our midst. I didn’t notice you before, Brother.

PARRITT

Embarrassed, his eyes shifting away
. My name’s Parritt. I’m an old friend of Larry’s.

His eyes come back to
HICKEY
to find him still sizing him up
—
defensively
.

Well? What are you staring at?

HICKEY

Continuing to stare
—
puzzledly
.

No, offense, Brother. I was trying to figure—Haven’t we met before some place?

PARRITT

Reassured
.

No. First time I’ve ever been East.

HICKEY

No, you’re right. I know that’s not it. In my game, to be a shark at it, you teach yourself never to forget a name or a face. But still I know damned well I recognized something about you. We’re members of the same lodge—in some way.

PARRITT

Uneasy again
.

What are you talking about? You’re nuts.

HICKEY

Dryly
.

Don’t try to kid me, Little Boy. I’m a good salesman—so damned good the firm was glad to take me back after every drunk—and what made me good was I could size up anyone.

Fro
wn
ingly puzzled again
.

But I don’t see—

Suddenly breezily good-natured
.

Never mind. I can tell you’re having trouble with yourself and I’ll be glad to do anything I can to help a friend of Larry’s.

LARRY

Mind your own business, Hickey. He’s nothing to you—or to me, either.

HICKEY
gives
him a keen inquisitive g
la
nce
.
LARRY
looks away and goes on sarcastically
.

You’re keeping us all in suspense. Tell us more about how you’re going to save us.

HICKEY

Good-naturedly but seeming a litt
le
hurt
.

Hell, don’t get sore, Larry. Not at me. We’ve always been good pals, haven’t we? I know I’ve always liked you a lot.

LARRY

A bit shamefaced
.

Well, so have I liked you. Forget it, Hickey.

HICKEY

Beaming
.

Fine! That’s the spirit!

Looking around at the others, who have forgotten their drinks
. What’s the matter, everybody? What is this, a funeral? Come on and drink up! A little action!

They all drink
.

Have another. Hell, this is a celebration! Forget it, if anything I’ve said sounds too serious. I don’t want to be a pain in the neck. Any time you think I’m talking out of turn, just tell me to go chase myself!

He yawns with growing drowsiness and his voice grows a bit muffled
. No, boys and girls, I’m not trying to put anything over on you. It’s just that I know now from experience what a lying pipe dream can do to you—and how damned relieved and contented with yourself you feel when you’re rid of it.

He yawns again
.

God, I’m sleepy all of a sudden. That long walk is beginning to get me. I better go upstairs. Hell of a trick to go dead on you like this.

He starts to get up but relaxes again. His eyes blink as he tries to keep them open
.

No, boys and girls, I’ve never known what real peace was until now. It’s a grand feeling, like when you’re sick and suffering like hell and the Doc gives you a shot in the arm, and the pain goes, and you drift off.

His eyes close
.

You can let go of yourself at last. Let yourself sink down to the bottom of the sea. Rest in peace. There’s no farther you have to go. Not a single damned hope or dream left to nag you. You’ll all know what I mean after you—
He pauses
—
mumbles
.

Excuse—all in—got to grab forty winks—Drink up, everybody—on me—

The sleep of complete exhaustion overpowers him. His chin sags to his chest. They stare at him with puzzled uneasy fascination
.

HOPE

Forcing a tone of irritation
.

Bejees, that’s a fine stunt, to go to sleep on us!

Then fumingly to the crowd
.

Well, what the hell’s the matter with you bums? Why don’t you drink up? You’re always crying for booze, and now you’ve got it under your nose, you sit like dummies!

They start and gulp down their whiskies and pour another
. hope
stares at
hickey.

Bejees, I can’t figure Hickey. I still say he’s kidding us. Kid his own grandmother, Hickey would. What d’you think, Jimmy?

JIMMY

Unconvincingly
.

It must be another of his jokes, Harry, although—Well, he does appear changed. But he’ll probably be his natural self again tomorrow—
Hastily
. I mean, when he wakes up.

LARRY

Staring at
HICKEY
frowningly
—
more aloud to himself than to them
. You’ll make a mistake if you think he’s only kidding.

PARRITT

In a low confidential voice
.

I don’t like that guy, Larry. He’s too damned nosy.

I’m going to steer clear of him.

LARRY
gives him a suspicious g
la
nce, then looks hastily away
.

JIMMY

With an attempt at open-minded reasonableness
. Still, Harry, I have to admit there was some sense in his nonsense. It is time I got my job back—although I hardly need him to remind me.

HOPE

With an air of frankness
.

Yes, and I ought to take a walk around the ward. But I don’t need no Hickey to tell me, seeing I got it all set for my birthday tomorrow.

LARRY

Sardonically
.

Ha!

Then in his comically intense, crazy whisper
.

Be God, it looks like he’s going to make two sales of his peace at least! But you’d better make sure first it’s the real McCoy and not poison.

HOPE

Disturbed
—
angrily
.

You bughouse I-Won’t-Work harp, who asked you to shove in an oar? What the hell d’you mean, poison? Just because he has your number—

He immediately feels ashamed of this taunt and adds apologetically
.

Bejees, Larry, you’re always croaking about something to do with death. It gets my nanny. Come on, fellers, let’s drink up.

They drink
.
HOPE
’s
eyes are fixed
on
HICKEY
again
.

Stone cold sober and dead to the world! Spilling that business about pipe dreams! Bejees, I don’t get it.

He bursts out again in angry complaint
.

He ain’t like the old Hickey! He’ll be a fine wet blanket to have around at my birthday party! I wish to hell he’d never turned up!

MOSHER

Who has been the least impressed by
HICKEY
’s
talk and is the first to recover and feel the effect of the drinks on top of his hangover
—
genially
. Give him time, Harry, and he’ll come out of it. I’ve watched many cases of almost fatal teetotalism, but they all came out of it completely cured and as drunk as ever. My opinion is the poor sap is temporarily bughouse from overwork.