The Hills of Singapore (41 page)

Then she had sailed the boat with his arms around her, neither able to abandon the other for the few moments left to them. He had forgotten any fear, his trust in her complete, and enclosed her waist in his arm, holding her tight against him as she raised the sail, so tight she had to protest, but loving his hold on her, winding her arm behind her, round his neck pulling him close. The whole journey he kept his arm around her waist, his hand on hers on the tiller, his lips on her neck as the sun rose slowly behind them. They sat quietly together, cheek to cheek, skimming over the rose-hued waves. They had agreed not to meet again, not for a while. It was too dangerous.

They gazed a moment at each other, and then he turned and walked away quickly up Sultan Road, leaving her to go to Robert's house, which stood on the corner of Middle Road and Beach Road. It was not far. She did not care who saw her dressed this way, alone. She sailed often—let them think what they wished.

She changed in the bedroom there, which Robert kept for her and the children. Shilah was not here. She had timed her arrival knowing that Shilah was teaching at Miss Grant's school. She knew very well that Shilah would not have made the slightest comment—Shilah herself had endured much. Still, Charlotte was not yet ready to share this. Her Chinese lover. A lover she now knew, that she could not ever give up, for their bodies and souls fitted together.

She fixed her hair in the mirror and put a little colour to her lips and saw him reflected back in the eye of her mind. She knew she had to make a decision.

She left, putting up her parasol, and walked slowly back to her home on North Bridge Road.

52

The next month was full of drama. Jeanne received a proposal of marriage from Martin Macallister and after due consideration refused him. When Alex had heard of the voyage to Scotland, he had retreated into silence. Adam was delighted and could not wait to go. And Charlotte found she was pregnant.

She stood before the mirror, her hand on her waist. Inside lay Zhen's child, another child of his. But this one she could not, would not, hide from him or the world.

Jeanne was standing at the window of the bedroom, gazing down at the street. Charlotte knocked lightly, and her aunt turned and smiled. She wiped her brow with her handkerchief. Charlotte knew that Jeanne suffered from the heat.

“Aunt, will you not regret your decision?” Charlotte asked.

Jeanne held out her hands to her niece and smiled broadly. “Nay, lass. The whole matter was rather outlandish, I'm sure you agree. And what could be the purpose of such a union? No children of course at our age, and him bound to live in Asia. I confess I find it too hot, my dearest child. I could not abide it. The attachment is not deep. We shall both survive it.”

Jeanne put her head to one side and raised her eyebrows slightly. “It was flattering though, I must confess. I had forgotten how giddy a man's attentions can make us.”

Charlotte laughed.

“I shall miss you, but I shall be glad to entrust Alexander and Adam to you. They shall be no trouble.”

“Nay, nay, of course. No trouble. Your wee lads are angels, aye they are. You've given me a great gift, a great trust. To see them both safely back to Scotland and in college, that's a joy. They remind me of Robbie when he was a lad.”

Jeanne stood up and went to her drawer and began removing some garments, laying them on the bed. The maid was to pack her trunk later in the afternoon.

“I love you both, you know it, aye? You and Robbie, like my own.”

Charlotte went to Jeanne and put her arms around her aunt's shoulders, resting her cheek against hers.

“We are your own, Jeanne. Without you we should have perished. Oh, not bodily perhaps, but in every other way that matters. You were the rock we clung to, and you never let us go, not once.” Charlotte felt tears rise and hugged her aunt to her.

Jeanne released Charlotte slowly. “Aye, aye, there. We shall be very fine. 'Tis a pity you'll not come with us, but never mind. Alex has already told me exactly how he is to take care of me and Adam during the voyage. We shall have the protection of Frank and Harriette McDougall, who are returning home for leave. They shall be excellent companions. And I have to confess, my sweet Charlotte, I shall not miss this heat.”

Charlotte wiped her eyes. She smiled, but somewhat ruefully. She had lied to her aunt. There was no reasonable reason why she should not go with them all back to Scotland. No reasonable reason, only the exigency of this pregnancy and its secrecy, her own desire not to leave Zhen. She was very glad that the McDougalls would accompany Jeanne and the children. Harriette was the most excellent of women and a loving mother, and Frank the bravest and most chivalrous of men.

Jeanne could see Charlotte was affected and touched her niece's arm reassuringly. “The boys shall be great companions. We shall see the pyramids together and ride a camel and travel like the pashas of Egypt in the luxury you've paid for. Are you sure you can afford it, Charlotte?”

Charlotte laughed a long peal of delight. “Afford it? Oh Aunt, that is quite enough. Have you not understood that I am the richest woman in the Indies?”

“So you say, so you say. But first-class berths on the steamers cost a pretty penny, eh? And private carriages and accommodations for everyone.”

Charlotte put her arm through her aunt's and led her towards the door. “Come and have some lunch.”

At lunch, Alex contemplated this new situation. He must go to Scotland. He saw the reason of it. He wanted to go to college. He wanted to become a man, able to fend for himself and care for a family. In a way, he wanted to see the world. The great world outside Singapore. And Lian would not be married until she was sixteen. She would be free when he returned to claim her, no longer a boy.

He had spoken to Lian and her aunt. Lilin had not been pleased, but she had encouraged them to write to each other. When he returned, he would claim her.

Lilin had left them alone. He had taken Lian's young, sweet body in his arms and held her, and she had put her arms around his neck and put her cheek on his, and they had not moved, imprinting this memory in their minds. Then he had kissed the palm of her hand and promised to return to claim her. He had brushed the tears from her lovely cheeks and put his lips to hers. A chaste kiss, but filled with promise. A kiss he could dream about for three years.

53

“Well, sister, so we shall both be a disgrace, the scandalous Macleods of Singapore.” Robert smiled at Charlotte, and she laughed.

“So it would appear. But happy, Robbie, at least.”

Robert nodded. Charlotte had told him of her pregnancy and her decision. She poured Robert more tea. They were in the garden of her house, under the deep shade of the tembusu tree. They were waiting for Zhen. Charlotte was determined, now that her decision was made, that Robert, at least, must acknowledge Zhen. Neither she nor Robert could mix socially when they were with Shilah or Zhen; they were very much in the same boat. But they could all be with each other, enjoy each other.

“I like him, Kitt, you know. Always have. He is a good fellow, his dealings with the
kongsi
notwithstanding.”

Charlotte put down her cup. There was one more thing Robbie must know, and she steeled herself to tell him.

“Robbie?” she began and hesitated.

Robert looked at his sister. Her lip was trembling slightly, and he frowned.

“What, Kitt? What is it? Are you unwell?”

Charlotte smiled and took his hand. “No, no,” she reassured him. “I have something difficult to tell you.”

Robert laughed and ran his hand through his sandy hair. “Something more difficult than the fact that you are pregnant by a Chinese man and plan to live with him openly before the eyes of his community and ours? What on earth could be more difficult than that?”

“Alex,” Charlotte said quickly. “Alex is Zhen's son.”

Robert stared at her. There was a silence. Robert frowned.

“What?” he said at length. “How?”

Charlotte opened her mouth to speak, but Robert had leapt to his feet.

“What?” he repeated. “Alex is Zhen's son—what on earth? You were pregnant when you left, before you married Tigran?”

Charlotte nodded.

“Sit down, Robert, for heaven's sake and let me explain.”

Robert did not sit down. He began pacing back and forth. Charlotte sighed.

“Tigran knew. There was no deception. He accepted Alex as his own son. Alex knows nothing. For him, Tigran is his father. But he is close to Zhen. They have spent a great deal of time together. Zhen has also accepted that Alex cannot know of this. It would serve no purpose now. He is an English boy—”

Charlotte stopped speaking as Robert sat down abruptly and interrupted her.

“Zhen knows?”

“Yes,” Charlotte said. “He knows, but as I was trying to say, what he can accept for Alex he will not accept for this child.” Charlotte put her hand to the small bulge at her waist.

“This child he wishes to acknowledge, boy or girl. This child he wishes to raise together with me.”

Robert was silent.

“Do you understand, Robbie? That is why I must be with him, let him be the father of this baby. Let him be my husband. Yes, ‘husband'; it is not too strong a word. He considers us married by the Chinese rites.”

Robert took a drink of tea.

“I should have seen it. Now you say it, it seems obvious. Alex looks like him. But what of his children with his wife? Good lord, the man has children by two women!”

Charlotte smiled.

“Yes, yes, I know. And so, Robert, do you.”

Robert looked at her and made a
moue
.

“Yes, I suppose that's true. Sounds appalling when it's someone else, but rather more acceptable when it's oneself.”

Charlotte laughed.

“But what kind of life can this child have with an English mother and a Chinese father?”

Charlotte looked down at her waist.

“I have no idea. We are in uncharted waters, it is true. We can only love this baby and wait and see.”

Charlotte leaned forward and took Robert's hand. “Can't we, Robbie? We can all love this baby, no matter what?”

Robbie smiled and patted her hand.

“Yes, Kitt. We can love them all. After all, we too were disgraceful little half-bloods to our own grandmother. Jeanne did not care, and we turned out quite well.”

He grinned at Charlotte who nodded. Then she sat upright, practical suddenly.

“Zhen knows we shall raise this child with both an English and a Chinese education. He wants the child to have the advantages of a European upbringing, and he will teach it about its Chinese culture. Zhen is a Taoist, Robbie, they are quite different. This baby is a natural extension of Zhen's love for me: that is how he sees it. He is a sensible and loving man. A man I can talk to. We have discussed this at length, I assure you.”

Robert listened, and when she had finished he said, “Well then, the devil take the hindmost. What shall be, shall be.”

Malik appeared suddenly, waiting. Charlotte looked up.

“A gentleman, memsahib, to see you. A Chinese gentleman.”

Oh dear, Charlotte thought. Robbie and even the whole town might accept what she was going to do, but she was certain Malik would never like it. His tone of voice said it in volumes. She would nip this in the bud immediately.

“That gentleman will be spending a lot of time here, Malik. In fact that gentleman will become like the master here. Please adjust your attitude and show him in.”

Malik looked scandalised but bowed.

“Yes, madam.” He turned quickly.

Charlotte sighed and looked at Robert. “Trouble already, eh?”

Robert shrugged.

“He's missing Jeanne. He adored her. Get used to it, Kitt. The servants are the worst. Little snobs some of 'em. And, you're a woman. What I do, well, no matter what, I am a man. Other men accept it more easily. Many of them are in similar situations here, you know. Not so openly admitted, but nevertheless. Men think of me as a policeman first. What I do in my own home is not of much interest to them. Butterworth more or less admitted it. I have been officially called to account, and so long as Teresa does not make a scandal and I don't introduce Shilah to polite society—at least his—then least said …”

Charlotte bit her lip. She knew what Robbie was saying was true. As a woman, her open life with a Chinese man would be disgusting to all. Her wealth might shield her somewhat, but she would have to get used to this attitude. The little life inside her was not going to go away. Still, a shadow of doubt and fear crept into her mind.

Then she looked up as Zhen came into the garden. He was dressed in a black silk Chinese gown and trousers over his high-soled Chinese shoes. Handsome, straight, powerful. As her eyes met his, she sighed and rose. There was no going back. This man was part of her spirit. He would not fail her, and she must not fail him. Robert stood too and went to greet him.

Zhen bowed to Charlotte and shook Robert's hand. They sat down and Charlotte, smiling at Zhen, called for Chinese tea.

54

Zhen took Charlotte by the hand and helped her from the carriage. They had followed the road to Tanjong Pagar and up into the hills of Telok Belangah, the seven hills of what the Malays called the Telok Belangah
mukim
. The one they were climbing now was Bukit Jagoh—Champion's Hill. She had smiled when he told her of this place he had bought. Her champion, for that he was. He had bought it many years before, when she had left for the second time. She had not realised how much he had wanted her, planned for a life together. It made her feel secure, this knowledge of his constancy.

Now he pulled the carriage to a halt on the fringe of the tree line. The path wound away to the right. They walked, hand in hand, until it fell away into a grassy knoll, Zhen stopped. Charlotte could not believe her eyes. A white mansion stood on the top of the knoll. A mansion with a high porte-cochere, and a lacy parapet above. They drew close, and Zhen looked at her. She felt his tension. He had waited years for this, she now realised. He had been building this house all the time they were apart.