The Heart's Shrapnel (18 page)

Free to move my hands, I run them down the length of his hard back, feeling each and every bump as I go. These scars. They always remind me of the torture he’s been through.

He must feel the change in my body as I stiffen beneath him. “Jane. What is it? Do you want me to stop?”

“No.”

His brows furrow. “Is it my scars?”

I shake my head.

“Baby, you have to forget about them.”

“How?” I cry.

He brings a hand up to caress my cheek. “These might look and feel bad, but to me, they represent successful missions. I wear them with pride. They don’t hurt,” he assures me.

“Promise?”

His mouth lifts at one corner. “Yes, I promise.” He leans down and kisses me with more passion, more determination. I open more fully to him, allowing easier access as our tongues glide together.

I feel his hardness against my thigh and feel my muscles clench and open for him.

The hardness of his body is so different from my small, petite one. In one quick motion, he rolls us over so I am on top. He rakes his hands down my back, along the curves of my hips, and up and over my backside, squeezing me. I moan in pleasure.

We kiss as if we’re starving lovers; eager to pick up where we left off. Without warning, he sits up bringing my thighs on either side of his waist so I’m straddling him.

“We didn’t get to finish this the last time,” he growls before biting my neck. Like before, my head tips back, my eyes flutter closed, and my mouth opens with unbridled desire.

He moves his mouth to my hardened nipples, making sure he shows each one the same amount of attention. With both hands around my waist, I arch my back. He mumbles his appreciation, and I melt into him.

He brings a hand around and slides it between my legs, rubbing his fingers along my sex. I’m ready for him. There’s no question. He lifts me up and centers himself at my core. We both lock eyes before he brings me down on him in one swift motion. Before I can scream, he places a hand over my mouth silencing my cries as we move. I’m pleasantly full.

Wes removes his hand and guides my hips to the rhythm he desires. Once we’ve found our pace, I let go. Not holding anything back, my hands move on their own accord from his shoulders, his neck, and up through his hair. Then, I wrap my arms around his neck just enough to get my bearings as I swivel my hips on him. He continues to use his hands to guide me back and forth.

When he touches my sweet spot with his fingers, it’s like a detonation as my core boils to the point of exploding. He grabs my mouth just in time and waits until I’m finished. I’m spent, but he hasn’t finished yet.

Placing my hands on both sides of his shoulders, I ground myself as I let loose. He places his hands at his sides and takes fistfuls of the sheet. He lets me take over.

With all of my strength, I give him all I have and ride him. When he mutters a curse, I speed up. It doesn’t take long until his head falls back and his body tightens beneath mine as he comes undone. He falls back onto the bed, panting.

I follow, laying on top of him as we both come down from our high.

Once his breath turns to normal, he pulls the blanket around us in a cocoon, a warm haven. Lifting my head up, I kiss him on his scruffy chin. The prickly sensation sends a spark between my legs, and I bite him lightly. His hands squeeze my backside.

“Christ,” he exhales.

I can’t help but laugh. “So you’re saying that was okay?”

“It was more than okay.” He lifts my chin and plants a chaste kiss on my lips.

I kiss him back and smile up at him.  This isn’t the best time to bring his ex up, but I’m curious. “Tell me about her.”

His face contorts into confusion. “Her?”

“Your mom said you had an ex-fiancé. You’ve never spoken about her.”

His body goes rigid beneath me and I feel guilty for bringing up a painful subject. But I need to know. He knows everything about me.

“Mom told you that, huh?”

“Mhm.”

He sighs before raking a hand through his mussed hair. I love that it’s long enough to run my fingers through.

“Do we have to talk about her right now?”

“I’d like to know.”

He peers at me from under his arm across his forehead. “Her name was Kathleen.”

I relax, place my elbow on the pillow next to him, and prop my head in my hand.

“We were together for roughly five years.”

“That’s a long time. What happened?”

He laughs. “To quote you . . . ‘the army happened.’ She knew I wasn’t a really a soldier, but to her, it felt like I was. I was gone all the time. I joined the CID shortly after we met and that was where my loyalties laid. I lived and breathed this job.”

He clears his throat. “I knew things were different between us. She stopped acting like herself around me. I tried doing small things to let her know I cared—that I loved her—but nothing worked.” I start to rhythmically stroke his arm. “I was going to quit for her. I got the paperwork and was going to take it home so we could fill it out together when I caught her in our bed with another man.”

Oh my God. That’s terrible.”

He shakes his head. “It just solidified what I already suspected. The worse part was hearing her say she never loved me and she wanted my brother.”

“Oh, wow.”

“Yeah.”

I lean down and kiss his cheek. “Weren’t you and your brother close?”

Wes smiles. “Yes. The guy she slept with wasn’t him though. There was no way he would betray me. He was a ladies’ man, but he was my brother first.”

“You’re very fortunate to have had a sibling that cared for you so much, and you in return.”

“Yeah, I think so.” He shifts to his side, and I slide onto the mattress next to him. “I think you should get some sleep.”

“Okay. But not until you kiss me again.”

He smiles and gives me a toe curling kiss. I want him again, but he needs his rest, and I can barely keep my eyes open.

“Sleep soundly, Jane from Baltimore.”

Wes

There are very few things in life that make my day worth living. Jane is one of them. I watch her as she sleeps nestled into my side with her leg draped over my waist. I lightly stroke her thigh, enjoying the feel of her.

Her lovemaking was surprising. I figured she’d be timid after what happened with her ex. And, maybe she was in the beginning, but it didn’t take her long to let go. I’d like to think it’s because she’s comfortable with me.

“Mmm,” she moans while stretching her arms wide. “What time is it?”

“Too early to be up.”

She smiles against my chest. “Then why are you?”

“Too much on my mind. Like this body of yours.” I squeeze her backside. “Didn’t want to wake you.”

She looks at me. “Sure you didn’t, but that’s very kind of you, Wes from Utah.”

Nipping her bottom lip, I reply, “I like the one I have for you better.”

“How’d it go with your parents?” she asks, running a hand over my chest. My body instantly responds. “We didn’t get around to talking about it last night.”

I grin. “We didn’t, did we?” When she doesn’t say anything, I continue, “Mom was devastated. She knew but didn’t really want to hear. Dad? He already suspected when I called to come home.” Running a hand down my face, I try to clear my thoughts. The truth is, last night was gutting. I would never wish having to tell parents about the death of their child on anyone, let alone my own parents. Naturally, I didn’t tell them everything.

“I can’t imagine.”

“Good,” I kiss her forehead.

“What’s your middle name,” she asks, catching me off guard with her change of subject.

“Elliot,” I say after a brief pause.

“Wes Elliot.” Her voice testing my name sounds erotic.

“You like that?”

“Yes. It’s a sexy name.”

“But, how sexy? I need a term of reference,” I tease.

She taps her chin as if pretending to think it over.

God, she’s perfect.

“I would have to say, James Bond sexy.”

Rolling her onto her back, I kiss her lips and roam my hands down her naked body. She has a great figure. A model’s body, but with meat.

“I should let you sleep,” I tell her, “but since you are already up . . .”

***

We spend most of the day with my parents. Jane offered to make lunch, and my mom surprisingly let her. She likes being the one to do all the cooking. Under the circumstances, she didn’t have much of a fight in her.

I took Jane to see the Ogden Botanical Gardens. Watching her face light up as we explored was a joy to see. We spent over an hour walking around before stopping for a break. Seeing her face when I went back to gather all I’d need for a picnic was priceless.

It was fun being able to be with her in a normal setting away from all the chaos of our lives. A man could get use to this.

The flight back to Afghanistan seems longer than it did to get to my parents. I’m eager to see my brother’s body.

“You okay?” Jane asks as I walk her to the mobile hospital. I don’t want to depart from her. Being around her for the time I had back in Utah was enough to spoil me for life.

I take her hand in mine. “I’m fine. Just a lot to get done today.”

“Okay. If you are sure that’s all.”

I lean in and kiss her on the forehead. “I’m sure. Try to have a good day. I’ll check on you later.”

I wait until Jane is safely inside before heading back to base.

When I arrive, I spy Dylan outside our quarters.

“Dylan.” Jogging over to our tent, I wave for him to follow me inside.

“Hey, man. Glad to have you back. How’d everything go?”

“It went. Anything new here?”

“Not really. Everyone seems on edge with the general gone. Almost like they’re afraid to move,” he says and laughs. “They’ve got a replacement though.”

“I can imagine. I haven’t heard much from the department yet, so I’m assuming most everything is still contained?”

He sits down on one of the beds and I follow. “Yeah. At least here it is. Now back home with access to internet and television . . . nothing stays contained for long. I hear the media is going nuts.”

“It’s not every day a general in the army is a two-sided coin.”

“True.”

“Man, you can leave. You are done here. I’m the one with the vendetta. Not you.”

“Absolutely not. I’m here to stay. We find him together.”

“Thank you, man.” I pat him on the back. “I’m going to see Phillip today.”

Dylan pulls a cigarette and lighter from his pocket. Lighting up, he takes a long drag. “You sure you want to do that?”

“It’s the last time I’ll get to see him before he’s buried.” That’s not true. Every time I look in a damn mirror, I’ll be reminded of him.

“Okay. I can’t stop you.”

I just remembered Dylan quit smoking six months ago. “Fell off the bandwagon?”

He laughs and flicks ashes on the ground. “You know this job can get stressful.”

“You’re telling me. Have you seen Ryan?”

He blows out a puff of smoke. “Yeah, he’s running laps. Why?”

“No reason.” I stand up and grab my personal phone. Jane could need me, and I want to be accessible. “I’ll get with you later about tidying this all up.”

“Gotcha, boss.”

It’s another blistering hot day. And time is running out. I need to find the person working alongside Mayfield.

“Hey, Ryan,” I yell. Ryan’s just finished running laps and he’s guzzling down a bottle of water. When I reach him, I grab myself a bottle, too.

“Well, if it isn’t Mr. Romance,” he says and grins. “How was the trip to Utah with Jane? Did you get friendly?”

“Always concerned about my love life, aren’t you?”

“No, I wasn’t always. Not until a few months ago when you got all moody and shit. Nice to see you back in the saddle.”

I could get fired for this, but I have to right everything for the sake of my brother’s memory. He’d do the same for me. Phillip could be a real pain in my ass most days, and often too immature, but we were inseparable.

“There’s somewhere I need you to go with me.”

Ryan quickly sobers at the seriousness in my voice. “Where? Everything okay? You seem weird.”

“I’ll explain more when we get there, but it has to be right now,” I tell him.

His brows pinch together. “Sure. Let me just shower and change.”

Once Ryan leaves to get ready, I phone Jane.

“Hello,” her sweet voice fills my ears. I don’t deserve someone like her—innocent and giving.

“Hey, baby. How’s your day going?” I can almost see her smiling. Yeah, this talk is new for me too.

“A few casualties, unfortunately. But, we’re all doing our part to keep it together. How about you?”

I want to tell her I’m going to see my brother’s body, but I can’t bring myself to do it. She’s got enough shit to worry about.

“My day is considerably boring compared to last night.”

There’s a pause on the other end, and for a second, I think I’ve lost her.

“I’ve been thinking about that every chance I get.” Another pause. “Wes . . . they’re sending me home in two days.”

“What?” The hairs on the back of my neck stand. “Why? I thought you weren’t due for another two weeks?”

“That’s what I thought, but they said I’ve done so well, and they don’t really need me anymore. So, I’m being sent back to Baltimore.

I run my hand through my hair, not feeling what I’m about to say next. “Wow, that’s great news.”

“Wes?”

“Yes, baby?” I need to get myself together. It’s always one step forward and two steps back.

“Is this the end?”

Looking around, needing a place to sit, I find a bucket and turn it upside down. “Jane . . .” I can’t finish. What can I say?

“It’s okay. I kind of figured you’d want it this way.”

What the hell? Damn her! Does she not know what she does to me? Doesn’t she know I would die for her?

“Jane, that’s not what I want.”

“Wes, you’ve told me as much in so many words when we first met. It’s fine. Um, I have to go now . . . good-bye. I love you,” she quickly adds before the phone goes silent.

“Jane? Jane. Damn it!” Tossing the phone to the ground, I pace around trying to gather my wits before picking up my phone.

“Jesus, who slept with your mother?” Ryan asks as he saunters over.

I let out a frustrated breath. “That was Jane. She’s leaving in two days. Doesn’t make any damn sense.”

“Why not? She’s just a volunteer. A temp. You hated when you found out she came here. What’s the big deal? Aside from the fact that you love her,” he adds.

I glare at him. “I don’t love her.”

Ryan scoffs, “Yeah, okay. Keep telling yourself that. By the way, your nose is too big for your face.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

We ride in silence as I take Ryan to see Phillip. It’s the only way I can think to show honor and respect to Ryan and my brother. I’m hoping he will understand.

The place where they’re holding Phillip’s body is not far from where General Mayfield was being detained. Just thinking about how close they were doesn’t sit right with me.

I park my truck, open the door, and wait for Ryan to follow me inside.

“What the hell is this place?” he asks as I enter a code to unlock the door.

“You’ll see.” Heading inside, I yell to make sure no one is here. There’s another door in the back just as Leonard said there’d be.

“Do we have clearance to be in here? I mean, I know you are a sergeant and all, but this looks—”

“Trust me. I have clearance.” I punch in the code for the other door and it unlocks and opens.

“Damn. It’s freezing in here,” Ryan states as we walk in.

I flip on lights and one by one, they flicker on, illuminating a single casket in the center of the room. My body freezes and not because of the cold. There’s no way I could have prepared myself for this.

“Uh . . . Phil, is that—there’s a dead person in here,” Ryan states.

Ignoring him, I walk to the casket. “This isn’t going to be easy for you.”

It’s not going to be a walk in the park for me either.

“Seriously, Phillip. Are you on drugs? Because you can tell me.”

“No. I’m not on drugs. Come here.”

Ryan cautiously approaches the closed casket and looks down at it. A million things must be running through his mind.

“I could get fired for showing you this, but you’ll find out eventually, and I want to be the one to tell you.”

Ryan doesn’t say anything, and so I slowly open the lid. With each inch, my body starts to sweat despite the cool temperature in the room.

My eyes remain shut, not only because I’m not sure I’m ready to see Phillip, but because I’m preparing for Ryan’s reaction. But nothing comes.

I open my eyes. Ryan stares wide-eyed at Phillip. My brother’s body is chalky and stiff as a board, and it takes everything I have not to storm out and blow a hole through Mayfield and the other piece of shit that did the actual shooting.

“Shit, Phillip. Is this . . . is this your brother, Wes?”

I snap out of my daze. I didn’t consider he’d think it was me. Damn. My mind is not focused.
I wish it were me.

I shake my head. “No.”

“Then, you’re a triplet? You’ve never mentioned another sibling.”

“No, Ryan.”

I can almost see the wheels turning inside his head as he finally puts it together. His gaze whips from me down to my brother. He sucks in a sharp breath and brings his fist to his mouth.

“No. No, no, no. This isn’t real. This isn’t real. This isn’t real,” he chants.

“I’m afraid it is. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. I couldn’t.” Even to my own ears that sounds ridiculous.

“All this time.” He looks at me. “That’s why you seemed so different. I thought it was because of our last tour, but—”

“I know this is difficult for you, but I need to ask you about that.”

“I’ve should have been able to tell you apart,” he says, ignoring me. “Phillip and I have been best friends since grade school. I should have been able to tell,” he repeats in a voice barely above a whisper.

“It’s not your fault. You couldn’t have known. I made sure I acted as much like Phillip as possible.”

He shakes his head and looks down at my dead brother. “Why is he dead and you here? Why the pretending and all the secrecy?”

Taking a moment to sort through my thoughts, I answer, “He was murdered.”

That gets his attention. His head snaps back up. “Murdered?”

“Yes.”
Shit
. There’s no way to really explain any of this without coming clean. “I’m CID.”

Ryan looks stunned. “CID? Phillip never mentioned that.”