The Heartbreak Cafe (27 page)

She had
been spending lots of time at the library with Trish, rummaging
through the archives and on occasion interviewing some of the older
Lakeview residents for interesting stories that might suit the
project.

Thankfully, since their argument, Patrick hadn’t said
anything more about her pregnancy, although he hadn’t said much to
Nina about anything at all really. It was as if there was an
unspoken truce between them; he seemed content to let her stay
until Cathy’s return in September, but until then she was on her
own.

This
suited her in any case; the last thing she wanted was to be
answerable to her father but in truth, she was grateful that he
hadn’t pushed the subject any further.

Now as
she made her way across O’Connell Bridge towards Grafton Street,
she shook her head. Never in a million years did she think she’d be
searching for maternity clothes like this – all furtive and
cautious.

She spent
a little bit of time browsing in Mothercare and marvelling at all
the pretty little baby clothes and toys before moving on to
M&S, where she hoped to pick up some nice clothes for herself.
It was weird, but seeing all the tiny garments and paraphernalia in
the shops somehow made it all seem real. Not that she’d known full
well that it was real (there was no denying the changes in her body
or the dreaded morning sickness!) but the sight of all these things
made her think more about the end result, about what it would be
like to physically hold this tiny person in her arms.

It was a
scary thought certainly but she had to admit, an incredible one
too. Or at least it would have been if things had worked out the
way she’d hoped; the way she’d assumed. She knew she’d have to
think about going for another scan soon, and perhaps thinking about
what hospital she’d attend when the time came. She’d sort of been
putting that off until now, content in the knowledge from her first
scan that all was well. And in truth, she’d sort of hoped that
Steve might have in the meantime got in touch, maybe asked her to
come back to Galway. But of course that was just her being silly…
Why would Steve ask her to come back? And if he did, what would be
the point in her doing so?

Flicking
through a rail of maternity tops, Nina bit her lip, trying hard to
contain the tears that were threatening. Damnit, she shouldn’t be
thinking of Steve, and certainly shouldn’t be feeling maudlin about
it.

‘
Nina, is that you?’ she heard a voice from nearby say. She
looked up to see a face that was familiar but which she couldn’t
immediately place. Her confusion must have been evident because the
woman continued. ‘It’s me, Jess. I’ve been into the café in
Lakeview a few times – I’m a friend of Emer and
Deirdre’s?’

‘
Oh yes, of course!’ Nina smiled politely but inside she was
annoyed. So typical that she would bump into someone she knew, and
although this woman wasn’t from Lakeview, she might as well have
been. Nina had soon learned that the two women she’d mentioned
could be quite gossipy, although in fairness, Jess had always come
across as very kind and sweet. ‘Sorry, I didn’t recognise you there
for a moment.’

‘
Just in the city for the day, are you?’ the other woman
enquired pleasantly.

‘
Yes. I was um …’ She followed Jess’s gaze towards the clothes
she’d been looking at. Damn, had she been rumbled? The maternity
wear was right next to the office wear section in which Jess was
browsing. Could Nina pretend she’d just wandered into the wrong
department by mistake? ‘Oh gosh, silly me. Here I was looking for
some new shirts.’ But she had never been a good liar and she
suspected that Jess could see right through her.

‘
Yes, the office wear is fantastic here. I’m sure the maternity
wear is too, if you need that kind of thing,’ she laughed lightly,
and luckily it did indeed seem as though she hadn’t noticed
anything untoward.

Then Nina
remembered a recent conversation she and friends had been having at
the café. Jess was pregnant too, wasn’t she?

‘
I guess you’ll need this stuff yourself soon,’ she joked, but
one look at the woman’s pained expression suggested that she’d got
it all wrong. Oh no, Nina thought immediately realising that she’d
put her foot right in it. What a thing to say, especially when she
wasn’t sure if … oh hell.

‘
Well, maybe someday.’ Jess’s smile was tight.

‘
I’m sorry, I ….’ Nina decided the best option was to come
clean. ‘I just remember your friends mentioning something about it
in the café, but I must have got it wrong, I really hope I haven’t
offended – ‘

‘
Please don’t apologise. It’s not your fault and I can
completely understand why you’d assume that. The girls can be a bit
… full on about all this. Yes, I would like to have a baby –
sometime,’ she added gently, ‘but it’s not quite an option at the
moment.’

‘
Oh.’ Nina’s heart went out to her and she understood
completely what Jess meant about her friends. Despite her own
initial misgivings about Trish’s reaction to them, she’d got to
know Emer and Deirdre quite well from the café; and they could
perhaps be described as ‘mumzillas’.

‘
I think the girls would love it if we could all be mums
together, but of course it doesn’t always happen like that and …’
she paused, as if suddenly realising she was speaking out of turn
and to a complete stranger. ‘Anyway, it’s nice to see you Nina, and
enjoy your shopping.’

Jess went
to turn and leave, but before she did Nina found herself asking;
‘Um, do you want to catch a cup of coffee or something? I was just
about to, so if you fancy it …’ She wasn’t sure why she’d asked,
but there was just something about Jess, something vulnerable, that
made her want to chat to her for a little bit longer. ‘I owe you
one after shooting my mouth off like that.’

Jess
looked genuinely delighted. ‘Thank you; that would be
lovely.’

The two
went upstairs to the store’s in-house café and chatted for a little
while over cappuccinos. Nina discovered some more about Jess’s work
at the drinks business which sounded fascinating, and she in turn
told her all about Cathy and her travels abroad.

‘
Six months is a long time, you must miss her a lot,’ Jess said
and Nina nodded.

‘
You have no idea. Staying with Dad is OK, but it’s just not
the same.’

‘
I can imagine. So were you living with your Mum before she
took the trip or – ’

‘
Oh no, I’ve lived in Galway for years but I moved back when I
broke up with my boyfriend,’ she said, fiddling with a small packet
of sugar. She smiled tightly. ‘Things didn’t end so
well.’

‘
Sorry to hear that,’ Jess said, and again Nina was amazed at
how easy she was to talk to, and what a relief it was to have a
conversation with someone who wasn’t full of questions all the
time. Trish was forever asking her about Steve and what had gone
wrong, and Ella regularly tried to draw her out as to how long
she’d be staying or what she’d do next. It was almost liberating to
be with someone who wasn’t constantly in her ear.

‘
So what other drinks do you do that I would know?’ she asked
Jess, referring to her work at Piccolo.

‘
Well, there’s our newest one G-Force – it’s an energy drink,’
she told her. ‘Of course Porters is the big one, and the one we
hope will eventually hold its own with Guinness. Then there’s
Stingray, our main cider drink, aimed at the student market really
– have you heard of that one?’

‘
Of course, although I can’t touch a drop these days
unfortunately,’ she laughed, momentarily forgetting
herself.

‘
For the same reason you were shopping in the maternity section
downstairs?’ Jess said levelly and at first, Nina wasn’t sure she’d
heard right.

‘
What…?’

Now it
was Jess’s turn to be dismayed. ‘My mistake, it’s absolutely none
of my business, and I shouldn’t have said anything, but I just
assumed when you mentioned not drinking …’

‘
You’re right,’ Nina said, with a resigned sigh. She was going
to have to admit it to someone sooner or later and she didn’t think
she had anything to fear from Jess knowing the truth. ‘It’s not
exactly public knowledge yet though. Hell I haven’t really told
anyone else yet, what with Mum being away and everything
...’

‘
Well, I won’t breathe a word,’ Jess said, and was Nina
mistaken or was there a slight catch in her voice? ‘And believe me,
I truly didn’t mean to put you on the spot like that either –
there’s nothing worse than some old busybody –’

‘
It’s fine honestly. And as you can probably guess it’s part of
the reason I needed to get away from Galway.’ To her dismay, tears
came to her eyes yet again. Damned hormones.

‘
Oh Nina sweetheart, are you OK?’ Jess fished in her handbag
for a tissue.

‘
Thanks,’ Nina sniffled, feeling like an idiot. Why had she
landed this poor woman, practically a stranger, in the middle of
all of this? ‘I’m sorry.’

‘
Hey, don’t be sorry, I’m sure you have to deal with a lot of
new emotions right now, never mind the usual ones.’

‘
Exactly.’ Somehow Jess had managed to nail it all right on the
head. From day to day, Nina hadn’t a clue how to feel … about
Steve, her father, the baby – anything and it was liberating to be
able to talk about it all out loud. ‘I don’t usually dump my
problems on someone else.’

‘
You’re not dumping anything, you’re simply sharing them and
that’s always a good thing.’

Nina felt
so comfortable in her presence she couldn’t believe it. Jess seemed
like the only person she knew who wouldn’t judge her; wouldn’t ask
questions or start making assumptions.

And
perhaps for that reason alone, she decided to confess
all.

‘
It’s just all been so crazy,’ she said wiping at her nose.
‘You see, I don’t want Steve, the father to know anything about it
and …’ she took a deep breath, deciding for once to be honest with
someone or more importantly, honest with herself. She looked away,
unable to meet the other woman’s eyes. ‘Jess, honestly, I’m not
even sure I want this myself.’

A few
days later, Nina was at the café helping Ella and trying, albeit
unsuccessfully, to get her mind off her meeting with
Jess.

Why had
gotten into her to tell all those things to a stranger?

Not that
Jess was a stranger per se, and she had been especially lovely, but
really Nina should have known better than to let her guard down
like that. Jess probably thought she was a heartless cow talking
about how she wasn’t sure she wanted to keep the baby, especially
when she herself was trying for one.

But in
fairness, Jess hadn’t batted an eyelid at Nina’s confession and had
instead nodded sagely and told her that yes, of course she would
have mixed feelings about it all, given the break-up of her
relationship and the part the pregnancy had played in
it.

‘
Are you OK Nina?’ Ella inquired now as she added cream cheese
icing to freshly baked carrot cake. ‘You look
distracted.’

Nina
looked down and realised that it was taking her ages to do
something as simple as prepare a pot of tea.

‘
Oh. Sorry, I was miles away.’

‘
Are you sure you’re all right? You look a bit pale today.
Here, have some cake.’

Nina had
to smile. The older woman was forever trying to fatten up her up
with cakes, muffins and the like – almost as if she were another
one of what her mum referred to as Ella’s ‘sad rescue cases’. Well,
perhaps she was.

‘
Honestly Ella, I’m fine. I’m just thinking – that’s
all.’

‘
Well, you seem to be doing a lot of that lately,’ her boss
joked but there was truth in her words. ‘Anything I can help you
with?’

‘
No no, nothing at all.’ But Ella stayed watching her, as if
waiting for her to change her mind. Nina figured she’d better think
of something, otherwise Ella would be on at her all day. ‘Well,
actually, did you know my mum and dad back when they were
together?’

Ella’s
face changed a little, as if this was completely different to what
she’d been expecting. ‘Of course I remember. Why do you
ask?’

‘
Well, I just wonder sometimes about … well … why, they got
together. As you know, me and Trish keep finding all of these
snippets and articles about mum, and it just seems that dad was her
polar opposite. There’s nothing about him, or at least nothing we
could find.’

‘
Well, I don’t think old newspaper clippings will tell you much
about your parents’ relationship,’ Ella pointed out.

‘
Oh I know that, but I suppose it just makes me even more aware
of the differences between them. They’ve always seemed to me like
such an odd couple, the last two people you’d put
together.’

‘
I think that’s a little bit unfair. Your dad might be a bit
set in his ways, but I know he absolutely worshipped the ground
your mother walked on.’

‘
Yeah, but it seemed like most of the men in this town did,’
Nina laughed proudly. ‘Which makes it even harder to understand why
she chose him.’