The Heartbreak Cafe (15 page)

‘
It does sound amazing,’ Emer agreed. ‘But yes,’ she added,
smiling at Deirdre, ‘I think our days of that kind of thing are
over with. From now on we can only look forward to the jungles
we’ve made for ourselves!’

‘
Yes but let’s not talk about the kids tonight,’ Deirdre said
pointedly and Jess cringed. The last thing she wanted was the girls
to feel that discussing the kids was off limits in front of
her.

‘
Are you planning to go away yourselves this year?’ she asked
quickly, as if Deirdre hadn’t spoken. ‘Somewhere like Disneyland
would be great for the boys, wouldn’t it?’

‘
Great if we could afford it,’ her friend replied, and
immediately Jess felt guilty for banging on about her and Brian’s
comparatively ostentatious plans. With her husband usually
arranging their trips in-house it was sometimes easy to forget how
much these things actually cost.

‘
I know, I find it hard to believe myself how tight things are
now that only one of us is working,’ Emer added glumly.

‘
Do you think you’ll go back?’ Jess asked.

‘
To work? You must be joking. No, I know I’d find it really
hard to be away from Amy now and would just hate for someone else
to raise her.’

‘
I agree. A few extra quid would be nice but when it comes down
to it, the boys matter more than money.’

As she
couldn’t particularly contribute to this line of conversation, Jess
found herself growing quiet as the two women continued to chat
about motherhood and its associated challenges. She couldn’t
believe some of the concerns they had; not least because her own
problems seemed so much more trivial and silly by comparison.
Worrying about positive influences in a child’s life and making
sure that they had a happy upbringing seemed a lot more important
than the contemplation Brian and Jess gave to which hotspot in
Dublin to frequent.

Now
listening to Emer and Deirdre’s conversation made her again
conscious that her life seemed rather petty and superficial, and
that everything she’d talked about when they first arrived now
paled in comparison to the subject matter that was on the
table.

Jess
drank back the wine and tried to shake off the feeling of
melancholy that was settling upon her. She tried to assume a more
placid expression as the last thing she needed was either of them
trying to read her thoughts and thinking that this night out was a
bad idea.

She
certainly didn’t want them to reconsider inviting her places as she
really needed her friends. She felt a trickle of fear thinking back
to before when Brian was packing for his business trip. If she
wasn’t out with Emer and Deirdre tonight, what would she be doing
right now? Probably, working late at the office, or at home alone
ordering takeout and watching TV.

Then a
conflicting voice arose inside her. That wasn’t completely true,
she mused, recalling recent nights when she’d gone out with
colleagues from work when Brian was away. Still, most of the girls
from work were single and by and large younger than her, and she
didn’t share the same kind of bond with them as she did with Emer
and Deirdre. Her colleagues were simply acquaintances; people to
have a laugh with, rather than real friends.

The women
she was sitting with now were her real friends and Jess worried
that if Brian continued his travelling, and she and girls’ lives
continued to diverge, there was a very good chance she would be
spending a lot more time on her own in the future.

She would
quite literally be left behind.

Trying to
tune out that scary thought, she tried to concentrate on what was
being said around the table. Listening to what they were
discussing, she tried to think ahead for intelligent questions to
ask about children, knowing she didn’t have a very broad knowledge
of the subject.

Finally,
Deirdre stopped said, ‘Oh hell, Jess, sorry – you must be bored out
of your mind listening to us prattling on.’

‘
No no, not at all; it’s actually good to know this stuff,’ she
insisted and saw Emer’s gaze shifted to Deirdre’s, as if a silent
message was being passed between the two women. Chances were they
figured she was trying to overcompensate so she tried to rescue the
matter. ‘After all, it’s one of those things that I’m going to have
to learn sooner rather than later.’

Emer
raised an eyebrow. ‘Really? What do you mean?’

Jess
blushed. ‘Oh well, it’s just that Brian and I were talking … and we
decided that maybe it’s time.’ She wasn’t sure where that had come
from – maybe she had decided it was time, but Brian didn’t know
anything about it, did he?

And come
to think of it, had she actually decided anything?

Her
friends once again exchanged a look; this time a much more
appreciative one and Deirdre clapped her hands in delight. ‘Oh wow!
Does that mean you’re trying?’

‘
Um, well yes… we are starting to… consider the possibility of
that,’ Jess stuttered. She was sure they’d pick up on her
uncertainty, but from the excitement emanating around the table it
was almost like she’d stood up in the middle of the restaurant and
announced, ‘I have decided to procreate!’

‘
Oh my goodness, that’s so exciting!’ Emer exclaimed. ‘I’m so
happy for you. Now, I presume you’re off the pill, but have you
started tracking the days it’s best to conceive on, because that’s
really crucial you know, especially in the early days.’

‘
Ah….’ Jess’s eyes grew wide, but she found she didn’t really
need to answer, as the girls continued their outpourings of
maternal wisdom.

‘
Oh and you have to buy What to Expect When You Are Expecting,’
Deirdre assured her. ‘It’s not just for when you are pregnant, but
for before you get pregnant too, things to eat or not to eat, when
you’re at your most fertile …’

Jess
couldn’t believe it. Suddenly, she was being included, really
included and all because she’d mentioned that she and Brian might
sometime soon be trying to have a baby? She was in the mummy club,
just like that!

Maybe
this was the answer; maybe she wouldn’t lose her friendships with
Deirdre and Emer after all. If she had a baby, she would be back on
the same ground with these women and everything would be
okay.

Jess felt
elated and the rest of the evening was just like old times – the
three friends chatting and laughing about all the things they had
in common. Well, maybe not exactly like old times she admitted,
when they got onto the subject of baby names that she and Brian
liked.

But
seeing as she’d told the girls about her momentous decision to have
a baby, Jess figured that now might be a good time to talk to
Brian.

It was
Saturday morning and Ruth was feeling good. She’d slept soundly
every night this week and wasn’t sure if it was because up to now
she’d been running on empty, her days fuelled by stress, worry and
caffeine, or simply because she was back in the semi-protective
cocoon of Lakeview.

Since her
return to her childhood home, her parents had been treating her
like a queen, and thankfully there was no mention of the craziness
of the last week, or the embarrassment of the Late Tonight
interview. In fact, it was almost as if her hometown was immune to
happenings in the outside world, or at least that’s how it made
Ruth feel.

The
homecoming reception and Person of the Year Award had been
everything she’d dreamed of, everything she’d hoped for, apart from
that temporary meltdown in the utility closet. Still, the party had
been a huge success and while most of the people there had probably
seen the tabloid coverage, and most definitely had seen her
disastrous interview, somehow they were all too decent and too
polite to make mention of either.

She
laughed softly to herself; that would never have happened at an LA
party. There, everyone was quick to cast people as pariahs, whores,
or even wackos quicker than anywhere else in the world. She
supposed the mere fact that her hometown had welcomed her back
without questions and without scrutiny spoke volumes about the
character of the people and she was grateful for the fact that
they’d managed to overlook her temporary lapse of
judgement.

Nice to
have old friends looking out for her too, she thought, smiling as
she thought about mad Trish, who hadn’t changed a bit. In truth,
Ruth had been so bamboozled by the crowds she hadn’t recognised her
at first, but once the girl opened her mouth it was all too clear.
She had a vague recollection of Nina Hughes from her teenage years,
really just some fleeting memories of her visiting occasionally to
see her father, that rather odd man from across town, Patrick,
wasn’t it? Nevertheless, Ruth decided that she already liked Nina,
notwithstanding her kindness and cool head in helping her through
her meltdown in the hotel closet.

Both
Trish and Nina had invited her to meet for coffee this morning at
the Hearbreak café. Amazing that the place was still there; it had
been around for as long as Ruth could remember. The owner Ella was
a nice old soul and unlike some of the other business owners in the
town, had never minded Ruth and her friends spending hour after
hour there when they were teenagers, often buying nothing but a
single glass of Coke between the lot of them.

It had
always been a warm and welcoming place and despite herself, she
found she was looking forward to meeting the girls there today and
couldn’t remember the last time she’d just hung out with real
people, real friends. Sure, she’d been out with fellow actors or
her agent at restaurants and clubs, but being honest it was usually
in the name of business or networking.

Ruth
paused for a moment and examined her life. Truthfully, in Hollywood
she actually had very few genuine friends, and while most of the
time people pretended otherwise, pretty much everyone in LA had a
façade.

Including
herself.

She’d
spoken to Chloe on the telephone since, and while the story of Troy
and Ruth had been a big entertainment story on the day, the gossip
columnists, frustrated by the lack of reaction from both her or
Troy, had got bored and quickly moved on to hounding someone else.
Ruth was in two minds about this; on the one hand she was thrilled
Hollywood had ceased calling her the town slag, but on the other,
as her manager Erik had pointed out, the publicity (embarrassing or
otherwise) was good for profile.

Still
Ruth welcomed the opportunity to escape from fake people and
pretension, at least for a while, so today she was going to join
Nina and Trish for coffee. Once back in LA, she would have plenty
of time to keep up appearances, but right now, she was going to
enjoy just being herself.

She got
out of bed and riffled through the clothes her mother had very
kindly unpacked and hung up in the wardrobe. OK, so her mum was no
Chloe but really she hadn’t let Ruth lift a finger all week.
Another good reason to stay around for a while.

Going
into the en suite bathroom, she showered and dried before starting
to apply her makeup. Going through her cosmetics bag, she stopped
short, catching sight of the pink and white box Chloe had given her
‘just in case’.

Damn, she
thought, as the full extent of last weeks’ actions came flooding
back. She’d been so obsessed with the news stories that she’d
practically forgotten about …that.

Ruth
pushed the pregnancy test to the back of the bag, underneath the
pile of face lotions and hand creams.

Out of
sight, out of mind …

Later
that morning, she stepped over a couple of cats lazing on the step
out front and pushed open the door of the Heartbreak Café. She was
immediately met with a brief silence, the locals evidently stunned
wordless by the excitement of her patronage. For a brief moment,
Ruth wondered if the papers had uncovered something else, perhaps
another embarrassing slip-up, but soon a chorus of ‘hellos’ and
‘good mornings’ helped her let her guard down a bit. She smiled her
best Hollywood smile and waved regally as she looked around for the
girls.

‘
Ruth, over here!’ Trish called from a window table overlooking
the lake, at which she and Nina were sitting. Relieved, Ruth turned
in their direction and sashayed over.

‘
Hey there,’ she said cheerfully, taking a seat beside
them.

‘
Great you could make it,’ Nina said. ‘I love your shoes by the
way,’ she added, glancing wistfully under the table at Ruth’s
purple suede Rupert Sanderson heels, which she wore with a light
pink Lanvin shirt-dress.

‘
Are you on your way somewhere else?’ Trish asked and Ruth
immediately felt foolish and overdressed compared to the girls who
were just wearing jeans and casual tops.

‘
No but I guess I’m not used to dressing down…’

‘
You look lovely,’ Nina smiled.

‘
Doesn’t she just?’ Ella cried, waltzing over to the table with
a pot of coffee. ‘Love, I didn’t get a chance to talk to you the
other night, but can I just tell you how proud I was of you that
you put that stupid toad in his place last week.’

Ruth
reddened. ‘I’m not sure who was putting whom in their place…’ she
said, not wanting to be reminded of the TV interview.