The Heart of Tomorrow (Book Two) (The Tomorrow Series 2) (25 page)

“I could say the same for you,” I said, pushing myself up so I was looking at him. Beads of sweat dotted his hairline and I reached up, pushing his black hair off his forehead. “I told you tonight was going to be a good night.”

“I didn’t doubt you for a second.” He pressed his lips to mine sweetly and then lay back down on the pillow. “I wish I could stop time in these moments,” he said softly, tracing my profile with his fingertip. “I’m never happier than when I’m with you, Natalie.”

I smiled at him and rested my head against his chest again, the silence settling in once more.

“I need to ask you something, Drew,” I said a while later.

“What is it?”

“Should you be in California?” I asked and he didn’t respond right away.

“Where is this coming from?”

“Our conversation the other day.”

He was quiet again for a few moments before continuing.

“On the business side, I probably should be, but I’m exactly where I want to be.”

“It means so much to me that you dropped everything and came to me when we found out I was pregnant, but…but now that I’m not, I’m okay with you going back.”

“My place is here. With you.”

“I don’t want you risking everything you’ve worked so hard for just so we don’t have to be apart.”

It grew quiet again and then he sat up so we were facing each other.

“You know I don’t want to leave you. Especially now,” he said and I nodded. “I’m sorry about this whole mess I’ve created. I wish I could go back and change it all, but I can’t. I want you to know if I did go back, it would only be for a few weeks until everything got straightened out.”

“I know how important this is. I should’ve been more understanding when you went the first time. I’m sorry.”

“You were perfectly understanding. I only wish we didn’t have to worry about this,” he said and then took my hand, kissing the back of it for a moment. “You’re sure it’s all right if I go? You’ll be okay?”

“I’ll be fine. I’ve got work to keep me busy.”

“I’d love if you came with me,” he said, but I gave him that look that told him I couldn’t. “I know you can’t, but I want you to know I want you there.”

“I know you do, but if I quit my job and went, you’d have to stay longer because you’d be busy trying to entertain me.” I grinned at him and he smiled back because he knew I was right.

“Plus,” he said, kissing my hand again, “distance makes the heart grow fonder, right? Just think of the reunion we’ll have when I get back.”

“I’m already looking forward to it.”

“Let’s not think too much about the future now because I’m not done with you tonight,” he said, raising an eyebrow at me. “And I plan to get as much of you as I can.”

I started laughing as he pulled me to him again, kissing me hard.

Just as I’d predicted, tonight had been a good night.

Thirty-Five

Drew left for Los Angeles a few days later. I hated to see him go, but at least I knew he’d be back soon. He assured me that would be enough time to settle everything and return home. He’d only been gone a couple of days when the letters I’d been waiting on started to arrive. The first was from UCLA. I wasn’t entirely upset when I saw the first line:
Dear Ms. Vasser, We regret to inform you you have not been accepted to the College of Journalism and Mass Communication.
I hadn’t wanted to go there anyway. I’d only applied there to play all sides and to appease Drew. A couple of days later, letters from NYU and Iowa State arrived. I was nervous as I opened the envelopes. I chose Iowa first and a smile spread on my face when I saw I’d been accepted. I was glad to see they couldn’t reject a homegrown girl, not that I actually planned to go there. The application had merely been a curiosity. My hopes were set on NYU because my life was here, so my heart sank when I read the rejection letter from them. I hadn’t thought much about the different scenarios. Applying had been on a whim. I think I assumed I’d get into NYU and I read the letter at least three times until it sunk in that I had not.

The two places Drew could be hadn’t wanted me and the one place that had was 1,600 miles away. As I stared down at the letters, I thought maybe graduate school wasn’t in my future after all.

~~~

“I wanted to thank you again for convincing Drew to do that interview with me. The producers loved it,” Kara said as I was getting ready to head home one evening. She’d been upstate visiting her family so I hadn’t seen her since the night of the opening.

“No problem. I got a chance to see it. You did a great job.”

“Thanks,” she said with a modest smile. “So, you got the chance to see what he said about you?”

I felt my cheeks blush and I nodded.

“I did.”

“He adores you, Natalie.”

“I know he does,” I said softly, staring down at my desk before looking up at her again.

“Is everything okay?” she asked, leaning against the flimsy wall of my cubicle. I hesitated for a moment, pondering whether I should tell Kara about the acceptance letter. I decided if anyone would understand, it would be her.

“I got my letters back about grad school.”

“And?” she asked eagerly.

“UCLA and NYU said no, but Iowa said yes.”

“That’s great!” she exclaimed, but toned down her reaction when she saw I wasn’t sharing in her excitement. “Wait…that is great, isn’t it?”

“Drew doesn’t know I applied to Iowa. I don’t know what I’m gonna do.”

I heard her sigh quietly and when I looked up, she seemed to understand.

“Life is all about choices, Natalie, and they’re not always easy. What you’ve got to ask yourself is what do you want the outcome to be? And I’m not talking about now. I’m talking about the long run. What do you want for yourself?”

“I want this, Kara. Working here and getting to know you…I know this is what I want to do with my life, but I also want to be with him,” I said and then paused. “I love him.”

“Maybe the long distance thing could work,” she said hopefully.

“Maybe…but probably not,” I said, hating how negative I was sounding. “Not with how crazy his work life is…not with the L.A. office always in the way.”

“I wish I could tell you what to do, but you’ll figure it out. Just remember…you’ve got to look yourself in the mirror everyday and I don’t think you want to see regrets.” I nodded, knowing she was right, but I didn’t know what else to say. “Wanna grab a bite to eat? Take your mind off things for a bit?” she asked, but I shook my head.

“Thanks for the invite, but my friend is coming over tonight,” I said, referring to the text I’d received from Court earlier suggesting we go out to another Sammy and Masons show. “Another time, okay?”

“Sure,” she said, giving me a supportive smile and then turned and left, her words still echoing in my ears. I didn’t want to see regrets, but I didn’t know what I’d regret more: not pursuing a new career or moving back to Iowa.

~~~

Court came by around seven o’clock. I was finishing up getting ready when the intercom buzzed and he was inside a couple of minutes later.

“I’ll be right out!” I called to him from the bathroom where I was putting on some lip gloss.

“No rush,” he shouted back and after I ran the flat iron over my hair one more time, I walked in the living room to see Court sitting on the couch. He got up when he saw me and gave me a hug.

“How’re you doing?”

He was using his extra gentle voice. It was the exact same tone he’d used every time he asked me how I was after the miscarriage.

“I’m good,” I said cheerfully, hoping he’d follow my lead.

“How’s life without the man?”

“I’m surviving. He’ll be home in two weeks. It’s not that long when you think about it.”

“No, it’s not,” he said, walking over to the coffee table and picking up the letters I’d left strewn on top. “I wasn’t meaning to be nosey, but what are these?”

“First of all, you were trying to be nosey because that’s who you are.”

“I suppose you’re right on that account,” he said with a grin.

“I am right and secondly, they’re letters from my grad school applications.”

“I know that. I can read. I just wasn’t aware you’d even applied.”

“I did.”

“So, you’re going back to Iowa then since UCLA and NYU turned you down?”

“No. I’m not going back to Iowa. I don’t know what I’m going to do. Now,” I said, walking over and grabbing them from him, “can we please go? I’d like to forget about those letters for tonight.”

“If that’s your pleasure,” he said as I grabbed my coat.

~~~

The club was crowded when we got there and Court offered to get us a drink at the bar. I opted for a Coke, remembering how tipsy I’d gotten last time I drank with Court. He rolled his eyes at my order, but returned a few minutes later, drinks in tow.

It didn’t take long for Court to start chatting it up and soon he was in full-blown conversation with Peter, a German tourist. They seemed to hit it off and I decided I could use some fresh air after being trapped in the confined club for the past hour.

I headed towards the entrance and was grateful when the cool air hit my face. I rested against the brick building and started chomping on the ice that was the only thing left from my Coke.

“Didn’t anyone ever tell you chewing on ice is bad for your teeth?” a familiar voice said and I turned my head in the direction it was coming from, nearly choking on the piece in my mouth when I realized it was Ethan standing only a few feet away from me.

“Ethan…hi,” I said, straightening myself up.

“I was just going inside to check out the band and thought it was you standing over here.”

“Court dragged me out again tonight. What about you?”

“I like the band. I try to catch their shows when I can,” he said and then looked around. “No Drew again?”

“He’s in California for a couple of weeks.”

“Is everything okay?”

“Yes. It’s just business,” I told him and Ethan nodded as awkward silence settled in for a few seconds.

“You wanna go grab a coffee or something and catch up?” he asked and I could tell he was nervous.

“Um…” I hesitated, but as I looked at him, I realized a conversation with him might be a good thing. “Sure. I’d like that,” I answered and then pulled out my phone to text Court to tell him where I’d be.

We started walking silently down the street, side by side. It felt natural and awkward all at once and then he stopped in front of a small café.

“How’s this?” he asked.

“Looks good to me,” I said and he held the door open and we walked inside. We ordered our coffees along with a piece of cheesecake for each of us and found a table in the back. We took a few quiet bites before he started talking.

“That’s quite a ring you’ve got there,” he said and I saw the way his eyes were focusing on my left hand. “Your mom told me you’d gotten engaged.”

“She mentioned you had lunch during their visit out here.”

“It was good to see your family,” he said and we were quiet again as we ate. “The wedding’s coming up, isn’t it? Like next week or something?”

“It was supposed to be. We’ve decided to postpone it though,” I said, finding it incredibly awkward discussing this with him.

“When’s it going to be now?”

“We haven’t decided that yet. Drew’s really busy with work. We’ve got to wait till things settle down.”

“Is that why you postponed it?” he pressed.

“Partly.”

“Why else? Did you have second thoughts about marrying him?” There was humor in his voice, but I knew he was genuinely curious. I knew I would be if the roles were reversed. Ethan and I had shared so much once. For four years he was the person I turned to. It’d been eight months since we broke up, but I still missed him sometimes. I missed our conversations. My relationship with Ethan was different than with Drew. Ethan and I had been more innocent as we tried to find our way in this world together and I missed that innocence sometimes.

“Things have changed is all,” I continued.

I could tell he was curious by the way he leaned back in his chair, his head cocking to one side.

“What’s changed?” he asked brazenly and for a moment it felt like old times as if I could tell him anything. I found part of me wanting to tell him what had happened. As much as I didn’t want to talk about it, when I did, I felt relief. I met his eyes and breathed in.

“I have no idea why I’m telling you this,” I said quietly, shaking my head and I saw how I’d grabbed his attention.

“Tell me what?”

“I was pregnant,” I began and saw him flinch subtlety. “But I had a miscarriage. That’s why we postponed the wedding.”

He didn’t say anything for a few moments, but his brown eyes remained locked on mine, his mouth open a little and I knew he was in shock.

“Shit, Nat,” he finally said. “You were pregnant?”

“We didn’t plan it, but we were happy about it. I lost the baby about a month ago.”

He reached across the table, taking my hand and holding it.

“I’m sorry.”

His words were quiet, but they were sincere. Despite everything that had happened between us, I knew he only wanted me to be happy.

“Are you okay? I mean…physically and stuff?” I could tell he was struggling to come up with what he should say to me.

“Yes. I’m fine now. Emotionally, it’s been rough, but I’m okay.”

“I can’t believe you were gonna have a baby,” he said softly.

“Pretty terrifying, right?” I laughed lightly. “Me? A mom?”

“I guess I just never thought about you…about us having kids.”

“It never crossed your mind?” I asked, the surprise obvious in my voice.

“The more I’ve looked back on our relationship, Nat, the more I realize how selfish I was. I thought I was thinking of you, but I don’t think I did.”

“Stop being so hard on yourself, Ethan.”

“I’ve done a lot of reflecting after our breakup and I could’ve been so much better to you.”

“And I could’ve been so much better to you,” I said softly, thinking back to how I’d hurt him.

“Let’s just agree that we both could’ve been better,” he said and I nodded.

“Despite the way things ended, I look back on our relationship fondly. We had some good times and, of course, this crazy adventure called New York City,” I said and we both laughed a little.

“I should never have asked you to follow me here,” he said a few moments later.

“I’m actually glad you did. It changed my life,” I told him and I hoped he knew I wasn’t only referring to the fact I’d met Drew. “I’m a different person now.”

“Are you happy?”

“Yeah, I think I am.”

“You think?”

“I am,” I said and we were quiet for a few moments. “My mom said you might be headed back to Iowa. Any truth to that?”

“I might be. The playhouse in Des Moines has some openings I’ve been looking into.”

“Are you still at
Jersey Boys
?” I asked and he nodded. “Why do you want to leave then?”

“I’m not sure I want to, but part of me misses Iowa. I’m not sure what I’ll do though. What about you? I’m assuming you’re not working for Drew anymore.”

“No. I work at Channel 5. I basically proofread stories for broadcasts.”

“Is this going to be your new career?”

“Maybe. I actually applied to graduate school.”

“Grad school? You’re moving up in the world, Nat,” he said with a smile. “What are you going to study? English again?”

“No,” I laughed. “Definitely not English. That degree hasn’t been very fruitful. I really like what I do at the station. I’m thinking of majoring in journalism.”