The Heart of Tomorrow (Book Two) (The Tomorrow Series 2) (21 page)

“What are you talking about?” I asked and I could feel my heartbeat quickening.

“I’m talking about not waiting. I’m talking about just doing it.”

“But…we…we’ve hardly planned anything.”

“Doesn’t matter. It can be as simple or as extravagant as you want. We can make it happen. I just want you as my wife and I want us to be married when this baby comes.”

He took my hand, holding it to his lips and kissing the back of it fiercely.

“Okay,” I said, a little smile turning up on the corners of my mouth. “Let’s get married.”

Thirty

When Drew said he wanted to get married, he wasn’t messing around. He hired a wedding planner a few days after the doctor’s appointment. We decided on August first, which only gave us a month to plan. I didn’t want anything extravagant. Drew was on board with a low key wedding, but he still wanted me to have the wedding I’d always wanted. We finally decided on a small ceremony at an old mansion in Connecticut. I wanted something out of the city and away from the congestion. The ceremony would be by a lake and the reception inside. The whole process was overwhelming and I didn’t think we could pull it off.

“What do you mean you’re getting married in a month?” my mom had exclaimed when I told her.

“We don’t want to wait.”

“But, that’s so soon, Natalie. We won’t have any time to plan.”

“We’re taking care of everything, so you don’t need to worry about anything.”

“What about your dress? I’d like to be there when you pick it out.”

I could hear the sadness in her voice and I hated hearing her that way.

“Court and I are going start looking tomorrow. I’ll send you pictures before I make my choice or we can Skype,” I said, trying to pacify her and I was met with a long pause.

“This is not how I imagined my daughter’s wedding,” she said despondently. “I just don’t understand the rush.”

I hadn’t planned to tell my parents about the baby this soon. I wasn’t ready for anyone to know yet, but there’d be no hiding it for much longer and telling her would be the only way she wouldn’t pester me to wait longer to get married.

“We want to get married before the baby arrives,” I said softly and I heard her gasp, followed by complete silence.

“Baby?” she finally whispered.

“I’m pregnant.”

The silence settled in again and I thought I heard her sniffle. She was crying.

“Is that why he proposed?”

“No. He proposed before I got pregnant,” I began. “It’s important to him that we’re married before the baby comes. That’s why we’re moving forward so quickly.”

The silence settled in again and I waited for her to say something. I knew she needed time to absorb what I’d just told her.

“I agree with Drew,” she eventually said, but her voice was flat.

“Are you mad, Mom?” I asked nervously and I waited anxiously for her response.

“I’m not mad, Natalie,” she sighed. “I’m very surprised and I’m trying to process this.”

“Me too,” I said, a lump forming in my throat and the silence that was becoming too familiar settled in again.

“I can’t help thinking about how everything’s been different since you moved to New York,” she said quietly.

“I know,” I agreed, not able to deny it. “Aren’t you at least a little happy about the news?”

“Of course,” she sighed. “Drew is a good man, but I don’t want you to forget who you are.”

I wiped away a tear that had fallen.

“Please don’t tell anyone that I’m pregnant. Not even Dad. I’ll tell them when I’m ready.”

She sighed again and I knew even though she didn’t want to, she’d honor my request.

“I won’t say anything,” she stated. “And I’m here if you need anything. Anything at all. And, Natalie,” she said, pausing for a moment. “I think you’ll be a wonderful mother.”

“Thank you, Mom,” I choked out and then the line was dead. I sat staring at the phone, her words echoing in my ears. I hadn’t planned this. This wasn’t supposed to happen now, but it had happened and hearing my mother believed in me made me believe in myself.

I felt heavy hands on my shoulders and I looked up to see Drew standing behind me. I thought he’d been busy in his office.

“Are you okay?” he asked, sitting down beside me.

“I just told my mom. I hadn’t planned on telling her, but she kept pressing me about rushing the wedding.”

“How’d that go?” I could see the concern on his face.

“It went fine. She’s in shock obviously.”

“Aren’t we all?” he grinned, taking my hand and kissing the back of it. 

“She said she thinks I’ll be a good mom.”

I felt him tilting my chin up until our eyes met.

“She’s right,” he said, brushing his lips lightly over mine. “You’ll be the most wonderful mother.”

“Despite how everything has gone, I think this is all going to work out after all,” I said, feeling that my words might actually be true.

“I’ve decided that sometimes life’s biggest curveballs turn out to be the greatest blessings.” Our eyes met again and he rested his hand on my stomach. “And I never expected to be blessed this much.”

“I’m glad you’re home,” I said, reaching up and kissing him. “I don’t know what I’d do if you were still in California.”

“I wouldn’t be anywhere else,” he said, kissing the top of my head and then sat up, pulling me gently with him. “How about a walk and some ice cream in the park?” he asked and I didn’t hesitate to agree.

“Sounds perfect,” I answered and as he led me outside, I was grateful for these simple times with Drew. As he held my hand, I forgot about the stress of the wedding and my fears of motherhood. It was just him and me and at that moment, it was all I needed.

Thirty-One

“That’s it! This is the one!” Court exclaimed as I walked out of the dressing room. We’d been at a fancy boutique he insisted we try for over an hour. I’d already tried on five different dresses, but none of them had felt right. This one though, was an entirely different story. The moment I slid it on and looked in the mirror, it’d felt different, almost as if it’d been made for me, and Court’s reaction only solidified my feeling.

“I think you’re right,” I said, turning in the mirror, watching the train flow behind me. It was simple, but elegant: strapless and form fitting as the long skirt flared out freely, ending in a small train with intricate bead work.

“Of course I’m right. One does not watch every season of
Say Yes to the Dress
and get these kinds of matters wrong,” he said, coming up to me and running his hands over the material.

“What would I do without you?” I laughed, staring at myself again.

“It’s a good thing we don’t have to find out,” he said, leaving my side for a moment to grab a veil and then returned, placing it on my head. “Perfection.”

I looked at my reflection, almost not recognizing the person looking back. I was getting married and soon after, I’d be a mother. My life was changing and if I thought about it too hard, it scared the hell out of me. That’s why I focused on the present and simply picking out a dress.

“You look happy, Natalie,” Court said, coming up behind me and placing his hand on my shoulder.

“I am.”

“Good. You deserve it.”

He gave me a quick hug and then started fluffing the veil I was wearing.

“Will you take a picture so I can send it to my mom and get her opinion?”

“Sure thing,” he said, pulling my phone from my purse and snapping a picture. “Are you gonna buy it?”

“I’m not sure. Shouldn’t we try some more shops?”

“Why? This one is perfect and,” he said, raising an eyebrow at me, “you don’t have the gift of time in this matter.”

“Very true,” I said, sliding back into the dressing room, followed by the attendant who had helped me put it on.

I handed the clerk Drew’s credit card and we scheduled a time to pick up my dress after the alterations were done. My phone rang just as we were finishing up and I glanced at it, seeing it was Drew.

“Hello?” I greeted him, noticing how cheerful my voice sounded.

“You sound like you’re in a good mood,” Drew responded and I could tell by his tone that he was smiling.

“I am. We found the dress. I’m paying for it right now.”

“That was quick.”

“It was, but it’s perfect.”

“Are you going to show it to me?”

“No. You’re not seeing it until I’m walking down the aisle,” I teased and I heard him scoff.

“You can’t be serious.”

“Dead serious. You’ll just have to wait.”

“You’re a cruel woman, Natalie.”

“I may be, but I assure you, it’ll be worth the wait.”

“I have no doubt,” he said. “Now, I’ll leave you to your shopping. Hurry home though. I’m bored with this work I’m doing and I can think of other activities I’d rather be engaging in.”  I could hear the longing in his voice, which made me blush.

“Court and I are going to grab some lunch and then I’ll be home.”

“I’m looking forward to it,” he said and before I could say anything, he’d hung up. I smiled at my phone before putting it away and finishing the transaction.

“Now that that’s settled, let’s eat,” Court said, linking his arm with mine as we walked onto the busy Manhattan sidewalk.

We decided on a little café near Bryant Park and as we ate, I was reminded of our lunches when I still worked at Taylor and Saben. The only thing missing was Anna Beth.

“How’ve you been feeling?” Court asked me between bites.

“All right, I guess. I’ve nothing to compare it to though. The worst though is my back’s been hurting the past few days and I’m a tired. It was the worst this morning, but I’m feeling pretty good now.”

“Any morning sickness?”

“A little, but I guess it could be worse. The smell of cooking chicken turns my stomach though,” I laughed. “Drew tells me it’s all perfectly normal for this stage.”

“Drew?”

“He gets these updates in his email. I think it’s rather cute actually. I don’t have to do anything because he’s always there to keep me informed.”

“That man is so in love with you it’s pathetic,” Court teased. “Although I should thank you. He’s been on Cloud Nine since returning from L.A. He’s always been easy to work for, but now it’s a breeze.”

“You’re welcome. Now,” I said, grinning at him, “I need to use the bathroom, yet another glorious side effect of pregnancy. Constant peeing.”

I set my napkin down and made my way to the ladies room, waiting a few moments until a stall became available. I went inside and I felt my stomach drop when I pulled my pants down. A large drop of blood covered my underwear. I told myself not to panic. It could be anything. In one of the emails Drew had forwarded to me, it mentioned that spotting can sometimes occur during pregnancy. This worried me though. It seemed like more than spotting.

Stay calm
, I told myself as I went to the bathroom.
There’s no need to overreact.

I finished and then went back to the dining room. I took out my phone, gesturing to Court that I needed to make a call and stepped outside. I found the number to my doctor and waited nervously as it rang. The answering service picked up since it was a weekend and once I relayed the message, I was told the doctor on call would call me back in a few minutes. Those few minutes seemed to take forever, but eventually, the phone rang and I quickly picked it up. I did my best to keep my voice calm and collected and after relaying what had happened, I was given some relief. He told me it wasn’t uncommon for this type of spotting early on in pregnancy, but to go home and rest just to be safe. He told me if I had any cramping or heavy bleeding to call back and he’d advice me then. He didn’t sound terribly worried, so when we hung up, I told myself not to be worried either.

“Everything okay?” Court asked when I returned to the table.

“I need to get home,” I said, gathering my things.

“You look all pale, Natalie. What’s going on?” he pressed and I sighed.

“I had some spotting when I went to the bathroom. I just got off the phone with the doctor.”

“Are you all right?” Court asked.

“The doctor didn’t seem worried, but he told me to go home and rest, so that’s what I’m going to do.”

“Let me walk you home,” Court said, standing up.

“I’ll be fine. I know you still have some shopping to do. I don’t want to disrupt that.”

“Nonsense. I can tell you’re scared. I’m not leaving you alone until I have you home with Drew.”

I knew better than to argue with Court and so I nodded and followed him outside.

It wasn’t far to the apartment, but I didn’t want to exert myself so we hailed a cab. Court made small talk to distract me on the drive, mostly about what accessories would look good with the dress we’d picked out, but it didn’t distract me enough. When we pulled up to the building, the only thing I wanted was to crawl into bed and pray this would pass.

I paid the driver and we made our way towards the entrance. Charlie was there and as I opened my mouth to say hello, I felt a burning in my abdomen so painful, I clutched my stomach and hunched over. I yelled out in pain as the cramping got worse and I felt Court’s arms around me just as I was about to collapse.

“Miss Vasser!” I could hear Charlie’s frantic voice as he rushed towards me.

“Call Drew!” I heard Court exclaim and then Charlie was gone again.

“Court…it hurts so much,” I cried out through gritted teeth as he held me up. I opened my eyes just as I felt a gush and a searing pain rip through my abdomen and watched as the front of pants turned a deep red. Tears burst from my eyes, but they weren’t from the pain I was in, it was because I knew what was happening.

“Oh my God!” It was Drew. He sounded panicked as he rushed over, taking me from Court and wrapping his arms around me. “What happened?”

“She said she had some spotting at the café, but she seemed fine. She was coming home to rest and she just doubled over.”

“Get a cab!” Drew ordered and then he pulled me to him, wrapping his arms around me, holding me tightly. “Natalie, baby,” he whispered into my ear. “It’s gonna be okay. Everything will be okay,” he repeated, but I could hear the fear in his voice. I wanted desperately to believe his words, but all I could do was cling to him as the tears continued to fall.

~~~

The cab ride to the hospital had been tense. I’d sat tucked between Drew and Court, Drew’s arms around me protectively while Court covered my now crimson pants with the cardigan he’d been wearing. When we arrived at the ER, I saw the way people looked at me. The cardigan wasn’t doing a very good job of hiding the blood anymore.

I was taken back quickly, stripped of my clothes and into the hospital gown I found myself in now as my eyes focused on the white drywall. Drew was clutching my hand as we waited for the doctor. We’d hardly said two words to each other, other than the whispered reassurances he’d given me on the drive. I knew he’d only been trying to comfort me, but part of me wished he’d just be quiet. We both knew what was happening wasn’t good and his false reassurances only hurt.

He held my hand now, stroking it gently and pressing his lips to the back of it every so often.

“It’ll be okay,” he said and I knew he wasn’t doing it for me at this point. He was trying to convince himself.

“Please, Drew,” I said quietly, meeting his eyes, which looked terrified. He held my gaze for a moment, but then looked away and he didn’t say anything more.

The door opened not long after and the doctor walked in, introducing himself as Dr. George.

“I’m just going to take a look and figure out what’s going on,” he said and I nodded as he prepared he ultrasound machine. I was far enough along not to need an internal and he squirted some gel on my abdomen before moving a wand around. Drew’s grip on my hand grew tighter as we watched the doctor staring intently at the screen. I waited for some sign on his face that told me my instincts had been wrong, but his face remained rigid in concentration and when he removed the wand a few minutes later, he turned to us and I could see the remorse on his face.

“I’m sorry,” he began and I felt a lump burning in my throat as my eyes filled with tears to the point his face was blurry. “As you probably suspected, you’re suffering a miscarriage…”

“Isn’t there something you can do to stop it?” Drew interrupted, his voice frantic.

“I’m sorry, but there’s not,” the doctor said gently and it felt as if a knife had been inserted into my heart. Our baby was gone.

“Was it something I did? I’ve been so careful. I’ve been eating right and exercising, but not strenuously. I don’t understand,” I asked softly, wiping a tear from my cheek.

“It was nothing you did, Natalie. You’re not to blame for this. Miscarriage at this stage isn’t as uncommon as you might think. About forty percent of pregnancies end in miscarriage, many even before a woman knows she’s pregnant. It’s usually due to a genetic abnormality in the fetus. It’s the body’s way of dealing with an unviable pregnancy,” he said and then paused before glancing between Drew and me. “Truly, I’m sorry.”

Drew was holding my hand even tighter now and I looked over at him. He was trying to hold it together, but I could see his eyes glistening and I watched as he swallowed hard, trying to hold back his emotions.

“Now, I am concerned with the bleeding you’re experiencing and to prevent infection, I think a dilation and curettage, or a D and C, is probably going to be necessary.”

“What’s that?” Drew asked before I could get the words out.

“It’s a procedure to clean out the uterine lining to make sure all the tissue has been removed. It’s a brief procedure, only about fifteen minutes and you can go home tonight. I’ll leave you to rest and I’ll check on you soon. Again,” he said, pausing for a moment. “I’m sorry.”

“Thank you,” Drew said and then we were alone.

We were silent for a long time, but he continued to grip my hand while his thumb slowly stroked the back of it. I wasn’t sobbing, but the tears fell silent in sporadic waves down my cheeks. I saw Drew trying to be discreet as he wiped the corners of his eyes, but I knew he was hurting. I knew it was different than my hurt, but I wasn’t used to seeing him like this. Andrew Saben was the definition of control, but I could sense his frustration at not being able to control this situation.

“I’m sorry,” I finally said, my quiet voice breaking the silence. His head whipped around just as a tear fell down his cheek. He looked almost angry as he stared at me and then suddenly stood up, taking my face in his hands.

“Baby, no. Don’t you dare apologize. This isn’t your fault. I won’t have you blaming yourself. Not even for a second.”

“Logically, I know it’s not my fault,” I whispered, barely able to get the words out. “But…I…I can’t understand why this happened. The baby…I didn’t even know I wanted a baby and now...” I stuttered, the words flying out of my mouth between sudden sobs. “And now I don’t have a baby and now I know how much I wanted the baby.”