The Hazing Tower (3 page)

The cabbie tapped the glass. Nikki was in a daze again. She paid the fare and stepped out into the New York air. She glanced around. They probably wouldn’t come for her here, but she wasn’t sure. They caught her off guard the last time. She didn’t have it anymore, her sense of danger, her reflexes. The drugs and her condition had dulled her. She was an easy target now. Prey. Just like in the animal world, it was no different she guessed. Sick animals don’t last long, and she was sick and weak. New York City would eat her alive soon, it was just a matter of time. If Razor was really dead, was her dream real? Nothing was making sense today.

Nikki walked up the old stairs. No working elevator. Of course that was a code violation. No one gave a crap, not even her, and she was a cop. The rent was dirt-cheap for the city, no one would complain about a thing.

Paint chipped off the rails. She had to hold on now, she was losing that incredible sense of balance she always had. Nikki remembered as a child she had it. She could climb any tree, climb anything. She loved to be as high up as possible. Her parents would go crazy, but they couldn’t stop her, and she never fell, not once.

She opened her unit and locked the bolts behind her. She dropped her bag and collapsed onto the couch. Zoey jumped on her lap and purred, she was hungry of course. Well, she was always hungry, but Nikki did love that cat. She petted Zoey softly and closed her eyes.

She glanced over at the pile as she called it. She pushed it aside. The huge stack of unpaid bills. “Past due” marked on most of them in bright red, making sure to embarrass the recipient and all the neighbors.

And it was embarrassing. She had always paid her bills. She used to be so in control. The medical expenses crushed her. Insurance wouldn’t touch her condition. Rare, incredibly rare. One in a billion, no coverage for you. Jerks. She spent every cent she had on the pain killers and the tests. Most of it was a waste of time, she was going to die anyway. Nikki kicked herself inside for wasting all that test money. Useless. And even the pain killers didn’t work now.

She had turned to the street. She missed a payment and they had beat the shit out of her. Caught off guard. So stupid. She used to be so much better than this.

Zoey looked up at her. She still loved her, no matter what. Even though she was a junky, Zoey didn’t care.

She pulled herself off the couch and grabbed some cat food. Next was the needle. She didn’t have much left. She had to ration it now. It was decision time. The pain was unbearable without the drugs, and this time she would be out for good. She had to end it before that happened. Zoey seemed to know; Nikki actually thought Zoey did know. Animals seemed to have some type of sixth sense.

“Don’t worry, Zoey, I will find someone to take care of you. I promise.” Zoey purred and rubbed her legs as if in appreciation.

Promise me. He said:
Promise me you will hold on
. He was crazy, but still, she had said yes, just because. What was she going to say? Why would he say something like that? So weird. This whole day was surreal.

She was too tired to take a shower. She curled up with Zoey on the couch and tried to sleep. She hadn’t really slept for days, the pain was too much. She would try again. All she could do was try. A tear rolled down her cheek as she smelled his cologne.

She couldn’t believe she still cried. So he left her. Why should she hate him? She didn’t hate him anymore, she decided. He left her when things got bad, when he found she was going to die. She missed him so much. She shouldn’t, but shouldn’t didn’t mean shit. When you loved someone, it doesn’t matter. They can be dirt and you still love them. She wished she couldn’t smell anymore, she hated the memories that came with scents. His leaving, the city life, fun. She wished they could take away her ability to smell now. Never in a million years would she have thought it would come to a bizarre thought like that.

Zoey pushed against her face. She was right. Stop thinking, try to sleep. She drifted off.

• • •

She was fully involved now. She picked up the phone and called Lawrence at the warehouse.

“Lawrence, it’s Dianne, you have a second?”

“For you! Always.”

She knew he liked her, and, well, she had always had a crush on him. Maybe if things had gone differently years back. She had been married, lots had happened since then. Who knew, maybe they still could get together someday.

“I got a hit on a tattoo, from a possible jumper today. Thing is, get this, it says 1945 for the date. Is it possible they still have the files from back then?”

He laughed. “They keep everything. If they had files back then, they kept it. Need me to take a look?”

“If you don’t mind?”

“Anything for you.” She could almost hear him smile through the phone.

“Can you call me back here? I don’t have a fax at home.”

“Sure, at least they gave me a golf cart now, so it shouldn’t take me that long to find it.”

She looked down at the hand drawn picture of the man Nikki had said was on the ledge. If he really existed, he sure was good looking. She started to smile.

She had almost dozed off when the phone rang.

“I think you owe me a visit down here, I had to climb to the top of an old shelf to find this one. ” He laughed.

“I would like that actually.”

“I am scanning it over now. There is a file on this guy. It was in the old section. It must be a computer error, because it is 1945.”

Dianne looked at the paper as it printed from the fax. Her eyes got bigger as the photo started to come into view.

“Nikki is going to freak out!” She said out loud.

• • •

“If I go to hospice, will you stay with me until it’s over? They told me it’s painful at the end. Please don’t leave me alone, please Jake, it’s just five or six months max. You can see other people. I know I don’t look pretty now. I try, it’s— Can you just stay with me? I am scared. I don’t want any of your money, you know that, right? I don’t know anyone else, I don’t want to go alone.”

“I just can’t do this. I can’t.” He brushed past her and the door shut behind him.

She couldn’t feel. She couldn’t feel anything. She sat down in her tiny hallway and closed her eyes. She tried to stop her hands from shaking by sticking them under her legs. She felt herself start to gag, and threw up all over her shirt and pants.

She looked up at her reflection in the hallway mirror. Was that really her? She tried to look away but couldn’t. She could remember when she was alive. Maybe she was already dead, she must be, she thought. Why was the phone ringing? Her cell was on mute. It was so loud, it wouldn’t stop.

The door woke her up. The nightmares were getting worse every day now. She never had a peaceful sleep. The nightmares were the only thing she had left, she guessed. They wouldn’t leave her alone until it was over.

Must be the super; she had missed her last rent payment. Maybe if she was very quiet he would go away. She wondered how long she had been out. Zoey was sleeping peacefully on her chest.

“Nikki! Are you in there? Open up. It’s Dianne.”

She jumped off the couch to Zoey’s dismay and stumbled across the floor to the door.

“Dianne, I’m in here, just a second.” She unlocked the door and pulled it open.

“Nikki! Wait until you—” She paused as she looked around. The place was a wreck. She had been over many times before. Everything had always been so tidy and organized. It looked like she had been robbed.

“What happened in here!”

“Oh, nothing. Sorry for the mess, I’ve just been tired, haven’t had time to clean up.”

She tried to change the subject. “Why did you come over?”

“Remember that search you wanted me to run? I got a hit. You might want to sit back down for this.”

Alex. A jolt went through her. He was ESU? She felt a burst of energy flow through her body.

“OK, you know you told me to look back 10 years, right?”

She nodded.

“Well, by luck, everything is going electronic at ESU, they are starting to scan all the old documents in now, and I mean everything. And the software is full of bugs. The system took my search as complete.”

She could tell Nikki didn’t get it.

“What I mean is, it searched every record we had on squad members back for a hundred years! Technology, huh! It looked at records before they even had a real ESU team.”

“One hundred years,” Nikki repeated it. She felt dazed.

“Now for the good part. I got a hit, on the tattoo, just a text description. On a hunch, I called the main warehouse and found this.”

Nikki did need to sit down. She was exhausted from just standing. She found the closest chair.

“So, I didn’t believe it at first myself. Had to check five times. The match is from 68 years ago, Nikki. 1945!”

Dianne pulled out the file and handed it to Nikki.

“Is this a joke?” She opened the folder and froze. She completely stopped breathing. It was a black and white photo. It was him. It was Alex. In every way. Not just the tattoo. The hair, the face, everything. It looked just like him.

“What the hell?”

“What the hell indeed!” Dianne stood there smiling. “So you saw a ghost? Read on; he died. He died in the line of duty. Surprising they still kept all those old records. Someone has a boring job of scanning them all in. It was 1920 when fire and rescue split off into ESU; he was part of the 1945 squad. This file hadn’t gone in the computer yet, it was rotting away in some box.”

The world felt like it was spinning again. Nikki turned the pages of the file. Honors. Medals. He was one of the best. Top of his squad. Died helping a jumper, a bridge rescue. They never found his body. He fell into the water and the jumper lived.

She looked at the picture again. It was surreal. His eyes. She had looked into those eyes, she was sure of it. But it was impossible. Even if he hadn’t died in the water, he would be dead from old age. The man she saw on the ledge couldn’t have been more than thirty years old.

Nikki focused in on the tattoo. “Do you have a magnifying glass?”

“I thought you might want one.” Dianne handed her one and smiled.

It was the same tattoo, it matched in every way. What was happening? Nikki loved mysteries. She felt a deep sadness surge through her. She realized she wouldn’t have the time to unravel this. She had maybe a month left, if that.

Dianne stood up and walked to the kitchen counter while Nikki was staring at the folder. She hadn’t even noticed.

“Nikki! I am your best friend! You didn’t come to me? You are doing drugs? Damn, girl! What is this, heroin?”

Nikki shook her head. “It’s not what you think. I was going to tell you, Dianne.”

“Are you crying?” She walked over and sat next to her.

“Dianne, my cat Zoey, you remember her, right?”

“Ya, sure, Zoey. Oh! No. Is she sick, she gonna die?”

“No, no. Dianne, can you take her? Can you take care of her for me?”

“What? You love Zoey, why? I mean, I don’t understand. Where is she anyway?”

“Hiding,” Nikki said. “She gets scared when people visit.”

Nikki paused as she stared at the floor, tears rolled down her cheeks. “Dianne. I’m dying.”

“You’re what?” She looked stunned beyond reason.

“I don’t have long now, maybe a month or two—. That’s why Jake left me, Dianne. I haven’t told anyone else. Well, I told this guy. She pointed to the photo of the mystery man.”

“No way! Nikki, why didn’t you tell me before?” She started to cry, then sob.

“Wait! Jake left you when you needed him the most! I will kill that asshole!”

“No, no, Dianne, really, it doesn’t matter anymore. He is scum, I know that now; he isn’t worth wasting time on. Trust me, I wasted enough of mine on him already.”

“Listen, Dianne. I don’t want anyone else to know. You know how people get around ESU. Dianne, I’m not coming back.”

Dianne hugged her and the tears soaked her shirt.

“Of course I will take Zoey,” she said between sobs. “I will treat her like a queen.”

“Thank you, Dianne. I’m ready now. I’ve been in a lot of pain. It’s just my time, you know. I want to keep Zoey here with me for a week or so, then I will call you to pick her up.”

Dianne looked around again.

“You know what?”

“What?”

“You sleep. I want you to get a good rest for once. I am going to clean this place up. Make it look like new.”

“You would do that for me?”

“Of course! I’m not letting you die like this. Not here, not with this mess.” She was crying hard now.

“That would be nice. It really stinks in here.”

Dianne helped Nikki get to bed and tucked her in like she was her own child. She shut the door and got to work.

This really sucks,
Nikki thought as she tried to sleep. Dying sucks.

• • •